Fic Prompts
by DissertationCanWait
Summary: I asked the MMFD fandom to send me some fic prompts. Here are the results! (I asked for prompts for one night only. You can send me more if you want (dissertationcanwaitDOTtumblr DOTcomSLASHask) but there's a chance I won't write them. I may dip into them every now and then, but it's not guaranteed. Thanks for the brilliant feedback!
1. Finn Picks Up Rae's Bag Instead of Chloe

_Prompt: "could you write a fic about finn finding rae's backpack instead of chloe?"_

* * *

"I'm just gonna go."

Finn couldn't help but feel a little bit of satisfaction as he watched Rae shoot up out of her seat and practically sprint out of the diner. After his make-out session with Chloe the night before, he'd driven home on his scooter alone, his previous urge to go mental and dance until he passed out gone completely. He'd planned it all out in his head in the days approaching the rave, finally allowing himself to dream a bit after weeks of trying to keep his relentless thoughts about Rae under control:

He and Rae would ride to the rave on his scooter, would dance like it was their last night on earth, would maybe find a quiet place to talk when they got tired before going back to the floor after regrouping…

…and as the night progressed, their proximity to one another would dramatically decrease until Rae would look deep into Finn's eyes, smiling coyly as he wrapped his arms around her, the expression on her face melting into a look of pure bliss before their noses touched, their lips moving closer together…

"Are you going to eat anything?"

Finn turned to Chloe who was still gazing at him with the same wide-eyed hopefulness she had been all morning. He fidgeted awkwardly.

"Nah, I'm gonna go too I think. You go ahead though."

He slid the plate nearest to him over to Chloe before standing up, hoping to get away before she said anything else. No such luck.

"Finn…are you going to Rae's Mum's wedding reception tonight?"

Finn forgot all about that. Shit. He really needed some time away from Rae, time to get his head together and try and get over her as best he could. He didn't fancy finding out if her and Archie were back on, visions of them dancing and snogging in the middle of The Swan flashing through his mind and making him feel that painful sickness he was so familiar with. Before he could tell her no, she jumped in.

"…because if you are, do you fancy, maybe…going together?"

She was so confident, Finn thought. He'd always liked that about Chloe, how she would relentlessly pursue what she wanted once she set her mind on it. Too bad she was barking up the wrong tree in this case. Then again…

"Alright, cool."

Chloe smiled sweetly, and Finn gave her a small smile in return. "I'll come by yours at around 6, yeah?"

"Sounds great!" Chloe looked down at the full english in front of her before her eyes moved up slightly to the seat opposite.

"Oh, Rae's left her bag behind."

Finn had already begun to feel guilty about saying yes to Chloe's proposition, his head still in a complete mess. He just had to get out of there, that's all he knew.

"I'll drop it off to 'er." Finn said, lifting Rae's bag from the seat, noticing it was open. Zipping it up, he slung it over his back and walked forward, kicking something across the floor as he did so. It was a scrunched up piece of paper. As he moved towards the door he stooped to pick it up, holding it in his hand as he left, figuring that it fell out of Rae's bag.

What was he thinking? Didn't he just decide that he didn't want to see Rae for a while? Yet there he was, walking in the direction of her house, the feeling of dread increasing with every step. There was a part of him that longed to speak to her, despite everything. He'd arranged the debrief to find out what happened between Rae and Archie after they'd kissed, to find out if it was just a friendly fumble or if it meant something more. Archie had kissed her cheek as he left the diner, but they always did that. That didn't mean anything, right?

But what if they'd had…? No, the thought was too much for Finn to bear, his throat suddenly becoming dry. He clenched his fist, only just remembering the piece of paper in his hand. He saw a bin nearby, walking towards it to chuck it in. Glancing down at his fist, he stopped himself when he saw a blob of hot pink underneath one of the folds. He stood on the kerb, unfurling the crumpled paper in his hands.

His heart skipped a beat when he saw his own face, a picture of him cut out and stuck in the middle. His figure was surrounded by different coloured hearts, brightly coloured stickers and glitter. He recognised Rae's handwriting, remembering the piece of paper with her home phone number on it stuck on the cork-board in his room. His heart began to pound hard as he read what she'd written around his body.

'Sweetest adonis in all of Lincolnshire' 'Gushington central' 'Sexier than Liam Gallagher' 'Chloe doesn't deserve him!' 'Better than porn' 'I kissed him…technically!' 'Out of my league' 'Ultimate slice'

Finn felt his face burn hotter and hotter as he read, a feeling of pure elation sweeping over him. It wasn't until he read the biggest phrase, written in thick bubble writing and coloured in deep red that he felt like he was going to explode with happiness:

**'I LOVE HIM!'**

He re-read it over and over again, feeling himself grinning like a total idiot. She did like him! She bloody loved him! He had proof! He couldn't believe it! She didn't want Archie…she wanted _him_. Rae _loved_ him. Rachel Earl loved Finn Nelson.

He was suddenly snapped out of his reverie by the sound of somebody running towards him. When he looked up, he was greeted by a breathless Rae screeching to a halt, looking at him with utter horror.

"Oh my God! No!" She suddenly turned on her heel, running away from Finn as fast as she possibly could.

"Rae!" Finn shouted, setting off after her. He folded up the paper as he ran, putting it in his pocket so he could use his arms to pick up the pace. He kept calling her name as he chased her, pleading with her to stop and talk to him. Rae ignored him, turning a corner and running into the underpass, running faster than she ever had done before. Finn managed to catch up to her just before she hit the end of her street. He grabbed the back of her shirt, wrapping his arms around her shoulders to slow her. She tried to struggle free, but Finn held on as tight as he could, his forehead pressing against her temple. They stood on her street corner, both panting hard, Rae hunching over slightly and leaning on her knees. As she did so, Finn shifted so his cheek rested on her back, still holding on. After he caught his breath, he released her, slowly moving in front of her. She stood upright, tears springing down her cheeks. She couldn't look Finn in the eye, instead keeping her eyes locked on the pavement. She looked defeated.

"Finn…you must be so disgusted. I didn't mean for you to see any of that." She sniffed, clenching her fists in front of her. "Now you know how mental I am…that I'm n-not normal at all." The last few words came out in a near whisper.

Finn couldn't believe what he was seeing, what he was hearing. For the first time in weeks, he realised he was thinking in perfect clarity.

Dropping her bag from his back, he slowly brought his hands to her face, wiping away her tears with his thumbs before moving his hands down to hold her shoulders. As he did so, Rae looked up at him, her eyes widening and crossing slightly due to how close he was to her. He spoke slowly, his voice deep and gravelly due to all his previous yelling.

"You're not mental, Rae…you're brilliant."

A small smile appeared on Rae's face, and Finn beamed back at her. He moved back reluctantly, taking her hand in his. He unclenched her fingers, listening to Rae's breath hitch as he wrote on her palm.

_'I…love…you…too.'_

He looked up at her, still beaming, and Rae's smile grew significantly bigger. She let out an embarrassed chuckle, which Finn mirrored, before tentatively lifting her hand to place a kiss her palm. He linked his fingers with hers, stooping to pick up her bag. Slinging it over his shoulder again, he walked Rae back to her house, relishing her ecstatic grin with every step.


	2. Finn Meets Kester

_Prompt: "finn meets kester"_

* * *

It didn't take long for Kester to settle back into work after he returned, his attitude towards his 'failure' shifting gradually with the help of Rae's improvement and reassurance. His relationship with Rae had changed significantly, the fondness he already felt for her at the beginning of their sessions had grown further still after she came to his apartment. On Rae's end, she became more and more confident, no longer keeping anything to herself. She wanted to help herself now more than ever, now she had a guy in her life who loved her, a new Tunisian step-father who she was determined to bond with and a little friend who'd just woken up from a coma who she had to take extra special care of. She trusted Kester completely now, and Kester had learned that honesty on his end was a significantly important factor to her improvement.

Kester particularly enjoyed hearing about Rae's new boyfriend, loved how she seemed to light up completely whenever his name was mentioned. During one session, Kester asked her: "How does he feel about your history?"

Rae's happy expression didn't falter as she replied: "We don't really talk about it, which is great for me. I don't need reminding about those times, not by him anyway. I know he understands, though…well, he knows everything and he still likes me, doesn't he! I mean…he still loves me." She added the last part quietly. She'd been getting better at believing his love for her is genuine, an important part of the process.

They had talked about how Rae would handle it if things didn't work out, if she'd go back to that awful dark place inside of her again, but one of the things Kester likes the most about Rae is her natural independence. Finn is an important part of her life, but Rae knows he isn't the _only _part of her life, that she still has her family, her friends and Kester there to support her should the worst happen.

Kester dimly remembers the lad who came to talk to Rae during that awkward time they ran into each other at the café. The rest of the information he could only gather from Rae's accounts, and as she was of the firm opinion that the sun shined directly out of his arse, Kester had no choice but to believe that too, at least for now.

Before he knew it, two months had passed and his sessions with Rae continued to go well. He'd also started his sessions up again with Tix, but would hold them by her hospital bed whilst she continued to recover. He was filling out Tix's paperwork one evening when he heard a knock on the glass door of his office. Kester said 'Come in!', turning to his left as he did so. We was met with a flannel wearing brown haired lad, holding a bike helmet in his hand. He watched as the boy flattened his hair before asking "Are you Kester?"

Kester replied "I am indeed, and who might you be?"

"Finn Nelson. I'm Rae Earl's boyfriend." Finn walked further into the office, looking around as he did so. His eyes rested on the big chairs in the middle of the room and Kester wondered if he was envisioning Rae sitting in one of them.

He kept his eyes on the teen as he turned back to face the desk. He seemed a serious, broody sort of boy, and Kester remembered Rae mentioning this during their sessions. She also mentioned that the way he acted when they were alone together was a far cry from how he appeared to everyone else, how he would smile widely at her, would laugh until his cheeks began to hurt. Kester had trouble picturing this when confronted with the lad in question.

"Well, what can I do for you Mr Nelson?"

Finn looked down at the helmet in his hands before looking back at Kester. "I'm here to talk about Rae."

Kester's chest tightened. "Is anything wrong? Is she alright?"

"She's fine, well…she seems fine anyway."

Kester felt a wave of relief. He gestured to the chair in front of his desk and Finn pulled it out, putting his helmet on the desk and slouching into the seat. He glanced around the room again, elbows resting on the chair arms, absentmindedly tapping his fingers on his knees. Kester thought to himself with amusement that this would be the sort of lad he'd try and avoid if he saw him in the street, the sort of lad who looked like trouble.

"What is it about Rae you want to talk about, then?"

Finn came to himself again, as if realising where he was for the first time. He sat upright in his chair, frowning and looking a bit uncomfortable. Kester could see things in Finn he also saw in Rae, especially at the very beginning. Finn seemed just as closed off as Rae was initially, and Kester couldn't help but wonder if Finn had demons of his own. He snapped himself out of his thoughts, trying to keep things light.

Kester continued: "If you want to know about what we talk about during Rae's sessions, then I'm afraid I can't help you. What we talk about is in strictest confidence."

"No, I know that; I wouldn't want to ask…I mean, I don't want to know, really."

Kester nodded and smiled, Finn loosening up a bit. "It's none of my business anyway." Finn added with a small smile of his own.

If Kester knew what it was like to be in love, and he did, he knew that was total bullshit. He knew Finn would be itching to find out what they talked about during their sessions, especially in regard to himself. This was confirmed by the slight look of disappointment on Finn's face. He continued on regardless:

"Me and Rae, we've been going out for a while and, well…I know you can't tell me what she's been saying, I understand that, but, I just wanted to know if…if there was anything I should be doin', you know, to help her. I don't know what she went through exactly; she's told me some of it, but not all, I mean…I know what happened-" Finn's face went pale and his jaw clenched, and it was obvious he was envisioning the horror of what Rae went through. Misty eyed, he went on, pushing it to the back of his mind; "But I don't know why and I just wanted to get clued up on whatever it is that's wrong…" He stopped himself.

"I mean, um, I just want to know what she's going through, to know as much as I can so I can be there for 'er." A few moments after he'd finished he blushed profusely, and Kester was glad to know first hand that Rae's boyfriend did in fact love her. It was as plain as the nose on his face.

After Kester just continued to smile warmly in Finn's direction, Finn cleared his throat and sat back, glancing away from Kester before throwing him a look he'd seen on Rae countless times before, the same weirded out expression Kester would try to disperse with a sarcastic joke.

Finn carried on, confusion still evident on his face. "Are there any books I could read or somethin'?" Finn gestured to the bookshelf behind Kester's head, making Kester look behind him. When he turned to face Finn again, he responded, compelled to help him.

"There are a few books you could read, yes, but I honestly don't think it'd help. What Rae has can't be defined entirely - we're still trying to figure out for ourselves what caused her to break, and I would imagine a lad your age has enough on his plate without researching into the dynamics of psychology…"

"…I _want _to learn. I want to be, you know…prepared."

"Prepared for what?" Kester asked.

"Dunno… if she's upset or somethin', if she's feeling really low and needs to talk to me. I want to know what to say to make her feel better."

"I'm afraid what you're looking for is 'The Boyfriend Manual', which as far as I'm aware, doesn't exist." Kester said, eyes twinkling.

Finn let out a small chuckle, although his smile didn't quite reach his eyes.

"It's very noble of you to want to be 'prepared', as you say, but Rae isn't a time bomb that needs to be decoded or maintained. I would advise you not to get too caught up in that side of her - that's my job. As mad as she says she is, she's a teenage girl, first and foremost. That's the side of her you should focus on."

Finn nodded slowly, listening intently.

"If you want my advice, carry on with exactly what you've been doing. Any new relationship is a learning curve, especially at your age. All you can do is be there for her as you have been. All she needs is your support, and from the looks of things, she has it."

Finn blinked a few times, looking down at his hands. They sat in silence for a few moments before he responded.

"You won't tell her I came here, will ya?" He said.

"Not if you don't want me to, no. Don't get into the habit of lying to her, though. If there's one thing Rae values more than anything else, it's complete honesty."

Finn smiled again, standing up and grabbing his helmet. "Thanks." He said, pushing the chair back into the desk.

"Was I of any help?" Kester asked.

"Yeah." Finn said, looking up at Kester one last time and backing up towards the door. "See ya."

"If was nice to meet you, Finn." Kester replied, watching him slink out the door.

Kester spent the rest of the night thinking about his first love, and he couldn't help but theorise to himself that you can never experience a love as intense as your first, and you never quite get over that person for as long as you live.


	3. Rae Finn First Time Attempt & First Time

_Prompts: "Can you do one where Rae and Finn start to have sex for the first time but Rae backs out?" and "Rae and Finn's first time :)"_

* * *

Rae and Finn sat in Chop's living room, Finn's arm around Rae, tracing lazy circles on her shoulder. It was nearly 3 am and the party was winding down. Archie was asleep in the corner, despite the music still playing. Chop and Izzy stood in the middle of the room, both wasted, slow dancing. Izzy's head was pressed against Chop's chest, Chop's arms linked around her waist, resting his cheek on the top of her head. They swayed clumsily, the other partygoers in the room half heartedly chucking confetti all over them. Chop still had his party hat on, a gag gift from Finn. A party horn was still clasped in his hand, and Finn and Rae watched them, amused, Finn whispering in Rae's ear every now and then.

"I can't believe Chop didn't want to play spin the bottle on his 18th Birthday." He said with a grin. "I know he's taken and that but, he loves being the game master."

Finn's eyes lingered on the goosebumps he left on Rae's neck as he pulled back, returning to kiss them. He could hear her breath getting slower and deeper, a sign Finn had become more familiar with as their relationship progressed. Finn loved learning about this side of Rae, the side of her he knew was only for his eyes, the side _he _brought out in her. He relished being the one to teach her new things, to be the one to witness her growing confidence first hand, to discover what she'd liked, what turned her on.

They'd done quite a few things up to that point, mostly just kissing, but they hadn't gone all the way. Finn knew he had to take things slow with Rae, but more than that, he _wanted to. _For the first time in his adolescent life, he relished every moment of the journey he was sharing with this girl; he wasn't just 'going through the motions' so he could get to the inevitable and - more often than not - disappointing conclusion. He never understood why sex wasn't like it was in the films or in porn, why he didn't see much of a difference between having sex and wanking. He'd had sex a total of six times with three different girls. He'd told Rae this, and when he did so she tensed, and he hoped she didn't think he meant to pressure her.

As time went on and their relationship intensified, they faced obstacles and overcame them. Finn knew Rae wanted him, he could see it in her eyes whenever they were together, whenever he took his shirt off, whenever he whispered sweet nothings into her ear when they were alone, but it took her a long time before she let Finn's hand wander up her shirt to caress her body in the middle of a make-out session. For a good while, she would remain fully clothed and Finn would keep his hands on her shoulders or on her back. Whenever he would tentatively tug at her shirt, she'd tense, and he'd pull back, noticing her wince in embarrassment before her expression melted into that of frustration. She'd always apologise, and he would gently reassure her that it was fine.

Finn wished he could adequately express how much she turned him on, how she pictured her face every time he masturbated alone in his room, how he'd imagine her warm lips on his own.

He remembered how hard he became when she finally let him touch her skin, the rush of excitement when she let him cup her breasts in his hand, his other hand buried deep into her thick hair. He'd pulled away, taking off his shirt and holding her close, wishing he could feel her naked skin against his chest. They would always stop once they reached a certain, comfortable point, and more often than not they'd sit on whoever's bed they happened to be laying on, talking and joking around. It was all good, according to Finn, but he wondered how much longer he could repress his urges.

A night or two before Chop's party, Rae did something completely out of character. The brazen act was still fresh in Finn's mind. He remembered how he'd snuck into Rae's house in the middle of the night, something he did with quite a bit of regularity, Rae letting him in through the back door as usual. It'd been raining and he was soaked to the skin, and Rae had lead him up to her room, leaving again to get some towels from the bathroom. Finn had begun to shiver, taking off his shirt and jeans.

"I'm getting your room all wet." He juddered quietly, but Rae was too busy eyeing him up with intense desire, draping the towel around his shoulders and rubbing it against his cold, wet skin. Once Finn was almost dry and he'd been nearly driven to distraction by the feeling of her hands all over his body, they got into her bed, snuggling under her duvet. Finn was wearing nothing but his boxers and Rae was wearing her Care Bear night dress. After talking for a little while, Finn's arm draped across Rae's body, they began kissing, holding each other close. Finn had warmed up significantly, and before he knew what was happening he felt Rae's hand slip underneath his boxers. They broke apart, Finn's eyes almost black with arousal. Staring at each other intently, Rae began to caress him, her hand damp with rain from his hair. Finn felt his breathing come out in short, hard bursts, his eyes clamping shut. He bit his lip, releasing a slight groan. Opening his eyes, he slowly moved his hand towards Rae's thighs. Rae tensed, but continued to stroke him, pleading to Finn with her eyes.

"Finn…no…"

"Please, Rae." Finn whispered against her lips, clearly desperate. His fingers glided up her thigh, over her scars and towards her crotch. He gently moved her thighs apart, burying his hand in-between them, stroking her as she did him. Rae shifted slightly so she was laying on her back, Finn looming over her, the warmth under his hand ensuring he wasn't going to last long. He came first, letting out a stuttered "Fuck!", his head pressed against Rae's shoulder. He stopped the movements of his own hand momentarily, but continued after he'd regrouped, watching her eyes shut tightly and reopen, watching her lick her lips, push her head back into her pillow whilst softly moaning. She climaxed a few minutes later, and Finn had to kiss her hard to stifle the moan she emitted.

It was this memory that gave Finn the confidence to write on Rae's thigh: 'Upstairs?'

Rae nodded, standing up and taking Finn's hand in hers. They moved past the dancing couple, Finn taking the lead and walking upstairs. He checked one door, which was locked, and he remembered Chloe going up there with some lad an hour or two ago. He pressed on, checking the next room. It was empty, and Finn realised it was Chop's older brother's room. When they entered, Finn turned around to lock the door, stopping to gauge Rae's expression. They'd had a few to drink, so she had been merry up to that point, in good spirits. Now, her expression was reminiscent of the time Finn confronted her in the wardrobe all those months ago when they were still friends, a hint of awkward fear in her eyes. Finn was a little drunk, too, and wasted no time in kissing Rae after he'd ensured their privacy. He maneuvered her towards the bed, stooping to turn on the lamp on the bedside table. Rae tried to stop him, always preferring darkness "For his sake." as she'd say, but Finn would always power through this tactic. "I wanna see ya, Rae." he whispered before kissing her again. He laid her down on the bed, blindly removing his wallet from his jeans and placing it on the duvet next to them as they continued to kiss. "I fucking love you." Finn whispered against her lips, holding her head in his hands. He knelt astride her, lifting his shirt over his head. Ducking back down, Finn continued to whisper to her, breath hot against her lips. "The other night was so fuckin' hot, Rae. You turn me on so much." Finn wasn't usually much of a talker when they were together like this, but the beer in his system had loosened his tongue considerably. Rae did nothing much but let out little stifled noises as he spoke, hands spread out on his back. Finn stopped kissing her, the mood in the room shifting.

"Do you want to um…you know?" Finn swallowed. "I have a johnny in my wallet."

Rae looked up at him, her hair surrounding her flushed face. Glancing at his wallet, she nodded. "Ok."

Finn smiled, ecstatic. He kissed her again quickly, before slowly moving his hands to the bottom of her dress. "I want to see ya, Rae." he repeated, and Rae let him lift her dress off above her head. Rae's eyes fixed on the dress as Finn dropped it on the floor. He noticed she was shivering considerably, her confidence faltering as she became exposed. Finn tried to bring her back to him, but she had already looked away from his face, tears forming in her eyes. "Rae…" Finn placed a hand gently on her cheek. Rae's eyes closed tight, tears coming thick and fast. "I'm sorry…I can't do it."

"It's alright" Finn soothed, lifting himself off her. Rae sat up, grabbing her dress from the floor and putting it back on. Finn put his shirt back on and sat beside her, rubbing her back.

"I'm sorry." She repeated, wiping her eyes, trying to compose herself.

"You don't need to apologise, Rae. The last thing I wanna do is rush ya."

Rae looked at him, eyes glistening. "I want to, Finn, I really do, but…"

"But what?"

* * *

Rae didn't know what to say to him. If she was bored of her own self-hatred, she was sure he was too. Finn had been a saint, Rae thought, so kind, so considerate, so _patient. _She wanted to do unspeakable things to him, to let him do to her all the naughty stuff he'd been talking about for so long, but the thought of her ginormous; pasty, dimply body stopped her. She still couldn't comprehend how Finn could find her so attractive.

She'd been getting better, but she was nowhere near cured. When you hate yourself to the point of suicide, it's a long journey towards self-acceptance, a 'life long project for everyone', as Kester would say. She didn't want Finn to be the one burdened with 'trying to save her'; no one person could fix all her problems, only she could do that, she knew. Yet recently she'd been battling with her intense, overwhelming love for this beautiful boy who seemed to adore the eyes out of her, fighting between wanting to be with him forever and letting him go, the persistent voice in her head convincing her he'd be happier with somebody else. Every attractive, skinny bitch she'd seen flirting with him had almost lead to a break up, the bond between Rae and Finn so strong yet so fragile at the same time. It wasn't that she didn't trust Finn – she made that perfectly clear – it was that she didn't want people taking the piss out of Finn anymore. Finn would try so hard to convince her she was imagining things, but when they were walking down the street holding hands (Finn gripping onto her hand as tight as he could so she wouldn't let go) or at the pub together cuddling, she could swear all eyes were on them, could imagine what people thought.

"He must be desperate." "She must give good head." "Chubby chaser." "Is he blind?"

Sometimes girls would flirt with Finn whilst Rae stood right next to him, Finn shifting uncomfortably, sometimes giving Rae a peck to get the message across. The girl would more often than not look at the couple with utter disbelief, re-joining her friends who would giggle, cruelly. Finn would turn to Rae and say something along the lines of "I tell ya what, if I was ever given a free pass to punch a girl, I'd be cashing it in right now." Rae would always laugh, and Finn would press another kiss on her cheek. Sometimes they'd be so caught up in their own unique little world, it wouldn't bother Rae at all, but when her mind wandered into dark territory whenever she found herself alone, times like that would torment her along with everything else.

She wondered as her and Finn sat on the bed in Chop's house, how long his patience would hold out. Every time she told him the reason she pulled away felt like another nail in their coffin. She could see him getting frustrated, knowing how much she wanted him yet still not letting him in. Rae opted for silence, this time, telling Finn she was going to head home.

"I'll walk you back." He said immediately, and Rae felt like she was going to cry again at how sweet he was being. They both peeked into the living room as they were leaving. Izzy and Chop were asleep where Rae and Finn had been sitting, their arms around each other, still covered in confetti. Archie had spread out across the floor, fast asleep.

Rae and Finn left the house as quietly as possible, walking back to Rae's house in silence.

Finn kissed her gently at her front door. "I'll call on you tomorrow, alright?"

Rae nodded, stepping up into her house, watching Finn walk away.

As Rae lay in bed, the smell of Finn still on her sheets, she thought about the guy Chloe was with that night, how he'd got a lot luckier than Finn had. Rae desperately wished to get over her insecurities, knowing full well how futile it was to do so. She slowly drifted into sleep, breathing in the lingering smell of rain and CK One.

When she met her friends at the diner the next morning, Finn kissed her just as he always did, as if nothing had happened the night before. Everybody looked a bit worse for wear, Chloe and Archie drinking coffee, Finn ordering some tea for him and Rae. Chop ordered a fry up, sharing a massive strawberry milkshake with Izzy. Chloe and Archie looked at them in disbelief.

"How can you even think about eating?" Chloe said to Chop. Chop just shrugged, taking a sip of milkshake and slouching back on the chair.

They talked about the night before, what they could remember of it, and Chloe gushed over the hot guy she'd slept with in Chop's room, Dylan, as she called him ("Or was it Declan?") whilst alone in the ladies bathroom with Rae and Izzy.

After a few minutes of giggling and gritty details, Izzy turned to Rae and said: "A little birdy told me you and Finn went upstairs as well, Rae!"

Chloe began to coo, before flinching at her own noise. "Bad idea." She mumbled to herself, massaging her temples. The girls laughed before Chloe and Izzy turned their attention back to Rae.

"Please tell me you guys have done it!" Chloe said with quiet exasperation.

"Not yet, but we will." Rae nodded assuredly. She didn't want to talk about the non-event, and was glad when Chop knocked at the door to call for Izzy.

"Izzeh, do ya want my grilled tomatoes?" He called through the door.

"Are they cold?" She asked him as she opened the door to exit.

"Luke warm." He said as they re-joined the table.

"Oh, I forgot to tell you guys, Declan, I mean erm…Dylan has invited us all to a little get together at Rutland Waters tomorrow morning. Fancy it?" Chloe asked. The gang hummed in agreement.

Rae felt Finn trace 'groan' on the back of her hand underneath the table. She wrote 'moody git' on his leg, making him smile at her warmly.

Rae spent the rest of the day by herself, getting stuck into some homework she was behind on. She was relieved Finn wasn't off with her about the night before and she managed to stay in a relatively happy mood.

Finn picked her up the next morning and they drove down to the gathering on his scooter. Finn and his parents all clubbed together and bought Rae her very own custom fit helmet for the Christmas just gone, her name painted on the edge in small silver lettering. Finn had taught her how to ride his scooter and she'd planned to get a motorbike of her own one day.

When they arrived, the gang were already there, Archie, Chop and Izzy sitting on the grass and chatting to people they didn't know. Chloe was flirting with Dylan, sitting on a wall nearby. There was a BBQ and a big blue cooler full of drinks. Rae and Finn sat next to their friends, joining in on the conversation, Archie giving Rae a peck on the cheek.

"Fuck." Finn said under his breath. Rae looked at him, concerned. "What is it?"

Finn looked back at her, jerking his head to a group of four lads approaching the party. Rae didn't recognise them. "Who are they?" she asked quietly.

"They're dickheads, that's what they are. Friendsa my cousin's – used to play with them in the street when I was younger."

Chop seemed to know them too, and Rae could hear Izzy asking him the same question. Chop answered, "Just ignore 'em, Iz, alright?"

Rae and Finn did the same, sitting on the grass and chatting under the sun.

"Do you want to go?" Rae asked after a while, but Finn shook his head, smiling and threading his fingers through hers. "Fuck are they scaring me off."

Rae could sense the group of lads looking at them as they held hands, trying her best to follow Finn's example and ignore them. Archie seemed completely oblivious to what was going on, asking Rae how she was getting on with her project. Finn seemed to be listening too, asking Rae if she wanted a drink once she'd finished. She nodded, saying she'll come with him to the cooler. As they picked up a can each, one of the unwelcome guests sauntered towards them.

"Alright Finn. Long time no see." He was a stocky guy in a dark blue tracksuit top and dirty jeans, a little bit taller than Finn. His nose was disjointed and his eyes were a dull, murky green. He wouldn't have looked out of place in Big G's gang. His tone had an edge of aggression to it, and Rae had been in enough situations like this to know what was coming. She braced herself.

"Alright Gary." Finn said flatly, opening his can and facing him. Rae smiled at Archie from Finn's side, opening her own can. Chop visibly tensed up, watching Finn and this Gary guy face each other. Rae looked back at them, noticing the rest of Gary's friends nearby.

"This your girlfriend?" Gary gave Rae an amused look, once she'd seen countless times before on the bullies in school. She longed for Finn to say no. She'd forgive him for that, not liking where this was going at all. Not one to run away from an attack, she looked at Gary square in the eye, not saying a word.

"Yeah, she is actually." Finn said matter of factly. Rae grimaced inwardly. It was one thing for her to be taken the piss out of, but Finn meant so much more to her than she did. Gary let out a jeer, his friends bursting into laughter.

"Jesus, Finn, you must be hard up." His friends continued to laugh, looking at Rae with utter disgust. Gary joined them.

"I'm sure we can go in that field over there and find you a nice pig to fuck inste-" he didn't have a chance to finish his sentence before Finn's fist collided hard with his face.

"Finn!" Rae shouted as Gary hit the floor, Finn raining down blow after blow on his face. One of Gary's friends ran over and kicked Finn in the stomach, followed by a knee in the chest as Finn buckled. On autopilot, Rae grabbed the bastard's hair, managing to pull him off Finn. He cried out as she did so, digging his nails hard into her hands and kicking her hard in the groin. "Motherfucker!" she shouted out, having no choice but to release him. The guy turned, punching Rae in the face, the force of which made her fall backwards onto the grass.

She could dimly hear Finn calling her name amidst the ringing in her ears, and she scrambled up despite the pain, the guy who punched her wrestling with Chop. She got up in time to see Gary kick a floored Finn in the stomach, before two lads stepped in to restrain him. Rae ran over to Finn, kneeling down and holding his face in her hand. She looked him over. He was holding his stomach, his nose bleeding and lip cut. "I'll fucking kill him." she heard him gurgle. She shushed him, helping Finn stand, propping him against her for support. Her face continued to sting as the wankers ran away. She looked over at Chop, who seemed relatively untouched, but vibrating with anger. "You alright?" She shouted over to him. "Fuck that! Are you alright? Finn…" Chop and Archie, who'd also been caught in the scuffle, came over to check on them both.

"You alright mate?" Chop asked.

"Mmfine." Finn sniffed, wiping his nose with his hand.

"You alright, Rae?" Archie asked her. Finn looked at her with concern in his eyes. "I'm fine Arch. I'm going to take Finn to the hospital, alright?" The lads nodded, the girls looking on as Rae carried her injured boyfriend to his scooter.

"Did he hurt ya Rae?" Finn asked when they got to it.

"I'm fine. You got the worst of it." She said with a small smile, a tear spilling out onto her cheek. She gently put his helmet on, slipping onto the scooter in front of him.

"Hold me tight." She told him, and he did so, wrapping his arms around her waist and resting his tired head against her back.

After being checked over at the hospital, they were told nothing was broken and he was fine for the most part, the nurse saying it was ok for Finn to be taken home.

"Are your parents at home?" asked the nurse. Finn shook his head. "They're both at work."

"Would you like to call them?"

He shook his head again. "I don't want to worry 'em."

"I'll look after him." Rae said, instinctively. She had been fighting tears the whole way to the hospital, her guilt overwhelming. If she hadn't have been there, if Finn hadn't held her hand or admitted they were together, he wouldn't be in this mess right now.

When she got him home, he seemed improved, walking up the stairs to his room without much difficulty. He laid down on his bed, Rae propping up his pillows behind him. He let out a chuckle as she took off his shoes, a groan catching in his throat as he pulled them off. She was still fighting back tears, ready to explode into them in any moment.

"Rae!" Finn shocked her out of herself. When she turned to him, he was looking up at her, wide eyed, his hand outstretched.

"What?" She asked, confused.

"Bloody hell Rae, c'mere." She moved nearer, sitting on the edge of his bed next to him. Her cheek felt tender under Finn's touch, his eyes full of worry.

"If I see that fucker again, he's dead." He told her, jaw clenched.

Rae took his hand from her face, holding it in her own. Looking down at her knees, she sniffed, long since coming down from the adrenaline rush.

"You would be fine if it wasn't for me." She said, to herself more than anyone.

"Ya what?" Finn asked.

She looked at him in the eye, elaborating. "Do you see now why being with me is a mistake? You don't deserve this Finn." She stated, shaking her head.

Finn said nothing, shutting his eyes and pushing his head back in frustration.

"Fuckin' hell, Rae. When is this gonna end? When are we gonna get to a place where you're not tryin' to break up with me every second?"

She looked out his bedroom window, tears welling.

"You know what Rae, if you want to end things with me, I can't stop ya, but you know what pisses me off the most?"

Rae made herself look Finn in the eye.

"I'm willing to fight for you, fight for _us_ every single day of the week, and you won't even try to fight for us, will you? You aren't willing to turn around and say 'fuck you' to the rest of the world and just try to be happy with me, are you? I don't think you ever really loved me, Rae…not like I love you, anyway." His voice was laden with anger.

Rae could feel her stomach twist, her face burning with sadness and fear, unspeakable frustration brewing within her. She responded, voice raised.

"I don't want you to fight for us, Finn! I don't want you to have to fight at all, can't you see that?"

Finn said nothing, his mind made up. As counterproductive as Rae knew it was, she couldn't help but defend herself further.

"I love you more than I've ever loved anyone – you are the single greatest thing that has ever happened to me-"

"-and yet you're dumping me? That's logical." His face softened slightly amidst the sarcasm, but he kept his tone as serious as before.

"If you really, _really_ loved me Rae, you'd listen to me when I told you I don't give a fuck about what anyone thinks, that I don't wanna be with anyone else. You'd believe me when I tell you you're beautiful – even if you don't believe it about yourself, you just need to trust that I think so. I know today was scary for ya, and I'm sorry things got out of hand, but that sort of thing happens once in a blue moon, and for the rest of the time we should just try to be happy!"

Rae continued to look at Finn, clenching her own jaw. He was right – she knew he was right, but it was only now, faced with the prospect of losing him, the memory of those fuckers' faces jeering at them still fresh in her memory that she realised how stupid she'd been.

Something shifted dramatically in Rae at that moment and in light of what had happened hours before, she let some of her insecurities go, deciding not to question it. Giving Finn another brief look, she stood up, heading towards his bedroom door. She heard him sigh, followed by a "Fucks sake!" release from under his breath.

Instead of leaving, she closed his door, locking it from the inside. Turning around, she could see Finn's look of defiant anger melt slightly into confusion. His eyes followed her as she moved towards his curtains, closing them. They were in relative darkness, with only a strip of daylight around the curtains entering the room. Rae walked to Finn's bedside table, turning on his lamp. He shifted, sitting upright, meeting Rae's eyes as she sat in her original position. Slowly lifting her hand up to his face, she leaned in, placing a gentle kiss on his broken lip. Pulling back slightly, she whispered "Does that hurt?" kissing him again after he shook his head. Finn raised his own hands, pulling Rae to him, deepening the kiss. She broke away from him, standing up to undo her jeans. Finn watched with unshielded surprise as Rae pulled them down, revealing her scarred legs. She was surprised at how she felt nothing of what she did the night before last, training her mind towards Finn, the only person who mattered.

Finn continued to watch as Rae removed her shirt, standing by Finn's bed in the lamplight. Finn stood up in front of Rae, taking off his own blood stained shirt and pulling down his own jeans, boxers with them. The anger had disappeared completely, only arousal and complete adoration remaining as Finn gently unbuckled Rae's bra. As it dropped to the floor, Rae laid back on the bed as she did two nights before, only this time keeping her eyes fixed on Finn, on his beautiful, slightly battered face and his perfect, bruised body. Finn knelt in between Rae's legs, shuffling back as he pulled off her knickers. Breathing hard, he leaned forward, tenderly kissing the bruise on Rae's face all over, before settling on her lips, his hands roaming all over her body. Rae eventually heard the sound of Finn's bedside table drawer opening, followed by the faint sound of rustling as Finn picked a condom out of it. Still kissing her, she heard him rip it open, her breath hitching.

'This is actually happening' Rae thought, surprising herself by how happy she was. 'It's finally happening, the moment I've been dreaming about for months.'

She had no cognitive thoughts from that point forward, completely immersing herself in everything Finn was, her lips and hands touching any part of him they could reach. She gloried in the sound of Finn's heavy breathing, the catches in his throat, her name along with countless obscenities coming out in short bursts as he thrust himself into her. When he came, Rae watched him hungrily, their bodies covered in a sheen of sweat. He gasped, holding himself inside her, eyes closed tight, mouth gaping open. He had never looked more fucking beautiful, Rae thought. Finn fell on top of her, limp, catching his breath, idly twirling her hair in his hands, mouth pressed against her neck.

Rae held him close, holding him tight to her, all the bullshit in her life long since disappeared for those few precious minutes. She knew in that moment that she'd never let him go ever again.


	4. Sweet Fic: Rae and Finn Pillow Talk

_Prompt: write a sweet fic about finn x rae! maybe them having a conversation in bed or maybe communicating at the chippy in their secret language_

* * *

Rae knew Finn was awake. He was usually out like a shot, which made Rae thank her lucky stars that he wasn't much of a snorer, as it took her a bit longer to drift off. Finn was the sort of bloke who could sleep on a clothes wire, which meant he and Rae would often fall asleep in each others arms, a lame, romantic cliché Rae always craved in her heart but never thought she'd have. They would almost always be touching in some capacity, whether it be Finn's arm loosely draped over Rae's waist, or Rae cuddling Finn from behind, her breath warming his neck as he dreamt. On this night, however, Rae knew Finn was restless, and she couldn't really blame him. He'd received quite a shock a few hours before.

"Finn?" She asked, voice slightly muffled due to being buried under the duvet.

"Mmm?" He replied, putting on a fatigued voice she saw right through.

Rae untangled herself from him, sitting up and turning on the bedside lamp. Finn looked up at her, eyebrow raised.

"Are you alright about…what happened today?" Rae asked, propping up her pillows as she did so.

"Yeah, fine. Why wouldn't I be?" His head fell back onto the pillow, this fingers linked across his chest.

"You're not fine, Finn; I know when something's bothering ya."

Finn sighed, rolling his eyes. He seemed to contemplate something before sitting up himself, looking into the middle of the room, brow furrowing.

Rae continued, keeping her voice as gentle as she could:

"He's not different or anything…he's the same old Archie, just, he likes boys instead of girls-"

"I don't have a problem with _that_, Rae - Archie's my best mate; he knows I'll be there for him no matter what."

Rae smiled fondly at him, but Finn wasn't looking at her. He still looked troubled.

"Well…what is it then?" Rae asked.

Rae remembered the events of the previous day, trying to figure out what could possibly be bothering Finn about it. Rae and Finn had driven up to Cambridge to see Archie for the weekend, exploring the night life and meeting his friends. On Sunday, Archie invited Rae and Finn to a pub lunch, informing Finn he had something important to tell him. Archie looked at Rae, eyes widening slightly, and she nodded. She understood completely. Finn had let out an incredulous laugh, looking between them. He'd said nothing afterwards, though, and Rae had noticed how nervous he was getting as they walked to the pub, Rae squeezing his hand. Finn looked at her, giving her a small smile, but there was a flicker of concern in his eyes. 'What was he so worried about?' she'd wondered.

Archie's restraint didn't last long, and he prepared himself to tell his news seconds after they'd ordered their food, Archie sitting opposite the couple in a raised booth. He'd told Rae beforehand that after spending almost 3 years in total silence where his best mates from home were concerned, now he was in Uni and had been relatively free to be himself in his new social circles, he didn't want to keep Finn in the dark any longer.

Finn still seemed really tense, eyes flickering from Rae to Archie and when Rae took Archie's hand from across the table in a sign of support, neither of them noticed Finn's jaw clench, along with his fists.

"Ok…" Archie began. Finn had looked at Archie, darkly. Finn shuffled in his seat, as if bracing himself, Rae oblivious to all of this, eyes still fixed on Archie, a sympathetic smile on her lips. She had been 100% sure, knowing Finn as well as she did, that Finn would be completely fine with the news. Archie seemed to need a lot more convincing, especially when faced with his friend's current demeanour. Archie continued, squeezing Rae's hand, voice wavering as he did so.

"I've been meaning to tell you this for so long, but…I just couldn't whilst we were still at school." Archie's eyes followed Finn's as he fixed his gaze on Rae, a vein in Finn's temple visibly throbbing.

"I can't believe you're doing this to me." Finn said, making Rae start and look at her boyfriend, confused.

"Ya what?" She'd replied, brows knotted together.

Finn looked back at Archie, face getting redder by the second. Archie looked as confused as Rae, amidst his nerves. Rae let go of Archie's hand, sitting back in her seat.

"How long has this been going on then? C'mon, spit it out."

"Finn…I have no idea what you're on about." Rae replied, looking at Archie's mirrored expression. Finn looked at Archie then, too, his eyes misting up. He remained at normal volume, but his voice was dripping with anger.

"And you…I thought we were mates; I _knew _you hadn't got over her, I fuckin' knew it."

"Woah woah woah!" Rae interjected then, both her and Archie simultaneously clocking on to what Finn meant.

"You've got it all wrong, mate! There's nothing going on with me and Rae!" Archie lifted his hands in defense, looking at Rae who nodded enthusiastically.

Finn looked at Archie, then Rae, brow still furrowed, but his face began returning to its original colour and he visibly let go of the tension in his shoulders.

"I'm not fuckin' leaving ya, you daft bugger!" Rae reasoned loudly, a chuckle catching in her throat. At the sight of Finn's puppy dog eyes melting into an embarrassed smile, a sigh of relief leaving his lips, Rae clasped his face in her hands and pressed a hard kiss on his lips, as if to punctuate her point.

"I'm sorry, Arch." Finn said after she released him, still visibly embarrassed.

"It's alright, mate, if anything, you've made me feel a bit better about telling you my _actual _news; from the sounds of things, I think it'll actually make you very happy." Archie smiled, his own tension leaving him, but still not entirely.

Finn remained silent, letting Archie say his piece before jumping to anymore wild conclusions.

"I'm…gay." Archie said, just as the waitress came to the table with their meals. Archie blushed, embarrassed, but the waitress left unperturbed.

"You serious?" Finn said, eyes fixed on Archie's. Rae lifted up her fork to begin eating. Archie nodded, throwing Finn a crooked smile.

Finn looked at Rae. "…and you knew about this?"

Rae finished eating a chip, before facing Finn again, nodding. "I've known for years, found out after I went to give him hell for standing me up that time. I wanted to tell ya, but it wasn't my secret to tell…do you understand?"

"Don't be angry at Rae, please. She knew I was going to tell ya in my own time." Archie said, twirling his fork in his hand.

"I'm not angry, mate." He threw a warm smile at Archie. "C'mere." He said, making his way to leave the booth. Rae got out to let him through, smiling fondly as he watched Finn give Archie a tight hug, Archie patting Finn's back.

Finn had seemed fine for the rest of the night, back to his usual self. As Rae predicted, the news of Archie's sexuality didn't bother Finn in the slightest, and they spent the rest of the evening having a laugh as they always did, Finn asking if Archie was going to tell Chop, Izzy and Chloe. Archie nodded, saying he was going to tell them when he came home for Christmas.

Finn was quiet on the ride home, but Rae chalked it down to tiredness. He decided not to rib Finn about his previous mistake, sensing he wanted to forget about it. She knew they needed to discuss it sooner or later…

…and as Finn was currently unable to sleep, it seemed now was the time.

"You're gonna think I'm stupid." Finn said, quietly, shaking his head.

"I could never think that." Rae replied, smiling kindly and slowly shaking her head.

Finn let out a big sigh, glancing at Rae and then looking at his hands again.

"I just can't help but think that, if Archie wasn't gay, you two would be together now instead of us."

"Bollocks!" Rae replied, louder than she'd intended. This made Finn jump and look at her, wide eyed.

"Look Finn, I don't know what you thought was going on between me and Archie, but whatever it was-"

"I know that now, Rae! I didn't at the time, though, did I? And you were proper gone on him when I first met you…"

"That was ages ago, Finn!"

"But what if he wasn't gay though?! You'd still be together, wouldn't you!"

"No we bloody wouldn't!"

Their voices had been getting louder and louder, and it was only at this point that Finn slowed down the escalating fight between them. He was exhausted, Rae could tell, and she knew he would be trying to gather his thoughts together and think rationally.

"You don't know that though, do ya." Finn said, his voice quieter.

"I do know that, Finn…you wanna know why?" Rae's frustration dissipated slightly when faced with Finn's vulnerable expression. He nodded, swallowing.

"I love Archie as a friend, but I know in my heart that I could never've loved him like I love you. I know I fancied him when we first met, but it wouldn't have come to more than that, even if he was straight. We're not compatible, we don't have a lot in common, not as much as you and I, anyway and…well…"

Rae stopped, frustration brewing within her again.

"I'm sorry, Rae…you don't have to explain yourself, or us. I know you love me and that should be enough. I'm just being ridiculous, I s'pose."

"It's alright. It's just frustrating because what I felt for you when I first started falling for you was so much more than what I'd felt for Archie, if that makes sense."

Finn nodded, smiling. He outstretched his arms, beckoning Rae in for a cuddle. She scooted over, resting her head in the crook of Finn's neck and letting Finn put his arms around her and hold her tight.

"I'm allowed to get jealous every now and then, aren't I?" Finn said, and Rae could hear the smile on his lips.

"No you're bloody not, not when there's nothing to be jealous of." Rae replied, kissing his neck.

After a while sitting there, propped up against the pillows in silence, Rae said quietly:

"Have I ever told you about the time Chloe and I went swimsuit shopping when we were 16, and the fire alarm went off and I had to go outside…"

"Chloe told the group after it'd happened. What made you think of that?" Finn replied, voice teetering on a whisper.

"Well, Archie came running up whilst I was standing there with nothing but a blow up bloody crocodile to cover my body with, and people were jeering and calling me names in the street, and Big G and those wankers…dya remember them?" Rae tilted her head to look at Finn's profile, noticing how his breathing had become ragged. Finn nodded, his cheek brushing against Rae's forehead.

Rae pressed on in her sleepy voice:

"They were there, the worst ones out of the crowd, as you can imagine, and Archie did nothing to help me, didn't tell them to shut up or anything. I didn't expect him to at the time, and I wouldn't expect him to do it now - I never expect anyone to defend me, but then that time outside the grocers when you stood up for me, when you chased off Big G's gang when they were calling me names in the street…that's when I knew, if there was ever a man for me, you were it, no fucking question. That still hasn't changed to this day. I'm so thankful Archie's gay, truly; I'm thankful everything's gone the way it has, because the thought of some twilight zone bullshit happening that would prevent me from being in your arms right now, from being your girlfriend, well…it makes me cold all over just thinking about it."

Rae shivered in Finn's arms, and Finn held her tighter still, his hand moving up to stroke her hair. He pressed a kiss on her forehead, Rae lifting her face up to meet his lips with her own.

After they laid themselves down, rearranging the pillows and turning off the lamp, Rae smiled as she heard Finn softly snoring behind her, his breath warm on her ear. She closed her own eyes, following suit, hoping she'd put his mind at rest once and for all.


	5. Finn Spin-the-Bottle Scene Thoughts

_Prompt: I'd like to read a fic about Finn's thoughts during the spin the bottle scene. Thanks! =D_

* * *

I'm not nearly drunk enough to be into this shit right now. Why did Chop start this game so early in the night? Although there's a seat next to Rae…that's something at least. The game might not be so boring if she's there to take the piss with. I hope she's cheered up from earlier on…she seemed off with me. Bloody girls, they're a sodding mystery. I can't keep up with their mood swings. I'll test the waters…

"You know he only organises things like this so he can off with someone, don't ya."

She's not looking at me; just staring off into space. Christ, she's giving me the silent treatment now. Perfect.

"Rae? Rae?"

"…What?" She's giving me that same vacant, uninterested look she's been throwing at me all day. What the fuck is going on?

"Seriously, are you deaf?!"

"Chill out…I couldn't hear ya!" Total bullshit.

"Course you could hear me!" I'm not letting this go. Usually I would - if it was anybody else who was disrespecting me like this I wouldn't give two shits, I'd leave them to it, wouldn't even try to talk to them in the first place, but this is Rae. I just want to be her friend…is that really too much to ask? Am I that much of a dick that she doesn't even want to speak to me?

Chop's started the game. I'm sick and tired of this girl being responsible for my mood: I was in control before she came along. Now she's pissed me off…just because she's being a knob to me. I need to get a grip!

That Anna girl keeps staring at me. She's always fancied me. I know what she's up to, but I'm not in the mood for it right now. Got too much on my mind.

I don't fancy kissing a bloke either - wouldn't want to be Archie right now, but I'll stick with the game. Don't want to give Rae the satisfaction of knowing she's pissed me off.

There she goes again, smiling at Archie. So it's definitely not just a bad mood then. She's singling me out. I want to stop her from looking at him like that…

"So, who's this Danny guy then?"

"What's it to you?" Well, it worked, but the chance of her ever smiling at me the way she does at Archie is fading by the second. I'm doomed to always be on the receiving end of sarky Rae. We were starting to get along on the ride to Knebworth…and the way she looked at me when she thanked me before we got in the car…once in a blue moon occurrence, I guess.

"Nowt to me. Just wondering what school he went to or if he's from round here…" Like I really care. I think he's full of shit myself - I just can't see Rae being with a guy like that. Fuck. Here we go again; I really need to stop these flashing thoughts of me and Rae as a couple from popping into my mind. Bury it, Finn…bury it.

"He's not from round here." She's really sick to death of me, and now she's fuckin' lying to me. I give up, can't be assed. I've tried way more than I usually do.

The bottle's pointing to Anna. She is pretty hot, but clearly only has one think on her mind… One trick pony, single track mind. Bit rotten of me to judge her off the bat, but I've known countless girls like her. They're fun for a while, but the novelty wears off…then, what's left? She's ballsy, I give her that. Not exactly subtle. I think I know what's going to happen…

"Go and get me a drink." Look who's interested all of a sudden. Who does she think she is? Does she think she can be horrible to me one minute then expect me to be her sodding slave the next?

"What?"

"Quick, now!" She's not even being polite about it. Sod her.

"Get your own drink."

As predicted, bottle's pointing to me. Well, Rae, you may not like me, but somebody does.

FUCK FUCK FUCK - right, really need to stop thinking about Rae now. I hate my stupid brain - now I can't even kiss a girl without imagining it being…

Fuck putting on a face, I'm in hell. I really needed a friend tonight, of all nights, and I stupidly thought I could confide in Rae about Nan. I thought Rae was the sort of girl who could be there for me, like she's there for everyone else. Everything's so shit.

Sorry Anna, I'm not interested. Don't take it personally, I haven't been interested in any girl since…

Shit, the bottle's pointing at Rae. Not this feeling again…god I hate it…

Didn't Chop say a minute in the landing cupboard? I fucking hate this. The thought of Rae snogging some tosser just a few feet away from me? It might be that bloke over there, it might be Chop! My best mate. Maybe I could stop them somehow if it came to that? Maybe distract Chop with something? Doubt I'd be able to stop Archie; Rae would lamp me if I even tried, by the looks of things. Why she's still into him after how he treated her is beyond me…

Ok, chill out Finn, they're good guys…they're your _friends. _It's only a bit of kissing, it won't mean anything…really wish my face would stop burning now.

Oh fuck…what if it's…

SHIT! I don't know what's worse, the feeling of jealousy or the feeling of intense relief. It's funny how the cheers surrounding me say it all.

Wish my heartbeat would slow down, I can practically feel my ribs vibrate.

I got up a bit fast; shoulda played it cool, it's not like she wants to kiss me anyway…_no matter how much I want to kiss her…_

Ok, walking into the cupboard now…getting into the cupboard with Rae…she's actually followed me in here…_good sign…_

She's really close now, I can smell the lager on her breath…and her shampoo…her lips are right fuckin' there…

But she's so closed off, so tightly wound. She's practically inching away from me.

"Rae…" Why don't you like me, Rae?

"Yeah?" It's like she's scared of me or something. Christ.

"Why're you being such a complete knob'ead to me?" Bit harsh, but Rae can handle it. She's no bullshit, like me.

"Sorry?" She actually looks confused, like she doesn't know what the fuck I'm talking about…

"Did I do something to annoy ya?" There had to be an explanation, _any _explanation…

"No…I just…"

"Then why are you mugging me off all the time? I apologised for being funny when we first met, but that's cos I didn't know ya!" I still don't know her…not as much as I want to…

"Now one minute you're being dead nice to me and the next you're just being totally rude!"

"I'm not trying to be rude…" Need to ignore how she's looking at me right now…she can't just make me forget everything with a look like that…

"Well maybe it just comes naturally to ya!" Christ, she looks dead sad now. Smooth move, Finn, but it's a two way street at the end of the day. I have to look away…just for a second…

"I thought we were getting on!" She at least looks a bit remorseful. I just wish she'd apologise and tell me she didn't mean it…that everything's fine between us…

"30 seconds left love birds!" Fuck off Chop! He's always interrupting everything! Say something Rae…c'mon…

"It's not as simple as that is it…"

"It IS as simple as that, Rae! Either we're friends, or we're not friends!" Just let me be your friend Rae! Let me in! Let me prove to you that I'm not a dick…let me show you who I am…

"Maybe I don't wanna be your friend!" She said that so fast…please tell me I misheard her…

"Ya what?" She didn't say that, surely…

"Maybe…I don't wanna be your friend." Shit. I heard right. But I've done nothing wrong! I've only been nice to her! I apologised to her for the times I haven't been! Is that not enough?

"Why not?" Say something Rae! Give me some fuckin' answers! I wish you didn't drive me so crazy all the time; I wish I didn't spend all my time thinking about you, obsessing over what you think about me…I just want things to be simple. Being your friend would be simple…it would take away a lot of the bullshit…that much I know…

She's not saying anything. That's it then, I guess. This is it. End of the line. Fucking take the message, Finn.

I need to get out of here.


	6. Rae and Finn Encounter Before They Meet

_Prompt: "I reckon he knew her even longer than that, actually." Oh. Please, please, please elaborate that into a fic/one shot/what have you. Please?_

* * *

It's funny the things you forget as you get older, the events that occur that are so insignificant at the time your brain doesn't even register them. 99% of these occurrences happen in the dull, sometimes overwhelming world of secondary school. You encounter so many people in 6 hours, teachers, students, caretakers, lunch ladies, not to mention the amount of mind numbingly boring bullshit you're bombarded with during lessons. For somebody like Finn Nelson, the faster the day was over, the better. The sooner he could get out of the grey, humourless, fascist institution and down to the pub with his friends, the happier he was. He was a troublemaker, but a subtle one. He acted more as an accomplice to the louder, more obvious troublemakers in his year, being an invaluable, key member of any prank, often being the mastermind behind them, but he would let his dumber mates pull them off and more often than not, take the fall. He'd been in detention a few times, but not nearly as much as he should have been.

It was during one particularly soul destroying Wednesday that Finn decided he didn't feel like being subtle. The day before, his scooter had stalled on the way home from school and he lost control, causing him to fall off it and slam into a mound of grass on the side of the road, made muddy by a few hours of hard rain. He kicked the bike away from him, swearing loudly, aggravated even more by the mud in his eyes. He could hear a girl's voice next to him as he got on his hands and knees. "Shit…are you ok?"

He knelt up, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand but only making his vision worse. He'd already felt embarrassed and didn't want anybody to see him like this, let alone someone he couldn't even see properly enough to size up. He snapped at whoever it was: "I'm alright! Leave me alone." a pain in his arm contributing to his quick temper.

"Fine then!" He heard the girl say in a sarky tone, and he cradled his arm in his hand, examining it, before returning his sleeve to his face to try and wipe his eyes once more. He felt the girl shove a tissue into his hand, before hearing her walk off in a huff. He took off his helmet, with some difficulty, wiping his eyes with the tissue before turning to see who the girl was. He only caught a glimpse of dark hair before she turned a corner, and he dimly recognised her as the large girl from the year below him. He didn't know who she was, but some of his rougher mates would take the piss out of her when they felt like it. Finn never joined in, seeing the act of bullying girls the lowest of the low, but he never helped her, either. He suddenly felt bad, and made a mental note to ditch those lads before the year was out. He doubted those particular blokes would make it into 6th form, anyway. Apologies weren't his style, so he didn't go after her, and any dim inclination to do so was marred by the persistant pain in his arm.

That pain carried on into the next day, and he'd hardly slept the night before. His temper was frayed, and he took it out on every teacher he encountered throughout the day. When he wasn't swinging on his chair, or chattering loudly with his friends, he was throwing papers across the room and laughing loudly at his friends' antics. He was surprised that it took as long as the end of third period to be given detention, knowing he was pushing everyone to their limit. He didn't care, the throbbing in his arm a constant reminder of the grand scheme of things. School was bullshit, and if it wasn't for his surprising academic ability and the encouragement and unfaltering expectations of his parents, he'd leave school as soon as humanly possible.

When 3:30 came around he took the all familiar route to Mr Grosvenor's office, clenching and unclenching his fist. The pain was getting worse, and he knew he'd have to eventually swallow his pride and go to the doctors to get it checked out. When he entered the room, he saw the dark haired girl that had helped him the day before already sitting in there, hair ruffled with a face like thunder, Tracy Harris sitting at a desk beside her, looking impossibly smug. Tracy looked up and gave Finn a flirtatious smile, Finn shooting back a quick wink before he signed in at the front desk. He sat behind Tracy, waiting for the Geography teacher Mrs Pope, who was taking detention, to look away before scribbling a note on a scrap piece of paper.

_Walk you home?_ it read, and he nudged Tracy's shoulder, who subtly pulled the note from his outstretched hand. She passed back the same note with_Sure._ written on the back. Finn was sure they'd find something to do to temporarily distract him from the pain, he thought with a smirk.

The dark haired girl had taken out a book, and Finn wondered why she was in here. He'd see her sometimes in the library when he'd go in there to meet girls to make-out with behind the bookshelves. She was always reading or writing; she struck him as a nerd and perhaps a goody two-shoes, so her being here of all places was odd. Finn's eyes lingered on a pretty nasty looking scratch on the girl's neck. She didn't recognise him from the day before, and if she did, she was ignoring him.

"Don't you have any homework to be getting on with, Mr Nelson?" Mrs Pope piped up, making Finn let out a sigh before pulling out his notepad from his bag. He began to doodle, trying his best to daydream the time away. He wondered how far he could get with Tracy later on, before his mind settled on the end of year prank. He still needed to come up with something, as his friends' ideas were all bollocks.

His thoughts were interrupted by Mrs Pope's voice: "Are you two girls ready to apologise to each other?"

The dark haired girl sighed, giving Tracy a look of contempt. Tracy didn't look back, instead tilting her head and twirling her long blonde hair in her fingers.

"I must say, I'm surprised at you Miss Earl. Your behaviour was completely out of character. - Yes, can I help you?" Finn realised he'd been gawking at the back of the dark haired girl's head, curious to know what she'd done. He looked back down quickly, but his ears stayed pricked and he continued to listen in.

"She started it!" 'Miss Earl' said, voice ladened with attitude. Finn chanced a glance at Tracy, who was smirking a bit too proudly for his liking. Like all the girls Finn planned to get off with, he didn't know her well, but he could tell which girls thought he was fit and if they were attractive enough, he'd give 'em a go.

"I don't care who started it, I only care about my students being civilised and professional. I want you both to apologise to each other. Once you do, you can go."

'Miss Earl' let out another huff, and Finn could see her look at Tracy from the corner of his eye. "Sorry." She said quietly, after a minute or two.

"Miss Harris?" Mrs Pope said, voice booming across the silent room.

"Sorry." Tracy sang, not looking this Earl girl in the eye.

"Right, that'll do. My husband's playing rugby tonight and I don't plan on missing the match. You can all go." Mrs Pope said, already packing her bags.

The dark haired girl left as quickly as possible, Tracy smirking in her wake. Finn met Tracy outside the classroom.

"How did you get that girl into trouble, then?" Finn asked as they exited the school, the 'lad' inside him screaming: "DOES IT EVEN MATTER?! SNOG HER FACE OFF!" but the other parts of him needing to know. Something that set Finn apart from a lot of his friends was his moral compass. It may not have always pointed north, but Finn had his standards.

Tracy shrugged, and Finn could almost sense what she was going to say before she even said it. "She was annoying me and Jessica, so we put her in her place. She didn't like it, so she went for me. Had a bit of a cat fight outside C block. I'm sure the lads watching would've loved it if that girl was even remotely attractive." She curled her lip as she finished her sentence, and Finn almost wanted to tell her how she'd immediately destroyed any interest he had in her with those few words. That would change her face, for sure. 'Put her in her place'? Ok then.

Instead of saying anything, he simply stopped outside the front gate and lit a fag, walking in what he hoped was the opposite direction to wherever Tracy lived. He was pleased when she didn't follow. "Excuse me, I thought you were walking me home?" she called after him, trying to sound sultry but coming off as desperate. Finn shrugged, letting out a "Not anymore." alongside the smoke leaving his lips. "Didn't count you for a gayer, Finn…" he heard her say, and he smiled to himself, glad he hurt her pride a bit.

Finn would see the dark haired girl around school every now and then, mostly in the library, but he didn't think of her much after those two days. He had other fish to fry, football matches to play, pranks to plan, girls to cop off with, and school work to be begrudgingly getting on with. Although he didn't think of her much, he did notice when she'd gone, a tiny part of his brain registering her absence much like you'd notice the sudden absence of a neighbour across the street. An inexplicable part of him hoped she hadn't done anything…drastic. He remembered watching an episode of Grange Hill where a boy got bullied so bad he nearly hung himself. He put the thought to the back of his mind as soon as he thought it, assuming instead that she'd moved away.

He didn't count on seeing her again, until one sunny day when he was riding around with his friends, some old, some quite new, stopping on a junction so Chloe could speak to someone. He'd turned to find, silhouetted by the sun, the missing dark haired girl who he'd forgotten the last name of. There wasn't a hint of recognition for him in her features, which was fine as Finn had all but forgotten their brief encounter. He realised later, when Chloe brought her to the pub and he finally learned her name ('May', was it?) that he may very well be seeing a lot more of this girl in the future. He wasn't sure how he felt about that.

* * *

It would be years later, when Rae and Finn were in Lincolnshire visiting Chop and Izzy, who had just welcomed their first baby boy into the world, that Finn would recognise Tracy in the street, pushing her own pram, a boy of 7 or 8 walking beside her. Rae was busy chatting to an old acquaintance of hers (showing off her engagement ring, yet again) and the memory of he and Rae sharing detention came seeping back to him like water rushing over a dried up lake. A phantom pain hit his arm as if to remind him of the day before. He wanted to tell Rae, but didn't know how. His new found knowledge seemed almost pointless to retell. He wondered if Rae realised he was the boy who's hand she stuffed that tissue into all those years ago, before they even knew each other properly. He thought he'd better keep it to himself as his own silent secret.

"Oh god, look who it is! Do you remember her? She was such a cow to me at school." Rae whispered to Finn, jerking her head over to Tracy on the other side of the road. "Wonder what she'd say if she found out I'm going to be marrying the fittest guy in school." she continued, wiggling her eyebrows at Finn, who laughed. "Don't even think about it." He said, eyebrows raised. Rae pouted. "Please!" Finn shook his head. "She's not worth it, Rae Rae." he said, pulling his fiancé away. Rae sighed. "Alright then. You always spoil my fun."


	7. First Time Continuation

_Prompt: "Can you do a continuation of the Rae/Finn first time drabble? Like them afterwards talking about it?"_

(_A follow on from chapter 3. Summary of first part: Finn gets into a fight with a gang of thugs who are insulting Rae. They get back to his place and she nearly breaks up with him because she feels guilty, but they make love for the first time instead.) _

* * *

"Are you alright?" Rae whispered, gently running her fingers across Finn's bruised abdomen as he lay next to her on his side. He nodded slowly, groaning as he shifted himself, his lips dark and his fringe slightly damp. "You?" he asked, reaching his hand across to stroke Rae's bear shoulder, inching closer to her. Rae's fingers moved up and she began idly stroking Finn's chest with her finger tips. She felt a smile spread across her face, nodding back.

"I didn't…" Finn said in a near whisper. He swallowed. "It didn't hurt too much, did it?" His eyes swept over Rae's body. Rae thought back - it did hurt, yes, but she was too overwhelmed by everything to really notice. She always feared that the first time with Finn would be cold and awkward, and sure, there had been moments where Rae wasn't sure what to do, letting the more experienced Finn guide her where necessary, but overall it had been a comfortable experience for her. She tried to think back, tried to pinpoint specific moments, but she could only recall his hands on her skin, the areas of which still burned, but more than anything else she remembered the look in Finn's eyes when he entered her for the first time. Their noses had touched as he rested his forehead on hers momentarily, moving his hand to push the hair from her face as he pulled back, an almost apologetic look on his features as Rae's eyes watered, clamping shut. Finn had been so gentle, taking things slow, and when the initial pain had subsided she began to feel great…really great. When Finn was satisfied she was no longer in pain, he quickened his pace, and everything became a blur of moaning and heavy breathing until the final moment. Rae didn't quite 'get there', but she didn't mind. That was just something else to look forward to.

"Didn't hurt as much as being punched." Rae said, trying to keep the mood light. The bruise on Finn's cheek had become more angry, and she assumed the bruise on hers was the same. He didn't smile, struggling to find a sense of humour when it came to his girlfriend being lamped in the face by a scumbag. After staring at each other in silence for a while, Finn's eyes drooping every now and then, he said:

"I thought I lost you there for a bit." He let out a small huff of laughter through his nose, but he kept the serious look in his eye.

Rae shook her head against the pillow, taking Finn's hand from her shoulder into her own. "I'm sorry. I'll never pull that shit again, promise." she whispered, feeling a tear trickle down her nose. She looked at Finn's hand, his fingers lacing with hers. In that moment she couldn't begin to comprehend the thought of dumping him. Having him make love to her made her realise, finally, that she was the only one who could make him happy. The memory of the adoration in Finn's gaze, how turned on he looked as he caressed her folds and dimples in his hands - she may not have understood it, but he loved the eyeballs out of her, and nobody else would ever compare for him. Why should she deny herself happiness? She was so lucky to have found the love of her life at the age of 16, and she could see, she could bloody SEE that they'd be able to make it, that whatever it was that they shared between them was special and rare beyond words.

"I couldn't live without ya, Rae. You know that don't ya." Finn whispered, making Rae meet his gaze.

"You won't have to, not if I can help it. You're stuck with me." she concluded, with a toothy smile. Finn finally let a smile appear on his own lips. He leaned over, kissing Rae gently.

"Ow! Fuck." He slumped back, holding his ribs.

"Jesus; that nurse was full of shit." Rae said, propping herself up on her elbow, the ache in her groin becoming more apparent as she did so. They were in such a mess, the pair of them.

"Well, I bet she didn't think I'd go home and immediately start shagging my girlfriend." Finn said, with another huff of laughter. His furrowed brow eased slightly. Rae let out a small giggle, feeling her cheeks burn up. She chanced a look down, noticing a little bit of blood on Finn's duvet. She gingerly reached for her pants on the floor (which she thanked her lucky stars were black), slipping them on, making a mental note to wash Finn's bedding at the nearest opportunity, preferably without his parents clocking on. Finn's eyes were closed, and Rae realised he was falling asleep. She leaned over, resting her head on his shoulder gently, whispering in his ear: "What time are your parents home?" She landed a kiss on his shoulder, watching as his eyes sprang open. "What time is it?" he asked, Rae looking over to the clock by his bed. "Nearly 3." she said, returning to her previous position. Finn linked his arm around her, holding her close.

"Dad'll be home in about half an hour, I reckon. Mum's not home 'til 6." Finn's voice was deep and she could feel the vibrations of his vocal chords reverberate through her cheeks. She let herself lay there in his arms for 10 minutes more, listening to the sound of his breathing and playing dot to dot with the freckles on his skin, before she sat up, her limbs aching. Finn moaned slightly, pulling her back on her first attempt, making her laugh. She managed to make it the second time. "C'mon. We need to hide the evidence. Your Dad's already going to have a fit at the sight of us. We don't need him to know we've been at it as well. Finn…Finn!" she nudged his shoulder, Finn batting her away.

"Go and get a shower and I'll clean this place up, alright?"

Finn let out another moan, looking at Rae through half closed eyelids. Rae stood up, putting on her clothes, almost falling over pulling her jeans up. Finn watched, smiling before slowly getting up himself, limbs creaking. He seemingly didn't notice the patch of blood on the bedding, and if he did, he didn't mention it. He waited for Rae's head to pop through her t-shirt before kissing her once more. "Yes, dear." he mocked with a grin. Rae watched him as he left the room, safe in the knowledge that she could never, EVER get sick of looking at Finn's naked arse.

Not wasting any time, she stripped Finn's duvet, not before spotting the used condom on the floor by the bed. Taking both downstairs, keeping an eye out for Finn's Dad, she binned the condom and grabbed a washing up bowl, remembering an old trick her Mum taught her to remove stains. She could hear the shower running, realising she'd paused momentarily to daydream about how sexy Finn must be looking at that moment, all wet and lathery, before snapping back to reality to look for the washing up liquid.

Whilst she was in the middle of scrubbing the stain, her plan to have the duvet in the washing machine was foiled as he heard Finn's Dad come through the front door. Before she had time to do anything, he'd entered the kitchen in his dust and paint covered overalls, chucking his car keys on the side.

"Alright love!" He smiled as he clocked Rae. "Bloody hell…what happened to you?!" Rae stood gawking, Finn's duvet still in her hands. She glanced at it before returning her wide eyed gaze to Steve. "Erm…don't panic. We're fine…" she said, voice shrill.

"We? Who's we?" Steve said, face racked with concern. Almost as if on que, Rae heard Finn call "Dad?" from the stairs, before joining them, thankfully fully clothed, drying his hair with a towel. Steve's eyes stretched to the size of saucers. "Christ alive! Finn, what's been going on?"

Rae couldn't believe how calm Finn was being, seemingly letting Rae have all the stress to herself. Finn limped slightly, sitting on a stool at the middle island. Rae returned her attention to the duvet, letting Finn recount the events of the day to his Dad. When most of the stain had gone, she pushed the duvet into the washing machine, catching her reflection in the kitchen mirror. Her hair was everywhere and her clothes were ruffled and creased. She subtly flattened her hair, joining Finn and Steve at the table as Finn finished telling his Dad about Rae bringing him to the hospital. Just when Rae thought she was off the hook, Steve faced her after expressing his relief at them both being alright.

"What happened to Finn's duvet, then?"

Rae and Finn shared a fearful glance, before Rae plastered on her best nonchalant act. "I err…I was hungry so I got a burger on the way back and got some ketchup on Finn's bed. Sorry. I got the stain out, though." Finn nodded, smiling at his Dad awkwardly. Steve nodded slowly, looking back at Rae. They sat in silence with nothing but the whir of the washing machine surrounding them.

"Anyway, I, uh, better go. I've got to go shopping for Mum." Rae stood up, heading to the front door. Finn stood too, ready to follow her.

"Do you want a lift home?" Steve asked, Rae shaking her head. "No thanks. I could do with the walk."

"Wait a sec Rae…" Steve said, heading to the freezer and pulling out a frozen slab of meat and putting it in a tupperware box.

"Put this on your face when you get home." He said with a warm smile, giving it to Rae.

"Thanks." she smiled, looking at Finn before heading to the door.

Finn kissed Rae deeply as she stood on his doorstep.

"Do you think he's onto us?" Rae whispered.

Finn shook his head, smiling at Rae, eyes soft. Rae smiled back, looking down coyly. Finn kissed the bruise on her face once more.

"I'll call you later, yeah?" he said, Rae nodding as she stepped down onto the street. As she made her way down his drive, she heard him call her name once more. She turned, watching as he made his way towards her.

"I uhh…I love ya." he said when he'd reached her, throwing her a goofy grin. Rae let out a laugh. "I love ya too, you soppy twat." With that, she gave him another quick kiss before setting off, Finn watching her as she walked down his street. She'd look behind her every now and then, sharing embarrassed smiles with her slowly disappearing boyfriend. She did need to the walk home, mainly to enjoy the sudden enhancement of everything around her, the smell of the freshly mown grass, the sound of birds singing, the cool breeze on her face soothing her tender cheek. An overwhelming need to shower and sleep overtook her and she groaned at the prospect of having to relay the days events to her Mum.

None of mattered though, not really. She'd just had sex for the first time with the hottest bloke in all of Lincolnshire and probably the world. As far as she was concerned, she was now ready for anything.


	8. Finn Tells Rae Why He Loves Her

_Prompt: "You should do one on Finn telling Rae why he loves her."_

* * *

Rae and Finn had an unspoken agreement that he didn't need to do a speech at their wedding reception. They weren't an overly slushy couple, Rae being the sort of no nonsense woman that didn't need public declarations of undying love or red roses at the end of her bed every day to keep her happy. She knew Finn loved her, never doubting it for a second in the 11 years they'd been a couple, and she had never to that day forced him to do anything he didn't want to do, which was helped by the fact that they liked doing a lot of the same things, anyway. They both knew they couldn't stop Chop, however, who was still a gob shite. Despite all the male friends Finn had made over the years, choosing his best man had been a doddle; it always had to be his oldest, best mate.

So it was now, with everybody settled into the large, modestly decorated function room, that Chop was currently turning the air blue with his speech, warning his wife to cover the ears of their eldest child beforehand. He was having everyone in fits of laughter, even the older generation, who were finding his anecdotes and 'bedroom advice' hilarious. Rae would shoot Chop a mock glare every now and then between peels of laughter, thanking her lucky stars she'd worn waterproof mascara. She had shed a few tears at the ceremony, but was glad that she'd kept her composure for the most part. When Chop had finished, Rae wiped her eyes on the napkin on the table in front of her, grinning at Finn who was also red in the face from laughing. Turning to speak to her maid of honour, she didn't notice her husband stand up, taking the mic from Chop. She heard him clear his throat into the mic, turning and looking up at him in delighted surprise.

"Alright Rae Rae?" He smiled down at her, making her throw back an unheard "Alright?" to him, eyes wide.

He addressed the guests. "Nobody was expecting me to do a speech tonight, least of all Rae, but, I'm not one for doing what's expected, am I?" Rae shook her head, a tear escaping and falling on her cheek. She had a feeling that wouldn't be the only one she'd shed in the next few minutes.

She watched as he took some que cards from his inside pocket, his hands shaking slightly. He'd had a few, but was still coherent enough to follow the prompts he'd written out for himself.

He coughed, his voice shaking ever so slightly, but he kept his cool. "I met Rae when she was 16 and I was 17; we'd been at the same school together, but, I didn't know her until Chloe -" He paused to point at Chloe who was sitting at a nearby table, arm threaded through her boyfriends'. She unlinked it to raise her hands, smiling as her friends cheered and whooped. "- introduced her to me and my mates. We didn't get off to the best start, did we…" Rae shook her head, beaming and mouthing "No."

"…Nah, we didn't get on at first. She thought I was a moody, vain knob-head and I thought she was a sarky, rude know-it-all…" everyone laughed, including Rae who cringed along with it. "But there was something about her, even at the rocky beginning, that got under my skin, and I couldn't quite shake her off, no matter how hard I tried." He pushed the first que card to the back of the pile. "I'd never met a girl like her; she was completely different to any other lass I'd come across. She had killer taste in music, even though I'd never admit it to her face, she was loud, she didn't give a shit - sorry kiddies! - she was hilarious…" he beamed down widely at Rae, who was blushing furiously. "…and although she didn't think so at the time, I thought she was a total knock out…but then somebody got to her first, didn't they." He looked at Archie, eyebrows raised. Izzy laughed and Chop booed, Archie pointing to himself with a smug expression on his face. He mouthed "Me" to the rest of the guests before laughing along with everyone else.

"But as you can see…" He gestured to himself and Rae. "…things didn't quite work out for them, and a few weeks later she came running into my arms, where she has always and will always belong." There was a catch in his throat and he looked down at Rae amidst the 'awws' of the crowd, Chop letting out a whistle. Tears were running over Rae's cheeks thick and fast. He moved another que card to the back of the pile. "She is still all those things I fell in love with when I was 17, and so much more. She's kind, generous, selfless, hard working, ambitious, sharp as knives, patient, fun, ballsy - I mean, I could go on but I reckon you all need the loo don't ya, so…" He shrugged and there was another smattering of laughter. Rae was wiping her eyes with her hands. "…and she is, as you can see, still a knock out." He gestured to her and she gave a playful wink as the lads in the crowd hollered. Finn moved another que card to the back of the pile. "But the thing I love most about Rae is how alike we are. We were scarily similar when we first got together, and that hasn't changed in 11 years. As we've grown and evolved, so have our passions, and we still to this day make perfect sense." Rae was still balling, trying desperately to compose herself but failing entirely. "So, I just wanted to thank ya, Rachel Nelson, for marrying me today, for being everything I've ever wanted and for making me happier than I ever thought possible. I'll look forward to spending the rest of my life with ya." His voice broke again and he was misting up. Rae stood up and kissed him, Finn placing the microphone and the que cards on the table and holding her close. When they parted, Rae whispered "Love you." Finn kissing her again in response. The crowd all clapped and whistled. As they made their way to sit back down, Archie stood up, a bit pissed and shouted "Forget him Rae! It's me that you want!" making Rae and Finn laugh. Archie ran over to Rae, giving her a peck on the lips, Rae playfully slapping his shoulder as he made his way back to his seat, Finn grinning at the pair of them.

"I can't believe you just did that." Rae said to Finn, awe struck and red eyed.

"I probably sounded like a right knob, but…I'm glad I did it." Finn said.

"You didn't sound like a knob at all. It was perfect. Thank you." Rae pecked Finn once again. She felt like she was floating.

"Nice one Finny boy!" Chop yelled, slapping Finn's shoulder, and Rae smiled at Izzy who had also been crying. "Now, we need more champagne Raemundo! When's the bar opening?"


	9. Happy Pregnancy Scare

_Prompt: gonna sound like a strange request but can you do a short fic where rae and finn have pregnancy scare (but a happy one not one where finn goes crazy or gets upset ha ha)_

* * *

"She's absolutely gorgeous." Rae said to Izzy, reaching out to gently stroke little Valerie's head, the downy tufts of red hair soft under her fingers. Izzy beamed down at the baby girl in her arms, Chop sitting in a nearby armchair, bouncing the five year old Cameron on his knee, grinning at them. Izzy went to take a seat on the sofa, Rae going to join Finn in the kitchen, eyes fixed on the baby as she made her way to leave.

"I can't find the bloody teabags…" Finn said as Rae walked in. Rae found them instantly, picking them up from beside the bread bin and giving them to her husband. "Wait until you see that baby girl. She is an absolute cracker." she said to him, smiling at his profile. Finn gave her a quick grin as he popped the teabags in the four mugs on the tray in front of him. Finn had instantly offered to make the tea, walking in to a full house, as always. "I bet she is." he said, opening the top cupboard to look for sugar. Before Rae could begin to help him, she heard a cry from upstairs.

"I'll see to him." she called into the living room as she made her way to the staircase.

"Cheers m'dear." Chop replied.

Rae got to Joe and Cameron's bedroom, the two year old Joe standing up in his cot, fully clothed.

"What's going on here then, ay?" Rae said gently, picking the boy up and bouncing him in her arms. He wiped his eyes sleepily, his nose wet with snot. Rae picked out a tissue from her pocket, wiping his nose clean.

"Do you want to come downstairs and see Mummy and Daddy?" she said to him, Joe nodding in response, resting his head on Rae's shoulder and holding her tighter to him. Rae's heart skipped as it always did, and she felt the familiar rush of love and affection that she felt for all of Chop and Izzy's children. Eager to spend some more time with the new arrival, she went downstairs, her heart warming further still when she saw Valerie in Finn's arms as she re-entered the living room. He was sitting next to Izzy on the sofa, looking up at Rae and Joe briefly before returning his soft gaze to the little bundle he was holding. Rae's heart melted, as it always did when she saw Finn holding a baby, or playing with children. He was so brilliant with them, she thought, like Chop - never afraid to get scrappy, a firm believer in giving children freedom to be adventurous. He was a little more cautious than Chop, however, always stopping if the kids got too overexcited.

They all sat in the living room catching up, Rae's eyes often lingering on Finn as he tenderly stroked Valerie's nose, completely engrossed. Izzy noticed her gaze and asked the question she always did…

"So…when are you two going to start having kiddies of your own then, ay?"

Finn looked up at Rae, sharing a small smile with her. They hadn't talked about having children up to that point, both caught up in their individual careers, Rae working as a book editor and Finn working as a sound engineer at an indie record label, barely finding the time to spend together as it was, caught up in the hectic rhythm of London life. Rae couldn't deny, she'd wanted a child, and it was at times like this that the desire came to the fore-front of her mind. Whenever they came back home to visit family and friends, the newlyweds had time to think and reflect, and she knew what Finn was thinking as he gazed over at her, both of them holding small children.

"As soon as possible." Finn said, his smile widening. Rae mirrored him before looking down at Joe, who was sucking his thumb.

"You serious?" Chop said, with a wide grin, Cameron tugging on his oil stained t-shirt. Izzy let out a happy squeal, clapping her hands together. "When did you decide this?" she asked, looking over at Rae wide eyed.

"Just now." Rae said with a laugh.

"It's about bloody time! What's wrong wi' ya man? Get impregnatin', pronto!" Chop shouted over to Finn, pointing at Rae.

"I would, Chop, but I think I'll let you be the one to traumatise your kids, if ya haven't already." Finn replied, Izzy giggling as she reached for her mug.

"I'll give ya some tips when the girls aren't knockin' about. Got a few tricks up ma sleeve when it comes t' shooting the ammo from the cannon." Chop said with a wink, making Rae and Finn laugh and Izzy put a hand to her face in amused embarrassment. "Jesus, Arnie!" she said quietly, her face turning the same shade as her hair.

"Nah mate, nah it's fine; you already taught me how to use a pea shooter in primary so…I think you've already given me the full picture of your sexual prowess." Finn said with a toothy grin, Chop flipping him the bird. Valerie began to cry at the sound sound of Izzy and Rae's laughter, Finn giving her back to her Mum.

After talking for a few hours more, Rae and Finn said their goodbyes.

"Just to think - next time we see each other, you might have a bun in the oven!" Izzy said, smiling up at Rae and rubbing her stomach, gently. Rae laughed, bringing in Izzy for a tight hug. Finn and Chop finished their conversation, hugging and slapping each others backs, Chop making his way to Rae to peck her on the lips and hug her tight.

"Make me proud, lover boy." Chop shouted, slapping Finn on the bum as he and Rae made their way to their car. "If Raemundo's not up the duff by next week, you're no longer a man in my eyes." It was Finn's turn to flip Chop the bird as he opened the driver's side door, Rae throwing her head back to laugh once more as she got into the car beside him.

As they drove away, Rae looked at Finn, her grin faltering slightly.

"Finn…were you being serious earlier on? Do you really wanna try for a baby?" she said, struggling to read his expression in the twilight.

Finn was silent for a few moments, and any doubts Rae had were erased at the same time. She knew, as if she was flipping a coin, what she wanted the verdict to be. She was ready. They were ready, she knew it - and they'd waited long enough. They were financially stable enough to go for it; they could even move out of London, buy a house somewhere quiet. Rae could work from home and Finn could open the studio he'd always dreamed about, commuting to work in the meantime. They were 28 and 29 respectively, and Rae didn't want to get much older before they had their first child, wanting to see as much of the growing up process as possible.

She waited with bated breath, hoping that Finn wasn't having sudden doubts. Maybe he didn't want children? Maybe he just wanted to adopt a load of dogs or something? Maybe he secretly wanted to be a dog trainer, entering his 8 dogs into yearly dog shows.

"Finn?" Rae prodded, starting to get panicky. Maybe talking to him about it in the car wasn't the best idea. After what seemed like an eternity, Finn replied, calmly:

"Yeah, I were serious. I think we're ready for it." Finn said with a confident nod. "D-d'you think we're ready?" he said, turning jerkily to Rae before facing the road once more.

Rae smiled, nodding. "Definitely. Being with Chop and Izzy's kids today made me realise how much I want one of our own."

"You looked dead broody holding Joey today. He adores ya." Finn said, pulling into the car park of their B&B.

"What about you with Valerie? You're a bloody natural, you are!" Rae replied, Finn smiling at her as he took the keys from the ignition. He carried on gazing at his wife in silence, letting their decision settle a little more over them both. After a minute or two, Rae asked: "What're you thinking about?"

Finn met her gaze, a cheeky grin spreading over his lips. "I'm wonderin' how thick the walls of our room are." he replied, eyebrows wiggling. Rae laughed, leaning over to kiss Finn adoringly over the gear shift.

* * *

Rae considered going down the popular route of painstakingly planning sex with Finn based on her ovulation dates, but as they were used to being at it like rabbits with respectable regularity, she decided to go down the old school route and just let it happen when it happened. They'd both agreed not to make too many future plans until Rae finally fell pregnant, not wanting to jinx anything.

What aggravated the couple the most was the false alarms. Rae had sworn several times that she'd felt pregnant, having what she deemed 'odd cravings' and feelings of nausea, but they would always find themselves disappointed after the tense minute of waiting for the pregnancy test to reveal the result.

"Fuck." Rae would say, Finn giving her a comforting kiss on her forehead, his face slackening, discouraged.

Chop's less than savoury advice did little to help, nor did the book of 'optimum positions' Izzy sent them through the post. They tried everything; changes in diet, increased exercise, all the sexual positions ever invented - Finn had already quit smoking 6 years prior, so that wasn't an issue, nor was Rae's size, as she was at a healthy weight.

At the 7 month mark, they both had fertility tests, both frustrated further to find they were both in tip-top baby making condition.

"What are we doing wrong, then?" Rae asked as they left the clinic hand in hand.

"We've only been trying for a few months. It'll happen." Finn said, rubbing Rae's index finger with his thumb.

As time whizzed by, they began to bicker more and more, both blaming each other in weaker moments. They were both exhausted, trying to remember a life that consisted of more than just work and shagging. When it got to the 15 month mark, they were at the end of their tether, both deciding to take a break from trying. They were terrified to find that they no longer found sex as fun as they used to - it had become a chore, a job that needed to be done, and they both agreed that they needed to take a step back so they didn't kill each other. It did them good, spending some time apart, Finn going on a lad's holiday and Rae spending time alone with her friends.

After they'd reunited, they gradually began to remember how they were before they started trying for a baby. The old Rae and Finn were still there, but they were buried under piles and piles of 'How to Conceive' self help books. They found themselves back in their old routine, their plan to have a child pushed to the back burner temporarily as they regained their energy and sanity.

It all came screaming back to the surface, however, when Rae received a call from a delighted Chloe.

"Rae, is Finn there? I have some wonderful news!" She sounded close to tears, and Rae looked over to Finn as he sat watching TV, already guessing what the news would be.

"Yeah, he's here, hang on a minute." Rae beckoned Finn over to her, clicking the speaker phone button.

"I'm pregnant! Just found out this morning!" Chloe sang, Rae's breath hitching slightly as she did so.

"That's amazin', Chloe, congratulations!" Finn replied, trying to gauge Rae's reaction. She tried to smile, but it didn't quite get there, her cheeks quivering slightly and her eyes glossy.

"I can't believe it! I was going to wait until you came back to tell ya, but I couldn't wait that long, ya know." Chloe's voice continued to fill the room. Finn touched Rae's back gently, bringing her back to reality. After she came to herself, she added her own congratulations, trying to keep her voice as happy as possible.

"I'm so happy for ya, Chlo; I didn't even know you and Jason were trying!" She managed to keep the quiver in her throat at bay, and Finn continued to look at her uncomfortably.

"We weren't, well, considering Jason's already got children we didn't really plan on having one of our own, but, it just happened I guess!" she trilled, and Rae nodded, knowingly, an ironic smile appearing. 'Things never change.' she thought to herself.

"Listen, I can't stay on the phone long. Jase's parents are coming round and we're going to tell them the news as well. Make sure you two visit us soon, yeah? I miss you so much." she buzzed.

"We will, don't worry." Finn said with a smile. "We miss you too." Rae forced out. She was happy for Chloe, truly, but her happiness was hiding behind a bucket load of misery and regret.

"I'll speak to you both soon. Bye!" Chloe rang off, leaving Finn and Rae to stand in stony silence.

Finn broke it by sighing, walking away and linking his fingers over his head. Turning back to Rae, hands dropping by his sides, he asked: "You alright?"

Rae let out a small huff of laughter, shaking her head, still looking down at the phone.

"I don't know what you want me to say, Rae, I mean, we tried…we really fuckin' tried and it just didn't happen. Maybe we weren't meant to…" he trailed off, not wanting to finish the sentence. Frustration began to brew inside him as he watched Rae's eyes squeeze shut, pushing out thick tears as she moved the post it notes around the table with her finger.

"Stop comparing yourself to Chloe - I know what you're thinking, I know ya. You're going to take this and add it to the very long list of stuff she's beat ya to, well don't fuckin' think about it, alright?" Finn's voice was tinged with anger, and Rae wiped her eyes, composing herself instantly. She turned, ready for the row she knew was coming. It escalated quickly, the subject changing from Chloe to yet more accusations of why it hadn't worked for them, mad, irrational speculations thrown between them as to what went wrong. Finn accused Rae of working too hard, saying stress probably had a lot to do with nothing happening. Rae accused Finn of losing interest in the idea, saying she didn't think his heart was truly in it, that he was having second thoughts. The fight continued until they were practically screaming in each other's faces, their anger no doubt partly fuelled by the fact that they hadn't had sex in 4 months. As the barbs began to reach their peak, Finn found himself gripping Rae's head in his hands and pulling her towards him, smashing her lips against his mid-speech, her already open mouth closing around his hungrily. Pushing her up against the wall, she let out a moan every time he knocked her against it, Finn not sure whether to push her back or pull her to him. She took fistfuls of his shirt in her hands, gasping for air as Finn pulled away to kiss and bite her neck. Meeting her lips again, Finn pulled her from the wall to manoeuvre her to - somewhere, anywhere - the phone falling to the floor, cord linked around Rae's ankle. Undeterred, Finn pushed away the papers and books that had been strewn over the kitchen table where Rae was working earlier, Rae pulling off his shirt as he laid her down onto it. He knelt over her, breaking from her lips to pull her shirt off, undoing her trousers and practically ripping them from her, Rae gripping onto the sides of the table to stop herself from sliding off. Unbuckling his trousers, Finn wasted no time, their already loud moans only increasing in volume as Finn began to fuck her, fast and hard, the polished wood squeaking against Rae's skin. In those few minutes, all thoughts of ovulation kits, self help books, home remedies, viagra and loose fitting boxers left both their minds, replaced only with the feel of each other and thoughts of how much they'd missed _this_, how they missed sex actually being fun, missed the times where they would crave each other like a niggling itch that desperately needed to be scratched. They didn't know what was worse; sex as a necessity or no sex at all.

They were tired of arguing over nothing, tired of the eternal elephant in the room and Finn wanted to erase their problems with every kiss and bite he landed on Rae's pale skin. He knew however, deep down that the only way they could truly solve their current problem was by him giving her a child, and he resolved to make it happen by any means necessary as he plunged his hand into Rae's hair, feeling her grip on his back tighten as she came, blissfully deafened by her cries.

They'd set their heart on being parents and Finn knew they'd be amazing ones. He imagined how perfect a Mum Rae would be, how her generosity, kindness and care would translate beautifully into how she'd be with their future child. These were his thoughts before he followed suit, his sweaty brow pressing against Rae's fore-head, trying to remember the last time he felt so good. The stuttered moan he let out echoed around the flat, only the sound of their heavy panting and the gentle ringing of the hanging wine glasses following it.

After a few minutes of interspersed kisses, Finn holding himself inside Rae, stroking her damp hair, Rae let out a small "Sorry." idly stroking Finn's back. Finn let out a small laugh through his nose, grinning down at his wife, eyes scanning her face. "Me too." he said, kissing her once more.

"I don't mind if it never happens for us, Finn. I can live with it, honestly. Don't think for one second that you're not enough for me, cos you are. I'm so lucky to have ya." Rae whispered, her breath warming Finn's nose.

"It'll happen, Rae, I know it. We've got options, ya know?" Finn said, combing her hair between his digits. Rae nodded up at him, smiling. He begrudgingly pulled away from her, stepping onto the ground and looking at the carnage they'd caused. Rae propped herself up on her elbows, surveying the damage for herself with a smirk.

"Was that stuff important?" Finn asked bashfully, gesturing to the papers all over the floor around them.

"Yeah, but, who cares." Rae said, shrugging. Finn started to pick up the papers before Rae stopped him, taking his hand and leading him to the bathroom for a shower.

* * *

Finn awoke two days later to an empty space next to him. He checked the time, gazing sleepily at the clock on Rae's bedside table. 8:30 am. He could dimly hear Rae pottering around in the bathroom, sitting up and rubbing his eyes with his knuckles. Finn wondered why she was up so early on a Sunday, of all days, when they usually stayed in bed until at least 11. Just as Finn was wondering if Rae was feeling ill, he heard a familiar sniff from behind the door. The horrible realisation that Rae was crying washed over him, and he immediately got up to investigate.

"Rae? You alright? Rae?" he said, walking towards the door.

The door swung open, and there, standing on the threshold was Rae in her knighty, her tear streaked face bright as she beamed at him, holding up a white stick in her hand. Finn walked over as if in a trance, gently holding Rae's wrist, his chest searing as he looked at the big blue plus. He stood there, his transfixed gaze moving to his overwhelmed wife's eyes, closing the space between them to kiss her deeply.


	10. Rae and Finn - Second Time

_Prompt: been rereading your fanfic because it's sooooo good. Loved their first time + the continuation and was wondering if you could stretch it to when they have sex for the second time? (YES i'm greedy haha)_

* * *

"Mum, do we still have Uncle Mark's old tent?" Rae called to her Mum down the stairs, hands on the bannister.

"What for?" came her eventual reply, and Rae realised she hadn't actually told her Mum about the festival she and the gang were planning on attending that weekend. Rae thought she better head downstairs, deciding to keep the 'festival' detail out of her request.

"Everyone's going camping this weekend, down on Mayfield Farm." she said, Linda looking up at her from the sofa.

"And were you planning on asking my permission to go, or were you just going to galavant off, free as ya like?" she said, giving Rae that all too familiar wide eyed, incredulous stare.

"Of course I was gonna ask ya!" Rae said, her eyes darting from her Mum to the window. Linda sat there, keeping her stare on Rae expectantly. Rae allowed herself the smallest sigh, attempting to cover it with a cough.

"Mum…can I go camping with my friends this weekend? It's only for two nights and I'll be home on Sunday evening." Rae said.

Linda looked her up and down, contemplating.

"Is Finn going?" she asked after a while.

Here we go. "Yeah, he is. He's part of the gang isn't he…"

Linda nodded, knowingly. "Ah, I see, and I suppose you expect me to believe that you two won't get up to anything…unsavoury whilst you've got him all to yourself?"

Rae wanted to say 'You think we haven't got up to stuff already?' but she knew that would be the final nail in her coffin. She had to play this smart. Using all her willpower not the laugh in her Mum's face, she said, as calmly as possible:

"Mum, for one thing, I'm going to be sharing my tent w' Chloe and Izzy…" _Lie. _"…and Finn, believe it or not, happens to be a gentleman."

Linda let out a laugh. Yeah, Rae knew she didn't buy that, and although Finn _was _a gentleman in certain departments, in others he most certainly wasn't…

Rae fought to keep down a devilish grin as she thought about the many hot make-out sessions they'd shared, the time they'd got each other off, not to mention the time they actually had full blown sex not so long ago. If her Mum knew - and on some level, Rae knew she did, I mean, she wasn't THAT stupid, she didn't want to be told about it, which was rich coming from a woman who's main hobby was draping herself over her Tunisian husband wherever possible.

If Rae couldn't stop thinking about Finn before, it was even worse now, the memory of losing her virginity to him giving her an indescribable lift whenever it entered her mind.

She snapped back to reality, putting on her best persuasive tone.

"Mum, please? Aren't you glad that I told you the whole truth? I could've lied and said I was just going with the girls, but I didn't."

"You don't even like camping!" Linda said, the realisation visibly flashing through her features.

"I've never tried it, have I? Only indoors. I might like it!" Rae said, her face hopeful.

Linda sighed. "Well, luckily for you, me and Karim are going out on Saturday night and it would be nice to have the house to ourselves for a bit. You can go, but only if you promise me that you'll share the tent with the girls and not get up to any funny business with Finn." Linda said, pointing her finger at Rae and dipping her head.

Rae nodded. "I promise." 'I'll join a convent too, while I'm at it.' she thought, the urge to say it out loud nearly overwhelming her.

She went with a simple "Thanks Mum." glad to have won her over.

"I'll get Karim to bring the tent down from the loft when he's back from work." Linda said, returning her attention to the TV. "I didn't know you could even camp on Mayfield Farm…" she said, Rae wandering off slowly, as if not to wake a sleeping bear.

* * *

Finn came to her house on Saturday morning, helping Rae load the tent and her bags into his Dad's car, deciding not to give her a hello kiss due to Rae's pre-warning over her Mum's suspicions. Knowing Linda, him acting abnormally probably had the opposite effect. Despite this, she let them go with minimal fuss, Rae's visions of her lecturing Finn and embarrassing the life out of her apparently unfounded. Rae shouted a goodbye to the occupants of the house, speedily walking to Finn's car before her Mum suddenly changed her mind. She decided to wear her blue summer dress and a hoody, due to the hot weather. She still wore her trusty converses, however.

Finn gave her a grin once she'd closed the door, pulling away, before stopping the car again two houses away to pull Rae in for a snog, missing her after not seeing her for two days. Rae smiled into his lips, pulling him close. When they parted, Finn resuming his drive, he said

"I can't believe your Mum's lettin' you go. I was expecting to have to sneak you out in a duffel bag or something."

"Jesus. You and what army?" Rae said, smiling as she looked out of the passenger side window. Finn twitched in annoyance, not finding Rae's self-deprecating humour funny in the slightest. He let it go, reminding himself of the weekend ahead. Whatever the reason for her Mum's out of character leniency, he was chuffed beyond words she was going.

"She thinks I'll be sharing a tent with the girls." Rae said with an evil giggle.

Finn shot her a disappointed glance. "You're not going t'though, are ya?" he said. Rae gave him a withering look before plastering on her best 'bullshit mode' expression.

"Nah, I figured I'd jump in with Archie." One beat. Two beats. He knew she was joking but he couldn't stop his mouth from twitching.

"Of course I'm not, ya berk. I'm sharin' with you, aren't I?" she said, her eyebrows raised.

"Too right you are." Finn said quietly, eyes on the road. Rae visibly relaxed when he smiled, shaking her head with a small chuckle, returning her gaze to the passing streets. She felt a rush of excitement at the prospect of what they might get up to, alone under the stars in Uncle Mark's 4 man.

After picking up Archie and Chloe - who wasn't overly excited at the prospect of 'roughing it', but would look gorgeous even if she was covered head to toe in shit, in Rae's mind - they got to the field which was already thriving with people, most of whom were students at their school.

The festival wasn't anything fancy; just a couple of stages brought in on the back of lorries, a big white tarpaulin with a make shift bar underneath, a few scattered BBQs here and there and an array of tents. It looked like it was going to be an intimate affair. It was still Lincolnshire after all…hardly Glastonbury. The festival was run by a local farmer and his sons, who were all in bands. All the local acts were playing, with Archie promising to take a stab at the open mic.

When they found Chop and Izzy, they set up their tents - all apart from Rae's, who was stopped by Finn as she went back to get it. Saying nothing, he grabbed it from the boot, jerking his head subtly, eyeing up the rest of the gang who were chatting and laying down their sleeping bags. Rae followed him after grabbing their sleeping bags, Finn looking around every now and then as they made their way through the tents. They walked for a good while, Rae's confusion mounting as they left the other festival goers and stepped into an adjoining field. She said nothing, however, Finn giving a final look back to where the gang stood as they neared an old barn, small and abandoned. Satisfied that they weren't seen, he began setting up the tent behind it, the barn separating them from the crowd. "Finn?" Rae asked, unable to stay silent any longer. Finn stood up, sweating slightly under the beating sun, giving Rae a seductive smile. Rae's breath caught in her throat - he looked dazzling, his tanned skin glistening in the light, his hair moving slightly in the breeze.

He looked at his surroundings, idly slipping his hands into his back pockets.

"Came down here on Wednesday to find us a spot away from the site, so we can have some privacy, ya know. Nobody'll find us here, I reckon." He smiled adorably as he spoke, looking down momentarily. Rae stood there, wondering how she ever landed someone so lovely, inside and out. Finn broke her gaze once more, looking back down at the half assembled tent before looking back up.

"Unless you'd rather camp with the guys - I don't min-"

"No, no…this is great." Rae said, stepping towards Finn with a grateful grin on her face, unable to resist him much longer. She brought him in for a long kiss, his hands snaking around her back.

"How're we going to explain this to that lot, though?" Rae said to Finn as she stood in his embrace. Finn shrugged his shoulders under Rae's arms.

"You'll think o' somethin'." he teased, making Rae roll her eyes. He tickled her waist, laughing as she squirmed from his touch, scolding him playfully. She slapped his shoulder before stooping to help him finish the job.

Finn had plans for them, it would seem, and Rae's heart leapt once again at the silent promise. It had been 2 weeks - 13 long days, to be exact - since Finn took Rae's virginity in his room, and she could scarcely wait to have another go, unable to find an opportunity to do so since that day. She had to remain satisfied with him driving her to distraction with caresses under the table at the pub, or being pressed up against the wall by the car park for a hot make-out session, her confidence increasing more and more as the days passed. Finding the right opportunity to have sex is hard when you're living with your parents, a problem exacerbated more by Karim deciding to take the first week off to redecorate the house and the infuriating 'keep bedroom door open at all times' rule imposed by Linda whenever Finn came to visit.

They'd have to find a way around it, Rae thought, and she was sure clever ideas would follow once she became more comfortable in that department. She just needed to have a few more tries in a controlled environment, and although she hadn't said this to Finn, she had a feeling he sensed that on some level.

When they returned, Rae and Finn were surprised that nobody enquired as to where they went, finding the rest of the gang sitting on a blanket by one of the stages, a cooler of drinks open beside them. The usually inquisitive Chloe was too busy chatting to Archie whilst having Izzy rub sun screen on her back, already in her bikini and short shorts. Chop threw the couple a can of beer each after they sat down, and they all relaxed into easy chatter, Izzy sitting between Chop's legs once she'd finished covering Chloe's back.

The weather was sweltering, but they all managed to enjoy themselves, singing along with the good cover bands and taking the piss out of the crap acts. Izzy dragged Rae up to dance with the crowd a few times, Finn watching her fondly with a burger in his hand, Archie and Chop chatting on either side of him. Chloe had spent the majority of the day happily being chatted up by Rob Shepard, the sexy ex upper 6th swim team captain who was visiting home in the middle of his gap year.

Finn and Rae were keeping their drinking to a minimum, not wanting to be too drunk for the evening ahead of them. As night began to fall, the crowd moved to the indoor stage, standing for the best of what Lincolnshire had to offer. Finn wrapped his arms around Rae's shoulders, standing on a shallow, overturned beer crate to make him taller than her, for once. Rae turned before giggling at the sight, Finn beaming at her as he pulled Rae further towards his chest, both of them shifting into a comfortable position, collectively amused at the lengths Finn had to go to in order to cuddle his girlfriend properly.

"At least I'm not wearing heels." Rae pointed out.

"Too right." Finn said, kissing Rae's cheek as she rubbed his forearms.

When the bands started, Finn gave Rae his verdict on the acts by speaking into her ear, Rae relaying her views with hand gestures and facial expressions over her shoulder, not wanting to move much from his embrace. They'd talk to Archie, Chop and Izzy during each changeover, Archie moaning glumly about feeling like a gooseberry as he looked at the two couples he was currently stuck between. His complaints didn't last long, Rae overhearing Archie's friend from his History class ask him if he wanted to go with him and his mates to 'smoke some blow', Archie following him eagerly after giving Rae a peck on the cheek.

As the pace of the music wound down, Rae and Finn dimly realised they'd lost Chop and Izzy as well. Finn had gone from speaking to writing lazily on Rae's forearms, Rae closing her eyes and gently pressing her cheek against Finn's as he rested his chin on her shoulder. They swayed to the music, lost in the feel of one another, Finn occasionally pressing his lips to Rae's temple.

After a while longer, Finn felt Rae shift slightly in his arms, watched as she mouthed his name in what he knew was a gentle question. Finn released her, taking her hand as she turned to him, her eyes dark. Leading her through the crowd and into the darkness, Finn took a torch from his back pocket and turned it on, slowly leading Rae over the grass. Rae stumbled on an empty beer can, Finn's grip on her hand tightening as he brought her forward to better see the torchlight as it fell on the ground. Rae giggled, embarrassed, but immediately hushed when she locked eyes with Finn, who was looking at her with a dizzying intensity she could see even in the dark . They stopped at the car midway, Finn handing Rae two lanterns and picking up his backpack to sling over his shoulder. They continued on, the music from the indoor stage growing more and more distant until only the sound of their breathing remained.

The excitement Rae initially felt mingled with an ever increasing nervousness, the niggling fear that Finn will eye her with disgust or she'd do something to put him off her always there, threatening to make her clam up. She tried to fight it, willing herself to go with the flow and just enjoy herself, to stop thinking and start feeling. Despite her best efforts, Finn could feel her tremble slightly in his grasp, turning to her once they'd got to the tent.

"Rae…" he began, in a mere whisper, concern brewing in his tone. She silenced him with a kiss, hoping to pass some assurance along with it, stooping to unzip the tent, crawling inside. Finn followed, Rae turning on the lanterns as he laid himself down next to her. The night was balmy, the heat only aiding their growing arousal. Rae's ears were still ringing from the music as Finn closed the space between them, both propped up on their elbows facing each other, their noses centimetres apart. Finn draped his hand over Rae's back, and Rae focussed hard to hear him as he spoke to her.

"I haven't stopped thinkin' about when we slept together. I didn't tell ya then, but…I thought it was amazing." he said, drawing a circle slowly on Rae's back.

"Me too." Rae replied, gently touching the tip of her nose to his.

Finn captured Rae's lips in his, pulling back to cup her face in his hand and press their foreheads together. Rae listened to his breathing, inhaling the faint smell of body odour mingled with his cologne.

Finn kissed Rae once again in earnest, gradually laying her down onto her sleeping bag as he did so. He loomed over her, pulling his t-shirt over his head and moving his hand underneath Rae's dress, squeezing her breast when he found it. With his other hand, he pushed the dress upwards, Rae helping him pull it off completely before rolling on her side with him, his hands wrapped around her back to unhook her bra. After about a minute of fumbling with the clasp to no avail, he stopped kissing her to look at his hands from over Rae's shoulder.

"Fuck…" he whispered, his brow furrowed in concentration. Rae couldn't help but let out a laugh, Finn joining her.

"Is this welded shut or somethin'?" he giggled out.

Rae let out an ouch as Finn accidentally pinched her skin. He apologised, but she continued to laugh, unconcerned.

"Do you have any wire cutters in that bag of yours?" Rae whispered, smiling into his shoulder before kissing it, taking the opportunity to breathe in his scent, his skin moist against her lips.

"Seriously, Rae, where did you get this bra? There we go!" Finn said triumphantly, moving back to pull it from her, obviously proud.

They giggled in unison as they fell back into the kiss, Finn laying Rae on her back once more, pressing his body against hers, their clammy skin sticking together in places. Rae let out a slight gasp as Finn's hand found its way underneath her knickers, lifting his head to look at Rae's face as he pressed his hand in between her thighs, caressing her there with his fingers. Her breathing became hard and ragged, Finn gently biting her bottom lip after moistened her lips with her tongue. He stopped after a while, the mood between them changing significantly. He suddenly looked conflicted as he gazed down at Rae's face, her stomach turning, worried the moment she feared so much had arrived. She looked up at him, mouth dry.

"What is it?" she whispered, her voice quivering slightly.

His eyes scanned her face from beneath his furrowed brow.

"Can I…I wanna do something I've never done before…" he said, audibly swallowing.

"What?" Rae asked, gaze flickering between his eyes.

Finn let out a puff of air from his nose, his jaw clenching.

"What do you want to do?" Rae continued, wondering what he could possibly mean.

Fin looked like he wanted to say something more, but instead he pulled down Rae's pants, shuffling backwards towards the tent door as he did so, Rae watching him, propping herself up on her elbows. She clenched her thighs slightly as Finn looked intently at her crotch, his scrutiny unrelenting.

"Finn…" she whispered, more of a statement than a plea, jumping slightly as he felt his fingers move from underneath her legs, his hand pushing up in between her thighs, moving to prize them apart. She slowly complied, her trust in him guiding her instincts.

Rae's face burned furiously as Finn gazed at her slit, gently pressing his fingers against it, making Rae tremble.

"Finn…" she repeated shakily, Finn glancing up at her before resetting his gaze, his brow furrowing once more.

"I've been thinking about this for weeks." he said, his hand moving to caress her inner thigh.

Rae swallowed. Finn looked back up at her pleadingly, asking her permission to continue.

"C-can I, Rae? I might not be very good at it, but…"

Rae jerked her head forward ever so slightly, her nostrils flaring.

"If…if you're sure."

Finn smiled at her, eyes shining. Rae felt her ears prick and her heart hammer as Finn lowered his head, laying himself down on his stomach and draping Rae's legs over his shoulders. Rae laid herself down at his insistance, looking up at the moon shimmering through the tent fabric.

She closed her eyes as she felt Finn's tongue on her, her hands gripping the fabric of the sleeping bag beneath her as he took her into his mouth. The first few seconds were spent fearful of Finn resurfacing, repulsed, mad visions of him fleeing the tent to violently vomit in a nearby bush flashing through her mind. Rae listened to Finn let out little groans and gulps amidst her heavy breathing, his grip on her hips tightening as he shifted her closer to him. As a minute passed, then two, the irrational fears melted into _how fucking out of this world amazing this feels right now_, Rae letting out little moans and ragged breaths as he sucked and licked, his mouth warm against her. Rae found herself lifting her hips whenever he hit a certain spot, eager to keep him there, all rationality leaving her as her whole body burned with pleasure. Finn's natural strength was a good match for hers, and he propped himself on his knees slightly as she pushed against him, holding her firmly in his arms.

"Does that feel good, Rae?" Finn asked, breathlessly, voice muffled by her flesh.

Rae could only nod, finding herself speechless, closing her eyes again as Finn continued.

She was close now, her whole body shaking in momentum. Finn reached out to grab her fists in his hands, holding them tight as he felt her pulse quickening against his tongue.

Despite being in the throws of it, a thought pushed itself into Rae's mind, a vision of her suffocating Finn between her giant thighs, or snapping his neck somehow. These thoughts, like all the others were overwhelmed by the sensation of her orgasm, her fingers linked with Finn's as she squeezed her thighs around him, unable to stop herself. She was glad of being in an empty field, sure that her cries were probably frightening some nearby cows to death.

Rae scrambled up onto her elbows quickly as she released Finn, suddenly concerned.

"Are you alright?" she asked, still catching her breath. She sank in relief as she saw Finn smile up at her before gently biting the flesh of her inner thigh. He pushed himself to his knees, wiping his mouth with his hand, Rae's legs falling either side of him. He tilted his head to the side, clicking his neck and flexing his shoulders. His cheeks were flushed, and he was also catching his breath. He couldn't stop smiling.

"I thought I'd bloody killed ya." Rae said with a small laugh before gazing up at Finn with undisguised awe.

His look of delight fell slightly, his eyes glistening as he stared deep into Rae's eyes.

"I wish you'd stop doing that, Rae…" he said, quietly.

"What, stop having intense orgasms?" Rae asked, smiling cheekily.

Finn shook his head slowly, crawling towards Rae, joining her on the floor again.

"I wish you'd stop putting yourself down all the time." he said, gently moving Rae's hair from her face.

Rae looked at him, sheepishly. "I can't help it; I always make jokes. It usually dispels the tension when I'm with people. If I make jokes about me being fat, people think I'm ok with it…"

"I know you're bigger than other girls but, you're not ugly, Rae. I wish you'd stop talking about yourself like you're Jabba the Hut or somethin', because you're far from it."

Rae smiled at her boyfriend, the sound of Big G and his gang chanting "Jabba!" over and over again echoing in her thoughts.

"Not everybody sees me the same way as you do, Finn…in fact, I'd safely say _nobody _sees me the way you do." she said with a crooked smile.

"Bullshit." Finn said.

"It's true, but I don't mind in the slightest, because all I care about is how you see me." Rae said, slowly and gently. "Now shut the fuck up and give me a kiss."

Finn shook his head incredulously, rolling his eyes through his small smile before complying with Rae's demand. She made a mental note to stop making jokes at her expense in front of Finn, who clearly wasn't the right audience for that particular brand of her humour.

Finn made love to her once again, the memory of Rae bucking underneath his lips assuring he quickly became hard. He hoped his stamina would hold out long enough for Rae to come once more, unable to fully express his delight at her doing so due to not being far away himself, finally letting go as he felt Rae clamp herself around him.

After he pulled himself away, throwing the used condom out onto the grass, he and Rae got into their respective sleeping bags, Rae's damp with their sweat.

They looked at each other sleepily after they turned off the lanterns, watching each other as their eyes drooped, the sounds of the night surrounding them lulling them both into sleep.

* * *

"Yo." Finn said to Izzy, Chloe and Archie as he and Rae reached their tents, flinching under the light of the morning sun.

"Where have you two been? We only realised you hadn't set up your tent with us when we came back here last night." Chloe said, shielding her eyes with her hand. Archie was cooking bacon on the BBQ nearby, Izzy buttering rolls on a tray before stopping to look up at the couple. Finn and Rae shared a proud smirk.

"We just fancied a bit of privacy, that's all." Rae said, the fact that she hadn't looked at her reflection since leaving the tent suddenly dawning on her. She ignored Chloe's stare.

"You look shagged out, Rae." Archie called to her with a cheeky grin, Izzy giggling up at them. "Shut it, four eyes." Rae countered, sitting down with Chloe and Izzy on the blanket between the tents. Finn sat next to her, idly looking around.

"Where's Chop?" he asked, his answer coming in the form of Chop slapping his shoulders hard from above, shouting: "Here I am!" making Finn call out in pain. He massaged his neck and shoulders with his hand, groaning as he did so. "You fucker." he mumbled.

"You see! I TOLD you I'd hurt ya last night didn't I-" Rae started to shout at Finn, before stopping herself immediately, suddenly mortified, realising where she was. Finn looked at her with surprised amusement.

Archie let out a laugh, Chloe following with a shocked "Oh my God."

Chop let out a long wolf whistle. "Was Raemundo a bit too rough with you last night, Finny boy?" Chop teased with a mock sad face. Izzy carried on buttering rolls, not quite catching on.

Rae put her face in her hands before Finn leaned over, planting a comforting kiss on his cringing girlfriend's cheek.

"What's happened?" Izzy asked, looking from Chop to Chloe, still confused.

"Rae'll fill us in about it later, Izzy." Chloe said, smirking knowingly at Rae, a hint of adulation in her features. Izzy let out an "Ooo!", Archie walking over to her with a plateful of bacon. Finn let out a sigh, rolling his eyes, before Rae nudged him and mouthed "I won't." shaking her head quickly. He shot her a look of disbelief, Izzy placing two bacon butties in his hands as he did so.


	11. Big G Asks Rae a Favour

_Prompt: Prompt: So, I don't know if you're still doing fic prompts for MMFD, but I was thinking maybe one where Big G asks Rae for help (b/c no they're friends) in trying to get with this girl he likes by asking Rae if she can pretend to be his girlfriend, or something like that; Rae doesn't get a chance to tell Finn, so maybe he accidentally sees her in the bar with Big G; (maybe at some point the secret that Big G hitting Rae with his car could come out too.)_

* * *

Rae never thought in a million years that she'd become friends with Big G, of all people. Never did the thought even touch the corners of her mind as he stood in front of her, eyes filled with repulsion, calling her all the unimaginative names under the sun until he was blue in the face.

Things change, however, and sometimes life deals you a surreal turn. Ever since that fateful day when he ran her over with his car and he was forced to face head on the girl he'd been tormenting for years, forced to realise that she was in fact "Alright." and not just an empty vessel he could lay his frustrations on, a person that only existed for the few short moments she walked past him and his cronies; she was now very human, and as it turns out, a bit of a laugh.

They weren't exactly bosom buddies, but he'd say hello to her whenever they crossed paths at the pub or at the chippy (Finn visibly tensing for the first few times he did so, ready to pounce if need be) - they would even have a chat every now and then if Rae went to the bar for a round and he was sitting there nursing a cider. He was glad that she seemed happier now. He remembered the day she walked out in front of his car, how that moment felt like an ice cold splash of water in his face. He remembered the vacant, dead look in her eye, the obvious unawareness of her surroundings - he knew what she was doing there, and the sneaking suspicion that he had been partly the cause of her wanting to give up on life had been a turning point for him. He had been trying to not be so much of a dick to people, tried to act less like his Dad and older brother and just tone down the piss taking. It was hard, though - nobody can change their stripes overnight. He needed an occupation, or a distraction…

He needed a girlfriend, and there was only one girl who could ever fit that bill - his ex, Shelby. The one who got away.

Trouble was, she was currently seeing some prick who worked at Cost Cutter, and what's worse, she was going to be at his mate Degsy's house party on Friday night, with _him. _Winning her back would have to wait - for the meantime, Big G needed to come up with a plan so he didn't show up looking like a total lemon.

* * *

"Raemundo! Your turn m'dear." Chop said, shaking his empty pint glass.

"Alright, alright; same again for everyone?" Rae replied, Finn's arm falling from her shoulders as she stood, hand in her jacket pocket.

When the gang all nodded in response, she walked to the bar, throwing Big G a hello after she reached it before giving the barman her order.

"How are ya?" she said, leaning on her arms.

"M alright, yourself?" he replied, mouth quirking in a half smile, before his eyes widened as if he suddenly noticed a smear on her face.

"What's wrong? Have I got shit on my face?" Rae asked, suddenly self-conscious.

Big G shook his head. "No, no, it's just…I know this is a bit random but, I was wondrin' if I could ask you a favour?"

Rae smiled at the barman as he placed the first two drinks in front of her, before returning her confused gaze to Big G.

"What d'you want?"

Big G didn't respond for a few moments, aware of how much of a shot in the dark it was to ask Rae. It was Thursday night, though, and he was desperate, and Rae seemed like a charitable sort of chick.

He looked around, uncomfortable, before beckoning Rae over to speak to her quietly. Rae complied, ducking her head slightly.

"I'm going to a house party tomorrow night and…well…there's a girl there that I wanna win over…"

Rae grinned at him. "Ooo, didn't count you for a Casanova!" she teased, slapping his shoulder.

Big G rolled his eyes briefly before powering through:

"Yeah, well, the thing is…she's seeing this random twat and I don't want her to think that I'm still single, ya know…so I was wonderin' if…you could come with me and pretend to be my girlfriend?"

At the look of complete bemusement Rae shot him, he continued, trying to convince her.

"I know I'm the last bloke on earth you should do a favour for, but, I'd really owe ya one. I can get my brother to hook you up with a dead nice hi fi if you want. Can drop it round to ya next week." He wiggled his eyebrows, Rae still looking at him like he'd stripped naked and started humping the jukebox. After a while, she snapped out of it, shaking her head and closing her eyes tight in disbelief.

"For one thing, G, you do realise I have a boyfriend, don't ya?" she said, gesturing to Finn. "Remember him? The reason you have trouble eating baguettes now…"

"Yeah I know, but he doesn't need to know, does he? And he knows I don't fancy ya or anything…"

Rae sighed, noticing how all the drinks were on the bar, ready for her to take over to her friends.

"Why me?" she asked, shrugging. "I'm not exactly going to make you look like a big shot, am I? Couldn't you've asked one of your more attractive girl mates to do it?"

"I'm sure you'll scrub up alright with a bit of slap on." Big G said, compliments not his strong suit.

"Well if I wasn't convinced before, I'm convinced now…" she drawled, sarcastically. "Nobody else will do it, will they." Rae said, nodding knowingly.

Big G hung his head, shaking it, slightly embarrassed. Rae let out another sigh, Chop calling over to her from the table. She signalled that she'd be a minute more, returning her gaze to Big G, contemplating.

"Please; I swear to God, I'll never ask for anything ever again. I just can't show up alone." Big G continued, pleadingly.

"What brand of hi fi is it?"

"Hitachi. It's dead good, the bass on it is mental." Big G replied, looking more hopeful. He glanced over to her table awkwardly, noticing Finn was on his way over. Rae clocked on too.

"Alright, I'll do it." she said, quickly.

"Great, I'll come round yours for 7, yeah?" he whispered, sinking back to his casual mood as Finn got to Rae, glancing at Big G before giving her a smile.

"Thought I'd come and help ya." he said, eyeing Big G once more as he walked back towards the table holding two pints. Rae followed him with the other three drinks, Big G throwing her another grateful smile as she went.

"You took your time!" Chloe threw at her as she sat back down.

"Don't mention it, Chloe." Rae responded, pushing her alco-pop across the table towards her and giving her a snarky grin, which Chloe mirrored.

"What was that about, then?" Finn asked, his arm back around her, pulling her closer to him.

_Oh, the guy who used to make my life miserable has just asked me to pretend to be his girlfriend at a party tomorrow night. _

"He was just telling me about a girl he likes." Rae said, the pain of lying to Finn when she long ago swore not to giving her a stony demeanour she was sure he could see through.

"Poor girl! Who'll save her?" Chop piped up, before Finn could question Rae further. The gang resumed their previous thread of conversation, Finn apparently satisfied at Rae's explanation, his mood unchanged. Rae sighed with relief inwardly, looking forward to having the next day over and done with. Finn didn't hang around with any of Big G's friends, so the chance of it reaching his ears were thankfully slim.

After another hour, Rae noticed Finn sighing in boredom, expecting to feel the familiar touch of his finger on her thigh like clockwork. She smiled as she always did, the thrill their secret mode of communication gave her undiminished since the day it was invented.

O-U-T-S-I-D-E

"Right, we're heading out." Finn said, Rae smiling at her friends and shuffling out of the booth.

"See ya later love birds." Chop said, giving them a wave as the others murmured their goodbyes.

Rae's second foot had barely touched the pavement before Finn grabbed her by the hand, leading her to the secluded spot next to the broken phone box and pushing her against the wall, kissing her hard.

After making out for a good 15 minutes, Finn pulled back, smiling at Rae in the goofy way he always did after their make-out sessions, his lips flushed.

Rae smiled back at him, letting out a contented sigh.

"So what're you up to tomorrow night, then?" Finn asked, voice quiet and deep.

_Fuck. _

"I've got to stay in tomorrow night." Rae said, sheepishly.

"Why?" Finn asked, brow furrowing in confusion.

"Because…" Rae swallowed, searching her mind for a good enough explanation. "…Clueless is on channel 4 and I haven't seen that since going to the cinema last year."

_Good one, Rae. _

Finn rolled his eyes, chuckling. "That shitty chick flick? You're on your own with that, Rae Rae."

"I thought I might be." Rae replied, smirking at him. He pecked her lips once more before moving back onto the street, taking Rae's hand and walking her home, playfully arguing about Clueless along the way, Rae trying to save face by saying she enjoyed it 'ironically', with Finn not believing a word of it.

* * *

Rae eyed herself in the mirror, wondering why the hell she agreed to do this. She then eyed her ever growing CD collection, reminding herself - she was doing it for the music. Music was her ultimate love, besides Finn, of course, and for the sake of listening to her favourite bands in optimum quality, she'd go through a lot worse.

Finn - how she loathed lying to him, her skin crawling with how wrong it felt, how unnatural it was to do so. She was tempted to ring him to apologise and tell him the truth, but couldn't imagine a scenario in which he'd be ok with the situation. She instead looked over her outfit once more. She picked out the girly-est clothes she could find, not looking quite as girly as she did on her non-date with Archie, but not looking her normal, tomboyish self, either, going for her dark green tunic, leggings and a bomber jacket she got at the charity shop a week ago. She'd put some slap on, as Big G inadvertently directed, and she said to herself:

"Well, Big G, you're gonna have to like it or lump it, aren't ya." Making a mental to note to ask what the hell the 'G' stood for at some point during the night.

When Big G called for her, she was surprised (and relieved) to find he hadn't brought his car. She didn't relish the thought of seeing it again, let alone getting in it, the memories it'd conjure sure to overwhelm her. She wondered if Big G felt the same, despite his insistance that he hadn't brought it because the party was walking distance away.

On the walk there, Big G told Rae about Shelby, about how they'd gone out for 5 months after he met her during a family holiday in Benidorm, the fact that they both lived in the same town aiding their eventual union. He was visibly nervous, fidgeting, fiddling with the sleeves of his orange jacket, glancing around like he was tripping.

"Are you sure you want to do this, G? I don't mind if you wanna back out." Rae said sympathetically.

"No! No it's fine. It'll be fine." Big G replied, as if trying to convince himself more than anyone else.

"You…you look nice by the way." he continued, his arms swinging out in front of him.

"Bloody hell, an actual compliment! Never thought I'd see the day where you of all people would say I look nice." Rae said, with an amused grin.

"Better save up the rest of your compliments for Shelby, though." she continued, glad that they weren't walking past any houses of people she knew. This area was unfamiliar to her, but she was nearby to a chinese her Mum would sometimes pick up food from en route home from work.

After a few more moments of silence, Rae tried to calm Big G down more by continuing with her playful banter. She couldn't deny, she was bricking it herself, the thought of being stuck in a house full of Big G's friends not filling her with too much glee. It just made her more baffled as to why he asked her of all people; as Chloe once said, blokes get taken the piss out of for dating fat girls, so surely him turning up alone would be better?

"So…what chat up line did you use on Shelby when you first approached her, then?" she asked, smirking.

Big G let out a laugh, shaking his head. "I'm not tellin' ya that…"

"Oh c'mon! I bet it were dead cheesy." she smiled, batting him on the arm.

Big G let out another snort, jerking away from her. Looking up at the sky, he cast his mind back.

"I think I said to her…do you have a map, because I'm lost in your eyes."

Rae let out a laugh which echoed around the street, the familiar sound grabbing Finn's attention instantly as he stepped out of the chinese with food for himself and his parents in his hand. He looked at the direction it was coming from, clocking Rae and…was that…that bloke she was chatting to at the bar the night before, a bit too intimately for Finn's taste…the same bloke who bullied her mercilessly not so long ago. His eyes narrowed as he watched them laugh together at the other end of the street, Rae all dressed up.

"What the fuck?" he mumbled to himself, crossing the street, ready to follow them to wherever the fuck they were going, all the while wondering why the hell Rae had lied to him, anger, hurt and fear bubbling in his gut.

* * *

Rae thought Big G was going to pass out once they'd reached the door, Rae casting a glance around the front garden as he mopped his brow with his sleeve. The sight of the ripped up sofa and kids trikes abandoned in the front garden wasn't filling her with much confidence, dub step thumping from inside and strobe lights flashing through the windows. She took a deep breath, reminding herself that she could just leave if things got too rough, that she didn't have to stand their and take any shit. _She didn't deserve it. _Kester's voice entered her mind, comforting her, along with the adoring gaze of her boyfriend. She was loved, she was cared for, people wanted her…no amount of hurtful words would change that.

"Jeeeeeeeeeee!" Rae was shocked out of her thoughts by a booming voice and she realised a bloke had opened the door and was greeting Big G happily, a can of beer in his hand. He already looked shit faced, a lightening bolt shaved into his head.

Big G moved up to hug him, the guy sizing Rae up from over his shoulder, swaying on his feet as he looked at her through misty eyes.

"Who've you brought?" he slurred out, still grinning.

"This is Rae, my err…my girlfriend." Big G answered as they walked into the hallway, his ears turning pink.

"No fucking way!" the man said, turning around with his eyes wide.  
"I did…I didn't even know you were shhhhagging anybody!" he continued, trying to wink but blinking slowly instead. Rae rolled her eyes, peeking into the through lounge which was full of people, the girls with hair in ponytails and short denim skirts, boob tubes and high heels, boys in tracksuit tops and jeans, with shaved or badly gelled hair, drinking white lightning and bottles of Strongbow. This certainly wasn't Rae's scene.

Big G took her by the arm, pulling her into the crowded room. Rae held her breath as if diving underwater, trying her best to ignore the evil eyes from some of the girls in the room as Big G snaked her through the throng, people greeting him and patting him on the back as he went. They got to a table full of drinks, Big G passing Rae a tumbler of Lambrini and pouring some vodka into a tumblr for himself, before manoeuvring them both into the corner of the room.

Rae watched as girls draped themselves over boys, losing count of the amount of knickers she could spot underneath the poorly fitted skirts. She glanced at Big G who was nodding his head to the music, eyes darting around the room. Rae felt thoroughly uncomfortable, as she knew she would, necking the Lambrini in one go and gesturing for Big G to get her another. He did so, suddenly becoming tense after he returned, and she knew without even looking that he'd spotted Shelby and her fella. Rae looked over, expecting to see a stick thin blonde princess but instead finding a surprisingly chubby girl with short brown hair, big earrings and a flat nose, a lanky bloke with acne following her.

"There she is." Big G said, uselessly. His eyes had softened, and Rae couldn't help but think it was awfully cute that he liked someone, especially someone who wasn't exactly Kylie Minogue in the looks department.

"Fuck she's looking over." He said, turning to Rae.

"Say something. Act like we're talkin'."

"We are talkin'." Rae said with a wry smile.

"You know what I mean. What's your favourite errmmm…crisp flavour?" Big G said after desperately trying to drum up something to say.

Rae laughed. "Crisp flavour? Honestly, mate, fat girls are interested in more than just food, believe it or not."

"Good, laughing's good. Keep that going." he rambled, Rae realising he'd just ignored what she said completely.

Before she could put on her best girlfriend act, Rae noticed Shelby and acne face approaching them, Big G turning like he was about to be attacked by a monster in a horror film.

"Alright Gavin?" Shelby said without smiling, eyeing up Rae suspiciously.

"Alright Shelby." Big G replied, visibly embarrassed at her using his real name.

"Didn't know you were coming." she continued, linking her arm around her vacant boyfriend's waist.

"Why shouldn't I? Degsy's my mate." Big G replied, awkwardly doing the same with Rae, who fought the urge to bat him off, turning her uncomfortable grimace into a smile.

Shelby's eyes darted to Rae and back to Big G. "Who's she, then?"

_Showtime._

"She's Rae, his new girlfriend, actually." Rae said, steeling herself to cuddle Big G closer, who didn't look so big next to her.

"And who might you be?" she continued, with all the sass she could muster.

Shelby looked her up and down slowly. "I'm Shelby. Your boyfriend and I have a history, don't we Gavin." she smiled flirtatiously and protectively over Big G, and Rae smiled inwardly at how they were seemingly making Shelby jealous, no doubt a happy side effect of his plan.

"Oh really…funny, he's never mentioned you." Rae said, shaking her head with a patronising gaze.

Misery flashed into Shelby's eyes before she covered it in her game face once more.

"This is my boyfriend, Sean."

"Y'alright." Sean dribbled out, still oblivious to the situation.

"Hi Sean. Now, I don't mean to be rude, but when you came over G was in the middle of telling the funniest story…" she laughed to punctuate her point, Big G trying to mirror her but not quite getting there. "…and I really want to hear the rest of it." She patted Big G's chest in what she hoped was an intimate way, giving her best 'eat shit' smile to Shelby before saying:  
"Enjoy the party!" in a sickly sweet tone, Shelby skulking away with one last lingering look at Big G.

"Nice one, Rae!" Big G whispered, shakily, patting her on the shoulder whilst watching Shelby's retreating form.

"Not bad for a first time fake girlfriend." Rae said with a wink. She glanced up at the room, her heart stopping momentarily when she thought she saw a familiar mop of brown hair at the other end of the room, gradually calming down as she searched to no avail, chalking it down to the heat and the Lambrini. After talking for a few minutes more (well, Rae talking, Big G trying his best not to look over his shoulder at Shelby under Rae's strict instructions) people began dancing in the front room, the music getting louder. Rae finished her drink, smiling at Big G, egged on by the steely glare of his ex girlfriend.

"C'mon…let's go." she grinned, pulling him by the arm towards the make-shift dance floor.

"No, no Rae, I can't dance!" he said, looking terrified. Rae leaned in. "She hasn't taken her eyes off you all night." she said with a smirk, Big G fighting the urge to glance back to see for himself.

"All…alright." He said, following her into the dancing bodies.

Rae thought he did alright, considering his previous declarations to the contrary, and it gave him ample opportunity to sneak looks at Shelby, who was visibly trying to hide her fury.

A lot of other people were watching Rae, who knew how to dance. The boys were cheering her on, whistling and shouting "Get on girl!" Big G visibly proud of the attention they were receiving. As they continued to dance, Big G felt a bit braver, moving over to Rae and shouting in her ear:

"You know what'll make her really jealous?" he pulled back to see Rae mouth "dunno" whilst shaking her head.

"If I give ya a kiss." he continued, Rae not liking the idea at all. Looking uncomfortable, she signalled "No." Big G's original happy mood sagging a bit. He moved towards her again.

"Please, Rae, just one little one. 30 seconds tops." he moved back again, Rae rolling her eyes, sighing. She'd had a few to drink, the proposition not so outrageous as it would have been when she was sober. She rationalised it in her mind: it was just a harmless snog, it would mean nothing to either of them, and if it got Big G back together with his ex, it'd make him happy, and what's not good about making people happy?

Rae shouted in his ear: "20 seconds. I'm counting, alright?"

Big G nodded with a smile, both subtly glancing at Shelby to see if she was watching. She was.

Rae steeled herself, ready to count. It still felt impossibly wrong, but it was for the greater good in her mind.

As soon as Big G's lips met hers, she knew it was a mistake, alarm bells ringing in her head, screaming WHAT ARE YOU DOING YOU STUPID GIRL?! YOU'VE GOT A BOYFRIEND! KISSING OTHER BOYS WHILST YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND IS WRONG! IMAGINE IF FINN KISSED ANOTHER GIRL, IT'D DESTROY YOU! STOP IT NOW!

But before she could push him away, he was pulled from her by a furious Finn, Rae standing in complete and utter shock at the sight of him. Rae saw Finn raise his hand to punch Big G, Rae instantly grabbing Finn's arm to stop him, shouting "No, Finn, don't!" He was breathing heavily, face red with anger. He begrudgingly complied, pushing Rae off him, Big G's friends ready to pounce. Big G was cowering on the floor, hands covering his face. Finn looked at Rae, on the verge of tears, the look of hurt on his face breaking her heart instantly.

"Finn, it's not what it looks like!" she shouted over the music, following him as he stormed out, calling his name desperately. She caught his arm but he wriggled out of her grasp, running as fast as he could up the road so she couldn't follow him. Rae stood by the front gate, watching him disappear, breaking down in violent tears. Big G watched her from the doorway, not knowing what do to. There was nothing he could do. The feeling of guilt almost overwhelmed him.

Finn sprinted up the road, as fast as his legs could carry him, Rae's last distraught call ringing in his ears. He knew he was going to cry, could feel the tears coming, but he needed to get as far away from that place as possible before he broke down. He needed to get home.

He'd watched them all night, unseen. He'd tortured himself by watching them together from the other end of the room, watched how they talked intimately, watched how they cuddled each other, watched how they danced in front of everyone, all the while giving her the benefit of the doubt…until that fucker kissed her, and she kissed him back. What was she even doing there? That wasn't Rae, that place, she was acting completely out of character, and why him? Of all the pricks on earth she could fool around with, why was she cheating on Finn with the guy who used to shout names at her in the street? It didn't make sense, but he couldn't analyse it fully. He couldn't let himself think of her, it hurt too much.

He thought she loved him. He thought they were going to be together forever. He thought she was the one.

The realisation that it had all been a lie shattered him to the core, but still he held back the tears with all his might as he mounted his scooter and rode home.

When he entered his house, his Dad walked into the hallway with an angry "Where the hell have you been?" his mood changing instantly at the sight of his son, wind beaten and drained, unable to hold back.

"Dad!" he wailed out, the all the pent up emotion pouring out of him, his shoulders shaking as he sobbed.

His Dad looked almost petrified as he walked towards him, holding his son tight to him. Finn gripped his Dad's t-shirt, wetting the front of it with his tears. His Mum was on the verge herself at the mere sight of the scene, approaching them both and laying a comforting hand on Finn's back, giving her husband a frightened glance.

—-

Rae had walked home alone, ignoring Big G's mumbling words of comfort. She was unaware of everything around her, nothing else existing other than the memory of Finn's distraught expression and the last glance of him as he speeded around the corner of the street. She sobbed for the entire walk back, the pain inside her excruciating. She didn't think she'd fuck everything up so soon into their relationship, didn't think she'd fuck it up in such an unbelievably stupid way. Her mind filled up with guilt and regret; something that seemed so innocent initially had become such a catastrophe. She didn't know what she was going to do to make things right, but she had to. Finn was the love of her life, she knew it, and she wasn't going to lose him over this. She resolved to try to explain everything to him the next day, to at least tell him the truth. First things first – what must she do when things get dark?

After she'd entered the house, she immediately sat by the phone table and dialled Kester's number.

* * *

Finn woke up the next day to a cup of tea from his Mum. She'd taken the day off work, needing to be with her son at a time like this. After Finn opened his eyes, he sat up slightly, the pillow sticking to his face as he'd cried himself to sleep the night before, his Mum rubbing his back all the while.

He attempted to smile at his Mum's kindness, but nothing happened. His face was slack with misery and he knew it would be for a good long while. He thought back to when Rae was sitting on his bed as he passed her a cup of tea months ago.

"Tea makes everything alright."

What bullshit.

Finn said nothing, his Mum not forcing anything out of him. She'd heard what happened in between his manic sobs the night before, completely shocked at what she'd heard. They both were, her and her husband, as they were both very fond of Rae. They could see when Finn and Rae were together how utterly in love Rae was with their son – how they were like two peas in a pod - which made the horrid news that much harder to believe.

"I've made some breakfast, if you want any?" she said gently as she sat on Finn's bed.

Finn shook his head, taking a sip of tea before shifting to put it on his bedside table.

"What are you going to do today?" she asked, knowing the answer.

"Mm just gonna stay here, if thass alright." he said, his hand patting the sheets.

His Mum nodded. "Alright love. Dad and I are downstairs if you need us, ok?" she said as she slowly got up to leave. Finn made his way back under the covers, before jerking up slightly once more:

"Mum…if Rae calls, or if she comes round, can you tell her I don't want to see her, please?"

"Are you sure?" his Mum asked, brow furrowed. Finn nodded.

"Ok, whatever you say." she responded, nodding. Almost as if on cue, the doorbell rang, Finn's Mum giving a slightly worried glance to him before leaving, closing the door behind her.

Finn couldn't help but tense in his bed, listening intently. His heart skipped amidst the emptiness as he heard Rae's voice, which was also laden with exhausted misery. He tried to make out the words.

"I have to see him…I have to explain myself. He's got it wrong." he could hear her say weakly, voice quivering under the threat of tears. Finn had to fight leaving the bed with every fibre of his being, his instinct being to run to her and comfort her, that level of misery completely new to him.

"He doesn't want to see you, Rae, please respect that." Finn heard his Mum reply, voice tainted with anger.

"P-please! He has to know!" she continued desperately, succumbing to her tears. Finn's chest clenched, and he shifted to leave his bed and go to her, but the memory of the night before stopped him.

"Just give him some time, ok? He's very upset…it's still too raw." his Mum continued, and Finn felt the tears spring to his eyes once more, as if crying in response to his Mother's words.

Not being able to take any more, Finn sprang from his bed, running down to the front door, trying not to look at Rae before slamming it shut. Rae immediately started banging on the glass and calling his name, begging him to listen to her. He covered his ears, running back up to his room and closing himself inside.

* * *

Finn didn't leave his house for the whole week, instructing his parents not to answer the door to Rae, who came to his house every day to try and explain herself. What does she have to explain? She didn't have a leg to stand on, in Finn's mind. He saw everything in stinging detail.

Archie and Chop went to see Finn on the Saturday, who was wearing gravy stained PJs and clearly hadn't washed his hair, or anything else for that matter. He sat and listened to them tell him how Rae hadn't been to the pub and wouldn't speak to any of them, only leaving the house to go to see Finn.

"Maybe you should just hear her out…" Archie tentatively supplied.

"Fuck off, Archie." Finn growled, Chop immediately protesting.

"Hey, hey, don't go takin' this out on us, mate. We're here for ya, that's all."

"Yeah, well, thanks for the thought but, I don't need you here pitying me, so, if you don't mind…" with that, Finn stood, beckoning his offended friends out of the house.

Finn was infuriated to find a familiar figure standing sheepishly at the bottom of the steps as he opened the front door.

"What the fuck are you doing here?!" Finn practically yelled the word "fuck", making Big G jump halfway out of his skin, along with Archie and Chop.

Big G composed himself. "Look, I know you're angry, but Rae's told me…"

"Don't you dare say her name to me." Finn said with a menacing tone neither Chop or Archie had heard before in all the years they'd known him.

"I know what you saw looked really bad, but it wasn't what it looked like!" Big G countered, looking up at Finn, pleadingly.

"Funny, because it looked like you were sticking your tongue down my girlfriend's throat." he countered.

"It was a favour! I asked her if she could pretend to be my girlfriend at the party because I was trying to win back my ex girlfriend! I said I'd get her a new hi fi if she did it for me…it didn't mean anything. She was just doing it as a friend."

Chop and Archie visibly relaxed, glad of finally receiving a feasible explanation. Finn only blinked.

"Do you expect me to believe that?" Finn said quietly, his tone notably softer.

"It's true! Do you really think there'd be something going on between us two? Does that make even a little bit of sense?" he continued, Finn's eyes flickering as he contemplated Big G's words.

"Finn…" Archie said from Finn's side, eyeing his conflicted expression. Finn jerked his head ever so slightly in his direction, indicating that he was listening.

"She really loves you, she's told me. You know she loves you…I think he's telling the truth, I honestly do."

Chop joined in: "Me too, mate. These two…" he pointed to Big G and nothing, the 'nothing' implied to be Rae. "…don't make no sense, but you two…" he pointed to Finn and kept his other hand on the invisible Rae. "…make sense." Chop shrugged, not needing to say anything more. Finn's eyes flickered shut. He swayed in the doorway as if experiencing a severe migraine, before looking back at Big G and asking:

"Just answer me this – why the fuck are you two mates? Why did you become friendly with her all of a sudden when you were such a shit 'ead to her for so long?"

Big G rocked on his feet uncomfortably.

"She didn't tell ya?"

Finn tensed, still coiled despite the testimonials from the three boys. "Tell me what?"

He walked down the steps so he was level with Big G, eyeing him relentlessly.

"It was ages ago…it probably doesn't matter now…" Big G avoided Finn's gaze, fiddling with the piece of paper he had in his hand, which Finn assumed had his address on it.

"Tell me, please. I wanna know."

Big G sighed. He mumbled to himself: "She'll kill me for this." before clearing his throat, finally looking Finn in the eye.

"A while ago, Rae tried to…" he stopped himself, unable to phrase it. Finn's jaw tightened, knowing of Rae's history. He hoped he wasn't about to say what he was thinking…

Big G swallowed, glancing at Archie and Chop before returning his gaze to Finn, looking solemn. "I think she was trying to kill herself; at least, she was standing on the overpass and she stepped out in front of my car. She was fine, luckily – only knocked her head, but I couldn't help but think she was trying to… she looked dead sad, like, almost dead inside as she walked out…"

Finn's eyes had long since left Big G's, he was instead staring down into space, his eyes misting up and his fists clenched.

"When was this?" Archie asked from over Finn's shoulder, voice wracked with concern. Big G cast his mind back.

"Nearly 6 months ago, now. That's how we got to know each other…and I apologised for everything I'd done afterwards."

"I need to see her." Finn said suddenly, walking towards the end of the drive as if in a trance. Archie and Chop stopped him.

"Might be a good idea to shower first, mate. No offence but, you're a bit ripe." Archie said, holding his shoulder.

"Then we'll take ya to see Rae." Chop said, voice unusually flat after what he'd just heard, Chop not referring to her as 'Raemundo' the most jarring part of the sentence. Finn nodded, vacantly, almost running back to the house to get it over with quickly, Big G walking off, hoping what he'd said had made a difference.

Finn showered like his life depended on it, towel drying his hair as he scrabbled around for clothes. He felt like an idiot – of course it meant nothing; he knew even then that it didn't seem right, that Rae didn't belong there, didn't belong with Big G. He'd reacted instinctively, programmed to fear the worst. That didn't matter so much now; all he knew was he needed to see her, now he knew the truth. When he got his clothes on, he ran downstairs, slipping on his shoes and running to Chop's car, his hair still damp and all over the place.

Chop set off, Finn not having any real plan for when he saw her, his mind too busy processing what Big G had told him. He felt a mixture of intense relief and insane worry, the thought of a world without Rae something he couldn't compute. He thanked his lucky stars that she'd survived, the revelation highlighting just how precious she was to him. He knew her well enough to know she'd have beaten herself up to the ends of the earth over what happened, even when she only had good intentions. Yeah, kissing him was stupid, but she'd more than paid for her mistake since then.

Finn sat on the edge of the back seat, looking at the houses as they passed, gripping onto the passenger headrest in anticipation. When Chop pulled up to Rae's house, Finn practically fell out of the car before sprinting to her door. Knocking on it manically, he shouted her name, Rae opening the door within seconds as Archie and Chop looked on, sitting on Chop's bonnet.

Rae's cheeks were streaked with tears and her eyes were red.

"Finn." she sobbed out. "I'm so so-" the last word was stopped by Finn's lips on hers as he stepped into the house to kiss her, holding her head in his hands.

She clung to the t-shirt fabric on his back, as if afraid he'd run away again if she didn't, Finn's tongue warm in her mouth as he pulled her closer to him, his cheeks becoming damp with the tears from her face.

Neither of them noticed Karim poke his head out from the front room before backing away awkwardly.

Archie and Chop became bored at not being able to see anything, so they started chatting about Rae, reminiscing about their times together, both waiting to go over and both give her a hug after Finn had finished getting her back.

After Rae and Finn broke apart, he looked at her with the look of adoration she so sorely missed, the rush of relief at having him back almost overwhelming her.

"I was so stupid." she said quietly, sniffing.

"Yeah you were but…so was I. I shoulda listened to ya, but…I was angry."

Rae nodded. "I know, I don't blame ya. I was so out of order it was unreal. I wish I could take it all back…"

"I know. I know you do."

They stood in silence for a few moments, before Rae whispered: "I love you so much." sniffing again, a stray tear dripping onto her chest.

"I know that an'all." Finn said, smiling for the first time in days. "Just please, please don't lie to me anymore, Rae. Whatever it is, no matter what it is, just clue me in, alright?"

Rae nodded quickly, a decision she already made long ago. "No more lies, I promise." she said, looking him over in disbelief, as if he'd turn to smoke at any moment.

Finn kissed her once more, before being interrupted by Chop's voice behind him: "Alright mate, you've had your turn, now give us a go…" Finn rolling his eyes and smiling at Rae as he stepped down, Chop stepping up to hug her tight and rock her from side to side in his arms. "Hiya Chopper." Rae said, voice muffled by his chest.

"I love ya Raemundo, don't forget that, yeah?" he said, kissing her forehead as he released her. Rae knotted her brow, confused, but smiling along with it. "I love ya too Chop."

Chop had barely left Rae before Archie stepped up, hugging her tight and kissing her cheek.

"I love you Rae."

"Alright, what the fuck's going on?" Rae said over Archie's shoulder. Archie pulled back, looking from Chop to Finn, all three of them shrugging at the same time.

"Nothing." they said in unison, Finn making a mental note to talk about what Big G had said to them at some point, the 'no more lies' a two way street deal.

"Right blokes, I need to spend some quality time with my girlfriend so, if you'd like to run along." Finn said, waving them away, both of them retreating with mock offence. He ran after them as they were halfway to the car, saying a quiet "Thank you." to them both before running back to Rae, who was still thoroughly confused, but unbelievably happy along with it.

* * *

Everything was relatively back to normal within a few days, to the relief of both Rae and Finn, who were still licking their wounds but were more than making up for lost time as well.

Finn had barely gotten to the 'S' in 'OUTSIDE' before Rae shot up, grabbing Finn's hand without much ceremony and practically yanking him out of the pub without so much as looking back at their friends, who were so used to this happening they barely blinked.

Finn nibbled on Rae's ear as they walked, Rae giggling and fidgeting in his arms. He laid a raspberry on the nape of her neck and could feel the laugh she let out beneath his lips, making him smile as he stepped back to take her hand.

As they turned the corner to get to their favourite outdoor make-out spot, they were disappointed to find the area occupied, Rae letting out a frustrated "Fuck." as Finn sighed, shoulders sagging. The couple remained in their clinch, and it slowly dawned on Rae and Finn that they were looking at the intertwined bodies of Big G and Shelby. Rae shot Finn a proud smirk, wondering inwardly if it was too soon to make jokes. She was relieved when Finn shot her a warm smile before leading her away by the hand to find another place.


	12. Rae in a Coma - Finn's Reaction

_Prompt: Can you do an AU fic where Rae actually fell into a coma and Finn's reaction?_

* * *

Finn tied his tie in front of the hall mirror, wondering why the hell he was still going to Rae's Mum's wedding reception. Ever since he saw Rae snogging Archie at the rave he'd been in a foul mood, feeling a mixture of jealousy, embarrassment and anger - anger towards Rae. He'd kissed Chloe soon after, partly in revenge and partly as an attempt to distract himself from how rotten he was feeling. It hadn't worked, not really, and he'd slunk home soon after to lick his wounds, the bike ride tainted by the memory of Rae's arms around him mere hours before, making him feel worse.

He'd fell straight into bed when he got in, the lingering smell of Rae on his sheets the last twist of the knife. He'd actually been excited at the prospect of her staying over, to spend some quality time with her as he hadn't managed to do since the sexy party. He didn't expect anything to happen, no matter how much he wanted it to - he just wanted to at least be with her, to talk to her.

He'd allowed himself to hope that maybe she felt _something _other than friendship for him. If she'd even felt half as much for him as he did for her, that would be enough - the rest would follow, in Finn's mind, and he hoped for a chance to prove himself to her.

But he didn't have the chance to. Archie had seen to that; Archie, a constant niggle in Finn's mind, always there like a buzzing fly, ready to take Rae back, to snatch her away again before Finn even got a look in.

Finn had watched them both at the debrief that morning. He didn't know what he'd hoped for exactly, his mind staying in an annoying mess even as the day broke. Part of him wanted to find out the truth, to find out if she and Archie were back on so he could tell himself, with final emphasis, that he had been kidding himself in regards to something ever happening between him and Rae. At least then he could begin to move on, maybe date Chloe, see how that went. He knew though, even as he thought it, that it wouldn't be as simple as all that. He'd fallen for Rae, hard, the aggravated intimidation turned hopeless crush evolving rapidly into new and often scary feelings, their depth completely new to Finn. Although he was fighting it with every inch of him, he was still hopelessly gone on her, and if he'd lost his chance once and for all, it would be a slow healing process, he was sure of it.

Then there was that little glimmer of hope that hung somewhere in his brain, allowing him to speculate that maybe there wasn't anything going on between them…but then he reminded himself that it didn't change her lack of interest in him. He'd still be barking up the wrong tree, he thought grimly.

So the thought of seeing her that afternoon didn't fill him with much joy. Maybe if he got drunk and reckless enough he'd have it out with her, lay out all his feelings and frustrations and see where the chips fell, but then, why should he? Why keep plugging away at a lost cause?

Finn was shocked out of his deep thoughts by the phone ringing nearby. He called to his Dad: "I'll get it." his voice heavy amidst his sulking. After picking up the receiver, he held in a groan as he heard the voice of someone he really didn't want to talk to right then.

"Finn? It's Archie."

Despite being pissed off with him, Finn's natural loyalty won out as he realised Archie was…crying? His voice was thick and he heard a sniff.

"What's wrong? Are you cryin'?" Finn asked, brow furrowed.

"Yeah I am…listen mate, the reception isn't on tonight, because…"

Archie let out a sob, Finn's chest tightening, heart beating a little faster. He'd never heard Archie in such a state. He had to know what had happened…

"What's 'appened?" Finn asked, voice shaking.

"It's awful. Rae's been in an accident…" The sky fell on Finn in that moment, the weight of Archie's words crushing him.

"Wha'? Is she alright?" Finn asked, his voice laden with fear.

"I don't…I don't know." Archie forced his words out between wet sobs. "They've taken her to the hospital and last I heard they're operating on her, but she was unconscious when they found her. I'm round the pub now with the others, on a pay phone. We're all so upset."

"I'm coming over." Finn said, slamming down the phone. He didn't know what else to do. All he knew was he had to know what happened, had to be filled in fully. He felt tears burn his eyes, threatening to fall, but fear and determination stopped them, his heart hammering against his ribs.

He grabbed his jacket and his helmet, the sight of the spare helmet next to it like a needle in his brain. Getting on his scooter, he arrived at the pub in 4 minutes flat, going inside to find all the reception decorations up and his friends in their formal wear, sitting at their usual table. Archie and Izzy's eyes were red, Chop's face pale and vacant. Chloe looked up at him as he walked in, blinking back tears as he approached them. Nobody had any drinks, and Finn glanced around the pub, noticing smatterings of worried faces, faces of the people he assumed were Rae's family friends and relatives.

"I still can't believe it." Archie said as Finn sat down. "We only saw her this morning."

Izzy sniffed, Chop slinging an arm around her and pulling her close to him. She wrapped her arms around his waist, closing her eyes as she rested her cheek against his chest. "Poor Rae." she said quietly.

"What-" Finn began, voice barely there. "Does anybody know what happened to her?"

He looked at Chloe, who nodded, expression grave and a tear spilling out onto her cheek as she did so.

"We saw a friend of the bloke who was driving the car…" she began, quietly.

"Car, what car?" Finn asked sharply.

Chloe took a deep breath, wiping the tear from her eye and sitting upright. "Rae was on Dunham Bridge this afternoon, and she stepped out in front of a car. Last we heard, the doctors were operating on her. We haven't heard anything since."

Finn looked down at the table, his heart still pounding in fear. His eyes were wet, but he was still too wired to cry. Combing a hand through his hair, he stood up, walking out to his bike without a second thought.

"Finn? Where you going?" Archie asked after him, voice strained. Chloe followed him to his scooter, watching from a short distance as he mounted it.

"Which hospital is she in?" Finn asked as he slipped on his helmet.

"Lincoln County. Finn…" Finn looked around.

"Take me with ya?" she asked, voice quivering under the threat of tears.

Finn jerked his head to the case on the back of his scooter, Chloe lifting out the helmet from it, and slipping it on.

"Wait a minute." she said, running back to the pub.

"Chloe, c'mon!" Finn shouted from the bike, his nerves on edge. He had to get to the hospital, he just had to. He couldn't just sit there with his friends and not know the details. He had to find out that Rae was ok. He had to find out that Rae had pulled through, to be there when she woke up to tell her what a silly moo she'd been for not looking both ways. He had to see that smile again, the 'you're a twat' smile she would shoot at him that made his heart soar every time. The memory of her smile made him lose control briefly, a few tears springing out onto his cheeks. He clenched his fists to compose himself.

_Don't cry, she's fine. She'll be alright. She has to be alright._

He struggled to swallow, his throat thick. He let out a quiet "Fuck!" before Chloe returned wearing Chop's pull over hoody, mounting the bike behind him and patting him on his shoulder when she was ready for him to pull away.

The ride there was a mess of fears and self imposed assurances. The tears on Finn's cheeks quickly dried under the wind beating down on his face, the last time he saw Rae playing over and over in his head. The last second he saw her…her hair disappearing behind the wall of the chippy as she vanished from view…

He and Chloe ran into the hospital after finding somewhere to park, both walking quickly through the halls to look for the communal waiting room. Finn suddenly felt glad to have Chloe there, as he didn't know Rae's Mum too well. He didn't think ahead - didn't care enough to. He just knew he had to get to Rae, the compulsion to be near her overwhelming him. He loved her, of that he was sure, but before all that, Rae was one of his best friends. No matter what bullshit had elapsed, of that he was completely sure of.

Chloe spotted Linda and Karim first, both in their wedding clothes. She tugged on Finn's sleeve, pointing to them. They were standing up, Karim's arm around Linda's shoulder, both talking to a surgeon. As Finn and Chloe walked towards them, Finn felt his stomach clench as Linda broke down, pressing her forehead against Karim's shoulder as he rubbed her back, looking confused but, like Finn, assuming the worst.

_Please no. Please…don't let anything have happened to her. _

Finn couldn't stop himself, running to the doctor, breathless and wide eyed.

"What's happened? Is Rae alright?"

Linda turned, eyeing up Finn through her tears, before her face slackened in understanding. Finn heard Chloe speak from beside him.

"We're Rae's friends. Is she alright?"

The surgeon gave them a sympathetic smile.

"We've managed to stop the internal bleeding, but I'm afraid Rachel has fallen into a coma. We will be keeping her under surveillance but there is a chance she may not pull through. I'm sorry."

The last of the surgeon's words faded into white noise as Finn tried to process what he'd heard. His breath began coming out hard and ragged, and he found himself covering his face with his hands and clenching his eyes shut in pain. He felt Chloe's hand on his back, heard her say his name gently amidst the high pitched ringing in his ears.

He kept repeating the word "No" as he shook his head, still covering his face. When he pulled them away he allowed some tears through, letting out a frustrated: "This wasn't supposed to happen!" the surgeon offering them another apology before retreating. Chloe rubbed Finn's back, looking shell shocked. "It'll be alright. She'll get through it." she said quietly.

"Chloe's right, love." Rae's Mum reasoned, shakily. "Rae's a fighter. She'll come back to us." She tried to smile, but didn't manage it, her eyes empty and dull. Finn stood in the busy waiting room, letting out a sigh and closing his eyes once more.

"Can I stay?" he asked, looking up at Linda pleadingly, eyes wet and red. "I-I need to stay. I need to be near 'er."

"You'll have to go home sometime, Finn." Chloe said in a near whisper.

Finn shook his head. "No. I wanna stay. I'll get me Dad to drop off some stuff to me. I need to be here when she…" he swallowed, taking a deep breath. "…when she wakes up."

Finn thought Chloe would question him, but as he looked at her he noticed something visibly click into place for her. He could see by the hardening of her eyes that she realised how Finn felt about Rae. She nodded.

"I'll go and call the guys, tell 'em…" she couldn't finish the sentence, her eyes sinking to the floor before she gave a sympathetic look to Linda and Karim, walking away to find a pay phone.

"I - I think they only allow families to stay with patients…" Linda reasoned, quietly.

"Can't you tell 'em I'm her brother or something? Her cousin?" Finn pleaded. "If I can't wait with ya I'll wait in here, if I have to." Finn continued, looking around the room before returning his relentless gaze to the newlyweds.

Linda looked him up and down, his clear determination softening her already weak resistance. "Course you can wait with us, if you're sure. I know Rae will be glad to have a friend here when she comes round. We'll work something out."

Friend. Friend. _Friend. _How Finn desperately wished at that moment that he wasn't just her friend. He wished he could have ran up to the surgeon and said the words: "I'm Rae's boyfriend." He knew then he wouldn't have to plead his case, that Linda wouldn't think twice about him wanting to stay.

Finn left to look for Chloe, planning on calling his Dad to tell him where he was, to tell him to bring a bag of his things.

Chloe was en route back, and he met her halfway.

"I've called my Dad. He's coming to take me home. You know my number, don't you?" she asked. Finn nodded.

"Ring me as soon as she wakes up, yeah?" she pleaded, Finn nodding again. Looking around, she gestured for Finn to sit next to her in the reception waiting area.

Finn looked down at his hands, which were joined between his open legs, biting the inside of his mouth, his misery painfully apparent. He felt Chloe's gaze upon him.

"I need to show you something…I know it'll probably make you feel worse, but, I think you need to know how…" Chloe swallowed, looking down at her knees.

Finn looked up at her. "How what?"

Chloe sniffed, her face crinkling as another tear spilled out onto her cheek. Without saying anything else, she reached down into Chop's hoody through the neck hole, pulling a folded piece of paper from her cleavage.

Handing it to Finn, she spoke shakily as he unwrapped it.

"I found this in Rae's bag this mornin'. She'll kill me for giving it to you, but, I think you have a right to know how she felt…" she swallowed again, taking a deep breath. "…how she feels about ya."

Finn looked at the paper through tender, glossy eyes, tracing his fingers over Rae's handwriting, her declarations of love surrounding his cut out form.

"Rae…why didn't you tell me?" he whispered to himself, shaking his head. He couldn't help it any longer, his shoulders shaking as he broke down, letting out a strangled cry, doubling over.

"Oh Finn…" Chloe said, letting herself cry too. She wrapped her arm around his back, pressing her forehead to his shoulder as he wept.

"I can't…I can't lose her Chlo-" he tried to force out between his sobs, Chloe hearing enough to understand.

"She's gonna be fine!" she said forcefully between her tears, pulling back to look at Finn's hanging head. "Rae's the strongest person I know. She's been through so much…she'll get through this too, you can count on it."

Finn sat up slowly, wiping his eyes with his sleeve. He nodded.

"I know. I know she will. She has to." he said quietly. He followed Chloe's gaze as she looked behind him, turning to find Karim standing nearby. Walking towards them, he spoke to Finn.

"Follow me." he said. "We go…" he pointed up the hallway, and Finn understood that they were being moved to a family waiting room. Finn nodded.

"Chloe, could you call m'Dad when you get home? Tell him to come here with some overnight stuff?" Finn asked Chloe, who nodded. "Sure."

Finn chanced a small, tear soaked smile, Chloe hugging him before he stood up to follow Karim, carefully folding the piece of paper in his hand and putting it in his shirt pocket. He wiped his nose and eyes with his sleeves, wanting to stay strong in front of Rae's Mum.

Linda was sitting on one of the seats, staring off into space. She looked up at Finn as he walked in, giving him a small smile that didn't reach her eyes.

"Is Chloe goin' home?" she croaked, Finn nodding as he sat down opposite her, looking around at the peeling wallpaper and the fake flowers.

"I go…I go home, I get, errr…vêtements?" Karim spoke quietly to his wife, hand on her shoulder.

"Yes, yes please." she replied after catching on, nodding. He gave her a small kiss before patting Finn's shoulder as he left, leaving Finn and Linda alone to languish in quiet fear.

Finn stared off into space, too, eyes closing tight every now and then when he thought about Rae's smile, the piece of paper in his shirt making his heart burn.

"The doctor said that they're getting a bed ready next to Rae's room." Linda said to Finn quietly, Finn managing to fix his far away gaze on her.

"But I doubt we'll need it. She'll wake up tonight, I'd imagine. We'll have her home before you know it." Linda continued with forced optimism, Finn giving her a tiny smile and half nodding. After a while, he asked: "When are we allowed to see her?"

Linda's eyes flickered. "I err, I'm not sure. Soon I'd imagine."

Finn nodded, his eyes glazing over once more, as did Linda's.

"You and Rae are close, then?" Linda asked, wanting to distract herself from the mire of her thoughts.

"Yeah. We're best mates." he said, his voice gravelly.

"She often talks about ya. Finn this and Finn that. 'I'm going over to Finn's to listen to some Reggae.' 'Maybe Karim should get a scooter to go around town in. Finn's got a good scooter.' She'll be glad. Glad you're here." Linda rambled, picking up a magazine from the table in front of her before dropping it back, fidgeting in her seat. Her face contorted in sadness briefly, before she desperately tried to compose herself.

Finn's need to see Rae was starting to become unbearable. He gripped the fabric of his trousers, trying not to imagine how she was looking at that moment. He'd seen enough episodes of Casualty for his imagination to run away with him.

Time seemed to slip by in a blur, Finn's Dad coming into the room before he knew it, giving his son a tight hug and sitting with him for a while, going through what he brought.

"I nipped to the shops to get you some travel stuff. I doubt you'll have access to normal amenities, apart from the public bathrooms, so I got you some chewable tooth brushes, as well as your normal tooth brush and toothpaste, some clean clothes, wet wipes, that weird dry shampoo stuff your Mum uses, your aftershave, some of your mags, and there's money here so you can get food from the canteen. Oh and I bought you some ciggies." he concluded, reaching into his jacket pocket, placing it on top of the duffel bag.

Finn was glad his Dad wasn't questioning him. Why would he? They both knew he'd be doing the same if his Mum were in a coma.

"Thanks Dad." Finn said.

"You let us know when she comes through it, alright? Your Mum and I are thinking of ya, of all of ya." he said, looking at Linda. She smiled a thank you at him before he squeezed Finn's shoulder, giving him one last concerned look as he left.

Karim soon came back, too, Linda leaving briefly to get changed.

Finn jerked every time somebody walked in, tensing in his seat before slinking in disappointment. He was getting through his packet of fags quickly, a good excuse for him to stretch his legs. He was smoking his 5th cigarette when Karim came out to get him, Finn stubbing his fag out sharpish before following. The nurse stopped them as they got back into the family waiting room, Linda getting her things ready.

"I'm afraid only family can stay with Rachel at this time." she said, looking sympathetically at Finn.

Linda made to defend him, but Finn exclaimed "But I'm her boyfriend." without a seconds pause, figuring the cousin excuse wouldn't quite slide.

The nurse looked at Linda, who was looking at Finn in slight shock, before nodding at her. "He is. Please let him come with us. They're inseparable, those two." she joked, the nurse sighing as she relented. "There's only one bed, though." she said.

Finn nodded. "That's fine. I'll sleep in a chair or something." he continued as he grabbed his bag. Like he could even think of sleeping at a time like this.

Finn's heart was practically in his mouth as he followed the nurse to Rae's room, longing to see her but also dreading what he might be faced with.

He held his breath has he entered her room, dropping his bag by the door. Linda ran over to her side, gently touching her arm and looking down at her sleeping form.

Finn stepped closer, tears welling as he looked down at Rae. She was connected to beeping machinery, a tube in her mouth and in her nose. She was connected to an IV drip like in Casualty, Finn noticed. There was a big red graze across her cheek and her eye was bruised, blood matting her dark hair. Her right arm was in a cast, and Finn gently touched it as he walked to the other side of her bed, a tear spilling from his eye down onto the bed sheets covering her.

Karim stood at the end of the bed, looking sadly at Rae, before moving towards his wife and holding her in his arms as she pressed her hand to her mouth.

"Oh Rae, you silly girl." Linda started before breaking into sobs, Karim rubbing her shoulders.

Finn slowly sat down on the seat next to Rae's bed, keeping his eye fixed on her all the while. He would have given anything to have her open her eyes and smile at him in that moment, seeing her like this such a vast contrast to her usual, loud brightness.

She didn't wake up that night, or the night after that, Finn hardly moving from her side as she continued to sleep. He'd call his parents and Chloe every day to give them an update, Chloe then telling the rest of the gang. As time passed, people sent flowers and gifts, her room filling up with cards and well wishes. Whenever Linda went into the next room to sleep, Finn would talk to Rae during the night, reading her pages from NME or just chatting about general stuff. When his exhaustion got too much, he'd take small naps during the day, pleading with Linda to wake him after a couple of hours or as soon as Rae woke up. Karim would go back to Rae's house to sleep before coming back to visit when he could.

Finn read some of the cards out to her, the biggest gift coming from a 'Mrs Dewhurst', a huge bunch of flowers that stung Finn's nostrils as he smelled them, a big yellow card accompany it. She also sent a large purple teddy bear, Finn often bringing it up during his one sided conversations with her.

"Can't wait to see your face when you clock that teddy. Doubt it'll fit into your bedroom, there ain't any room for it, is there! I've called him Morrissey. I think it suits him."

There was also a card from a 'Kester', as well as a big framed picture of Buster Keaton.

"I don't know who this Kester guy is, but he seems cool." Finn nodded, smiling down at Rae's oblivious form.

As time passed, Finn talked to Rae during the day as well, Linda looking at him fondly as he did so.

Finn looked back at her bashfully. "I know she probably can't hear me, but…you never know." he said quietly, gently stroking the bed sheets.

"She'd rather hear your voice than mine, I'd say." she said, her eyes drooping.

Before long, she left to sleep in the next room, giving Rae a gentle kiss on her forehead, as she always did.

Waiting for Linda to close the door behind her, he gazed at Rae, watching her chest rise and fall as she breathed.

It was the 5th night she'd been in the coma, the toll of the waiting game apparent on Finn, whose hair was mussed and his clothes creased, his body odour becoming apparent despite his liberal use of wet wipes and deodorant.

_"I'm thinkin'…how I'm gonna tell ya that you smell of b.o."_

Rae's voice echoed in his head as it had done for the past 6 days, Finn smiling briefly at the memory before returning to his previous stoic expression.

"C'mon, Rae Rae…what ya doing, ay? You should be up by now, up and about. The gang are all missin' ya like crazy…and what about me? I need some more personal hygiene tips from ya." he let out a toothy grin, which was brief, as all his nostalgic smiles were. He looked down at his knees, frowning, before looking back up, his jaw clenched.

"I need…I need to tell ya something, actually. I've got a confession to make. Now, I know you're probably gonna get angry, but, please don't be too mad at Chloe because, she meant well…I mean, I'm surprised she did it at all considering…" he cleared his throat, losing track. "…anyway, look, Chloe found this…" he took the piece of paper from his jeans pocket, keeping it with him the entire time he'd waited in Rae's room. Unfolding it, he showed it to Rae's unseeing eyes, before looking at it once more with a fond smile, folding it again.

"…so, I know your secret. I know that ya…that ya love me so, you need to wake up so you and I can, ya know, start something up. That'll be nice, won't it? I know it'll be nice for me…it makes me real happy just thinking about it, ya know…you being my girlfriend and stuff." Finn nodded, swallowing over the catch in his throat.

"Can ya see the gang's faces when they find out we've got together? Bet they wouldn't be expecting it, not with how we were at the beginning, anyway. So I guess what ya need to do now is wake up so we can find out…so we can tell them together that we…that I…"

Finn closed his eyes in pain, looking down once more as he let out another sob, swallowing it down before visibly composing himself, looking back up at Rae. He looked down the length of her arm, before settling his watery gaze on her shoulder, reaching out to gently move the sleeve of Rae's hospital gown upwards, lifting his other hand to her upper arm, softly placing his index finger on her skin.

He wrote the words he still couldn't say out loud, despite him speaking more in the last 6 days than he had done his entire life.

'I…l.o.v.e…u.'

Finn wasn't an idiot. He knew it wouldn't be like in the films where the girl wakes up as soon as the love of her life kisses her comatose lips or declares his love to her passionately, yelling at her unconscious, suspiciously well made up face before her eyes flicker open and they live happily ever after.

He knew he'd have to tell her all of this again once she'd woken up, would have to watch as she cringed in embarrassment at him presenting the piece of paper. He was considering just declaring his love to her without including it, saving her and Chloe the agro, but that could all be planned later. That could wait.

She just needed to wake up.

Finn didn't even entertain the option of her staying asleep, didn't even comprehend a future where she wasn't in it. When doctors would check on her with severe expressions, he'd ignore them, convinced Rae was a fighter. He didn't want their last encounter to be that of animosity and awkwardness. He had so much to explain, so much to prove, they had their whole life ahead of them. Could life be really so cruel as to snatch his first love away from him before he even got the chance to tell her how he felt?

After returning from making his daily phone call on the 7th day, he picked up a coffee for Linda as well as the new issue of NME. Sitting down in the indentation he'd made for himself in 'his chair', as it now was, he opened up the magazine.

"Damon Albarn's in this. You fancy him, don't ya. I'll get to his interview in a bit…let's see those album reviews first…" He flicked the pages, stopping on something that caught his eye.

"Hey Rae, there's a book you can get that gives you tips on how to start your own radio station, like, equipment you can buy and stuff…bet it'll be expensive but, it would be cool, wouldn't it? We can be co-hosts. You'll be the chatterbox and I'll be the quiet one who just hums into the mic every now and then, and you can take the piss outta me and we can fight over which tunes to put on…"

"I dread to think what sort of music you two would play. All doom and gloom stuff. Some of the songs I hear coming out of Rae's room…they make my bloody ears bleed." Linda supplied, sipping her coffee.

"Guess you won't be tuning in then?" Finn smiled, Linda shaking her head, crinkling her nose. They'd formed an unspoken bond between them in their mutual diligence. Linda had developed a fondness for the lad who was clearly smitten with her daughter, and not only that, a lad who was truly worthy of her.

Finn began reading the album reviews, keeping his eyes fixed on the page as he did so.

"Finn." he heard Linda say, his eyes snapping up to see her looking like she'd frozen solid, staring at Rae. Finn's breath became shallow as he slowly turned his head, his heart leaping across the room as he noticed Rae's eyelids were open, her brow furrowed as she surveyed the room. Finn stood, dropping the magazine to the floor, Linda standing up to call for the doctor through the doorway. He stared down at her, breathing heavily, the emptiness he'd felt in his chest immediately replaced with a searing elation.

He thought his heart would explode when her weary eyes focussed on his, her brow easing as she realised who she was looking up at. Finn watched as the corner of her mouth twitched in what he knew was an attempt to smile.

"Alright, Rae Rae?" he whispered, beaming back down at her, completely oblivious to the doctors and nurses flurrying around them.


	13. Finn Passing Away

_So this is my fic response to the prompt initially sent to butyoushouldbemine. She didn't wish to fulfil it and an anon recommended me to give it a go, so I have done. The prompt was 'Finn dying' and I will say that I cried whilst writing this. Haha! Hope you all like. :)_

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Rae stood at the window gazing at the country lane that connected the house to the main road. The wind was rough and she could hear it rattle the windows and the back door as it blew, the sound of the sea crashing against the rocks not too far away accompanying it. She sipped from the mug of tea in her hand, moving the curtain slightly, a false alarm making her weary heart skip as it had done several times over the past 20 minutes. She'd got to the house ahead of Finn, telling him she wanted to get everything just so for him, so he could be as comfortable as possible. She'd left their daughter Laura with him, who'd reassured her mother that she wouldn't be long, would be at the house within an hour of Rae giving her the 'ok'.

Rae turned away from the window, looking at the house that had always been more of a holiday home for her family than a place of permanent residency. Finn had always loved it there, the family spending at least two weeks a year holidaying in Argyll, the peaceful beauty of the area a constant draw for them all. They'd started going there with Laura after she'd turned 8, making it a bi-yearly thing, always renting the same cottage on the coast until Rae and Finn had saved up enough to buy it.

Doing up the place had been a labour of love for Finn after he'd retired, Rae helping where she could but leaving him to do most of it. She didn't share her husband's enthusiasm for DIY, but was always partial to sitting on the arm chair with a cuppa and some biscuits, enjoying the view as Finn's shirt rode up when he'd reach up to paint the ceiling on the stepladder. Sure, he was almost 63, had a beer belly and a hairy chest, but he was still sex on legs in Rae's eyes.

Their friends would often be completely bemused as to why he and Rae didn't fly off to a warm country somewhere, off to some glamorous villa in Cyprus or similar.

"What, so we can spent our twilight years lounging about under the sun until our skin flakes off?" Finn would scoff.

"Beaches were never our thing, you know that." he'd join.

"Rae and me, we're the adventurous types, aren't we love. We like explorin', walking around, seeing the sights, that sorta thing."

"I've never liked the hot weather, anyway." Rae pointed out, crinkling her nose.

It suited them, and they were happy there. Laura never complained either, maybe once or twice during her teen years when she'd rather have gone to Ibiza with her friends than go to Scotland with her folks. She'd always have fun once she got there, whether it be playing board games with her parents when it was raining outside or flying kites with her Dad whilst her Mum looked on, fighting back a panic attack.

"That kite cost £150!" she'd yell, wrapping her cardigan tighter around herself as Finn and Laura laughed.

They'd go to the beach beneath them in warmer weather, Laura often making friends with the locals, even having a romance or two that she'd try to tactfully hide from her overprotective Dad.

For Laura's 16th Birthday, Finn surprised her with her very own treehouse with all the mod cons thrown in. It had dawned on Rae as they watched their ecstatic daughter practically leap up the ladder into it, that it had also been a present for her, too, what with Finn throwing her a cheeky wink. She'd thought back to the previous four years of holidaying there, trying to make love as quietly as possible so as to reduce the risk of traumatising their daughter, Rae's own teenage memories of her Mum and Karim having it off in the next room a key factor to that decision. She'd smiled as she felt Finn's hand snake downwards before resting on her right buttock…and it wasn't even _her _Birthday for another three months.

Rae looked at the weathered tree house with a fond smile, her tea going cold. Her daughter hadn't slept in there for 16 years, had been too busy to join her parents on their family holidays since she was 22. Now she was coming back for one last holiday where it'd still be the three of them. Rae felt tears sting her eyes, taking a deep breath to compose herself. She had to be strong for her family, to make Finn's last few weeks as happy, comfortable and peaceful as possible. That didn't involve tears.

Rae's ears pricked as she heard a car pull into the driveway. She moved to put the mug in the sink before wiping her cheeks, giving herself a once over in the hallway mirror. Her hair was still quite long and straight, but it was now grey. She'd taken to wearing baggy jumpers and leggings with the slippers Laura had bought her for Christmas two years ago. She didn't see the point of venturing outside without her husband, preferring to be wherever he was, especially at that time.

Rae plastered on a bright demeanor before leaving the house.

"Alright Mum." Laura chimed, helping her Dad who was already halfway out of the passenger door.

"Alright darling. Hello baldy." she'd chimed to Finn, who threw her his trademark grin as he stood upright. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders, giving him a big kiss, his hand moving slowly towards the small of her back. She could feel his shoulder blades under her arms. He was practically skin and bone, losing weight rapidly since he was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer a year before. She was relieved to have had time to nip into town to buy all of his favourite food and drink, although she doubted he'd have much of an appetite.

As she parted from him, she mirrored his beam, unthreading herself to give Laura a kiss and a hug.

"How was the drive?" she'd asked.

"It were fine. Bloody hell, it's chilly out'ere int it." she remarked, her short brown hair all over the place as she rubbed her arms.

"Get inside then. The heating's on." Rae ordered, giving Finn a gentle slap on the bum as he slowly made his way to the front door, looking at the house with a fond smile. Rae opened the boot of the car, getting the remainder of Finn's things from it before following her family inside.

Finn was looking around, his arm linked with Laura's who was also drinking in the surroundings.

"How long is it since you've been here, Dad?" she asked, smiling at the paintings she'd made as a toddler on the fridge.

"Not long, I don't think…Rae, when was I here last?" Finn asked her as she set the cases down in the hallway.

Rae cast her mind back.

"It was before you started your treatment, so, two years ago?"

Finn nodded in response. "Sounds about right. It's amazin' to be back." he grinned, moving with his daughter to the sliding doors facing out to the cliff edge half a mile away, placing his calloused hand on the cool glass.

Finn had already seen his friends before his last stint at the hospital, their last visitors being Archie and his partner, Derek, who spent the weekend with them in their home in York. When Finn had decided to stop the treatment, he and Rae had gone on a cruise around Scandinavia with Chop, Izzy, their children and their grandchildren. It had been a full house, but they'd loved every minute of it, Rae relishing having Finn's spark back.

For Rae's 67th Birthday, Chloe had arranged a huge party for Rae's entire group of family and friends, all the old gang there as well as the mates her and Finn had made along the way. She felt supremely lucky to be as close to the old gang as she'd always been. Even during the times life had separated them, they'd still reunite as if nothing had changed.

She'd lost her beloved Tix almost 28 years prior, never failing to visit her burial site on the anniversary of her passing, always reuniting with Danny whenever she did so.

Izzy hadn't been a stranger to cancer herself, as she had been diagnosed with breast cancer when she'd turned 43, before thankfully going into remission after a course of treatment. She'd been a rock to the couple when Finn was first diagnosed.

Now was the time for Finn to spend with his family, his two favourite women on the planet. Rae could tell he was exhausted from 'making the rounds' as he called it.

Rae and Laura set to work cooking tea after setting Finn down on his armchair in front of the TV with a can of his favourite beer. Rae had tucked thick blankets over his knees, lifting his face up by the chin to give him a peck before moving to the larder.

They all ate in the living room, the open fire always on. They all chatted away the evening before Finn's eyes began to droop, Laura and Rae helping him to his bed.

"I won't be long." Rae whispered to Finn, before she moved to the front room with her daughter. She noticed Laura's face, which had been set into a look of cheeriness all afternoon, slacken slightly at the absence of her Dad. Laura glanced over at Rae, her eyes misty, before forcing another smile and walking towards the back doors of the house, grabbing Finn's tartan jacket as she went. Rae watched her as she stood outside with it wrapped tight around her, lighting a cigarette. Her hands were shaking, and Rae knew it wasn't just from the cold. Laura always wore her Dad's jacket for as long as Rae could remember. She'd need it with her as she went to sleep during her childhood, finding the smell and feel of it comforting. It didn't matter what jacket it was, a hoody would have done, but it just needed to have been worn by Finn.

Rae remembered her daughter laughing hysterically whenever Finn would storm into her room in the mornings demanding to have it back in mock anger, tickling her when she refused.

"No! It's my jacket!" she'd screech, giggling as he ran over to her.

"I'll teach you to steal my clothes!" he'd yell, Rae laughing from the hallway as he tickled his 6 year old daughter's ribs mercilessly before lifting her up in a fireman's carry to bring her downstairs.

Laura would even steal Finn's jacket when going on dates as a teenager, Finn shouting behind her as she left the house:

"Don't go spilling any food on it. That's real suede, that is." Laura often rolling her eyes and sighing in response before the door closed behind her.

Rae grabbed a jacket herself, opening the door slowly to join her daughter in the night air.

"I thought you quit?" Rae asked after a few moments of silence shared between them. Laura came to herself as if she hadn't noticed Rae had joined her. She jerked her head in Rae's direction.

"I only smoke when I'm stressed nowadays. Nicorette won't cut it." she said, her voice heavy and rough, jagged as she juddered. Rae nodded, her own happy façade melting.

"Has Janine taken you through all the machinery and stuff for Dad? She gave me some basic training on it, but I'm still a bit rusty." Laura asked, Rae nodding.

"Yeah, I've got it down pat now. Been practicing on one of those dummies they give ya. It's not hard. It won't be nearly as intensive now he…" she trailed off, letting the rest of the sentence evaporate between them.

Laura couldn't hold back anymore, her face scrunching as she began to sob, bringing her hand to her mouth.

"Oh sweetheart…" Rae said, tears springing to her own eyes. She moved over to Laura, rubbing her back.

"I'm sorry Mum…I'm sorry…" she wheezed, shaking her head.

"It's alright. It's alright…" she repeated, bringing Laura in for a tight hug, Laura breaking down even more as she scrunched the fabric of Rae's clothes.

"I know…we're supposed to be strong fer Dad, but…" she managed between sobs and sniffs, Rae stroking her hair and holding her tighter.

"You're not bloody Wonderwoman, Laura. This is hard for all of us." Rae comforted, voice quivering.

Laura continued to shake in Rae's arms as she wept, and Rae knew Laura was allowing herself this one moment of weakness before putting her brave face back on, knowing that this was the first time she'd spent alone with her daughter for a good while.

Rae allowed herself to cry too, the supreme misery she was feeling unmatched. The love of her life, the man she had been spent 51 happy years with was dying. Her love for him hadn't waned one iota throughout their time together, despite the rough patches they inevitably shared. She knew the feeling was mutual, and that the only woman Finn had ever loved more than Rae was in her arms in that moment.

Rae wiped Laura's eyes with a handkerchief she kept tucked under her sleeve, Laura's mouth still quivering but her eyes hardening in resolve.

"You've always been a brave woman, Laura. I know it means the world to your Dad that you're here with him." Rae said gently.

"I wouldn't want to be anywhere else." Laura said, with a final sniff.

Finn spent most of the first week relaxing, cuddling with his wife on the sofa and reminiscing about the past, making Rae and Laura laugh with old stories and anecdotes. He couldn't talk for long, however, tiring out quickly. Rae did most of the talking, Finn watching her with a warm fondness completely unchanged to how he used to look at her when they were both young.

Laura would keep nipping to the kitchen to bring in junk food, Finn managing to eat small amounts over time. Laura stuffing her face – another stress habit she'd picked up – with Rae finding she didn't have much of an appetite of late.

"Just be glad you've got your Dad's metabolism." Rae would chime to Laura as she went for her fourth Kit Kat, Finn rolling his eyes.

"Would you shurrup? You've always been drop dead gorgeous, both of ya." Finn said, voice hoarse but lined with amusement.

"Yeah well, I'll be hitting my 40s soon so I doubt Dad's metabolism will help me much then." Laura reasoned.

"You would look beautiful at any size, m'darling. Just like your Mum. She's always been a knock out, haven't ya?" Finn grinned at Rae, shaking her gently in his arms. She rolled her eyes with a smile whilst Laura looked on fondly.

"I wouldn't exactly go that far…" she began.

"Knock…" he interrupted before pecking her on the lips. "…out." he finished, pecking her again.

"Get a room!" Laura joked, but didn't say anything more as she watched Rae gaze into Finn's eyes, hand moving up to cup his chin gently in her hand. They were sharing their secret 'look', the one Laura would always roll her eyes and make gagging noises at when she was young.

Rae's eyes were brimming with tears as she lovingly beamed at him, scanning his face as if it would be disappearing in a few seconds and she'd have to memorise it for a quiz.

"I love you." she mouthed to him, Finn's face moving forward to touch their foreheads together. They sat there like that for a minute or two, Rae moving her thumb across the stubble on Finn's upper jaw and Finn's grasp on Rae's shoulder tightening. The silence that had fallen over the house was soon broken by Rae sniffing, making Finn pull back gently.

"Now, we'll have none of that, thank you." he scolded, Rae letting out a small laugh before pressing the back of her hand to her nose.

"Well you shouldn't be such a soppy git then, should ya!" Rae teased through her tears, getting her trusty hanky and dabbing her eyes.

"I can't help it if I'm a born romantic." he smiled, throwing Laura a wink, who laughed.

"Yeah, yeah, keep tellin' yaself that, Romeo." Rae joked, resting her head on his shoulder and linking her arm around his waist. Finn landed a kiss on her head before closing his eyes. Laura stood to pick up the rubbish from the table, mouthing 'Are you getting up?' to her Mum, who shook her head slightly. She held Finn tighter to her, closing her own eyes even though she wasn't tired. She just wanted to hear him breathe, to feel the warmth of his neck against her forehead, to be in his arms.

Neither of them knew how much time Finn had left. It could be a month, could be two months, could be three weeks…they didn't know. That was the scariest part, knowing he could pass on at any moment. That's why every second with him was precious.

It was Finn's 68th Birthday at the end of the first week, and Rae had nipped into town to buy a big cake, more for her and Laura as Finn had never had much of a sweet tooth. They'd done the honours, placing 68 candles on top of it as Finn watched, laughing at how hard they were both concentrating.

"You're gonna burn the bloody house down, after all the hard work I've put into it! Thanks a lot." Finn teased.

"We're going to need a flame thrower to light this." Laura said with a chuckle, Rae reaching into a cupboard to bring out the big lighter.

"It'll be alright. You're a right pair of fannies, you two." Rae joked, checking if the lighter worked.

"Just because we're not pyromaniacs doesn't mean we're fannies." Finn replied in mock offense. "Besides, clearly you're forgetting the legendary hog roast of 2009." he continued.

"Oh bloody hell, not this again!" Rae laughed, rolling her eyes.

"It were the size of a camel, I swear to ya. Chopper had doused it in god knows what, because he'd already got pissed on Malibu and Amaretto…" Finn said, Rae already laughing at the memory, Laura laughing at the pair of them, already hearing the story at least 20 times.

"…and before anyone could stop him he lit the bloody kindling, didn't he. It went up like a Hiroshima! People were screaming and knocking over tables…Chop was too far gone to do anything useful so Archie, me and Archie's boyfriend Mark all covered it in table cloths and whatever else we could get our hands on, before my lovely wife dragged me away, afraid f'my life…"

"I was the only sober one there on account of being eight months pregnant w'you." Rae smiled. "Ya see, your Dad likes to think he was the hero of the story, but he was also drunk, and the blankets did sod all so the fire brigade had to come anyway."

Laura laughed, as did Finn. "At least I kept my eyebrows." he said, wiggling them at Laura for emphasis.

Rae threw her head back to laugh once more, Laura knowing it was due to the memory of Chop having no eyebrows for at least two months after the event.

Rae opened the doors and windows as Laura lit the candles, grimacing as she did so.

"This isn't going to end well." she commented, Finn huffing out a laugh. At the sight of the candles all lit, he murmured "Maybe it's my turn to lose my eyebrows…"

Rae and Laura sang happy birthday to him, the moment inevitably bittersweet with the oppressive knowledge that this was going to be Finn's last celebrated Birthday. They managed to keep their composure, Rae finishing the song with a hasty: "Now, make ya wish quick before the curtains catch fire or something."

"Only if you two do it w'me." he said. The three of them all blew out the candles, Laura reaching over to kiss her Dad on the cheek after they were all extinguished, Rae doing the same on the other side.

"Well, aren't I a lucky bastard." Finn said, eyes shining as he gazed at his family.

"Too right you are." Rae said, removing the candles as Laura went to get the plates.

"I know you don't really do sweet stuff, but will ya have a little slice of this?" Rae asked, Finn nodding in response. After cutting him a small piece, they all moved to sit in the living room.

"Now, we've got a little Birthday surprise for ya, but if you're not up for it, just say…" Rae began, wiping icing from Finn's lips.

"I didn't want anything…" Finn mumbled before swallowing.

"Nothing lavish, don't worry, just something nice." Rae reasoned, picking up her fork once more to continue eating her slice.

"What is it then?" Finn asked, glance shifting from his wife to his daughter.

"I brought up a load of home movies from the old house, DVDs from when I was a baby and family holidays…stuff like that." Laura said, mouth full of cake.

Finn's face broke into a grin. "Brilliant." he said, with a quiet warmth.

"I'll put 'em on, shall I?" Laura continued, Finn nodding in response.

She did so, and the family sat drinking in the happy memories playing on the screen in front of them, Laura moving to sit on the other side of Finn on the sofa, Finn wrapping his arm around her as Laura snuggled into his chest. Rae held Finn's hand on the other side of him, legs crossed, relishing Finn's reaction to each moment. She was never sure if Finn was crying with laughter or sadness, speculating that it was a mixture of the two.

They would laugh at a few of the questionable fashion choices they had all made along the way, Finn calling out people he recognised once they'd appeared, followed by a mixture of phrases including: "Christ, I wonder what's happened to him?" and "Bloody hell, talk about blast from the past…" Finn squeezing Rae's hand whenever he spoke.

Finn fell silent as he realised he was watching footage of when he was 17, looking at Rae, eyes sparkling in glee.

"This was when we first met!" he said, Rae nodding.

It began with footage of him playing football, which he knew had been filmed by Rae. He'd walked up to the camera afterwards, sweaty and breathless, celebrating his team's victory by landing a kiss on his cheering girlfriend's lips, which you could hear as opposed to see.

"You were bloody brilliant." young Rae said, voice dripping with adulation.

"It's cos you were here, cheerin' me on." Finn replied, still catching his breath.

"Liar." Rae replied with a giggle, the camera filming the back of somebody's head in front of them as they embraced.

"Nice camera work there, Mum." Laura teased.

"Well, when a drop dead gorgeous adonis runs up to you and gives you a kiss, the last thing on your mind is where the camera is pointing." Rae jibed, looking over to Laura with a smirk.

Finn remained silent, completely fascinated by what he was seeing. The footage cut to a 17 year old Rae walking on a stage in what looked like a bar, holding a piece of paper in her shaking hands. You could hear Finn next to the camera, clapping and cheering, Rae giving him an embarrassed smile.

"You gettin' this?" you could hear Finn whisper, before a young Chloe's voice responded, annoyed: "Yeah I am! Chill out." before tutting and zooming in clumsily.

Rae began reading poetry to the punters, who all looked like hippies and university students.

"You've always been a good poet, Mum. I don't know why you stopped writing." Laura said quietly.

"Tell me about it." Finn remarked, before the camera moved to the 18 year old him on screen, smiling fondly at the stage.

"That look could melt steel." Rae commented, kissing Finn on the cheek.

After young Finn whooped and hollered as Rae descended the stage, the footage cut to Archie, Izzy and Chop as they sat on some grass drinking beer, Chop playing up to the camera as Izzy laughed.

"Rutland Waters." Finn and Rae said in unison.

Finn watched, wishing he could go back to that time, to relive the moment he met Rae and experience the first few years of their relationship over again, to relive every moment of his life with her, in fact, and to savour every second of it.

The weather became warmer as the second week began, the family deciding to venture down to the beach. They relived every moment spent there as they looked out to sea, Finn wrapped up in blankets and sitting on a deckchair as Laura paddled, Finn laughing as she jolted back out due to the cold.

"Don't be such a wimp." Finn teased, smiling up at her.

"You used to go into the sea in sub-zero temperatures in just a cozzi. What happened, girl?"

"Oh I dunno, a couple of decades?" she responded, flicking water at him from her hand as she sat to dry her feet.

They didn't stay out long before Finn began to feel the effects of the cold, despite the breeze being relatively still. They went back inside as evening fell, Rae giving them another surprise when they'd settled back in.

"I found some of this left over from a couple of months back." she smiled, eyebrows wiggling as she held up a sizable bag of cannabis. Laura let out an incredulous laugh. Without needing any more encouragement, Rae sat down next to Finn, rolling a large spliff and lighting it.

"Ah, weed, it's been too long old friend." Finn smiled, taking a toke after Rae handed the spliff to him.

"I can't believe you two." Laura laughed, before moving to sit on the floor next to Finn's legs, Finn handing it down to her.

As they gradually became high, Finn gazed at Rae before beckoning her towards him, playing out his prized blow back move that would drive all the girls wild when he was young. Laura was oblivious to the whole thing, instead eyeing up the pattern of the doily on the coffee table in front of her with great interest.

Rae giggled into his lips as he kissed her, feeling 16 years old again. As Finn pulled back, he ruffled Laura's hair, Laura batting him away in mock annoyance.

"Dad…" she began, smoke leaving her lips.

"Hmmm?" Finn began, head lolling back on the sofa behind him.

"Do you ever wish that things had been different?" she continued, squinting at him over her shoulder.

Finn looked at her, eyebrow raised. "How d'ya mean?" he asked, utterly confused.

"Like…do you ever wish, say, that you'd had grandchildren?" she finished, the sentence coming out quiet and embarrassed.

"What's made you ask this?" Rae asked, brow knotted together. Laura shrugged, biting her lip as she looked at her knees.

"Listen to me…" Finn began, sitting upright. "Look at me Laura…" he continued, voice as serious as he could make it despite his current state. Laura turned, taking Finn's outstretched hand. He gripped her fingers tight in his, looking at her intently.

"I wouldn't change one goddamn thing, do you understand me?" he said, shaking her hand to emphasise his words.

Laura nodded, her eyes beginning to water.

"You are the best thing that has ever happened to me, the single greatest accomplishment of my life. I never expected anything from you – all I've ever wanted is for you to be happy. Don't you think for one second that you've disappointed me in any way, ok?"

Laura nodded again, her face contorting in sadness as she succumbed to tears, shuffling to kneel next to him on the sofa and hug him tight, Rae looking on, lips quivering.

"I love you so much." she wept, kissing his cheek twice before resuming the hug, Finn's own eyes watering as he held her tight.

"I love you too." he said, voice catching as he closed his eyes, tears squeezing out from underneath his eyelids.

"I don't want you to go." she wept, her inhibitions lowered and with it her veneer of maturity. She might as well have been a child right then.

Rae's hand sprang to her mouth as she shook with tears herself, watching her daughter cling on to her beloved father for dear life.

"I'm not going anywhere. I'll always be with you and your Mum no matter what, d'ya hear?" he shifted his head slightly to look at her profile. She only cried harder and held him tighter.

"We'll always be together, us three. I'll always be with ya…" he repeated.

"…always with my girls…" Rae could hear him mumble between Laura's sobs.

When Laura reluctantly parted from him, he lifted his hands to wipe the tears from her face, Laura pushing her cheek into his hand as he did so.

"I'm so bloody lucky to have ya." he whispered, before looking at Rae's tear soaked face and beckoning her over, holding her tight and kissing her temple.

"We're the lucky ones, Dad." Laura said, voice thick with sadness.

It was two mornings later when Rae found Finn didn't have the strength to leave their bed. He signaled this with a slight shake of his head as Rae made to get his slippers. She'd propped him up with his pillows behind him.

"Laura, stay in your pajamas, love. We're chilling out in here today." Rae called to her as she came out of the bathroom, Laura's face slackening in misery before plastering on another fake smile, throwing back a cheery "Alright then!" bringing in cups of tea a short time later.

They'd sat chatting for a little while, Rae opening the window to let some air in, the view from the master bedroom the nicest of the house as you could see the horizon over the sea.

Laura was sitting on the opposite side of the bed, pillows propped up behind her as she faced her parents.

"Laura, could you have a look under the bed please? There's a box under there marked 'Tunes'…" Rae asked, Finn's tired smile growing a little wider.

"Don't tell me…" he whispered, Rae nodding with a cheeky grin.

"You never did unpack the bloody thing." Rae teased as Laura found it, pulling it out and plopping it on the bed.

"You were supposed to unpack it." Finn replied weakly, attempting to move forward to look inside but unable to do so. Concern flashed through Rae's expression before she buried it, moving to get the box and bring it over.

Finn rifled through all of his and Rae's old records, CDs and tapes, picking one up every now and then, turning it in his hands and grinning.

"Now this is what you call music." Finn smiled at Laura, pointing to a Stone Roses LP before handing it to her.

"Pop that one on, would ya love?" he asked with a groan before falling back on the pillows.

Laura did so, rejoining them on the bed, continuing to watch as her parents rifled through the box of memories.

"Now this…" Rae started, reaching inside the box and pulling out a small black tape… "…is the first mixed tape your Dad ever made me."

Laura took it, a simple 'Tape for Rae, From Finn' written on the white label on the front.

"First track, Babylon Zoo's Spaceman." Finn mumbled with a small huff of laughter.

Rae giggled, Laura smiling at them both sharing their own private memory. She had never known two people more in love than her parents. At school whenever her friends would complain of their broken home or single parent families, she'd keep quiet, feeling almost abnormal at having a Mum and Dad that adored the eyes out of one another.

"This is what I'm talkin' about." Finn said, pulling out an Oasis CD.

"Which one is that?" Laura asked.

"Heathen Chemistry." Rae replied.

"Your Mum and I tried to see Oasis when they went to Knebworth in 1996, but she couldn't go. I were so disappointed, because I really fancied her and wanted to try'an win her over." Finn said slowly, Rae gently tapping his arm.

"Bollocks!" she smiled, Finn only nodding in response to her disbelief.

"It's true." he grinned.

"Well, we got to see 'em again together afterwards, didn't we, so that's something." Rae said, taking a Ramones tape from Laura and putting it back in the box.

"Best gig of my life." Finn said.

"Me too. We were going out then an'all, so I could stand in the crowd with your arms around me, showing you off. I was so proud." Rae boasted, eyes twinkling.

Laura took the CD and put it on the stereo before resuming her position on the bed. Her parents didn't say anything more, Finn only holding Rae's open palm in his hand and tracing words there with his finger, Rae's head laid back on the pillow as she let out a huff of fond laughter every now and then, sometimes tracing words on his forearm in response.

'Stop Crying Your Heart Out' began to play, and Finn had stopped writing on Rae's hand, threading his fingers through hers as Rae rested her head on his shoulder. Finn locked his gaze with Laura, smiling gently at her as the song played, Laura smiling back with equal fondness and love in her eyes. Finn's smile gradually faded, his eyes glazing over and his head pressing further back into the pillow. Laura's heart dipped before she moved slowly towards him, gently holding his hand in hers, pressing her index finger against his wrist to feel his pulse. Rae moved back, looking down at his wrist too before moving her fearful gaze to his face. She shared a heartbroken look with her daughter when they both realised he had slipped away, Rae bursting into tears once more as she cupped Finn's face in her hand, gently pressing her forehead to his cheek as she shook under the weight of her despair.

"Finn…" she sobbed out, Laura crawling across the bed to place a hand on her Mum's shoulder, her own face pale and drawn.

Too numb to cry, she simply held her Father's hand in hers as an intense coldness swept over her. She sat in front of him and silently said goodbye to the greatest man in her life.


	14. Rae Gets Hurt, Finn 'Overprotective'

_Prompts: Can you write one where Rae is gonna hurt herself but Finn catch her, pretty please with a cherry on top? and Can you do one where Rae gets hurt somehow and Finn's reaction? and Can you do one where Rae feels Finn is kinda smothering her cause of her condition? Most of the fanfic i've read has him pretty laid-back about her condition but I think it would be interesting to see him be overprotective . Of course try to keep them in character as much as you can._

_Author notes: This is a combination of all three, sort of! _

_(Just learned the term Trigger Warning. Should have put a couple on my last fic, but I'll start now: TW: Self harm.)_

* * *

Finn nearly tripped over a flowerpot as he stepped into Rae's front garden, cringing as the sound of his foot hitting the porcelain pierced the silence of the midnight air. He wondered why there weren't any lights around to help guide him, the street lamp opposite the house feeling like it was many miles away, only casting the slightest glow on the floor in front of him as he tip toed towards Rae's bedroom window. He could see that the blue fairy lights hanging on her wall were turned on, a signal that she was awake and ready to open the front door to sneak him inside. Finn smiled as he picked up a small stone, lobbing it up at the window. It made no sound as it hit the glass, and he wondered briefly if he'd hit his target, but his thoughts were interrupted by the sound of the front door opening nearby. She must have saw him coming, he thought with a smirk, walking towards her front step, the dim fear that he'd be greeted by a disgruntled Linda or Karim entering his mind briefly, but not doing enough to stop him.

As he reached the door, he was utterly confused to find nobody there – no Rae in her Care Bear nighty waiting for him with a seductive smile, no half asleep Karim with a baseball bat…just an open door. The house was in darkness apart from a distant light shining at the top of the stairs, reflected in the hallway mirror. Finn looked around, stepping carefully inside, wondering if Rae was planning on jumping out at him as a prank.

When the coast seemed to be clear as Finn ventured further into the house, the front door slowly closing behind him as he moved towards the living room, Finn noticed the light from Rae's room shining through her half open door at the top of the staircase. It seemed dimmer than normal, Finn assuming her light bulb was on the way out, or maybe her Mum had made her switch to those energy saving ones. Finn suddenly shivered, a sudden chill sweeping over him, and he realised he wasn't wearing his jacket.

_Rae will soon warm me up. _He thought, his heart skipping at the prospect of seeing her, the sweet anticipation encouraging him to start ascending the staircase, glad that his footfall was silent as he did so. His feet felt heavy, he noted, and climbing the stairs seemed to take longer than usual. He attributed this to the darkness that surrounded him. It was bound to take longer in the dark.

He jumped as he reached the final step, thinking he saw a shadow move nearby. His heartbeat slowed as he realised it was a false alarm, but he soon leapt out of his skin once more at the sound of somebody whispering his name.

It was coming from Rae's room – it sounded like her. Why didn't she come out to the hallway? Why was she hiding? It was all very odd, and Finn found himself getting annoyed that she didn't come downstairs to help him get to her room, how she just left him to wander blindly.

He whispered her name in response as his hand touched the half open door. It opened with very little effort, and Finn looked around Rae's seemingly empty bedroom. It looked oddly blank. He remembered there being more stickers on the walls, more detail, more colour. The fairy lights were now turned off, if they were even there at all. Finn couldn't really tell.

He repeated Rae's name, turning quickly as he felt someone touch his shoulder. Nobody there. He turned again, eyes locking on Rae's body, laying on her back across her bed.

"Rae?" he repeated, an amused chuckle brimming in his throat.

She said nothing, didn't look at him. She only stared blankly at the ceiling, completely still.

"Rae…" Finn said once more, before stopping abruptly as his gaze fell on her left hand, which hung limply, knuckles resting on the carpet. Finn looked at her right hand as it lay on the bed sheets next to her, a mark on her wrist almost black under the shadow of her body. He looked at the carpet beside her bed…something had been spilled there, a dark liquid falling from Rae's hand, spreading across the carpet as she continued to lie still.

Finn's heart began to hammer in intense fear as he fully realised what he was beholding.

"Rae!" he yelled, his voice echoing for what seemed like an eternity as he ran towards her, holding both of her hands in his as he knelt on the bed, looking down at her vacant, pale face. Holding her wrists to the dim light, he could better see with rapidly mounting horror the open wounds on both of them, the blood all over her arms and her Care Bear nighty now all over his hands as he cried, screaming her name over and over. He dropped her wrists to shake her shoulders violently, leaving red hand prints there as he moved them upwards to cup her face, her empty eyes unseeing as he rubbed his thumbs across her cheeks, his tears hot as they streamed down his face.

"No!" he kept yelling through his tears, the glint of something shiny beside him distracting him momentarily before a hand seized his shoulder…

The mysterious grasp pulled him up and out of Rae's room into somewhere else entirely. Finn felt himself open his eyes, Rae's lifeless face hovering over his blurred vision as he felt his body shoot upwards, ears ringing.

The hand gripping his shoulder didn't let go as Finn began to take in his surroundings, his heart pounding as he panted and choked, a blurry vision of his Dad sitting on his bed next to him coming into focus.

"It's alright, son! You're alright!" Finn heard him say, voice booming.

"Da-Dad…" he heard himself stutter out.

"You're fine now, it were just a bad dream." Steve said, voice warm but laden with concern.

Finn took another look around his room before sinking downwards onto the mattress, catching his breath as Steve released him.

Finn felt clammy as he stared up at the ceiling, fear and grief giving way to a cold emptiness amidst his mad relief.

"I heard ya screaming, wondered what the fuck was going on. Ran in here to find you writhing about, mumbling and groaning. Haven't seen you have a night terror since you were 9, and that wasn't nearly as bad as just now." Steve said, Finn pressing his hand over his eyes, massaging them with his finger and thumb.

Finn removed his hand to look at the clock beside him: 2:07am. He sighed, his head falling back against the damp pillow.

"Sorry Dad." he said, voice hoarse and low.

"It's alright, lad. I won't ask you what it was about – wouldn't want you to relive it…unless you wanna tell me, of course." Steve replied, smiling slightly.

Finn's jaw clenched as he looked up at Steve. "Thanks for coming in, Dad. I'll see ya in the morning."

"Sure you're alright now?" Steve asked, Finn nodding in response.

"Mm fine, thanks."

Finn watched as his Dad left the room before fixing his gaze to the ceiling, left with the bitter memory of the worst dream he'd ever had. It had been so vivid, so scary. Finn knew he wouldn't be getting back to sleep that night.

He remembered Rae telling him about the first time she tried to commit suicide, how he'd tried his hardest not to visualise it for his own sanity's sake. His subconscious had other ideas, it would have seemed, and although he knew he was being ridiculous, the desire to see Rae and make sure she was alright overcame him.

He got up, getting dressed as stealthily as he could, his clothes clinging to the drying perspiration on his skin. He tried to push the visions of Rae's dead body from his mind, shaking his head in an attempt to jolt them away, but to no avail. His throat tightened as he stepped out of his room, creeping down the stairs and slipping on his shoes before sneaking out of the house, deciding to walk to Rae's so he didn't alert his Dad to him leaving by revving his scooter.

He kept his pace quick, the breeze slowly drying his damp hair and brow, his throat slightly sore due to all the apparent yelling he'd done in his sleep. He was beginning to get angry at his mind torturing him with visions from his dream, his eyes stinging as the houses passed him, almost in a blur.

He knew somewhere in his mind that Rae wouldn't appreciate being woken up at 2:30 in the morning, but Finn didn't care too much about that. He knew he was being irrational, but he had resigned himself to being so more often, the frequency of his irratonal behaviour increasing significantly ever since he fell in love with Rae. He was glad to have had her be completely honest with him, for her to trust him enough to tell him all her secrets, but at the same time, the thought of Rae in a place so dark, a place where even he wouldn't be able to follow her…it terrified him to the core. Being the proud president of the Rae Earl fan club, her self-hatred baffled him beyond words, and he wished he could erase it all from her, to know that she at least liked herself. Perhaps then the feeling of fearful dread that crept over him when he hadn't spoken to her in a few days would stop. Maybe then he wouldn't eye Karim's razors with instinctive concern whenever he'd go in her bathroom to take a leak.

When he was of sound mind, he'd tell himself that she was happier now, that she'd told him so plenty of times. He would think of the occasions when Rae would look at him with complete adoration and would whisper "I love you" against his lips before kissing him, convincing himself that she'd never leave him, hoping she wouldn't want to cause him that much pain and heartbreak.

Right then, as he hot footed it through the streets of Stamford in the middle of the night, Finn wasn't of sound mind. As he approached Rae's house, he couldn't shake the feeling that he was reliving the moments he'd endured in his mind mere minutes before.

Shaking his head once again, he fixated on the differences reality highlighted, all the details his brain missed out. The street was brighter than in the dream, and the flowerpot he'd tripped on wasn't there. Rae's fairy lights weren't on and instead of feeling the warmth of excitement at the thought of seeing Rae in a few moments, Finn still felt dreadful, deciding instantly not to bother throwing pebbles at her window to get her attention, instead scaling the drainpipe on the extension underneath, climbing up onto it and approaching her window, tapping on it after he'd done so. He pressed his forehead to the glass, trying to make out the objects in her room, his heart beating fast despite his attempts to mentally reassure himself. When nothing seemed to happen, he tapped again a little harder, the longer nothing happened the more fearful he became.

He'd finally calmed down when the nets eventually moved, his tired girlfriend squinting at him through the window. Shaking her head, she lifted the pane, Finn wasting no time before stepping inside, Rae whispering to him sleepily as he did so, annoyance clearly evident in her tone.

"Finn! What the fuck are you doing here? You frightened the shit outta me!"

Once Finn had got inside, he closed the window and turned on the lamp by Rae's bed, Rae still eyeing him with exhausted confusion. When he finally turned to her, he looked her over, saying nothing as he explored her with his eyes. Rae's irked expression eased slightly as she clocked his scrunched up clothes and sleep mussed hair - he also looked exhausted, sadness plaguing his features.

"What's wrong?" Rae said in a near whisper.

Finn shook his head slightly, eyes glossy.

"I just…had to see ya." he said, before closing the space between them to kiss her deeply. Rae matched his urgent fervour despite her sleepy state, brow still knotted in concern as Finn held her close, gripping the fabric of her pyjamas in his fists, knuckles turning white. When Finn pulled back, Rae stroked the length of his arm from his shoulder before saying: "Well, something's happened. You look like death warmed up." Finn's mouth twitching as he took her hand in his.

"Sorry for wakin' ya." he said, slightly sheepish as he realised how silly he was being.

"S'alright." Rae said, deciding not to push him further.

"Can I stay?" he asked, his grip on her hand tightening.

Rae nodded, smiling at him. Finn mirrored her before letting go of her hand to take off his jacket. Rae slipped back under her covers, Finn taking off his shoes and t-shirt before joining her, pushing back the visions of blood covered bed sheets as he linked his limbs around hers, stroking her back softly with the tips of his fingers.

"Are you gonna tell me what's brought this on?" Rae whispered, shifting slightly in his arms.

Finn shook his head, his cheek rubbing against the fabric of the pillow. He felt Rae's chest expand against his as she sighed, but she nodded slightly in understanding. She lifted her head to kiss him once more.

"Night then." she said, Finn whispering "Night." in response.

Rae closed her eyes, Finn watching her, counting her eyelashes in the lamplight. He watched her nostrils expand as she breathed, relished the feel of her heartbeat against his own.

"Rae…" he began, Rae letting out an "Mmm.." in response, shifting her hand from his back to rub her nose as her eyes opened slightly.

"I had a bad dream…I had the worst dream, actually. That's why I'm here now." Finn whispered, worried Rae would laugh at him.

Instead, she gazed at him inquisitively, genuine concern in her features.

"What did you dream about?" she asked.

Finn swallowed, scanning Rae's face with his eyes. "I dreamt that you'd…that you'd hurt yourself, like in the way you told me…the first time you…"

He couldn't complete the sentence, his eyes closing tight as he battled with his turbulent thoughts and emotions.

"Finn…" Rae began, lifting her hand to cup his face. "It was just a dream. I'm fine, look."

Finn let out a small chuckle. "I know that now, don't I, and I know I'm being a stupid twat, but…I get worried about ya. I can't help it."

Rae moved her face forward to kiss him, Finn not letting her pull back right away, holding her tight to him to keep her there a few moments longer. They looked at each other for a minute once they'd parted, only the sound of the distant traffic and their own breathing accompanying them. Rae opened her mouth, closing it again as if not sure whether to proceed. She let out a big breath, blowing cool, minty air all over Finn's face before burrowing her cheek further into the pillow.

"I knew something had been botherin' ya ever since I told you what happend…" Rae admitted. She fixed her gaze on Finn, her eyes hardening as she continued forcefully:

"…but, I promise ya, I'm never going to let myself get that low ever again. I'm actually making progress, I know I am…I'm getting closer to accepting myself every day. Besides, there's loads of reasons for me to stick around, and you're top of the list." Rae concluded with a smile, although her eyes were still set in sympathy and concern.

Finn remained silent and Rae's eyes defocused as she concentrated on the word he was tracing on her back:

G-O-O-D

"That's just lazy." Rae joked, Finn allowing himself to beam at her. Rae closed her eyes as Finn traced shapes on her back, his touch soothing her. She opened her eyes once again after feeling him peck her nose, letting out a tiny giggle before her face slackened in mock seriousness.

"Now, try and get some sleep. You look as knackered as I feel." Rae said, eyes softening as she smirked. Finn nodded, Rae pecking him once more before turning in his arms to face the wall, her hand linking with his. Finn shifted closer to her, pressing his lips against her back, breathing in the smell of her hair. He moved back to turn off the lamp before resuming his position, smiling against her skin as he felt the words 'love you' being traced onto his forearm. He responded by kissing her back before settling down, his conscience easing enough for him to drift back into a thankfully dreamless sleep.


	15. Rae's Live Poetry Reading

_Prompt: Your other fic gave me an idea. Can you do one where Rae is nervous about her first poetry reading and Finn comforts her and cheers her on?_

_Sex at the end of this. You have been warned. _

* * *

"I can't believe you've talked me into this." Rae said, voice quivering as Finn lead her by the hand into the coffee shop. He looked around for an empty table, clocking the sound guy who was up on stage setting up a microphone. Rae looked around too, completely unaware of the place's existence until that evening. It was a small joint, quite dim with circular tables dotted around, the walls completely covered in weird paintings and posters of Jimmi Hendrix as well as local bands Rae hadn't heard of.

"Good, they haven't started yet." Finn said, before finding a table quite near to the stage and practically dragging Rae towards it. He knew she was bricking it, but he also knew her poetry needed to be heard. He was far from an expert in the subject of poetry, or anything literature related, but his already basic interest in the subject had been enhanced since he began dating Rae, who loved books and was a talented writer.

When they were alone together and he knew she'd been working on something - a tell tale sign being her shoving a piece of lined paper on top of an old Science textbook under her pillow as they made their way to lie down on her bed - he'd always ask her to read it to him, without fail. Sometimes it would be a short story, sometimes song lyrics, but mostly poetry. She would just write one whenever the mood took her, even if she thought it wasn't worth much - she found it entertaining and a good way to pass the time.

Finn would sit next to her, smiling slightly as she read, gazing at her warmly with his arms folded. Her cheeks would always turn slightly pink - or crimson when the poem was about him - and he could see her ears twitching with nerves every time, but she was becoming more and more confident as the days passed. Finn would be so touched by the poems that he had inspired, it would more often than not lead to sex, and Finn found with mounting amusement that Rae had penned a lot more poems about him after she caught on to that little pattern.

When Finn had spotted an 'Open Mic Night - Poetry Readings' event flyer as he was leaving the pub one day, he'd snapped it up, instantly envisioning Rae on stage.

"No way!" she'd yelled after Finn brought it up - tactfully in front of their friends, who he was hoping would back him up.

"It'll be amazin', Rae! It would be so nice to hear your poems!" Izzy beamed, wide eyed.

"I think it's a great idea." Archie nodded, Finn nudging Rae with his shoulder, eyebrows raised. "Ya see! I think you should go for it. Your poems are dead good - you need to share 'em around, get 'em noticed."

"I didn't even know you wrote poems, Rae." Chloe added, flicking her hair.

"If you wanna write a poem about me, baby girl, I won't protest. It wouldn't be the first work of art this face has inspired." Chop said with a proud smoulder.

"What, you on about that painting Izzy did of you ages ago? I suppose a _second_piece of artwork is due, then." Archie smirked, Rae rolling her eyes and sighing before looking around at her friends incredulously.

"So I suppose that's decided then, is it?" she barked, but Finn could tell she wasn't completely adverse to the idea by the softening in her eyes. The gang all nodded, and Finn filled in their friends on the details before Rae could change her mind.

Later on, Finn helped Rae compile a few of the poems she liked the best, explaining that each person had a five minute slot. As they both sat at Rae's desk going through her notebooks and scrap pieces of paper, (her diary safely hidden away so it didn't get mixed up with the rest) Rae let out a shaky breath. Finn turned slightly, moving a hand to the small of her back to give it a rub as his eyes scanned down the piece of paper in his hand.

"You're gonna do great." he said, Rae smiling slightly at his encouragement, but her eyes remained downcast.

"The crowd are gonna take one look at me and have a field day." she said, Finn letting out a sigh through his nose as he met her eye.

"If anybody even tries anything, I'll be there to sort 'em out, won't I."

"You won't be sorting anything out! Not on my watch! I ain't having you getting into any more fights over me." Rae stated forcefully.

Finn rolled his eyes. "Look, nothin'll happen anyway! I nipped into the place yesterday to have a look, and it's full of artsy ponces who don't wash, not the dickheads from school."

"What difference does that make?" Rae countered.

"I'm just sayin' that I don't think those types of people would give ya any trouble. Anyway, we're all gonna be there to cheer you on, so you don't even need to worry about anyone else. They're gonna love your stuff, because it's good! How many more times do I have to tell ya?"

"Alright, alright, at ease soldier." Rae said with a smirk, leaning over to give Finn a kiss on the cheek and laughing when Finn jerked his head so he caught her lips. Rae gazed at him appreciatively after they parted.

"Thanks for being so supportive. I don't care if nobody else comes, just as long as you're there. It was your idea after all so it'll be pretty dickish if you don't turn up." she teased.

"It's a brilliant idea an'all, don't forget." Finn smiled, returning his attention to the task.

Rae's knee bounced as she sat at the table by the stage as Finn walked back to her with two pints.

"Here y'are. Steady ya nerves." he said, Rae smiling out a "Cheers." before following with a "…but, what are you drinkin'?" Finn huffing out a laugh as he looked at the door they'd just entered through.

"Who's coming out of our lot, then?" Rae asked, resisting the urge to down the pint and taking a sip instead.

"Dunno. I think Archie said he was gonna try and make it…" Finn trailed off as a middle aged woman with dark dreadlocks gave him a small wave, Finn nodding at her before turning to Rae.

"C'mon." he said, jerking his head in the woman's direction and grabbing Rae's hand from the table. Rae stood, letting Finn lead her over to where the woman was standing.

"Y'alright." Finn shot her as they approached, the woman giving him a smile before glancing at Rae, who was wondering what the hell was going on amidst her jitters.

"This is my girlfriend, Rae." Finn continued, Miss Dreadlocks nodding and extending her hand for Rae to shake. Rae unlinked her hand from Finn's, wiping it quickly on her leg before taking it.

"Sorry…I'm nervous." she said with an embarrassed half smile.

"No worries, darling. I'm Mona, I run the open mic nights here. I'm really looking forward to hearing what you have to show us tonight. We don't get to hear many young voices during the live poetry events." she said with a slowness of pace. Rae felt more comfortable as the three of them talked, relieved at how laid back the people seemed to be there. She hadn't felt a judgmental eye on her the entire time they'd been there - albeit, all 10 minutes of it, but still.

"How many people usually go up?" Rae asked, making conversation.

"It varies, but tonight I have seven people booked, including you. You're third up. How many poems do you have for us tonight?"

"We've picked four." Finn said, after Rae gave him a wide eyed look, her mind clearly blank.

"Lovely. Well, good luck Rae. I hope it goes well. Nice to see you again, Finn." Mona said warmly before walking towards the stage to speak to the techy.

"How d'ya know her?" Rae asked, bemused.

"I told ya I came in the other day, didn't I?" Finn said as they walked back to their drinks. "I had to book you in. I told her about ya, and she said she wanted to meet ya when we came in." Finn continued, shrugging as he took a gulp from his glass. Rae smiled to herself, the thought of Finn talking about her with total strangers making her feel warm all over.

"Rae…" Finn started, making Rae break out of her reverie.

"Yeah?" she asked, Finn eyeing her awkwardly.

"I know you're not gonna like this, but…" he plunged his hand into his messenger bag, pulling out a hand held video camera.

"Oh no! No no no!" Rae exclaimed, hands raised defensively.

"C'mon Rae! It's for Mum and Dad! They wanted to come tonight but I told them not to because I knew it would make you feel worse about goin' up." Finn pleaded.

"How many people have you told about this? It's just a bloody poetry reading, it's not like I'm headlining Glastonbury!"

Finn tutted, shaking his head. "You're wound so tight, you are! Chill out! It's either this or having Mum and Dad actually be here."

"I'd rather that, to be honest. At least then if I fuck up it won't be on tape."

"You won't fuck up." Finn concluded, putting the camera on the table.

Rae took a deep breath, distracted momentarily by Mona taking the stage and walking up to the mic. Finn and Rae watched as she introduced the first act, a tall, skinny old man with one eye stepping up on stage as she finished, the customers all clapping politely as he began. Rae wasn't really listening, too focussed on worrying about her turn, frightening thoughts of her tripping over as she stepped up, or people heckling her, saying she was shit and her poems weren't worth the paper they were written on silently tormenting her. Almost as if Finn knew what she was thinking, he wrapped his fingers around hers, Rae pulling away to wipe her hand before returning it to his waiting palm. He held onto her hand tight, as if trying to calm her with his strength alone. After the man had finished, Finn and Rae clapped with the others before Finn pulled Rae towards him by the shoulder, whispering in her ear "Yours are way better than that. You got nothing to worry about." before looking up over her head with a nod, Rae turning her head to clock what Finn was looking at.

As Mona introduced the second act, Chloe walked towards them with a small wave before eyeing the stage as she went to sit next to the couple.

"You seen Archie?" Finn whispered to her, Chloe shaking her head in response. "He can't make it. He told me to apologise to ya." she finished, giving Rae an apologetic glance. "I haven't heard from Izzy or Chop."

Rae shook her head, signalling to her that she was alright with it. She was relieved, if anything. The less people she knew there the better. Chloe watched the stage with them, eyebrows immediately furrowing in confusion.

"When're you up?" Chloe whispered into Rae's ear, Rae replying with a shaky "I'm next." before swallowing, her mouth dry as a bone.

Finn moved to sit next to Chloe with the camera as the second act continued with his poetry, and Rae dimly noticed how Finn was silently showing her how to use it. Rae groaned internally, wondering for the millionth time what she was doing there.

The second act finished sooner than she would have liked, and Rae's heart pounded as Mona introduced her, Finn getting the piece of paper for Rae from his messenger bag as she did so, handing it to her.

"Next up, we have Rae Earl. It's her first time reading for us tonight and we hope not her last. She's a little bit nervous about tonight, so please give her a warm welcome." Mona smiled down at Rae, clapping gently as she left the stage, Finn clapping hard and whistling as Rae carefully stepped up towards the mic. Rae could see Chloe lift the camera to point at her, Finn leaning over to whisper to her as Rae cleared her throat, shuffling the paper in her hand.

Without much introduction, she began with her first poem, wanting to get her slot over and done with. She kept looking at Finn, who was staring at her resolutely with a proud smile, nodding at her whenever their eyes met, signalling that she was doing fine. Her confidence increased as the crowd clapped when she'd finished, the absence of any rude heckling calming her. As Finn predicted, she became more sure of herself as the poems progressed, and as she finished the third poem, she'd stopped shaking and was scanning the crowd more assuredly.

Rae gazed down at Finn for longer than she had previously before she began her fourth poem, and Finn furrowed his brow as Rae folded the paper and put it in her back pocket. Before he was going to inform her that she had one left to read, she began to speak, and Finn's brow softened as he listened.

"My last poem is dedicated to my boyfriend, Finn. If it wasn't for him and his encouragement, I wouldn't be up here tonight so, thank you." she smiled, Finn grinning as he heard a young guy at the bar behind him shout a "Nice one, Finn!" before there were a smattering of claps and a few giggles. He felt a rush of pride and excitement in his chest as he sat forward in his chair, resting his elbows on his knees, his heartbeat quickening as he waited. As she began to speak, it was clear she had memorised the poem, and the thought passed through Finn's mind to run on stage and shag her right then and there, but he reluctantly buried it as he listened to the beautiful words leaving his girlfriend's lips.

He let the meaning of the spoken lines wash over him, her eyes not leaving his for the entire duration. It had been the longest poem he'd ever heard her relay, and instead of it being based on his form, it was instead about how he made her feel, about how he sees her in a way nobody else does. Finn swallowed down a lump in his throat as she spoke of how safe she feels with him, how she feels invincible when he's with her and how his presence is her keenest comfort. Finn had dimly listened to the other poems read out before Rae took the stage, and he didn't get them. He just thought they were nonsense, but he understood Rae's perfectly. He understood _her_ - another theme touched upon in what would always be known as 'The Epic Finn Poem.' Finn felt glad somehow that nobody apart from Chloe had managed to make it, the other people there suddenly melting away. He and Rae could have been the only two people on the planet at that moment, and he thought with dim amusement about how his so called 'brilliant idea' of her sharing her poetry with the world now seemed a bit pointless to him. He'd realised then, as her eyes bore into him with a love and appreciation that rendered him speechless, that writing poems had been a way for Rae to tell him how she felt, a beautiful way of translating her feelings to him, an intimate activity that he no longer wanted anyone else to be a party to.

He hadn't noticed Chloe point the camera at him as Rae spoke and he didn't come to himself fully until the sound of applause - louder than any heard previously, he proudly noticed - shocked him out of his own little world he was sharing with the girl he loved.

Rae shared a smile with Chloe before sitting down next to Finn, Chloe trying to figure out how to turn the camera off as Finn leaned over to kiss Rae adoringly, Mona singing Rae's praises above them.

"They were beautiful, Rae. You had nothing to worry about. Thanks for coming tonight."

Rae smiled and nodded a 'thanks' up to her, before Mona introduced the next poet. The three of them stayed to be polite, but left shortly after the event had finished, Rae receiving more praise from random punters as they made their way out and Mona throwing them a wave as they reached the door to leave.

"That was the most boring half an hour of my life." Chloe moaned, Finn throwing her daggers as she did so. She quickly backtracked when she clocked him. "…apart from your poems, Rae, of course! It's just, the others were so borin'! But I s'pose, what is there to write about when you live in this dump?" she reasoned with a small shrug, looking around with a snarl.

"Thanks for coming, Chloe. I really appreciate you making the effort." Rae said, Chloe giving her a smile and linking her arm with hers.

"'course I came! You're my bestie, aren't ya?" she said sweetly, before they were interrupted by the sound of somebody calling Chloe's name.

"Chloe! Over here!"

The three of them looked over, recognising Andy Thomas from Carre's Grammar School standing outside Pizza Hut as he waved over at them with a smile.

"Hi Andy! I'll be over in a minute. Look Rae, I gotta go, but you were brilliant. I'll see you both later, yeah?" she chimed, unlinking her arm and wandering over to Andy, giving them a small wave from over her shoulder as she did so.

Rae looked over at Finn who shook his head at her, Rae defending Chloe as she always did: "Well, at least she came! That's something. She could have just gone straight to Pizza Hut."

Finn shrugged, taking a cigarette from behind his ear, mumbling out a "S'pose" before lighting it, returning his hand to Rae's after he did so.

"Anyway, I don't care. I'm just glad you were there. It was quite fun, actually. I'm glad you talked me into it." Rae said cheerily, squeezing his hand. Finn was listening but also trying to remember if his parents were in or not.

"Finn…you alright?" Rae asked when she noticed he'd turned distant. Finn came to himself, giving her a smile as they walked. Rae's bright expression faltered.

"Did I embarrass ya? Yaknow, with that poem? I didn't mean to show you up or anythin'…" Rae started, and Finn could see her flame dimming even more as she did so.

"No, Rae, you didn't embarrass me. It was…it were…I…" Finn struggled to find the words to express how he felt, something he was annoyingly familiar with. Rae was looking at him with the same wide eyed patience she always did when he was trying desperately to string a sentence together.

Finn sighed in frustration before looking around, pulling Rae into a nearby alleyway and pushing her against the brick wall. He threw his cigarette to the ground and kissed her hard, burying his hands in her hair as she moaned into his mouth, their bodies pressed tight together. He pulled away, Rae smiling at him with moist lips and a lust filled gaze.

"You liked it then?" she said, adorably smug as they both caught their breath. Finn nodded, capturing her lips in his once more before they resumed their walk home, sharing embarrassed giggles and coy smiles every few minutes.

"I think my house is empty at the moment." Finn said, the pulsing in his groin a trusty reminder of his need to get her into bed by any means necessary.

"So? What's that got to do with anythin'?" Rae said with a cheeky grin, eyebrows raised.

"Don't you go teasin' me, Rachel Earl. You've seduced me with your love poem, now it's time to seal the deal." Finn said with a grin of his own, Rae letting out a laugh as he wiggled his eyebrows.

"Is that right? Well, what if I just wanted to drive you to distraction and leave you wanting more? What if I was to say…make you beg?" Rae continued to tease as they turned into Finn's street. Finn let out a huff of laughter through his nose before running out into the empty road, turning to Rae and falling to his knees as Rae looked on from the pavement in surprise. Clasping his hands together, he began to shout, his voice echoing through the empty street.

"Please Rae! I'm beggin' ya, let me mfffff…" his sentence was stopped by Rae running over to him and pressing her hand to his smirking mouth, shushing him through her giggles. "You're bloody mental you are!" she laughed out, eyes wide.

"Ith wha oo uv ee." he said through her fingers, Rae figuring it out as "It's why you love me." before removing her hand. She shook her head, looking down at him with a smile before leaning over to kiss him, Finn stroking her calves gently. He got up after they'd parted, brushing his knees before leading Rae to the house, calling out a "Hello? Mum? Dad?" as they entered through the front door, the place encouragingly in darkness. After nobody replied, Finn internally rejoiced, practically yanking Rae's arm out of the socket as he pulled her up the stairs.

"Finn! You're gonna make me break my bloody neck one day if you're not careful!" Rae scolded as they got to his doorway.

"I still owe ya for that whiplash ya gave me at Izzy's 16th." Finn countered as he removed his jacket and helped Rae with hers.

"Don't blame me, you had to turn up wearing that tight white vest you know drives me up the wall." Rae said, voice deepening in arousal as Finn pulled off his t-shirt.

They usually took their time in the lead up to sex, as despite Rae's increasing confidence, they still hadn't had sex enough for her to achieve anything near 'Sex Goddess' status, but as Finn made quick work of pulling Rae's shirt from over her head and removing her bra, it was clear his need for her was pressing. He kissed her with an urgency she hadn't experience before and she tried her best to keep up, Finn shutting the door in impatient annoyance before leading Rae to the bed, unbuckling his jeans quickly and clumsily as Rae followed suit, Finn pausing to watch her as she pulled them down, eyes almost black with longing. Rae blushed under his scrutiny as she sat down on the bed, before helping Finn pull down his jeans and gliding her hands over his thighs. Finn looked down at her, licking his lips before covering her hands with his. As Rae laid herself down, Finn followed her, their fingers intertwining, Finn pushing her hands above her head and holding them tight as he kissed her, before moving his lips down to kiss and suck her neck. He heard Rae opening his bedside drawer and grasp around blindly for a condom, Finn breaking away to help her, putting on the condom with the same impatience he treated closing his door with. Rae wanted to say he could slow down, but she found herself speechless as she looked up at him, his hair messy and his cheeks red, looking absolutely perfect.

Finn entered her quickly, catching Rae off guard a little, making her let out a surprised moan before she whispered his name pleadingly. Finn silenced her with a kiss so hard Rae was sure her lips would bruise, his breath coming out in short bursts as her tongue found his.

Finn slowed his pace after they parted, his lips hovering tantalisingly over hers as his thrusts became slower and longer. Rae clamped her eyes shut, the exquisite burn inside her almost too much to take.

"Look at me Rae…please…" Finn panted out, Rae complying with some difficulty, using the majority of her concentration to keep her eyes locked on his. He didn't break her gaze as he continued to make love to her, the intensity of his stare taking Rae's breath away. She knew she wasn't going to last much longer, Finn breaking their mid sex staring context to clamp his eyes shut and let out a grunt as Rae clenched her thighs around him, her name leaving his lips silently and evaporating in the air between them.

"I'm so close Rae." he forced out, his voice ragged and desperate as he pressed his forehead against hers.

"Me too…" she whispered out, cupping his head in her hands, his damp fringe cooling her boiling forehead as his sweat dripped onto her.

One…two…three…Rae let out a jagged moan, voice echoing around the room as she gripped Finn's shoulders tightly, Finn drinking in every quirk and twitch of her face as he felt himself following suit, the force of his orgasm forcing him to grab the headstand above Rae's head.

After a few moments of Finn laying spent on top of her, Rae smiling as she caressed the muscles on his back, he pulled away, discarding the condom and laying down next to Rae, propping his head up on his hand as Rae mirrored him, shifting onto her side.

"Remind me to get your Mum and Dad a present for deciding to go out tonight." Rae said with a fatigued laugh, sounding almost high as she looked at Finn through soft eyes. Finn's mouth quirked up slightly in a small smile, letting a few more moments of silence pass between them before reaching out and taking a piece of her hair between his fingertips, gazing at it as he said, voice low:

"I wish I were good at poetry, like you. I wish I could write a poem, or do something amazing to show you how much you mean to me."

He let go of her hair before shifting his gaze to the mattress between them, looking sheepish.

Rae scanned her eyes over him, shaking her head ever so slightly and smirking in disbelief.

"Finn…" she started, making him glance up at her briefly before returning his eyes to the bed sheet. Rae shuffled forward, resting her hand on the crook of his neck and ducking her head to meet his lips, kissing him softly, Finn lifting his hand to gently cup her elbow. When she parted, she stared at him intently, pleading to him with her gaze to hear her.

"You just did, ya doughnut."

A beam slowly appeared on Finn's lips as her words registered with him.


	16. Role Reversal: Finn with Mental Illness

_Prompt: This is a really bizarre one, but can you possibly write a prompt fanfic about Finn having the mental health issue rather than Rae?_

_This prompt is way too interesting to pass up! _

_TW: Suicide attempts. (Strong language!)_

* * *

**This Diary Belongs to: **_Fuck you._

**March 23rd 1996**

I hope that nobody sees this stupid notebook. I've been told to write all my thoughts and anxieties into this 'diary' like they're worth a shit. I would have told my therapist to shove it up his arse, but it's a mandatory part of my 'programme' apparently. I was still going to refuse to do it - I mean, what can they even do? Kick me out? Risk me trying to off myself again? They wouldn't do that - Dad would have a fucking fit, would sue the bastards or worse - probably make Kester's life a living nightmare. I know Kester might read this, although he promised he wouldn't, but I hope he does. At least he'll know what's coming to him if his threats aren't empty.

Anyway, I wasn't going to write in this, because there's no fucking point in it whatsoever, but I'm so bored in this cell they've got me locked in (no padded walls like in the films, surprisingly) that I need something to do before I…

It seems funny to joke about committing suicide when I've actually tried to do it already. It seems almost inappropriate now, and I know that joke is off limits to me from this moment on, unless I want to create a painfully tense atmosphere. Not a bad idea, actually. I've always enjoyed making people squirm.

This place is as weird as I thought it was going to be. It's cold and smells rank and the people here are mental - well, obviously, being that this is a mental ward. There's a guy here who wears two hats all the time. Not even the same hats - different hats, but two of them all-the-fucking-time…and these so called 'experts' have got me in the same league as him. Hilarious.

They don't know how long I'll have to stay here for. They said it was just until I'm 'better', whatever that means. Until I'm normal, maybe? Well, good luck with that, dicks, because that's something I'm NEVER gonna be. Auntie June saw to that. She managed to do what I couldn't, lucky cow. I never knew her - she killed herself when I was 6. I always asked Mum how she did it, would plead with her to tell me as I was growing up, but she would never let up. She must have knew I was trying to get tips.

Apparently they're working on getting meds for 'what I've got' - bipolar disorder. Mum still can't say the word - it's too painful for her, apparently. Well, Mum…

BIPOLAR DISORDER

BIPOLAR DISORDER

BIPOLAR DISORDER

BIPOLAR DISORDER

**BIPOLAR DISORDER!**

Your son's got it, apparently, and so did your sister by the sound of things. Get over it.

**March 25th 1996**

Every day's the same here - exactly the same. Take medication, sit in your room watching the wallpaper peel off, eat food that tastes like piss or worse, sit amongst the other freaks and broken people under the probing gaze of the orderlies, have therapy, take more meds, sit in your room, eat more piss food and sleep. It's like that film One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest.

I am Jack Nicholson.

**March 30th 1996**

Kester's promised me he won't be reading this - nobody will, apparently. I still don't believe him. He says it's for me and me only, a 'personal outlet.' He doesn't get that I've already tried to get myself out. Didn't work did it.

People think I was attention seeking, that because I tried to kill myself in a public place that I wanted to get caught. That's bullshit. I had everything ready. I knew nobody would be around at that time - the last PE group had long gone and there weren't any sports clubs on that evening.

I'd swung off that tree branch enough times to know it would support my weight. It was high enough to do the job properly. I got that dead strong rope from B&Q, wrote out my suicide notes and everything. It was all in place. Then that stupid dog walker caught me. I'd sat in that spot in the woods over the playing field every fucking night for months at that same time of day - nobody walked through there. No dog walkers, no hikers, no caretakers - people think crackheads hang out there, they don't like going there. Sod's law she had to turn up just as I'd tied the noose. Then I burst into tears like a fucking pussy. That's where the lows get me…blubbing like twat.

Mum and Dad were waiting with some policemen at home when I got back. They looked beside themselves, predictably, didn't know where I would have gone to 'do the deed.' That wasn't the worst part, though…

Rae was also there, sitting on the armchair in the living room. I'd written two suicide notes: one for Mum and Dad and one for her. I thought I'd be dead and gone before she read it and found out everything…yet there she was. Her eyes were red as she clocked me, standing up and walking towards me with my note clasped in her hand. I was surprised she was crying because I didn't think she gave two shits about me. I couldn't handle seeing her - I mean, what could she say? She must think I'm so weird and pathetic, the mental case who's secretly fancied her for a year. I should have noticed her bike outside but I didn't. I didn't notice much of anything until I saw her.

Then her boyfriend Archie came out of the bathroom, patting me on the shoulder and saying "Oh God, I'm so glad you're alright, Finn!" with the most insincere tone of concern I ever heard.

So technically I did die that night. Just not in the way I wanted to.

**April 1st 1996**

Played an April Fool's joke on Danny Two Hats today (the guy with two hats…) - I got a ketchup sachet and pretended to poke my eye out with a fork during lunch. He freaked out, along with everyone else at the table. The whole canteen erupted into absolute carnage. Apparently April Fool's jokes aren't allowed in mental hospitals. They should really put up a sign.

**April 4th 1996**

I hope Kester keeps his word about not reading this book. I'm pretty upfront about everything, but I don't want him to know about Rae. Pretty stupid of me to keep her from him as I'm sure it's common knowledge in Stamford that I have the hots for her. Archie definitely knows, which is enough. Enough to ensure I'm never going back to that school again.

I guess I just want some people to still be kept in the dark about it, for it to still be a mystery for some people. Now you know as well, diary.

Oh god, did I just talk to a book like it was a person? I really am mental.

**April 7th 1996**

Having one of my 'manic' phases as the doctor called it. I haven't slept in three days and I haven't eaten a lot. I'm shaking as I write this, probably from hunger or something. Can't stop thinking about Rae. My thoughts about her go into overdrive when I'm like this - I won't go into too much detail, but let's just say, I'm a 17 year old male with a filthy imagination. Do the math.

I also can't stop thinking about running Archie over with a steamroller, four eyed cock. When I get to the highest heights I think I can run out of here and go and get Rae, go and make her mine in a heartbeat. One good thing about these meds - if they're even going to work - is that they'll hopefully stop me from going that far.

Spent all last night drawing pictures of her at the back of this book. I wish I had a photo of her or something, but she hates having photos of herself taken for some mad reason. It's because she's bigger than other girls, but she's still popular and her confidence makes her sexy as hell. She's gorgeous inside and out…and now she knows that I think so. Bet she'll never speak to me again. The thought makes me want to cry, but I can't do that right now. I can't do anything but shake. Wish I could stop thinking about her but I can't. I don't want to. I fucking love her.

Also, it's Easter today…and now I'm thinking about Rae in a sexy bunny costume. Of course.

They had an Easter Egg hunt today in the ward. Gave DTH all my eggs. Don't feel hungry at all.

**April 10th 1996**

I slept for almost 20 hours and woke up ready to eat a horse. They gave me three servings of food at lunch and now I feel calmer, more myself, whoever that may be. I don't know. I don't know who I am. I know what I am…a waste of space, a waste of breath, a burden. I suppose that's _who_ I am too, then?

Apparently I made peace with DTH during my 'manicsode' as I call it. Can't remember it. He seems to be warming to me, which is cool. He's alright. He can be a right hilarious fucker sometimes. A right clown, in a good way. (Just checked the previous page. Must have been all those chocolate eggs that won him over.)

Parents are coming to visit tomorrow. First time I'd have seen them in nearly a month. Don't really want to see them, to be honest. Feeling pretty shit right now. (What's new?) Kester reckons I don't want to face them because I feel guilty for trying to leave them. No shit Sherlock. Still doesn't change the fact that I feel like crap, does it?

Trying to make myself feel better by thinking about Rae - thinking about her before she found out that I'm her own personal stalker.

I sometimes think about when I first saw her. I'd got into school on my scooter, only to find another biker had already taken the spot I usually park in. I'd got off my bike, ready to tell whoever it was to fuck off, but then the person in front of me took off their helmet, long dark hair flying everywhere in the wind as she dismounted. She'd turned around, and I got a proper look at her - she was wearing a leather jacket and a Stone Roses shirt with a pair of mud covered red Converses on her feet. I still remember the first words she said to me…

"Can I help you?" in a right sarky tone. She curled her lip up at me, hair still a mess, and I knew I was in deep trouble. Despite being bowled over, I didn't want to give her the satisfaction of knowing it.

"You're in my parking space." I gave as good as I got, taking off my helmet so she could hear me right. It was no good. She looked around her, scanning the floor before looking back at me, brimming with attitude: "I don't see any name on it, unless your name's 'One Way,' which would actually make sense because this little argument is only heading in one direction."

With that, she walked past me, the smell of her shampoo hitting me like a tonne of bricks as the wind caught her. I found myself staring at her as she walked away, before my mate Chop distracted me. I remember him going mental over her bike, drooling all over it like a dog on heat.

I'd watched as the months went by and she made a lot of friends. She'd made an impact on a lot of people, not just me. She was this loud, confident, rude, hilarious girl who didn't give two shits about anything. She had a killer taste in music - pretty much liked all the bands I did, which only made me like her more. I was so gone on her, and we hardly ever talked. It's not like we were friends. We would just take the piss out of each other every now and then when we found ourselves crossing paths. It went gradually from nasty barbs to cheeky teasing, though, so we weren't exactly enemies by the end, either. Sometimes I'd even make her laugh which made my fucking week. Nobody laughed like her. Her laugh was a stunning thing to witness.

Just realised I'm talking about her in the past tense. She's still here. She still exists. She's out there somewhere still, probably shagging her perfect, straight A, musician boyfriend

**April 11th 1996**

Had to stop yesterday's post because I broke the nub of the pen. Ink went everywhere and I couldn't find another one. Using one of those tiny blue pens they have at Argos now. No expense spared here. You can still see most of yesterday's post, which I'm not sure is a good thing or not. Trying to think of a good place I can hide this book when I get home so nobody can ever read it ever.

Parents came this morning with some of my stuff from home. Brought me a couple of mags and my walkman with a few tapes. Chop's written me a post card, which is nice. He's the most decent one out of the group of guys I hang out with. I know he's a decent bloke, but it's just the friends we keep who are a bad influence. People would say we've 'fallen in with a bad crowd' or some cliché like that, if people cared enough to say so.

Postcard says:

_Alright Finn!_

_How's tricks up there in the nut house? Gonna come up to see you soon and bring up some real nice tit mags I found round Jezza's gaffe. The birds in there are sweltering. Bet your bollocks are so blue they're about to drop off. Don't say I'm not a good friend to you. _

_Hang in there comrade. Already making plans for the party of the fuckin' year when you finally get out. _

_See ya later. _

_Chopper._

Mum gave it to me, swallowing uncomfortably. Maybe Chop should've put the card in an envelope before giving it to my parents? Just a thought.

Mum's lost weight and she's taken up smoking again. Dad looked knackered, said he misses me like mad. Gave me an awkward hug when he came in. He never hugs me, so it felt weird as hell. We made awkward conversation for about half an hour, Dad saying the most out of the two of them. He asked me if they were looking after me alright, how I was doing, all the usual bullshit you'd expect. I nodded, making all the right noises. I need a haircut, apparently. Danny overheard Mum say that and offered up himself for the task of make-shift barber. No way I'm letting him near me with a pair of scissors. Mum eyed him up like he was a mouse who'd scuttled out from under a skirting board, which signalled to me that I'm acclimatising well to the place. I'm becoming 'one of them.' Seriously…Jack Nicholson eat your heart out. Kester's Nurse Hatchet and DTH is that tall Indian guy who doesn't talk.

I didn't ask about the kids at school, whether they'd heard anything from there. I didn't want to know how much of a laughing stock I was, if I was even remembered at all. They both left after the half an hour, Mum kissing me on the temple and Dad awkwardly patting me on the shoulder with an unsure smile. Just as they were turning to leave, Dad turned back to me and punched me in the stomach…well…figuratively…

"Oh by the way, Rae Earl asked after you. I'll tell her you're doing fine." he said, like it was the simplest, easiest thing in the world. He walked out with Mum, leaving me standing winded in the visitor's room, at odds with my embarrassment and the burn in my chest that wasn't completely horrible.

I can't believe she's even thinking about me at all, let alone asking whether I'm alright.

Bet she's just pitying me. 'Poor, pathetic, love struck nut job. I better send him some cookies or something.' Sounds about right. Still…I can't shake the butterflies in my stomach, even now. This seriously sucks.

**April 13th 1996**

Found out DTH has a crush on a girl today. We were playing truth or dare with a few others during afternoon recess, and I asked if he had a thing for anyone when he'd picked truth. He wasn't even shy about telling me - he stated it loudly and proudly: "Yes, indeed I do!" and I laughed at the sheer balls on him. Got to admire that. It's more than I've ever done. He won't tell me who it is though, but I reckon it's that Tix girl he keeps talking to. She's really shy and she won't talk to me, but she chats to him easily enough. That's my hunch.

I wish him luck, I really do. Better luck than I've had, anyway.

Feeling ok today. For the first time in a long time I feel almost peaceful. Calm. Serenity's the ultimate goal for me. I'm either feeling angry, depressed, really high or empty. There's a thin line between emptiness and peace, but it's a really important one nevertheless. Listening to Oasis is helping.

**April 15th 1996**

She fucking came to visit me today. She actually came to the motherfucking mental hospital during visiting hours to visit me. Rae. Rae came to visit me today. I still can't believe it. I looked like shit. I still look like shit - haven't even looked in a mirror for more than 5 seconds since I've got to this place. I was hanging out in DTH's room when Nurse Alcott came in.

"Finn, you have a visitor."

I thought it would be Chop in all honesty, was expecting to see him grinning up at me with a bag full of porn as I turned into the visitor's room, but instead there she was, looking beautiful as ever, her hair half up with little silver heart earrings in her ears that I hadn't seen before. She looked up at me when she spotted me, throwing me a small smile as I stood by the doorway, awkwardly. I contemplated running, jumping out the window, anything, but she dispelled any tension by throwing me a loud:

"Are ya gonna come and sit down w'me then, or what?"

I can still hear her voice in my head, can still remember pretty much everything she said to me. I thought she was going to take the piss, or tell me I was an idiot for what I did…an idiot for writing her that letter. I remember the words "What are you doing here?" spilling out of me before I could help it. I honestly didn't expect to see her again, ever.

She was so calm when she said to me: "I'm here to visit you, ya pleb. See that sign?" She'd pointed at the 'Visitor's Room' sign, her dark eyebrows raised.

Yep, I've still got it bad for her, that's for sure. Even more so now I've actually had a full conversation with the girl. I still can't believe how easy it was to speak to her…or maybe I just listened, I don't know. God knows I could listen to her talk for hours on end.

She told me about school, filled me in on the latest gossip (like I give a shit, but still…) updated me on what's going on in lessons - just basically filled me in on the outside world in general. I sat and listened to her, relishing every second.

She didn't ask me anything about the ward or whether I was alright, which I appreciated. It's pretty obvious I'm not alright, I mean, I tried to top myself nearly two months ago. She gets that - at least I think she does.

She kept making me laugh, too, and I can't remember the last time I laughed, like, really belly laughed. All too soon it was over, and she made her way to leave. I could've sworn she looked a bit disappointed, but maybe I'm imagining stuff. I can't let myself think it was anything more than a pity visit.

She had to torture me further still before she left though, didn't she. After she'd picked up her bag, she leaned forward slightly, reaching her hand out to hold the ends of some of my hair in her fingertips. I could have crumbled into a pile of dust right then, as she ran her finger and thumb over the ends of my hair, looking it over.

"Don't they have any barbers here?" she asked, and I dared to shake my head slightly, even though I didn't want her to stop touching me. She had to at some point, though, and I watched her as she left, probably smiling like an idiot. She waved goodbye to me at the door and I remember my stomach flipping.

Have to write it all down just in case I dreamed it all. You never know. Wouldn't put it past my cruel psyche.

**April 18th 1996**

Chop came to visit me today, looking a bit worse for wear. He's been partying hard in my absence. He was wearing his sunglasses indoors, for starters. Pure class.

We managed a conversation of sorts, and he told me about this girl he'd developed a thing for - her name's Kizzy, or something, can't remember. Everybody seems to be falling for someone or other. It's an epidemic!

Had a wet dream about Rae last night. Certainly not my first, but this one was a big one. Dreamt we had sex on a trampoline. As you do. Managed to sneak my sheets into the wash unnoticed. Missing home all of a sudden.

**April 20th 1996**

Had a big fight with Kester during therapy. He thinks I'm holding something back, which I am, sort of. Still don't want to tell him about Rae. None of his fucking business, anyway. Still angry. I'm tired of everyone treating me like a china doll. Does he know that he shouldn't antagonise his patients? I wonder where the hell he got his therapist certificate or whatever-the-fuck qualification quacks get.

Mum called me this afternoon. Her and Dad are going on holiday. Makes sense - make the most of your life drain of a son being away. Bet it's a breath of fresh air for them.

Thinking about my Nan now. Whenever I feel like this - like my parents don't give a shit about me - I think of my Nanna. She actually did love me…she really loved me, and the feeling was mutual. I'd spent the most time with her out of all her family, always popping into her house at least once a day to see her. She'd always be there with foul tasting sandwiches and tepid tea. Getting tearful writing about it, actually. I really miss her. She was totally doolally, but she was hilarious and had some right balls on her. Rae reminds me of Nan in some ways.

I don't believe in an afterlife, really. I didn't think I'd see Nan again if I'd managed to go all the way with my plan, but at least I could join her in the sense that I'd also be unconscious, completely unaware of the bullshit and hardship of life.

Sometimes, like the other day when Rae came to see me, or Danny's Birthday yesterday when I made him a hat out of felt and he looked like I'd just given him a case of £50 notes, I'm glad I was 'saved,' glad I was given a second chance. But then my mind torments me with different scenarios, of how I could do it better next time, how I could do it without getting caught. Have to bury those thoughts though. The desire to live is winning out, I'm surprised to say…for now at least.

**April 21st 1996**

Walked into the visitor's room today to find Rae sitting at the same table she had done last week. She'd come back to torture me in a whole new, imaginative way I didn't see coming. I swear to god, she is the antichrist.

When I got to her, she said: "I'm glad you still look like a cheap man's Liam Gallagher, because…" then she took out a pair of hairdressing scissors from her bag. I asked her if she knew what she was doing. She said her friend was a hairdresser and she gave her a few tips, then she told me to chill the fuck out and trust her as she went to stand behind me. I must have looked nervous, but not for the reasons she thought, I'm sure. She'd pulled out a towel from her bag and draped it around my shoulders…then the torture began.

I don't know what was worse, the way she kept touching my head as she manoeuvred it or when she kept brushing the hair from my chest and back - each touch she put on me burned right through the fabric of my clothes and into my skin. It was the first time we'd ever made physical contact, and I know it sounds so pathetic, but it was exciting for me. I think the sweetest torture of all was when she kept leaning down to gently blow on my neck to get rid of the stray hairs. It was a miracle I didn't come right there and then. I must be hard up…but then again…Rae, you know?

When she finished she kept running her fingers through my hair to check if it was even. Jesus Christ. Seriously, she's a devil woman.

All too soon it was over, and she looked pretty pleased with herself. I remember looking into a nearby window to see how she'd done. She didn't do bad actually, considering her lack of experience.

We still didn't talk about anything to do with what happened, but this time I asked her flat out if she was planning on coming back to see me.

"Why…need something to look forward to?" she said, and I swear it was in a flirtatious way. I instinctively replied with a "Maybe." and again, I could be imagining things, but I could've sworn her cheeks turned a bit pink. Even as I write this, a voice is screaming in my head telling me I'm full of shit, that I'm a nothing who she wouldn't look twice at. I'm not programmed to hope.

She told me she'd come back to see me in a couple of days, so that'll definitely be something to look forward to. Sometimes I have to remind myself that she knows how I feel about her, and yet she still wants to see me. Is there something in that?

I mean, she's still with that speccy wankstain, isn't she? Bit dodgy of her to come and visit a guy who's made it very clear he'd want nothing more than to throw her down on the visitor's table and shag her to within an inch of her life…or maybe I didn't fully convey that in the note.

If nothing else, I feel like Rae and I are becoming friends, which is something at least. I'll take it. Just as long as she's still in my life in some capacity, that's all that matters.

**April 23rd 1996**

Got a call from Rae this morning. She's told me she's coming over tomorrow. I asked her why she was calling to tell me, and she said she wanted to ask if I had any means of listening to music in my room. I told her about my walkman, before asking her why.

"None of your business, nosy. Besides, I know how much you're looking forward to my visit, so I thought I'd give you more of a precise time of arrival."

Can still hear her glorious voice in my head, her rich, thick accent streaming down the phone line. I can't figure out if she was just being cheeky in a friendly way or if she was blatantly flirting with me. I try not to analyse too much, trying to take things as black and white where I can, but I've been feeling warm all over all day. It's crazy how one person can just do that do you.

I'm thinking about telling Kester about her. We've been getting on a bit better recently, and sometimes I think it'll be nice to unburden myself onto someone who could maybe help me with it. Will continue to think it over.

Got an update from DTH over the situation with his not so mystery woman. He only winked at me before wandering off to wherever he likes to go. I don't know what that means.

Now I have some pre-warning about Rae turning up, I guess I can make myself look a bit more presentable. I think Chop slipped in a bottle of CKOne in the goody bag he brought when he visited me.

**April 24th 1996**

I almost didn't want to write in here today, didn't want to pick the day apart, just wanted to leave it as it was, untouched. I've got used to writing in this thing though, and it makes sense to document the good days as well as the bad. Today was definitely a good day. I kind've knew it would be, though.

Turned out Chop had thrown some CKOne into the porn bag, the legend, and I actually put on some decent clothes, for once.

I'm glad I did, because as I made my way to the table, Rae stood up, walked towards me and hugged me. I'm sure it was the cologne…must be a serious woman magnet.

For whatever reason, she caught me completely off guard, and as she stood with her arms wrapped around me and her chin on my shoulder (her stupidly sweet smelling hair all over my face…) I remember awkwardly lifting my hands to pat her on the back. Only then did she part from me, getting back in her seat. I remained standing, a bit dumbfounded for a few seconds, and she smiled a bit too knowingly for my taste. I still don't know what she's playing at.

We talked for a while, and I actually said more than I usually did, telling Rae about Danny Two Hats and some of the other patients I'd gotten to know. She asked me what kind of stuff I did in the ward, and I told her. She listened so intently, like, really listened. I know girls who would just pretend to listen, waiting for the next chance for them to speak, but Rae, although loud and chatty when she wants to be, can actually listen and take stuff in as well. One of the many wonderful things about her.

She's made me a mixed tape as well, which is why she asked if I had a way of listening to music in my room. I should have guessed, really, but I had no idea. Listening to it now, actually. That girl has some seriously amazing taste in tunes. She knows what I like, what can I say. I remember in school we'd always take the mick out of each other about music, and I suppose she just gathered what I like from all those times, plus the few gigs we'd both attended.

She asked me when I was due to be released. I told her "They'll let me out when I'm better." and she suddenly looked dead sad. I'd never seen her look sad before. It was weird. I was used to laughing, teasing Rae, all quips and smirks, but not sad Rae. I remember having my hands resting on the table as I usually did, and she usually keeps her hands on her knees below the table.

I watched her, and I noticed tears start to appear in her eyes. I remember feeling uncomfortable, not sure what to do.

She said: "Finn…can I ask you something?" and her voice was barely there. She sounded completely different than normal and it was freaking me out. An orderly walked passed after she'd said that and I remember she looked at him a bit awkwardly. I told her 'yes' and before I knew what was happening she'd moved her hand up over the table, looking at my right hand as she took it in hers (my skin's still tickling at the memory) and I remember forgetting to breathe for a bit as she opened up my palm, moving the index finger on her other hand to gently touch the skin there.

She started moving it slowly, and it took me a while to catch on that she was spelling out a word. I remember concentrating really hard, but it was only three letters long. She'd spelled out 'Why?' and I knew instantly what she was asking about. The tears in her eyes were a dead giveaway as well.

I didn't know what to say to her as she sat there waiting. My hand was still in hers and she didn't leg go for ages.

I decided to go with the truth, telling her about my bipolar disorder. I also told her about losing my Nan, about how I felt really alone despite having mates and girlfriends, but I left her out of the explanation. I didn't want to make her feel guilty. She wasn't the only reason, but she was certainly a factor. In my darkest moments, the pain of not having her feel the same way about me as I did (do) her really didn't help any.

I didn't notice that she'd linked her fingers into mine, and after I'd come to a stop I realised she was holding my hand across the table. She was also crying, fully.

I remember squeezing her hand, and she squeezed it back. We sat in silence for a little while, but then some twat who secretly hates me slammed a door nearby, making Rae jump and pull away. She wiped her eyes before making her excuses and rushing out, leaving me sitting there alone, more confused than ever.

So yeah, probably not the most ideal ending, but I still feel really good.

**April 25th 1996**

Scratch that last post: I feel like shit now. What the hell is that girl playing at? She's got a boyfriend, for fuck's sake! She KNOWS how I feel about her…she has to be aware of the hell she's putting me through right now, surely? She can't just expect me to hang in limbo or whatever.

I think I realise that I can't just be friends with her. I feel way, way too much for her to do that. It's too fucking painful to spend this time with her and not have something more. I'm too far gone now, and she knows it. I think I need to talk to Kester about it. I need help with this…I need a second opinion.

**April 25th 1996**

Just got back from telling Kester everything. He thinks, surprise surprise, that I should confront her when I next see her. That's a BRILLIANT idea, Kester, why didn't I think of that?

Sarcasm really doesn't translate well on paper, does it. Although I didn't want to hear it, he does have a point…if the last month and a bit here has taught me anything, it's that I'll feel much better once I get my life back on track. I need to know what's what, to get my shit together, basically. I need to know if Rae feels more for me than just friendship, because if she does, I need to snap her up quick smart.

…but is that selfish of me, to inflict myself on somebody as lovely as her? I'm not exactly a walk in the park and she'd have to deal with all my baggage and bullshit if we decided to go for it.

Fuck, Finn, one thing at a time, yeah? Everything's such a mess. I need a fag. I haven't smoked or had a drop of booze for the whole time I've been here. Might ask Chopper to sneak me in some ciggies when he visits me next.

**April 27th 1996**

Parents are back from the Maldives. Came to visit me and brought me a snow globe, because what screams 'The Maldives' more than a sodding snow globe?! I didn't tell them that the doctors think I'll be ready to leave in a months time. Why dampen their holiday away from me by giving them some shitty news?

Chop's bringing me some fags in a couple of days. I've already been scoping out escape routes so I can leave and have a cheeky one once I get them. Security is dead lacking here, so it should be a piece of piss.

I'm starting to feel a bit Shawshank Redemption right now - I'm freaking out about leaving. Sometimes I think I'll just try to kill myself again as soon as I step out of the door. I hope not, but I'm fucking terrified, frankly.

Trying to remain positive as best I can though. Rae hasn't called or anything. Maybe the last visit was the lot? Mayb

Scratch that last bit, Rae just called, weirdly enough. She's coming to see me tomorrow. So she is actually coming back. I'm shocked, not gonna lie. I got it in my head that she'd be feeling awkward about our last meeting, that she wouldn't want to see me again. Glad I'm wrong, but I know that tomorrow is the day I'll finally have to confront her about how she feels about me. If nothing else, I needed her to admit that she knows how I feel about her, and tell her to leave me alone if there isn't even the smallest chance for us. I'd want her to at least give me a running jump at getting over her if she only saw me as a friend. Only way I can do that is if I bite the bullet and stop seeing her. It'll be painful, but necessary. Even as I write this my heartbeat's going a mile a minute and I feel dead anxious. I look cool as a cucumber on paper, but little do you know, book, how much I'm bricking it.

…and yes, that's the second time I've referred to this book as a human thing.

In other, happier news book (I might as well carry it on, just for today, ay?) is that I saw DTH sitting by the duck pond with Tix today. Nice going, my man.

**April 29th 1996**

Well, that went a hell of a lot worse than expected, and I was expecting things to go terribly. Couldn't write in here yesterday because the frustration was still too raw. I still feel angry, confused, sad, you name it, but I've calmed down enough to write, at least.

Where do I start? First off, Rae didn't show up when she said she would. I waited in the visitor's room for at least an hour and nothing. Not a fucking hint of her. So, I called her, and who's voice did i hear on the other end of the line but Archie's. I immediately hung up, taking Archie picking up the phone as a clear 'You've been kidding yourself, you silly freak' message, so I went back to my room to be alone with my misery.

Yet who showed up a couple of hours later? You guessed it, Rae did! I asked her why she didn't show up when she said she would, and she told me she bottled it. I asked her why and she didn't know what to say - she just stood there, hands in her back pockets. I got really frustrated all of a sudden, and the confrontation I was hoping to handle with at least a little bit of tact ended up exploding out of me. This is how the conversation went:

F: "Why did you even come to visit me the last few times?"

R (looking like I'd slapped her across the face) : "Because I wanted to see you! Why else would I want to come here?"

F: "But we weren't even friends before, Rae. I could understand you coming here if we were but, you only really knew about me after I tried to top myself."

R: "Excuse me? How fucking dare you! I did know you, Finn, we did know each other!"

F: "Don't bullshit me, Rae. We both know why you've been coming here, because you know how I feel about you and you feel sorry for me, don't you? 'Poor pathetic Finn, I feel so bad that he fancies me, I better go and show my face so he'll feel better.' Am I wrong?"

R: "Fuck off, Finn. You don't know what you're talking about." - I remember Rae's eyes becoming glossy at this point. I think I hit her quite hard with that jibe.

F: "Why are you here, then? Do you realise how crazy you're driving me? Coming here, cutting my hair, hugging me, making me a tape, holding my hand and pretending you give a shit…I'm fucking in love with you, Rae! You know it, I know it, the whole world fucking knows it. I've humiliated myself enough without you helping me, so please, do me a favour and leave me the fuck alone and go back to your boyfriend."

I don't know what happened. As I said, I exploded. All my pent up anger just came rushing out of me, and not in the way I wanted it to. I didn't want to tell her to go away, I didn't want to hurt her like I did - and I really hurt her. I could tell. She said:

R: (angry as all hell) "I'm not some cock teasing slag, Finn. I wanted to come here today and tell you that I'm confused, that I don't know what to do. Believe it or not, I haven't been able to stop thinking about you since I found that letter you wrote me. I had no idea how you felt about me. I didn't even think you liked me, and then suddenly not only do I find out you love me, but I also find out you've tried to hang yourself. It's all so much to take in! Cut me some slack will you? I know this is a very hard time for you, but it's a hard time for me as well! Archie and me have been arguing something chronic ever since…" She couldn't say it. I could see her wince when she said the words "to hang yourself" in the previous sentence.

Then she sighed and put her hands up, and she said: "You know what, I can't do this. I'm gonna go." then she left. I wanted to call after her, but I couldn't find any words. Predictably I've thought about all the things I could have said over the last day or so, but then I can't help but think it's better for her if we leave it there.

She said it herself, in her own way - it's too hard. She can't do it. She can't be with a flight risk like me who's always up and down. I know as I write this that Rae deserves someone better than me, that despite my own feelings, she should be with a good guy like Archie - a normal guy who'll treat her right and make her happy, give her a normal life.

I think now, as I sit here feeling completely rotten, that yesterday went as it should have. It's for the best, really. Rae deserves better than me.

**May 1st 1996**

I had a nuclear break down yesterday, an all systems crash. Got the suicide letter I wrote to Rae in the post yesterday morning with a note scrawled on the back:

_"Stay away from Rae. It's never going to happen. A." _

You see, I already knew that, had already decided it myself, but there was something about having her boyfriend remind me in that way that just pushed me over the edge.

I became overwhelmed by everything once more. Chop hadn't come to visit me which made things worse, and the fact that I fucked things up with Rae and that my parents clearly didn't give a shit if I lived or died all brought me to the same conclusion: Time to try again, and this time, get it right.

Funny thing is, I can't remember what happened after that. Can't remember leaving my room, can't remember sneaking into the canteen kitchen and picking up a knife from the knife rack, can't remember Danny Two Hats, who had followed me in there, grabbing my hand and pulling the knife away just before it hit my throat. I only know all this happened from what DTH told me.

The last thing I remember is being in Kester's office and him holding me by the shoulders. He pleaded with me to tell him everything, and I did. I sat back in the chair and told him every last detail. I cried pretty much the entire time, too, but Kester was really great. He listened as I let it all out, so much information that I can't even begin to try and relay it here - not enough pages, book.

I'm currently on 'suicide watch,' although they don't call it that. A nurse is sitting in the corner of the room reading what looks like the most boring book ever written (apart from this one, of course!) and it looks like I'll be here a lot longer than previously thought.

Mum and Dad have been in here pretty much all day, just sitting and chatting about boring stuff as I faked sleeping. It was nice to listen to them, to just be near them, really.

I need to think of a way to thank Danny Two Hats. I don't know how yet, but I'll figure it out.

I thought I'd write the suicide note I wrote to Rae in here. It's just been sitting on my desk, tormenting me. I know it's there, even though I've hidden it under some magazines. I feel like I need to face it head on, you know? So, here it is, without further ado:

_To Rae, _

_The last thing I want to do is scare you, but as you're reading this, I'll be gone. I'm planning on committing suicide today, so from this day on you'll no longer see me around school. I doubt you'll miss me much; maybe a little, perhaps. I can only hope so, anyway. I can't tell you why I'm doing it - that's not what this note is about. This note is about me telling you how I feel about you, as one thing I've always regretted is not being brave enough to confess the feelings I've had for you for so long. Now, ironically, I'm about to do the most cowardly thing I can think of, and I'm topping it off with confessing this all to you in a letter. What a cop out, ay? _

_Anyway, I just wanted to tell you that I love you. I've been in love with you for as long as I can remember knowing you, really. Although we haven't ever been close, or even friends, I've always had a feeling that you and I would be good together. Obviously, as you're already taken and I'm not long for this world, we'll sadly never find out if this could ever be true. _

_You are the most beautiful girl I've ever clapped my eyes on and I haven't been the same ever since I first met you. You blew me away then and you've continued to do so each and every day I've been lucky enough to spend with you. I know this must be confusing to you as we've only ever treated each other with hostility and caution, but please know I'm telling you the truth. _

_I love how loud you are, how you carry yourself, your confidence, the way you dress, what you're into, how you don't give a crap about anything…I love everything about you, Rae. I only wish I could have gotten to know you better, because if I had done, I know my feelings for you would have only deepened. _

_I'll let you go now, but know that you would be the only reason I'd stay here if things had been different. Please have an amazing life; an amazing life for an amazing girl. Makes a lot of sense to me. _

_Goodbye, Rae. I'm sorry. _

_Love, Finn Nelson. _

Still tired, book, so I'm checking out to sleep some more. Thanks for listening.

**May 5th 1996**

It's been a while, book (well, four days) and have you noticed how I've decided to constantly refer to you as an actual person now? I'm embracing my inner psycho, you'll be pleased to find out.

We've got a lot to catch up on, haven't we. Again, I find myself not knowing where to start.

So, I woke up yesterday morning to find a very familiar face sitting by my bed, flicking through one of the porno mags Chop gave me with a quizzical look. As I sat up (realising that I was in fact half naked and covering myself up with the duvet as I did so) Rae gave me a small smile and dropped the magazine on the bed. She said, grimacing: "I think that magazine's used. Some of the pages are stuck together."

This is how our conversation went (again, can still relay every word she says to me. Don't know how I can do that, but I won't question it.):

F: "Rae, I'm really sorry…"

R: "No, I should be the one to apologise, and not just for me, but on behalf of Archie as well. It was really out of order what he did and, well, you might be interested to know that I dumped him when I found out the shit he'd pulled."

F: (trying desperately to hide a smile) "Sorry to hear that."

R: (smiling) "Liar."

F: (laughing) "Yeah, I'm not sorry in the slightest. Obviously."

(Silence for a bit.)

R: "That wasn't the only reason I dumped him. We were heading towards it for a long while, we both knew it. The fact is, I'd pretty much decided the second I read your letter that it was over between me and him. He saw how upset I was as I was reading it and when I started to come and visit you here, it got really tense. We both knew, or at least I knew how I really felt. I'm not gonna lie to you Finn, I'm a little bit scared about starting something up with you. I know you think you love me-"

F: "I KNOW I love you-"

R: "Yeah, but you don't even know me! Not really! I'm scared I might disappoint you or something, that I won't be all you think I am. I've never felt like this before about anyone, and I don't want to fuck it up."

F: "Rae, I may not have known you as well as I should have when I wrote that letter, but I've got to know you so much better over the past few weeks, and I know I'm right."

R: "I'm not just scared about that, though, I'm also scared of losing you. I know I'm falling fast for you, Finn, and if you try to leave again, it'll break my heart. I know it."

F: "I can't make any promises, Rae, nobody can do that, but I'm getting help for my condition. You want to know something? When I'm with you, I feel the most normal I ever have done. You make me really happy and I feel good around you…I feel calm. Feeling calm's important for a person like me…"

R: (nodding) "I know. I've read a few books on bipolar disorder."

F: "When was this?"

R: (looking a bit embarrassed) "Err…well, ever since I found out you had it."

F: "Right. Why are we still having this conversation, Rae? This has to happen. You know it and I know it. We can't let this pass us by, I don't want it to."

R: "Me neither."

Then she leaned over and kissed me. I couldn't believe it. Talk about a U-Turn. The kiss was out of this world, but a tiny bit awkward being that I was, as I said, half naked.

So, Rae's my girlfriend now, I guess, and it seems she knows what she's letting herself in for. As soon as I heard that she'd been researching into my condition, I knew then she was serious about me. I got her wrong so many times, I've lost count, but now I know exactly where she's coming from, finally. I still haven't come to terms with it fully. It's all still sinking in…

Rae Earl is my girlfriend. Rae Earl is my girlfriend. Rae is my girlfriend. She's 'falling for me fast' apparently. It's been a whole day and I'm still in a daze.

**May 10th 1996**

Rae's still my girlfriend, book. I haven't fucked it up just yet, and it's been six whole days. She's come to visit me nearly ever day and she hasn't changed her mind yet.

Bit of an odd development too - yesterday she brought in a letter from good old Archie, who basically wrote to me to apologise, saying that he was drunk and out with his friends when he wrote that note to me, or something. Rae reckons his friends encouraged him to do it. She also thinks he's secretly gay, giggling as she told me so.

Anyway, enough about Archie - Chopper FINALLY came in with my ciggies and apologised for his absence over the past couple of weeks. Turns out he isn't trying to ditch me, but he's been busy with his new girlfriend Izzy (remembered her name this time) so he just hasn't had chance to come over.

I told him all about Rae and how I'm going to be staying in the ward for another 2 months (joy of joys) and about my second suicide attempt. It's all a bit too dramatic for Chop, I reckon. He's a down to earth guy, and although I'd like to think I am too, I think I'm definitely 'up in the clouds' a lot more than most people.

Keeping up my sessions with Kester, who's glad to see how I'm improving. I can never tell properly, but I think the meds are helping me - I haven't had a 'manicsode' for a long time, which has been such a relief.

Still haven't figured out a way to thank Danny Two Hats for saving my life. I might arrange some kind of date between him and Tix or something - would probably get Rae to help me with that. It's a good a plan as any…I mean, what do you get a 19 year old lad who already has two whole hats? It's a difficult one, that.


	17. Rae Goes to Knebworth and Finn Arrested

_Prompts: "Fanfic prompt idea - What if Rae did go to the Oasis gig at Knebworth" & "Can you please write a fanfic of what might have happened if rae did go to knebworth instead of staying behind with chloe please?" & "Your fics are just... ARRUGH! I love them. How about one where Rae or Finn gets arrested and Rae or Finn going crazy and the police are holding them back from trying to get to eachother.. Does that make sense? They aren't fighting eachother, just to make that clear haha. Don't ask. I was just watching Corrie when Tyrone was at court and Rae and Finn came into my head, haha :)"_

_Another prompt combo! _

_I love Rae, so I can't do this if Chloe's there to see her off! She can't not stay with her, not an option, so in this fic Chloe isn't there when Rae gets to the cars. :)_

* * *

"Knebworth baby girl!" Chop chimed from the open car door, and Rae felt a warm rush of pleasure at him referring to her as an actual GIRL for once. She suspected that maybe something had got through at the chippy the day before; that maybe he wasn't as dumb as she initially thought he was.

All the boys were there in their custom made Oasis T-Shirts, Archie, Chop, Jack, Billy, Rob, Dan…and the one Rae was actively searching for as she was clocking everyone…Finn. There he was, standing and smoking a ciggie, looking no less than stunning with his flannel shirt tied around his waist, wearing sunglasses similar to Rae's, only darker, with the sun beating down on him, making him glow, almost. Or maybe that's just how Rae saw him.

He'd shot up in her estimations since the day before. That fateful moment that ensured her lady garden would be permanently moistened, when the absolute adonis of a man ran to her aid when she was in trouble. Rae never fancied herself a 'damsel in distress,' never identifying with those character types in the books she read or films she watched, yet she couldn't stop herself from feeling insanely grateful for Finn at that moment. Nobody had ever defended her like that before, or even defended her full stop, but Finn did. Rae cast her mind back to how angry he'd looked when he had Big G up against the wall - real, genuine anger. The veins in his temple looked like they were about to burst, and he was shaking all over. There was Rae thinking she just annoyed him, that she was a thorn in his side and vice versa, but she'd been wrong. He liked her enough to be there, to look out for her. Rae wondered if Finn even realised he'd just made a friend for life, as well as an ardent admirer. It was easier to handle how eye wateringly hot he was when he didn't have the personality to back it up, but as Rae was gradually learning more and more about 'the real Finn,' it seemed he could very well've been 'the whole package.'

Finn clocked Rae, but looked away again as she approached. She was having none of it.

"Hiya." Finn looked at her then, eyebrows raised slightly in what…surprise? His face slackened immediately, though, and he visibly relaxed at her easy tone.

"Y'alright?" he shot back, blowing out a line of smoke.

"How's ya hand?"

"I'll live." Rae wondered if that was a line he'd always wanted to say, a line picked straight out of the films she'd imagined he'd be into.

"Thanks." Rae didn't want to sound overly gushy, was trying very hard to keep her composure so she didn't come off as a squeaking little schoolgirl or something, but she couldn't stop her tender stare, her look of adulation as she tilted her head to the side.

Finn shrugged. "Anyone woulda done the same thing, ya know?"

Rae cast her mind back to a couple of weeks before, when she was standing outside that clothes shop in nothing but a swimsuit and a blow up crocodile, being subjected to taunts and hate filled looks as Chloe just stood there offering words of empty comfort. When Archie arrived, he simply said "What's going on?" - Rae wondered if Archie even noticed the bullies surrounding them, and she only realised afterwards, with Finn's good deed fresh in her mind to contrast it against, that he didn't even try to help her, to cover her up - anything.

"No, they wouldn't." It was the truth.

Finn looked away bashfully, and Rae was distracted by Chop yelling: "Alright boys and girl, this convoy is heading out!"

Rae let out a laugh before realising she didn't know the seating arrangements. She hung back, waiting for the other boys to get into the cars. Her heart leapt as she noticed Archie, Chop, Jack and Dan get into one car, and Rob and Billy get into the back of the other. That meant…

Rae tried to stop the spring in her step as she approached the passenger door of Finn's car. She got inside, giving Finn a smile after he'd followed suit. The corners of his mouth quirked slightly, and Rae relaxed in his presence for the first time in, well, ever.

She felt almost giddy at the thought of being next to Finn on the whole ride there. She subtly breathed in as the wind from outside blew some of his luscious scent in her direction. She never would've thought a mere couple of weeks ago that she'd have the raging hots for him, but things change, and not always for the worst.

Finn put on the radio as Archie threw an empty can of beer from the car in front of them as Chop drove off. The first few beats of a very familiar and equally unwelcome song started playing, and Rae glared at Finn with a mouthful of beer.

"What? I'm expecting marks outta ten for each tune by the way." Finn said as he pulled away.

"Well it's a zero for starters." Rae responded in a heartbeat.

"I thought this was your favourite song?"

Rae gave him a smile, which Finn mirrored, warmly and widely. Rae knew the butterflies in her stomach bred by gig anticipation were now mingling with the ones Finn caused, and they flew around erratically, making her chest sear a bit and her heart beat faster. Rae couldn't remember the last time she felt this happy. She wasn't even sure if she'd ever felt this happy before.

She decided to continue with the banter.

"I can't believe you even own this song. Shameful." she shook her head as she looked out the window, letting out a laugh as Finn started belting out the chorus next to her, his voice high pitched. He laughed through his singing, and Rae hid her amused smile with great difficulty, putting her hand on the door handle.

"Right, I'm getting out. Stop the car. Even Oasis isn't worth this torture…"

"Alright, alright…" Finn said through his chuckling, and Rae let out a dramatic sigh of relief.

"Who're we meeting there?" Rob said from behind them, and Rae noticed Finn start as if he'd forgotten he was there. He told him the names of the friends that would meet them at the gig, almost impatiently, before cutting off his sentence with an abrupt: "What about this one, then?" directed at Rae. She recognised it as Brainstorm Interlude by The Verve.

"I'd say 7, 7 and a half…"

"We're not doing halves. That's such a cop out." Finn quipped.

"Fine, 7 then, bossy." Rae said, before Billy chimed in from his conversation with Rob: "Are we not included in this game?"

Finn said, "No, cos you wouldn't know good music if it was coming out yer arse."

Rae and Rob laughed, and Billy gave Finn a snarl from behind him, before turning to Rae.

"So, Rae…for someone who apparently gets car sick, you should really be keeping your eyes on the road. My sister gets car sick, and if she so much as glances anywhere but the road she blows chunks." his tone was tinged with spite, as if the sentence was meant to be a rebuttal to Finn's jibe.

Rae glanced at Finn, who's cheeks had gone a bit pink and his eyes flickered uncomfortably. She looked back at Billy, obviously confused.

"I don't get car sick. Who told ya that?"

"Finn did. He said you had to sit in the front of the car because…" Billy was cut off by the sound of the car horn as Finn pressed it, making Rae, Billy and Rob jump a bit. They all looked at Finn, who was shaking his head at a car nearby, muttering under his breath: "Fucker cut me up…" before giving Rae another uncomfortable glance. He bit his lip, keeping his eyes on the road with his brow furrowed. Rae looked back at Billy, who looked quite proud of himself, Rob giving him a small punch on the arm.

Rae decided to drop it, her initial offence at Finn lying about her fading as it sunk in that Finn had orchestrated her being in the front seat, albeit through underhand means. The cynic in her was telling her to ignore that vibe, that she was imagining it, but the optimist in her was currently in the middle of doing a victory dance.

Rae began chatting to Rob to ease the tension, asking him about other gigs he'd been to. She ducked out of the conversation to give Finn the next rating, and Finn visibly calmed, resuming his previous demeanour.

After a while, they fell back into original formation, Rob and Billy chatting amongst themselves, resigned to the fact that Finn wanted Rae's soul attention, which Rae was more than happy to give. Rae and Finn went from chatting about music, favourite bands, albums, songs, dream gig line ups, that kind of thing, to just sitting in comfortable silence, bobbing their heads to the music, Finn turning the volume up on sections he particularly loved, tapping his fingers against the steering wheel.

At one point, Rae found herself singing softly, without even realising.

Finn said something so quietly next to her she couldn't hear him, so she snapped out of her music induced reverie to ask: "What did you say?"

Finn coughed, keeping his eyes on the road as he repeated, louder, but not by much: "You've got a nice voice."

Rae cheeks became a bit warmer. "Thanks." she said, before looking at her hands with a coy smile. She heard a tut from behind her. Turning to Billy, she snarked: "What's wrong now?" at him, Billy giving her a withering look in return before looking at the back of Finn's head.

"This was supposed to be a boy's night, I mean - I didn't mind Rae coming at first cos I didn't think there'd be any o'this going on…" he said, his pointed finger poging quickly from Finn to Rae and back again in an erratic motion. Finn chanced a look over his shoulder, before sharing a frown with Rae.

"What d'ya mean by 'this'?" Rae responded, brow still furrowed, lifting her hands to quote the word 'this.'

"This, yaknow, Finn being all over you like a sodding rash. We specifically said no girlfriends and no girls…"

"Well, we let you come, didn't we?" Rae said, quick as a flash, and Finn, who had previously been rolling his eyes and shaking his head in annoyance, let out a laugh.

"Didn't think you'd go for a funny girl, Finn. Thought you wouldn't want anyone stepping on ya toes in that department." Billy drawled.

"What's your problem w'me, mate? You've been on at me ever since we set off." Finn barked, making Billy sigh and sit back in his seat.

"You're not still annoyed at Finn for getting off with ya sister, are ya?" Rob asked, and Rae felt her chest dip and her eyes burn as jealousy set in. She kept her eyes fixed on her knees, pretending to zone out, trying to resume bobbing her head to the music, but only managing a couple of half nods before giving up and biting the inside of her cheek. Finn shifted in his seat, swallowing audibly. Rae looked up long enough to see him glance shiftily at her before saying:

"Get over it, Bill. She came onto me, alright? So just drop it."

"I'm not annoyed about that. I'm fine. Look, I'm sorry for getting at ya, alright? Just need another beer…" and with that he reached back to grab another can.

"Pass me one, would ya?" Rae asked, her voice breaking as she did so. She cleared her throat, burying her jealousy so it didn't ruin her night.

"Have you actually put any Oasis on this tape?" she asked Finn once she'd opened her can.

"Why would I do that when we're about to hear their songs played live?" Finn said, a smile creeping into his expression in what Rae knew was excitement.

"Good point." Rae nodded with an excited grin of her own. She looked at a road sign as it passed them. Not long now, she thought to herself.

* * *

Finn felt himself bristle as he carried on driving, despite Rae doing her best to ease the tension. It was common knowledge that Billy was jealous of Finn, would do anything to try and one up him or put him down a peg or two. Finn would always give as good as he got whenever Billy decided to be an asshole, but even with their track record, Finn very naively didn't see this coming when Chop told him the seating plans for the cars. If he'd have known Billy was going to take the piss out of him and make Rae feel uncomfortable, he would have made him swap with someone else. Who though, he didn't know. Jack and Dan were inseparable, and he certainly didn't want Archie in the car. He'd never get a chance to talk to Rae if he was there.

Luckily, Billy had dropped it at that point, so Finn tried his best to calm himself down and think of the day ahead of him. He was glad Rae was there, really glad. He knew her presence was making the night ten times better for him. The lads were alright, but Rae was different from the lot of them, different from anyone he knew or had ever known, in fact.

Sure, Billy had made him look a bit of a twat by shopping him to Rae about his endeavour to get her riding shotgun, but Rae didn't seem to pick up on it, luckily. He always prided himself on being subtle when it came to girls he had a thing for, but it seems with Rae he was being pretty obvious. Then again, he hadn't felt anything like this about anyone before her. This time was different, and he didn't know how to navigate this particular road. Unlike the motorway they were currently driving across, there were no signs to guide him, but he knew he didn't want Rae to just be a quick fumble or anything. He'd got off with a fair share of girls (including Billy's sister) but Rae meant more to him than any of them, somehow. He never thought of himself as the 'boyfriend' type, but as he sat in the car talking to Rae about music, his heart skipping a beat every time she threw him that killer smile of hers, he was starting to envision himself going the distance with her. He couldn't shake that niggling desire to snap her up before anyone else did. Despite his own thoughts on the subject, he also didn't want to rush things. He knew he had to play it cool, to 'go with the flow,' a phrase he hated with a passion, but one that applied to this situation nonetheless. It seems he was struggling with 'playing it cool' and he felt he was coming across a bit dorky, a stark contrast from his usual confidence when he was trying to get a girl he was interested in. He chalked this down to the new territory he was treading on as well.

Finn was jolted out of his thoughts by the sound of laughter around him. His eyes focussed on where Rae was looking, clocking the car in front of them and the two pairs of arse cheeks pressed against the back window. He let out a laugh of his own.

"Get ya tits out, Rae! Two can play at that game." Rob chimed, and Rae laughed harder as Finn reached back to bat Rob on the leg.

"Don't worry boys, I won't subject ya to that." she said, still smiling as she looked from Billy to Finn before returning her warm gaze to the road.

"Spoil sport!" Rob continued, and Finn felt himself bristle again. For someone so seemingly confident, Rae really didn't seem to like herself. Sure, she was bigger than other girls and she didn't wear make-up, high heels and skimpy dresses, but that's what made her so great in Finn's eyes. She wasn't trying to be someone else, apart from that one time at the café when Chloe and Izzy had obviously coerced her into being made up like a Girl's World doll for the non-date with Archie. Finn had commented on it almost immediately, and much like a lot of the stuff he said that was meant to be taken a specific way, it came out a bit wrong, and he'd rubbed Rae up the wrong way yet again.

He'd hoped she wouldn't try to change herself again for anybody. It didn't feel right, not to Finn anyway.

"Bet Finn wouldn't mind…" Billy said, almost to himself. Finn swallowed down an angry 'Fuck off!' instead deciding to go with:

"Bet you wouldn't mind either. Bet you can't remember the last pair'o'tits you saw."

Finn couldn't see Billy's reaction, but before he could respond Rae said: "Alright, can we stop talking about my tits please? I thought I was meant to be one o'the lads tonight. Can't have it both ways."

Finn knew he and Billy were heading for a row. He decided to try and avoid him as much as possible at the gig.

They'd arrived, and Finn pulled into the packed car park after Chop, deciding to go off on his own to find a parking space. Rae helped him with the search, and she spotted a place quite near to the entrance. When they got out of the car, Billy and Rob started walking off to join the queue, and Finn felt his heart leap into his throat as he felt Rae's hand rest on his shoulder. As he turned to look at her, she jerked her head slightly before moving her lips towards his ear, Finn ducking down, mouth suddenly dry as he listened to her whisper, the hot breath on his cheek making him a bit delirious:

"I'm keeping you away from Billy. I ain't having him ruin our night." she said, and Finn reluctantly pulled away, nodding as he did so. _Our night. _He repeated the words to himself mentally with an inward smile. He followed Rae to the end of the queue, putting her in-between himself and Billy.

"What a fookin' piss take that was!" Chop said as they joined the four of them in the queue after a fair while. Archie walked up behind Rae to hug her from behind, kissing her temple as he did so. She smiled back at him fondly before sharing an uncomfortable glance with Finn, who looked away, trying to come across as nonchalant. _They're just mates. _He said to himself. _Archie had his chance and fucked it up. Rae's not interested in him anymore. _

Archie moved away to speak to Jack, and Rae went to stand next to Finn, their arms brushing as she did so. He resisted the urge to move his arm so it could happen again, the physical contact he was sharing her, however chaste, giving him a small buzz every time.

"Which song d'ya think they'll play first, then?" Dan asked as Chop kept his eye out for the rest of their friends.

"I know what they'll encore with…" Rob began.

"Wonderwall." Rae and Finn said in unison, before sharing a small smile.

"I were gonna say Champagne Supernova." Rob said, before trailing off and waving as the rest of their friends approached.

The group stood in the queue chatting with gradually increasing excitement as they slowly moved forward step by step. Finn used every shuffle as an opportunity brush Rae's hand with his, just ever so gently. He could swear Rae's smile grew just a little bit wider every time he did so, and they shared a few coy smiles as they got nearer to the ticket check.

Chop jumped on Finn's shoulders in glee as they entered the grounds, Rae laughing as Archie let out a whoop, pinching Rae's waist and making her jump and giggle. Finn looked around in awe. The place was already packed, as predicted, and when they'd found a suitable spot to stand, the stage was essentially a dot, but none of them cared. As long as they could hear the music, that was the main thing. Finn tried to clock Rae's expression, but she was stood slightly in front of him. Her hair was tickling his nose slightly as they became sandwiched together, Finn secretly glad both Archie and Billy were quite a way away from them, for different reasons.

"I can't believe it." Rae said, shaking her head, the big grin on her lips obvious to Finn even from behind her.

Somebody pushed into Finn, causing him to stumble slightly. He put his palm flat against Rae's back to steady himself, apologising to her after he'd done so.

"It's alright." she smiled, looking at him over her shoulder with bright eyes. Finn could have kissed her right then and there, and he felt his fist tighten slightly in a physical bid to stop himself from doing so.

* * *

Finn had been driving Rae crazy, torturing her with little touches here and there. She wondered if he could even begin to comprehend what he did to her whenever he accidentally touched her. Rae let herself drift into a fantasy of Finn wrapping his strong arms around her shoulders, singing song lyrics into her ear as they swayed to the music. She'd have to settle for the occasional bump from behind her whenever somebody squeezed passed, however. He was moving closer and closer to her as The Chemical Brothers played their set, the crowd gradually becoming denser. He kept holding her shoulders to steady himself whenever somebody tried to move him away, and Rae hoped that it was because he didn't want to leave her. She knew she was probably looking into it way too much, but the music was gradually grinding down any need for rational thought and instead replacing it with instincts and raw emotion. She could feel Finn's chest vibrate against her back whenever he cheered and clapped his hands above her head, and part of her hopeful fantasy became a reality as he occasionally pressed his lips against her ear to talk to her, not saying much apart from "That was fucking amazing." or "I love this song!"

Rae wished he'd press his lips on other areas of her, a wicked smile appearing on her lips as The Prodigy took the stage. The boys went absolutely mental during their set, Finn and the others jumping up and down behind her. Archie bounced over to her at one point and shouted the lyrics into her face, Rae scrunching her nose up at him as he grinned at her, all sweaty and red.

After their set, Finn resumed his position behind Rae, actually wedging himself in front a bloke who had been manoeuvred behind Rae whilst Finn had been jumping around with the others. Rae could feel his breath against her neck as he panted, his chest rising and falling against her back. She turned a couple of times to check if he could still see, Finn being ever so slightly shorter than her.

"I wouldn't be able to see even if I was in front of ya." Finn breathed out into her ear, still catching his breath. He was covered in a sheen of sweat, and Rae wondered, if money wasn't an object, how much she'd be willing to shell out to lick it all off him.

Rae suddenly felt the need to piss during The Bootleg Beatles' set, which she managed to hold until halfway through, but she found she couldn't chance it any longer, turning to Finn with an apologetic look and moving to speak into his ear.

"I need t'go to the toilet." she said, moving to shift past him. He stayed her shoulder, shouting into her ear: "I'll come with ya." Rae moving back to shake her head, indicating she was fine. Finn beckoned her back over, reasoning with a "I'm not too keen on The Beatles anyway. S'alright." and before she knew what was happening, he'd grabbed her hand and started moving her through the crowd. Rae hardly took her eyes off their entwined hands as they shuffled their way through, Rae thankful that it was taking a while despite her full bladder. Her eyes moved from their hands up the length of his arm. He had gorgeous arms, Rae thought…well, gorgeous everything, really. Her gaze lingered on the wet hair clinging to the back of his neck, "All You Need Is Love" surrounding them as they neared the edge of the crowd, the line of portaloos in sight. Rae felt herself sag in disappointment as Finn's hand left hers when they'd got to the toilets.

"I'm gonna go too, actually." Finn said, his ears bright red.

After they both did their business, Finn looked above the heads of the crowd, turning to Rae with a furrowed brow.

"I can't see 'em, can you?" he yelled as The Bootleg Beatles played their last song, Rae scanning the crowd for their friends to no avail. She shook her head, about to apologise, but the jolt in her chest stopped her as Finn reached out to take her hand once more, still scanning the crowd with his eyes. They stood their for a few moments as Finn looked, and Rae pretended to look with him despite having an internal meltdown over the fact that they were essentially just holding hands for no apparent reason.

"We'll just have to find 'em after, I guess." he said to her with a shrug. He didn't seem too bothered, and Rae didn't mind either, really. Finn began to lead her back into the crowd, the pair of them settling in a place a bit closer to the stage, Finn standing next to her this time, their shoulders pressed together as The Manic Street Preachers came on.

After their set had finished, Finn asked Rae if she was having a good time. She beamed at him, giving him an enthusiastic nod.

"The best! How 'bout you?"

Finn nodded, smiling at her, eyes shining. "Yeah, having a great time. Glad you could come." he said, moving his hand up to tug on her sleeve gently.

"Me too." Rae said in an accidental high pitch. She suddenly felt a bit brave, the euphoria of the evening giving her new confidence. "I'm glad I got to spend the gig w'you. None of the others know their music like we do." she said with a wink, nudging Finn's shoulder with hers.

Finn stood looking at her, expression unreadable. Rae felt herself blush under his scrutiny, his gaze unmoving as he swallowed. Rae felt her heart pound as Finn's face moved ever so slightly closer to hers as he swayed a little on his feet, and she tried not to glance at his lips as he did so, failing miserably.

Rae felt the crowd murmur around them before they erupted into cheers, Finn's eyes visibly hardening as he broke eye contact, looking around a little bit dazed and clapping slowly, clearing his throat. Rae looked at his profile for a few moments more before clapping herself before the crowd died down, and she spent the entire Ocean Colour Scene set reliving the moment in her mind, the high it gave her, along with the inevitable twinge of disappointment and insane longing, went very well with the music booming around her.

What she loved most about live music was how it seemed to hold her from all sides. She wasn't just a vulnerable human left alone with her fragility and confusing emotions, she was being carried by the music she loved, and she saw live music as a temporary hug for the wandering, lonely ones, like her.

Finn didn't talk to her for the rest of the gig. They stood in heavy silence when the music wasn't playing, but their shoulders remained pressed together throughout. Even when Oasis took the stage and they both went mental, screaming, whooping, whistling and clapping until they were red in the face, they didn't so much as glance at each other throughout the entire set. They both sang along to every song, however, raising their hands to sway them slowly along with the slower ones and clapping their hands above their heads to the beat when Liam or Noel indicated for them to do so.

It wasn't until the encore and the first few beats of 'Wonderwall' began to play that Finn and Rae shared a smug look, although Rae knew that it was obvious that would be the encore track.

After the set had finished and Rae and Finn whooped and hollered one final time, they glanced at one another once more before turning to make their way out with the others, Finn stepping out in front of Rae. Finn scanned the crowd for their friends once more, the absence of his hand in Rae's feeling almost alien to her. When he took her hand before, she never wanted him to let go.

Just as Rae was settling on the fact that Finn holding her hand was a twice in a blue moon thing, Finn reached out behind him, this time with a warm smile aimed at her as the crowd paused. Rae smiled back, almost relieved as she put her hand in his, like it was wrong for it to be any other way. Rae's throat tightened slightly as she felt Finn's thumb gently rub her fingers.

_Clean up in aisle four!_

* * *

Finn couldn't believe he and Rae were holding hands as they slowly made their way out of the arena. He'd held her hand out of necessity before, not wanting to lose her in the crowd. Truth was, he didn't want to leave her side at all, had already planned to go wherever she went. Yet as soon as their fingers touched, Finn knew he was in trouble. Just as he'd wanted nothing more than to touch Rae again ever since she put her hand on his shoulder hours before, he'd wanted to hold her hand again as soon as he let go of it the first time. What he loved the most about it was it indicated, along with a few other signs he'd gleaned throughout the night, that Rae maybe, possibly, somehow felt some of the same feelings for him as he felt for her.

He daren't look at her when he held her hand the second time, the feeling of her fingers curling around his enough to tell him that he wasn't barking up the wrong tree, after all. However slowly they were travelling, they were heading in the same direction.

As Finn and Rae stepped out into the night air, both deciding to head to Finn's car as there was no way they'd be able to find Chop and the others, Finn didn't let go of her hand until they got to it, Finn leaning on the bonnet and lighting a cigarette as Rae flapped her arms either side of her, looking around.

"My ears are ringing like buggery." she said, Finn replying with a "Mine too." as the smoke shot out of his mouth. As he watched the breeze mess up Rae's hair, some strands sticking to her sweat covered jaw, he wondered why he didn't kiss her before Ocean Colour Scene started to play. He was seconds away from doing it, the bright, hopeful look in her eyes enough of a 'go light' for him, yet he just let the moment pass. He felt a twinge of regret. It would've been amazing to have their first kiss at Knebworth. Would've been a great story to tell the kids. (Oh god, did he really just think that? What was wrong with him?)

He carried on sitting on the bonnet, smoking. A first kiss in the car park at Knebworth after the best gig of their lives so far could work, he thought to himself. Rae looked at the floor shyly, tucking her hair behind her ear and looking completely adorable. Finn slowly stood, a second away from closing the gap between them when they heard Rob shout "Oi oi!" from a way away, Finn exhaling in annoyance as he and Rae looked over. Rob was with the others at the edge of the car park, beckoning them both over. They shared a disappointed glance before setting off, and Finn could feel the spell they were both under slowly fading off, along with the post gig euphoria.

When they joined their friends, who were all buzzing, they shared their gig experiences as the people around them made their way to their cars, police and security guards patroling the edges to make sure there wasn't any trouble.

"Where the fuck did you two go?" Chop asked, pouting at Finn and Rae.

"I had to go to the toilet and we couldn't find ya when I'd finished. Sorry Chopper." Rae said with a sympathetic smile of her own.

"S'alright Raemundo." Chop said, stumbling over and draping himself over her shoulders as she laughed, rubbing his back.

"Where's Billy?" Finn asked, not that he really cared after how he'd been treating him, but he didn't like to lose people from the party.

"Last I saw he was heading over towards that tent with a bloke. Didn't know who he was." Rob said. Finn sighed, knowing he'd have to go and find him before they headed off.

"Right, let's get going." Jack said, patting Chop on the back and holding out his hand for the car keys.

"B'careful with 'er, Jack. She's only a baby." Chop slurred, Jack laughing as they walked off, waving at Rae, Finn and Rob as they left, Archie giving Rae a hard kiss on the cheek before stumbling after them.

"Where did they even get booze?" Rae asked.

"They were passing round loads of the stuff during the sets, it were brilliant." Rob said, smiling with wiggling eyebrows.

Finn turned to Rae and Rob with a sigh. "Right, let's go and find that fuckin' liability." jerking his head over to the tent Rob had indicated to.

Billy was enroute back as they approached the tent, and it was clear by how alert he seemed that he was on something.

"Alright Billy, we're heading off now. Car's over 'ere." Finn said, jerking his head behind him and trying to hide his annoyance. He just wanted to go home, not relishing the thought of the long drive ahead of him.

"No way! The night's far from over, guys! Just met some blokes who are having an after-party over in the next field. We should go!" Billy trilled.

"Nah man, we gotta go. Got a long drive back." Finn said, and Billy narrowed his eyes at him.

"Fine. You lot go if you wanna be boring fuckers. I'm staying." and with that, Billy turned and began walking away from them, Finn sighing and looking at the sky before sharing an eye roll with Rae, who stepped forward to help him out.

"Billy…" Finn began, jogging after him and placing a hand on his shoulder once he'd reached him. "You gotta come with-" but before Finn could finish his sentence, Billy pushed him away hard with an angry "Fuck off!"

Finn stood back with a look of angry shock, his tolerance running low.

"Finn…" he heard Rae say, voice quivering slightly with nerves. Finn glanced at her before taking a step towards Billy, shortly before Billy's fist collided with his face in a punch that seemed to come from nowhere. Finn heard Rae shout: "Billy! What the fuck are you doing?!" as Finn stumbled. Finn didn't fall, and he let a beat pass between them before rushing forward, meeting Billy head on in a wrestle, using all his strength to try to push him to the ground, his fingernails digging into his shoulders and his voice coming out in angry grunts, mirroring Billy who was red in the face, spitting with rage. Finn could hear Rae pleading with them to stop, heard her say: "Rob, do something!" her voice getting nearer to them. Finn suddenly felt somebody grab him from behind, prizing him away from Billy who was also pulled back, aiming a kick as he went. Finn came to himself, the red mist receding as he clocked the situation, Rae's quiet: "Oh fuck…" leading him back into reality.

The policeman who had pulled Billy away started patting him down, and he felt whoever had pulled him away do the same to him, looking behind him slightly and seeing the corner of a black hat, the high pitched ringing in his ears registering the slow thrum of the walkie talkie in the policeman's belt. Finn looked at Rae, who was standing looking tense as Finn continued to be searched. A police van drove up nearby, and Finn watched Rae's face turn pale with fear in a look he was sure mirrored his own.

"What do you call this, then?" the police officer patting down Billy said, holding a small clear bag of white pills to his face. Finn closed his eyes tight in anger, Billy not being able to drum up an explanation, instead just standing in wide eyed silence.

"Right, I'm arresting you on the charge of class A drug possession…" Finn's ears pricked as the police officer read Billy his rights, handcuffing him.

"Take him too." Billy's police officer said to the policeman standing behind Finn.

"You can't do that! I haven't done anything!" Finn began to loudly protest as the policeman held his wrists, reading Finn his rights and telling him he was being arrested for suspected drug dealing.

"No! No please officer don't! He hasn't done anything!" Finn looked at Rae as the second cuff clipped around his wrist, watched how she ran towards them as she protested, eyes wide and glistening with desperate tears.

"Please!" she begged again. "He's innocent! I swear to ya!" the officer ignoring her as Billy was loaded into the van. Finn sighed, looking at Rob, who'd been standing in frozen shock, pale as death.

"Rob, get my car keys from my pocket and take Rae home, will ya?" he said, Rob stepping forward as Rae shook her head.

"No! I'm not leaving ya!" Rae yelled as the policeman began shifting Finn towards the van.

"Please, Rae." Finn said, eyes soft as Rob grabbed the keys from his jeans pocket.

"Officer, please!" Rae tried again, running forward and grabbing the policeman by the arm. He looked from her hand to another policeman nearby, jerking his head towards her.

"Her too." he said, Finn wriggling madly in his grasp shouting: "No! You can't do that! She's done nothing!"

"She's obstructing police business." the policeman holding Finn said flatly, and Finn watched in quiet agony as Rae, looking terrified beyond belief, had her rights read out to her too as the policeman handcuffed her.

"Rae…" Finn called out as he was forced to step up into the van, Rae soon following, shaking as tears streamed down her face. She was sat down opposite Finn as the doors closed, her breath becoming more erratic.

"Rae, look at me." Finn said, Rae moving her quivering head up to meet his gaze.

"It's gonna be alright, do you hear me? We're gonna get through this, I promise ya. We're gonna be fine." Finn said, tone as warm as he could make it despite his overwhelming concern. Rae nodded slightly, tears still pouring. Finn looked at the policemen sitting next to her.

"Can I sit next to her? Please? Can't you see she's scared?" Finn pleaded, the policeman looking down to his left as Rae continued to shake, clamping her eyes shut and sobbing. He let out a quick nod, Finn quickly moving over, wishing he didn't have his hands tied behind his back so he could hold her and comfort her. He instead pressed his body against hers.

"Rae…" he said in a low voice. Rae looked at him once more, keeping her wet gaze on his resolute stare for the entire journey to the police station as he distracted her with words of comfort and reassurance. Her shakes gradually subsided and she seemed to come to herself more.

They were moved into the police station and processed before Billy was taken into a room for questioning. Finn watched as a policewoman lead Rae away from him to be questioned separately, Rae giving him a fearful glance.

Finn's jaw clenched, but he tried to remain as calm as possible for her sake: "I'll see you in a bit, Rae, alright? We'll be outta here before ya know it, promise." Finn said as she slowly disappeared, and he felt his throat thicken as she nodded at him, expression vacant.

Finn told the complete truth as he was questioned himself by a very bored looking bald man. Finn couldn't hide his own signs of feeling fear, as he'd never been arrested before either.

"Well, your girlfriend's been cleared of her charges…" the man said, nodding to somebody outside as they finished up. Finn sighed with relief.

"…and I don't see any reason to keep you here as you weren't found with any drugs on your person. The policemen on duty will be apprehended for arresting you both unnecessarily when I'm sure there were a lot more pressing crimes happening tonight. Do you have anybody you can call to take you home?"

Finn nodded. "My Dad'll come and get us. When can I see Rae?" he asked, sitting upright and glancing at the door.

"You need to sign this document, then you're free to go. There's a free phone by reception." the bald man said, and Finn signed as fast as humanly possible before practically sprinting out of the room. Rae, who was sitting in the reception waiting room tapping her foot, stood up quickly once she clocked Finn. He ran to her, gathering her up in his arms and holding her tight, Rae holding him to her with equal fervour.

"I'm so sorry, Rae." Finn said into hair, and he could feel her shake her head against his cheek.

"It wasn't your fault. It was just three jobs worths on a slow night. Bloody ridiculous." Rae sighed, her speech slightly constricted as her cheeks were pushed together by Finn's shoulder and head.

Finn released her, looking at her after he'd pulled back. "I'm going to ring Dad so he can come and get us. I think Billy's going to be charged."

"Good." Rae said, the corners of her eyes hardening with anger as Finn squeezed her hand before walking to the phone.

They both waited for his Dad to arrive in the waiting room, Rae's head resting on Finn's shoulder and Finn's cheek pressed against the top of her head. Finn could feel his eyes drooping. He was exhausted and couldn't wait to get home from that nightmare. He felt Rae's fingers link with his and smiled slightly through his fatigue, the catch in her breathing indicating she'd been nervously anticipating doing so. Finn squeezed his fingers around hers, turning his head slightly.

"Rae…" he began, Rae humming in response and wriggling further towards him.

"I wanted to kiss you tonight…twice." he said, and Rae slowly sat upright to look at him.

"Why didn't you?" she said softly, and Finn could tell she was fighting back a yawn.

Finn could only muster a shrug, honestly not having an answer for her. She carried on looking at him as he turned his face away before returning his gaze to hers, the chair he was sitting in creaking as he sat upright. He reached out his hand, gently stroking Rae's cheek with his thumb before leaning forward, Rae moving the rest of the way to meet his lips in the middle. The thought never occurred to Finn that they were in a police station waiting room - he'd temporality forgotten where he was in general, in fact, his only focus being on Rae's lips as they gently parted, the feeling of her tongue gently lapping against his own as he moved his hand down to her shoulder to pull her further towards him. He was soon reminded as to where he was by the drunk hobo wolf whistling at them as he was lead into the building. Finn and Rae pulled apart, sharing a sheepish chuckle, Rae's cheeks pink. Maybe not as romantic a first kiss as it would have been during Oasis' set, but it was still pretty great nonetheless.


	18. Rae Goes Down on Finn (First Time)

_Prompt: Can you write about Rae's first time going down on Finn? :)_

* * *

Rae grabbed her pink glittery gel pen from the pot and drew a big pink heart around "Friday 8th" in her diary, her cheeks tingling with excitement. She wrote underneath: "Date Night With Finn!" dotting the I's and exclamation marks with hearts as she did so. He would hate to call it a date night, and Rae had to admit that even to her it sounded a little saccharin, but as exams were in full swing for both of them, the thought proved a welcomed pick me up for her. His parents were out for the evening, attending a wedding reception. That meant Finn had the house all to himself, and his thankfully lenient parents didn't mind, and fully predicted that Finn would be inviting Rae around immediately to make the most of their solitude. He'd put together a plan, too, ready for a response when Rae gave him a withering look, answered her before she even had the chance to say: "My Mum won't let me." as they both sat eating lunch in the school canteen.

"I've asked Izzy if she could cover for ya. You can say you're having a sleepover at hers. She'll back you up if your Mum calls and everything." Finn reasoned with bright eyes.

"Do you really think that'll work?" Rae asked, still unconvinced.

"We'll have to try it and find out, won't we." Finn said, turning back to his dinner to pick up his chocolate mousse and put it on Rae's tray.

Rae sighed. "It's like you want me to stay fat!" she protested as she picked up the pot before dropping it back with a small thud.

Finn sighed dramatically, Rae's eyes already lighting up in amusement, ready for him to act up. "Fine, I'll have it." and with that, he ripped off the lid, gouged out a blob of chocolate with his fingers and smeared it over his mouth, Rae curling her lip in mock disgust before laughing, trying to push him away through her giggles and squeals as he lunged forward to cover her face in chocolate mousse covered kisses.

"You're disgusting." Rae said, brow furrowed but struggling to hide her grin as Finn passed her a napkin to wipe her face with.

"Come to mine for around 5. We'll watch a film or something. Dad said he'll leave money for some food, and I ain't eating fuckin' salads before you say anything. It's pizza or chinese." Finn concluded.

"I love it when ya get bossy." Rae said as she wiped off the last of the chocolate from her jawline, taking Finn's dirty napkin from him and kissing his cheek before standing up to go to the bin nearby. Finn slapped her bum playfully as she went, and Rae mentally noted how she was glad they chose to sit at the table behind the vending machines at lunch time, part of her wanting to show Finn off, but the majority of her not wanting others to be privy to their private little world.

"Is that a yes, then?" Finn asked as she returned.

"I don't think I have a choice do I, not when Colonel Nelson's calling the shots." she continued to tease, and Finn beamed at her, huffing out a laugh.

"Too right. You're my woman and you'll do as you're told." he said, banging his knuckles against the table to emphasise his words. They shared another laugh before easing up, sitting in silence for a few beats.

"You are coming though, yeah?" Finn asked, still looking at his hands.

"Yeah I am." Rae said, smiling fondly at his profile. He glanced to his side at her to share her smile.

Rae had to play this smart. She was thinking about dressing up, but had to check herself, realising she wouldn't really dress up for a girls sleepover. She sighed to herself in frustration. She was nearly 17 and she had already had sex with Finn a number of times, and she was sick and tired of having to sneak around to do so, to have to wait for their parents to be out or have him sneak into hers in the middle of the night and cover each other's mouths as they came, sex slow and tentative so as to not make the springs in her mattress creak too much. It was kind of hot in its own way at first, but after the third and fourth time, it got a bit tiresome, especially when Finn was feeling particularly horny and Rae could tell he was fighting every fibre of his being not to pick up the pace, his lust soaked eyes lined with the effort of restraint.

That's why opportunities like this, the times when Finn's parents were out of the house, or the thankfully not so rare occasion Linda and Karim went out on the weekends that they had to make the most of.

She opted for her usual half way dressed up, halfway casual look, putting on a long top, leggings, her blue trainers and her favourite earrings, brushing her hair as straight as possible before arranging it into a half ponytail. She put on some mascara and a little bit of lip gloss, but never felt the need to go overboard. Finn's voice always rang in her head whenever she looked at girly clothes or make-up: "Why're you dressed like Chloe?"

The comment had made her feel even more embarrassed and shit at the time, but as time went on she realised that, in his own way, he was just confused as to why she had to cover up who she really was in order to impress a boy. If Rae had known at the time how Finn really saw her, if she could have looked into the future and found out how things were at that moment, she'd have understood a lot better and maybe wouldn't have reacted so coldly. She pushed it to the back of her mind, deciding to leave the past where it was and just look forward to the future.

She smiled as the pleasant sear of excitement rushed in her chest, her list of ideas of what to get Izzy for a thank you present next to her backpack which she was filling with pyjamas (like she'd need them) toothbrush, toothpaste, flannel - all the appropriate gear for a girl's night in. She looked at the time - 4:34. It took around fifteen minutes to walk to Finn's house, and she was so excited to see him she didn't mind if showing up a few minutes early made her look a bit desperate. They'd been an item for nearly six months and the need to keep their 'cool' in front of each other was nearly completely diminished, replaced with complete comfort and genuine honesty that Rae supposed came with being best friends first. Finn no longer ducked his head back down to mask his face with nonchalance after sitting up with a happy jolt as Rae walked into the pub, nor did Rae hold back when she took long strides to him so she could give him a big kiss hello. The walls around their little world were gradually becoming higher and thicker, Rae's concern with how others saw them becoming smaller by the day, much to Finn's relief.

Rae composed herself to come across as cool as possible as she made her way out of the front door.

"Bye Mum, bye Karim. I'm off out now." Rae called into the living room.

"Is Izzy's number by the phone?" Linda called back, Rae rolling her eyes silently, hand on the door handle.

"Yes. I'll see ya tomorrow." and with that, she opened the door, Linda's "Alright, have fun love." following her along with Karim's "Bye bye." as she stepped down onto the front garden.

Finn opened the front door as she approached it, Rae glad she wasn't the only one coming across as eager. He looked positively groin throbbing in his tight grey t-shirt, beaming at her as she made her way to the front step.

"I know I'm a bit early but-" Her sentence was cut off by Finn bringing her in for a hello kiss that went on for a bit longer than usual, Rae's right foot perched on the threshold as Finn lifted his hand to press it against the back of her neck. He kept it there as their lips parted, smacking his lips together.

"Cherry?" he asked, Rae nodding with an amused smirk, Finn mirroring her with a raised eyebrow before heading inside.

Rae followed him into the kitchen, dumping her bag on one of the dining room chairs and resting on the counter in the middle island as Finn opened a drawer to take out some take-away menus.

Rae took the opportunity to cop a look at his bum before he turned, her initially wicked smile melting slightly as she noticed Finn's conflicted expression. He put the take-away menus on the kitchen counter, keeping his eyes fixed on them as his brow furrowed.

"What's up?" Rae asked, standing up to remove her jacket, before walking closer to Finn as he stood, on the edge of saying something, she knew.

Finn jerked his head slightly towards her before looking back, his mouth opening before closing once more.

"Look-" he began, the word buried under a slight grunt. Rae waited patiently as she always did, not saying anything, simply looking at him with what she hoped was a patient and open expression. Finn sighed through his nose.

"Rae, I just wanted to say that, if you ever did wanna go on a diet, I wouldn't try'an stop ya." Finn asked, slowly looking up at Rae in time to see her face slacken into embarrassment.

"Do you…do you think I should-" she began in a small voice before Finn interrupted her fervently.

"No! That's not what I meant Rae! I think you're gorgeous the way you are, ya know I do, it's just - after yesterday, I didn't want you to think-" he stopped, sighing again, struggling to come up with the right words.

Rae cast her mind back, remembered the joke they'd shared about Finn demanding they have a take-away and him giving her his pudding. She thought she understood what he was getting at.

"I just want ya to be happy, that's all, t'do what you want. I know we joke about it and stuff, but I don't want you to think I wanna control ya in any way…d'you understand?" he asked, visibly nervous as he stepped on the egg shells of the subject.

Rae smiled, feeling calmer. She nodded.

"Thanks. I don't mind it when you get a bit bossy from time to time, though…I can think of certain situations where it can be quite fun, actually." she said, her appreciative smile melting into a wicked one once more as she slid across the counter towards him, Finn's smile of relief slackening slightly as Rae wrapped her arms around his waist, bringing him in for a kiss. Finn looked a little flustered after she'd pulled away, arms still wrapped around him as he moved his hand from her back to pick up the menus between them.

"Well when it comes to food, you're the boss. So, d'ya want a take-away or shall we go to the shop and get something to cook ourselves?" Finn asked, nose touching Rae's as he returned his gaze to her. Rae crinkled her nose, Finn letting out a laugh at the sight.

"Seeing as it's a special occasion, I don't see the harm in getting a pizza, just for tonight." Rae said, Finn nodding before pecking her lips once more, pulling away and leaning against the counter to look at the menu.

After Finn placed their order, he joined Rae on the sofa, a selection of VHS tapes already on the table from what they'd rented after school the previous day.

"Right, what d'ya fancy starting with then?" Finn said as he took a can of beer from Rae.

"You choose, considering I called the shots on the food." Rae said, Finn taking a sip of his beer and looking over the choices.

"Well, ya said the word 'shots' so, I think it's gonna have to be…" Finn picked up 'Hot Shots', showing it to Rae with grin before Rae let out a laugh.

Finn put the tape on, closing the curtains and turning on the lamp before sitting next to Rae, slinging his arm around her and pulling her close. They shared a smile before the film began.

"Saw this at the cinema with Chop and Arch. Fuckin' hilarious." Finn beamed, already anticipating the laughs to come.

"I know, considering you lot wouldn't stop quoting lines from it for at least a week afterwards." Rae said.

"You'll see, Rae Rae. I reckon you'll like it too." Finn predicted, lifting the sleeve on her top to draw lazy circles on her skin.

He was right. Rae thought it was hilarious, laughing whenever Finn did so and a few times on her own, noticing things Finn didn't at points. The pizza came soon into it, and Finn almost choked on a slice during a particularly hilarious part, Rae smacking him hard on the back to dislodge it before he took a sip of beer, his face crimson.

When the film ended, Finn looked positively over the moon that Rae had enjoyed it.

"I heard they're making a sequel to this. Make sure you take me wi'ya when you go and see it with the lads." Rae grinned, eyes wet from crying with laughter.

Finn shook his head slowly at her, still smiling and deep in thought. Rae eyed him suspiciously.

"What? 'ave I got sauce on my face?" Rae asked, looking around for the kitchen roll she'd brought down with them to the living room.

"No, it's just…I think I might just have the coolest girlfriend ever." Finn said, eyes full of adulation.

Rae blushed, obviously touched but covering it with a "Shurrup!" before batting Finn on the leg with an embarrassed smile.

"It's true." Finn concluded before standing up to take the empty pizza boxes to the bin.

Rae continued to smile as she looked over the other remaining tapes, throwing a "My turn now, yeah?" over her shoulder before turning to see Finn nod, folding cardboard so it could fit in the bin. Rae couldn't help but watch the muscles in his arms flex as he did so, thinking to herself how she'd happily just watch him fold pizza boxes for 90 minutes.

Finn didn't notice as he told her he needed to go to the toilet, the ever indecisive Rae glad of the extra time to make her choice.

When Finn returned, Rae watched with hidden amusement as he tried to look enthusiastic over her choice of 'Sleepless in Seattle.' before his forced smile melted into a genuine grin when Rae moved the VHS to reveal 'Silence of the Lambs' behind it with a cheeky smirk.

"Like I'd actually put you through that." Rae chuckled as she stood to put the tape in.

"I haven't seen this before." Finn admitted as Rae resumed her seat next to him.

"Me neither. Apparently it's scary as balls." Rae said.

Although they both enjoyed the film, neither of them really got scared until the end, Rae watching the screen through her fingers in-between burrowing her face into Finn's shoulder with a small squeal. She could feel Finn's chest expand as he chuckled softly, his hold on her tightening whenever she hid her face.

"Woah!" he shouted as Jodie Foster turned at the last second to shoot the killer in the basement, Rae jumping up as he did, looking around frantically.

"What? What happened?!" she asked, eyeing the screen nervously in time to see the sunshine bleed through into the room.

"That was fuckin' immense!" Finn yelled enthusiastically, Rae visibly shivering and obviously glad it was over.

"They shouldn't leave all the scary bits until the end! That's just wrong." Rae complained, Finn laughing at her, amused.

It was Rae's turn to go to the toilet, and as she left the bathroom to head back, she nearly pissed herself all over again as Finn jumped out at her with a loud boo.

"Ah! You fucker!" she yelled, hitting his arms and shoulders with her fists as he laughed hysterically.

"You frightened the shit outta me, dickhead!" she continued to shout, his laughter only angering her more before she stopped hitting him to compose herself, breathing in and out slowly.

"Sorry, but that was priceless." Finn said, trying to make his apology sound genuine, but the tears in his eyes betrayed him.

Rae walked back into the living room, hand pressed against her chest as she continued to breathe heavily, Finn holding back giggles as he followed her. She'd calmed down as they sat back on the sofa, Rae letting out a giggle of her own before shaking her head at him.

"You're such a cruel bastard, you." she said, before noticing Finn had already loaded a tape into the video player.

"What 'ave you picked?" Rae asked, Finn suddenly looking bashful.

"I erm…" he coughed before attempting to continue. "…it's a French film. I don't know what it's about, but the bloke at the video shop recommended it to me."

Rae eyed him, confused. "What kinda film is it? Action? Horror? What?"

Finn shifted uncomfortably in his seat before glancing at Rae, biting the inside of his cheek briefly.

"I dunno. I just told the bloke that I was havin' my girlfriend over to watch some films and would he recommend anything good. He gave me this, so I rented it without you knowing. Wanted t'surprise ya…"

"Is it porn?" Rae asked, completely serious. Finn became even more tense.

"I don't know - I don't think so. I know it's one o'those romantic ones, I mean, it's French so…" he shrugged in an attempt to keep his cool.

"We don't 'ave to watch it if you don't wanna…" he continued

Rae hid a smile, thinking to herself how impossibly sweet it was that Finn had asked for a romantic film recommendation. Not to embarrass him further or call him out on it, she simply shook her head.

"No, let's give it a go! Might be good." Rae said, Finn pressing play and Rae lifting her legs to rest next to her, cuddling into Finn as the film began.

It wasn't exactly porn, but it was certainly steamy, neither of them paying any attention to the plot or bothering to read the subtitles as the main character engaged in all sorts of sexy shenanigans with any bloke she came across, it seemed.

Rae felt the heat between herself and Finn increase as the film progressed, his breathing becoming more laboured as the scenes played out. During one particular scene, the woman knelt down in front of yet another bloke, before unzipping his trousers and going down on him, the scene playing out for the full entirety. Rae felt Finn tense further at this, shifting uncomfortably in his seat, clearing his throat. Rae found herself looking at his crotch, noticing the fabric of his jeans becoming a little bit tighter around the area.

Finn shifted his head slightly, clocking where Rae was looking before meeting her gaze, her lips tantalisingly close to his own due to her head being on his shoulder. He didn't have far to travel for their lips to touch, and he clamped his hand tighter around Rae's shoulder before gathering up some of the fabric of her sleeve in to his hands, the kiss intensifying. They shifted so they were facing each other more, a small groan emerging from Finn's throat as he pushed Rae further into the cushions of the sofa, lifting his left hand up from her breast to hold her jaw, keeping her head steady as he pushed his tongue deeper into her mouth, another groan leaving his lips as he felt Rae push her hand under the fabric of his jeans after undoing his belt. He broke the kiss to catch his breath, before looking into Rae's eyes as she caressed him, moving forward to capture her lips in his before breaking away, compelled to look at her as she stroked him, keeping his gaze on her as she manoeuvred him back to his sitting position, Finn pulling his jeans further down to expose himself more.

Rae's eyes burned into him, her lips flushed as Finn fought the urge to press himself up into her hand.

"Can I…" Rae began, Finn's ability to concentrate decreasing by the second as she quickened her pace slightly. He managed to catch her as she glanced at the screen before moving her pleading gaze to him.

"I wanna see if-" she tried again before she trailed off once more, biting her lip nervously. Finn managed to catch on despite being in the beginning throws.

"If…if you're sure." he breathed out, a repeat of Rae's answer when he first went down on her. Rae swallowed, her cheeks becoming pinker as she shifted to kneel between Finn's legs, removing her hand to gently stroke his hip bones.

She didn't plan on telling him how she'd gone to Chloe's house one evening with Izzy to ask advice, how Chloe had given them tips on how to do it right using a courgette.

"Make sure you keep your teeth covered, ike iss -" she began, her lips stretching over her pearly whites.

"…and even though it's called a 'blow job', don't blow. You've got to suck on it like an ice lolly. The more you can get into your mouth the better, but they like it when you play with the top part as well. They also like it when you cup their bollocks in your hand."

Izzy and Rae had broken out into embarrassed giggles, but Chloe continued to glare at them, completely serious.

"Do you wanna please your boyfriends or what?" Chloe asked, ever the school teacher, Rae lamenting once more how they never go through this sort of thing during sex ed. That would be so useful, she'd thought her herself with a sigh.

Now the moment had arrived (after she'd practised alone at home with a pepperami, a good tactic as she could just bite into it if Karim or Linda walked in, making them none the wiser) she thought that maybe it would be good not to think about it too much, to just go with it.

She looked up at Finn, who was continuing to breathe heavily, looking down at her heavy lidded as he licked his lips.

"Let me know if I'm hurting ya or anything." she said, her nerves apparent. Finn could only nod, looking quite overwhelmed. Rae licked her lips and shifted forward, Finn sitting up slightly to stop her.

"Rae…" he said, still breathless. "…do you think you could…could ya take ya top off?" he concluded, a small smile appearing on Rae's face as she complied before Finn settled back down, eyeing her hungrily like she was a drink of water after weeks of dehydration.

Rae began tentatively, initially concerned about scraping her teeth against his skin. She began slowly, gently sucking and trying to alternate positions. She didn't want to run before she could walk, so she kept it relatively simple, trying to take as much of him into her mouth without hitting the back of her throat. Rae took his moans and grunts as a good sign, the muscles in his thighs tensing under her finger tips. He felt his hand grip around hers at points, a wordless thank you as she felt him push up slightly. At one point, not being able to help himself, he thrusted a little too hard, Rae pulling away briefly.

"Sorry Rae." he breathed out, apologetic amidst his all consuming arousal.

She replied by humming around his shaft as she resumed, making him moan loudly before saying: "Oh fuck Rae, if you keep humming like that it won't be long-" before grunting once again, a "Fuck…" leaving his lips and evaporating in the air around him before melting into shaky breaths.

Rae lifted her hand to gently hold his testicles, making him shout her name as she caressed them. She could tell when he was nearing orgasm by holding them, the tightening within her grasp a sign that she should get ready for him to do so, lifting her head so his semen wouldn't make her choke. She took the opportunity to press her lips around the tip, gently licking him there before feeling the warm liquid releasing into her mouth as he let out one final cry, his grip around her hand tightening as he thrust up once more, this time Rae forcing herself to stay clamped around him until he'd ridden out his orgasm to the full extent.

She sat back on her knees, swallowing and getting some kitchen roll to wipe her mouth with. She looked up at Finn nervously, who was trying to catch his breath with his eyes clamped shut, before opening them to meet Rae's expectant gaze.

"Was that alright?" Rae asked, Finn only nodding in response with a post orgasm smile. Rae sagged in relief, grinning to herself as she stood, picking up her shirt as she went. Finn's eyes dimmed in slight disappointment as she put it back on, before he groaned slightly once more as he moved to pull his trousers and boxers back up. Zipping up his fly, he fixed his relaxed gaze to the TV as Rae took a big swig of beer.

"What did I miss, then?" Rae asked, resuming her position under Finn's arm and jerking her head forward to the TV.

"How the fuck should I know?" Finn asked incredulously.

"Were you not watching it as I was…" Rae asked.

"Course I wasn't! Do you think I'd be able to concentrate on anything whilst you were doing that?!" Finn asked through his chuckles.

Rae laughed too. "S'pose not." she beamed, Finn kissing her forehead as she wrapped her arm around his waist.

She smiled as she felt his finger trace out words on her shoulder, her shirt sleeve lifted towards her neck.

B-E-S-T G-I-R-L-F-R-I-E-N-D E-V-E-R

Rae huffed out another laugh, the film playing in front of her a lost cause. She moved her finger to his thigh.

S-O-F-T S-O-D

Finn let out a laugh before repositioning his finger.

Y-O-U L-O-V-E I-T

Rae giggled, returning her finger to his thigh once more to write out:

Y-O-U K-N-O-W I D-O

It wasn't long before they gave up on the film, Finn eager to get her up to his room to make the most of his parents' tendency to stay out until the early hours whenever they decided to go out. After they'd had sex (both of them being as loud and fast as they bloody well pleased) they laid looking at one another as they usually did, sharing happy smiles and slow blinks.

"You know, we've been on some pretty good dates but, I think this one has to be in my top 10." Rae said.

"Top 5 for me." Finn said, leaning over to kiss Rae before laying back down.

Before long they both closed their eyes, drifting into sleep, only being awoken at 3am by the sounds of his parents crashing through the front door in giggles and exaggerated hushes. They both looked up in the darkness before Finn let out a sleepy groan, pulling Rae towards him and holding her in his arms, wordlessly urging her to go back to sleep.

The next week, Rae watched Sleepless in Seattle with Chloe and Izzy at her house, and Izzy beamed ecstatically as Rae presented her with a butterfly hair grip she'd bought for her at the market.

"I'd cover for ya any time Rae, you know that! Don't need to buy me a present every time you and Finn want to have some alone time. Besides, I know you'd do the same if I wanted to stay over at Chop's." she reasoned.

Despite Izzy's protests, Rae felt the present was richly deserved, the memory of the previous week's date never failing to fill her with a rush of warm pleasure.


	19. AU Future Fic: Rae & Finn Affair P1of2

_Prompts: "Hey! First of all I really like your fan fics :) secondly, I just thought of a possible prompt. I'm not sure if anyone has done this yet but.. A fanfic about Rae losing all the weight and how the characters react to this. Thanks xxxx" and "What if Finn did something stupid and pushed Rae away. Then they ran into each other again a few years later and she had lost alot of weight, making her no longer so insecure." and "Rae with another guy but her and Finn having a secret relationship?"_

_**Part 1 of 2! **_

_It starts off a bit hard going, but don't worry, it works out!_

_TW: Sexy times. _

* * *

"Hello stranger."

Every single hair pricked up on the back of Finn's neck as he heard a voice that propelled him into the past, a voice so distant from his memory yet so familiar it was almost painful. He almost didn't want to turn around. He wasn't sure he wanted to face what was waiting for him.

He knew he had to relent, looking over his shoulder slowly, as if to subconsciously torture himself with a slow lead up. He spotted her just inside the door of the coffee shop he was currently sitting in, throwing him a warm yet somehow unsure smile.

Rae. There she was, although there was admittedly less of her. She'd really slimmed down and her hair had grown longer. Finn thought his heart would burst into flames at the sight of her, a sight he'd never thought he'd see but was somehow, now the moment had arrived, over the moon that it had transpired.

"Rae?" he said, as if he wasn't sure. He'd swivelled in his seat, dropping his pen on his notepad as he stood. Rae walked over to him, her smile becoming more secure by the second. They hugged briefly, arms and hands practically hovering over the fabric of each other's clothes before they parted.

"Are you meeting someone or…?" Rae asked, Finn snapping out of his daze to shake his head.

"Nah, I were with someone but they just left. Are you?"

"No, I saw ya through the window and had to come in and say hello. It's been so long." she said with a huff of disbelief.

"Five years." Finn said, almost to himself. He snapped back to reality once more.

"Sit down, I'll get ya a drink." he insisted, walking away before she refused. They kept their eyes locked as he walked to the counter. He didn't need to take her order. He knew exactly what they'd both have.

"Pot of tea, please." he said, using the waiting time to have a proper look at Rae, who had taken off her coat to reveal a smart black dress and knee high boots, tucking her hair behind her ear to expose a silver earring. She looked more feminine than Finn could remember, but she still seemed herself, still had the same 'Rae vibe.'

She let out a laugh through her nostrils as she noticed Finn come back with the tray. She shook her head slowly with a fond expression, a memory visibly sweeping into her eyes before leaving.

They sat in silence for a few moments, neither of them knowing how to start. How could they start? This wasn't just any old acquaintance or stranger, this was Rae. Rae, the first girl Finn had ever loved, who had ever loved him. She had been the reason he'd left his home, the reason he wanted to get away - the mere memory of her enough to make him run for the hills after they'd broken up. They hadn't exactly left on good terms, and he wondered as they shared awkward glances across the table, if the time spread behind them was enough to heal wounds.

Finn decided to start, keeping his voice as cheery as he good, eager to keep the mood light lest they sink back into painful memories.

"I can't believe how different you look. You look really good. I mean, you always looked good but…" It was going well, Finn thought wryly.

"Still strugglin' with your words, I see." Rae said kindly, Finn smiling bashfully before taking a sip of tea.

"You look good too. Your hair's different and…no more earring?" Rae continued, frowning and shifting her head a bit to the right to better see Finn's now bare ear. Finn pressed his hand against it briefly before shaking his head.

"'fraid not. Gotta move with the times, ya know."

"Yeah but, that earring was timeless! You could still pull it off!" Rae said enthusiastically, and Finn inwardly sagged in relief at knowing she hadn't changed much, was still the same Rae he'd always remembered. She may have lost weight, but she hadn't lost her balls.

"So what're you doing here, then? Archie told me you're working as a junior copyrighter?" Finn asked.

"Yeah, it's a bit dull but, the pay's not bad so…" Rae shrugged, and Finn noticed something glint on her left hand as she lifted her cup of tea to her lips. The 17 year old Finn inside him began to scream in agony as 26 year old Finn endeavoured to keep his cool.

"He didn't tell me about this, though." Finn said with a gentle smile, reaching across the table to tap the diamond ring on Rae's finger. Rae's cheeks flushed as she put her cup down, fiddling with the ring with her thumb and swallowing uncomfortably.

"Yeah, that old chestnut. Got engaged last month. His name's Andrew. He's a novelist." she revealed in a small voice.

"Congratulations." Finn said, as genuine as he could make it despite the clawing in his gut and the pain in his chest. This 'Andrew' wasn't the same guy Rae had befriended at university, which was something. Although Finn hated the thought of Rae being engaged, part of him was glad she wasn't with Ryan, the boy who had lit the fuse that lead towards their breakup, in Finn's eyes at least.

Finn focussed back to Rae who was gazing at him thoughtfully.

"Thanks." she responded with a smile, before clearing her throat, tensing slightly as if to brace herself.

"Are you seeing anyone at the moment?" she asked.

Finn nodded his head slowly before clicking his neck, glancing over the menu above the coffee counter before returning his attention to Rae. "Yeah. Her name's Carmen. Did Archie not tell ya? I've been seeing her for a while." Finn answered.

"The singer?" Rae asked, her exposed ear turning red and twitching. Finn nodded, swallowing a sip of tea.

"I met her in France when I was working for Ed Banger Recs with my mate Mickey, and she moved back here w'me to start a music career." Finn said, his own ears twitching.

"You living together?" Rae asked.

"Yep. Got a flat not that far from here, actually. Bit of a dive but, cost o' living in London I guess." Finn smiled, and Rae mirrored him tentatively, trying to keep her expression soft, but Finn caught the flash of sadness in her eyes. Rae buried it before attempting to say something else, but was interrupted by Finn's mobile phone ringing.

"Sorry…" Finn began, Rae shaking her head with a silent 'It's ok.' in response. Finn looked at the caller display with a sigh.

"Is it alright if I take this?" he asked apologetically, Rae nodding once more with a 'Course it is, ya daft bugger!' look that made Finn helplessly flash back to the time they were a couple.

Finn answered, plugging his other ear with his finger in order to hear better. "Hiya. Yeah, it's all booked - we're playing an hour slot. It'll be stuff from 'er new demo and a few covers. No, it's acoustic so I'll just need me guitar, and they've got a mic and amps at the place so, just bring yaself. Alright mate. Yeah. What about it? Aw shit, I forgot about that - fuck."

Finn looked at his watch with a furrowed brow before glancing apologetically at Rae.

"Nah, I've still got time if I peg it. Thanks fer reminding me mate. Alright, catch ya later." with that, Finn hung up.

"I'm really sorry but, I've gotta run." Finn said, standing up and gathering his things.

"I gathered." Rae said with a smile. "Well, it was really nice to see ya again Finn - if only for 10 minutes." she concluded, gaze following him as he moved around his seat.

"Yeah it was. Thanks for coming in." Finn said as he slung on his coat, moving cautiously to Rae to give her another light hug. As he made his way to leave, giving Rae another smile over his shoulder as he neared the door, he stopped himself, his instincts always ruling his reason. He couldn't just leave it there. Turning back, he walked towards her once more, Rae looking back at him, her eyes, which had a far away look to them, visibly brightening as he returned.

"Forgot something?" she asked.

"Look, I don't know if this is appropriate but-" Finn reached into his inside pocket, pulling out a leaflet and handing it to Rae.

"…Carmen's playing live at the 12 Bar club in Covent Garden tonight. You should come. Bring Andrew if ya want. We can all go out for drinks after. What do ya say?" Finn rocked on his feat, fists clenching slightly as he waited for her to respond.

Rae glanced over the flyer with a stifled sigh, before looking back at Finn with another unsure smile. Finn awaited her kind rejection.

"Sounds good. I'll have to check if he's available but, being that he's a writer, he'll probably be free." her expression melted into a lopsided grin, making Finn chuckle.

"Great. I'll put ya both on the guest list. See ya later, Rae." he said, Rae nodding in response before he turned to hot foot it out of the café.

As Finn jogged down the street, he wasn't sure whether his invite was a good idea. On one hand, after five years of not seeing her, five years of supposedly 'moving on' (which seemed to be a supremely wasted effort after today, after all the feelings he'd had for her hit him like a bucket of ice cold water as soon as their eyes met) he knew he'd wanted to see her again, to torture himself with more time with her despite his head telling him it was a very bad idea. Yet, he wasn't thrilled at the prospect of meeting her new man, let alone getting to know him. They were evenly matched, Rae having a fiancé (Finn winced at the word) and Finn having a live in girlfriend, yet Finn had always known, deep down, that nobody could ever replace Rae. He wasn't even sure he could ever love again after her, despite his best efforts to make himself fall for Carmen. In his darkest moments, when his efforts to convince himself everything was fine and as it should be failed, he'd realise, grimly, that if he couldn't make himself love Carmen, he was well and truly fucked. Carmen was great; beautiful, talented, funny (not overly so, but she could be amusing at times), sweet, confident…but as Finn recounted these qualities to himself for what seemed like the millionth time, he found they had no effect on his emotions. As always, he knew the facts, knew he'd have to keep them at the forefront of his mind during that evening, but Rae had reminded him what it was like to actually _feel _something. Seeing her again, despite their history, made him feel things in places he'd forgotten were there, that were closed for business during their time apart. Now he felt like his insides were on fire, and he realised with rapidly increasing anxiety that he was very much still in love with Rae Earl. He knew he had to try his best to control himself, however, convinced Rae felt nothing for him. She'd moved on, he was sure, and he had to cling on to the fact that it appeared he had too. Only he'd be the one to know that was total bullshit, he decided.

* * *

As Rae approached the door of the club, she could feel in her bones that this was the worst idea she'd ever had. Well, technically it was Finn's idea, but she'd gone along with it. She couldn't help herself. As soon as his face stretched into that bright smile, that _oh so gorgeous _smile, she knew she'd be putty in his hands.

She remembered standing outside the café watching him for a good few minutes, the shock of seeing him again after so long slowly sinking in, her heart hammering against her ribs rivalling a nearby hammer-drill, she was sure. She tried to consciously stop the onslaught of thoughts rushing into her head, a mess of: _I never thought I'd see him again, I miss him, get a hold of yourself you're engaged, he looks so good, what a nightmare what do I do, should I run, remember how badly he hurt you Rae, don't go there, you've moved on, but that was years ago, but it's FINN! _

She took a deep breath, turning down the volume on her messed up internal monologue, gravitating towards him as if powered by an unknown force. The door felt lighter than air, almost opening of its own accord as she entered, and she'd wondered what she should say as she looked at the back of his head. She went with a quaky "Hello stranger." her proximity to him staying her troubled mind and letting happiness win out. She couldn't believe how pleased she'd been to see him, how she was relieved, and not just because the day she knew would come eventually had arrived.

Then she had to sit and find out about his new life, find out about his new girlfriend (of course) and tell him about her fiancé (who she was ashamed to say had taken back seat in her mind as soon as she clocked Finn) and she thought it was amusing, in a morbid way, how they'd both told each other about their respective partners within a few sentences. Finn had seemed so chilled about Rae's news, so confident as he noticed her ring. She had no doubt in her mind he'd made quick work of getting over her, was surprised it took him so long to get another serious girlfriend after they'd split up. She would remember tormenting herself with thoughts of the different girls Finn was probably encountering on his travels, the fun he must have been having without her.

She wondered, after sitting in the café in a daze a good half an hour after Finn had left, if it was at all possible that they could be friends. She wondered if building bridges was an option, or whether a slightly awkward conversation in a café was all her heart could handle. She'd gone over what had happened between them enough in her head to become almost desensitised to it, the time elapsed a healer of sorts. There was still an inevitable layer of hurt within her, something she knew would never go away, the pain of losing your first love something unshakeable. They were different people now, though. Life had beat them around a bit, and she wondered if it was possible to carve a new relationship, to start afresh. She hoped they could be mature enough to do so, and hoped any jealousy she was feeling wouldn't stop it from happening.

She couldn't deny she was dreading the thought of meeting Finn's new girlfriend. She gripped onto Andy's hand as they approached the door, a physical reminder of how things were. Finn was with someone, she was with someone. That's how it was. She had no right to be jealous.

"How do you know this guy again?" Andy asked as the security guard nodded them through.

"He's a friend of mine from home. We lost touch though. Haven't seen him in years." Rae answered as she nervously scanned the room. She clocked Finn talking to who she assumed was the manager near the back door.

"There he is." she said, gesturing to Finn as Andy took her coat. Finn glanced to his right as if he heard her, although she knew that would be impossible. She caught his eye and gave him a wave. He smiled at her, although it faded slightly as he clocked Andy, his eyes hardening before turning back to the man he'd been speaking to. Finn finished up his conversation before making his way to the couple, beckoning somebody over as he manoeuvred around the tables and chairs. He looked gorgeous, Rae thought, the feeling of guilt stabbing her as instantly as her pang of attraction. He was slightly more muscular than she could remember, but still lean, wearing a simple black t-shirt and jeans. Rae caught her breath, willing herself to keep her cool. As soon as Finn had reached them, so had a woman so stunning Rae was sure she'd been pulled straight out of Vogue magazine. She had a body to die for, a harsh bob cut that accented her big brown eyes and thick, red lips. Rae knew before Finn had even introduced her that this was 'Carmen,' not expecting any girlfriend of Finn's to look any less than perfect.

Finn hugged Rae, before extending a hand to Andy with a smile. "You must be Andrew. Nice to meet ya mate." he said, easy as anything. Rae forced herself to share a smile with Carmen, who'd been scanning her eyes over her, head to toe. Rae wondered at that moment if Finn had told her about their history, a vision of them laughing hysterically at his poor taste as a teenager popping into her head.

"Nice to meet you too. Call me Andy, please." Andy smiled, Rae grinning up at him briefly. Anything to mask her internal hell.

"Rae, Andy, this is my girlfriend Carmen." Finn said, moving to the side slightly as Carmen extended her hand for Rae to shake before moving forward to kiss Andy on both cheeks.

"It's lovely to meet you both." Carmen said in a thick French accent, Rae only managing to keep her smile up, barely, finding she was rendered speechless. She could feel her cheeks burn, and the need to have a drink almost overwhelmed her. She knew it was her turn to say something, however, willing herself to do so instead of standing there like a dumbfounded melon.

"We'll, err, let you two get ready then. See you after the show?" Rae said as Finn placed his hand on Carmen's back. Rae felt her throat constrict. She didn't anticipate how hard this was going to be. They both nodded.

"D'you two want anything?" Andy asked from beside her.

"White wine, s'il vous plait." Carmen said with a smile, revealing a gleaming set of pearly whites. Finn moved to get some money from his pocket, Andy gesturing for him to stop.

"It's alright Finn, these are on me. What'll you have?"

Finn made to protest, before glancing from Rae to Carmen, clearing his throat. The resistance visibly faded in his eyes as he said: "I'll have a Fosters, thanks. We've got you both a table by the stage, it's the one with the 'Reserved' card on it." Finn concluded, pointing to the table in question and walking away with Carmen, giving Andy another nod but avoiding looking at Rae altogether.

Rae and Andy both murmured their thanks before heading to the bar, Rae ordering a shot and a red wine, downing the first and bringing the other to the table with Carmen's white zinfandel. Finn and Carmen were already setting up, Andy chatting to Rae about his latest chapter, Rae trying her best to concentrate but failing as she clocked Carmen pecking Finn on the lips before leaving the stage. Maybe Rae and Andy could just leave? Why should she put herself through this? She tried to snap herself out of it, forcing her complete attention on Andy as he spoke. She loved Andy. She had to remind herself of this. He was a lovely man, handsome (she didn't usually go for blondes but, he was an exception) kind, caring, conscientious…so what if his taste in music was appalling? That's why headphones were invented, right?

A sweet smell met the couple as Carmen floated over. "Ah, merci." she smiled, taking the white wine and the beer before returning to the stage. Rae forced herself not to look at Finn, moving her seat closer to Andy, who rested his hand on her leg, sipping his own beer and looking at his surroundings with a pensive smile.

It wasn't long until Carmen had joined Finn on stage, who was sitting on a high chair next to her with a guitar, the spotlight not quite hitting him, but to Rae he might as well have been the only figure bathed in light.

"You alright, Rae?" she heard Andy ask. "You seem a bit on edge."

Rae looked at him with what she hoped was a convincing smile, shaking her head. "I'm fine." She leaned over, giving him a peck. He didn't look convinced after they'd parted, but he visibly softened, giving her a smile in return before picking up his glass. They turned their attention to the stage, the man Finn had been talking to earlier approaching the mic.

"Ladies and gentleman, I'm very pleased to announce the return of the dazzling Carmen Nardin."

The people surrounding them clapped and whistled, Rae and Andy doing the same. Rae had never heard of her, but she seemed popular. She could see why, nevertheless.

Andy would note to her later as to how impressive she was, how she had a beautiful voice and oozed virility and charisma, but Rae only had eyes for Finn, couldn't help but watch him as he played his guitar, so lost in the music. She remembered a time he'd play his guitar in his bedroom as Rae sang, would look at her with such love and pride as she did so. Rae felt an indescribable pain as she sat there, and she knew no amount of drink could numb it. She thought she'd had it handled, thought she'd moved on, but she would have given anything at that moment to have gone back in time and changed things. She never would have gone to university. She'd have stayed with Finn, would have insisted to go wherever he wanted to. She would have given him a second chance after he'd cheated on her, would have forced her way back into his world after he'd pulled away.

She couldn't help but think, however, as she forced herself to look at Carmen, that perhaps things had turned out for the best. She really was beautiful, and if she made Finn happy, who was Rae to wish for anything else? Then she reminded herself of the man sitting next to her, the lovely man who did a good job of making her happy over the two and a bit years they'd been an item. She did love him, of that she was certain. But as Finn's eyes locked with Rae's and stayed there for the majority of the show, Rae came to the saddening realisation that she wasn't _in_love with her husband to be. There had only been one man who had truly captured her heart, the man who saw her when nobody else did, the man who loved her relentlessly despite how much she hated herself, and that man was currently gazing into her eyes with an expression Rae couldn't place. Maybe she didn't want to. She didn't want to allow her heart the slightest sliver of hope.

There was a good chance Rae forgot to breathe altogether as Finn kept his eyes steadfastly on hers. Surely Andy noticed, but she daren't look away to check. She was glad Andy had removed his hand from her leg - she wanted no distraction. She prayed he didn't try and talk to her, prayed the world would let her share this one moment, no matter how much it may have been tainted with pain and longing. She thought how it was very likely she wouldn't see Finn again after that night, the thought both agony and a relief to her. If that was the case, Rae knew she had to allow herself this one moment, had to allow the scenery around her to blur, had to, just for an hour, let Finn's eyes consume her. She felt tears sting her eyes and threaten to fall, but she willed them to stay hidden. She didn't want to let Finn know it wasn't over for her, but surely he knew. Surely it was written all over her face, clear as day?

It was only until the final wave of applause filled the room that Rae came to herself, breaking out of her Finn induced trance as he left the seat. She only just remembered they'd agreed to go out for drinks afterwards, so she tried her very best to push all of her emotions back, to assess the reality of the situation and act every bit the ex girlfriend from a million years ago. The engaged ex girlfriend from a million years ago who's about to go for drinks with her fiancé, her ex boyfriend and her ex boyfriend's new, stunning girlfriend. A whole new hell on earth.

* * *

Finn barely listened to the praise from the punters and the last minute thoughts from Trev, the manager. It was all a disorienting mix of noises as he seemed to float through the room, the dim and unwelcome prospect of spending the rest of the evening with Rae and Andy filling him with more dread by the second. He'd thought, naively, that it wouldn't be so bad seeing Rae with somebody else, to be confronted with the guy Rae was not only with, but was about to be married to. How foolish he'd been. The second he clocked him he'd wanted to run away, wanted the ground to open up and swallow him. Rae looked ravishing in a strappy dark blue dress, long dark hair gripped to the side. As if seeing her with a new bloke wasn't bad enough, she'd had to torture him with her beauty as well. Then again, she'd always been beautiful to him, he reminded himself. He'd managed to keep his cool, getting through the initial greeting without much of problem. The pain of jealousy crept up on him as they stood there, however, and he found himself not being able to look at Rae, found it easier to pretend she wasn't near him. It didn't work one bit, as he could feel her presence as he'd always did when they were together. When he'd began playing on stage, he found himself looking at her, unable to stop himself. The sadness in her eyes took his breath away, and he could sense the shared memories stretching between them. He didn't want to look at Andy, didn't want to face the reality of their situation.

He wished he could get off stage and take Rae away from the place, go back into the little world they'd shared all those years ago and forget the last five years ever happened. He knew that was impossible, however. Instead, he had to suck it up and go for drinks with them, had to sit in a booth and act interested in what Andy had to say, had to listen to him talk about his new book and the last two he'd had published, had to watch as Rae smiled at him proudly.

"Of course, Rae helps me with the organisation side of things. I have to write at least three pages a day to keep on schedule, don't I. I'm hoping one day Rae'll agree to be my manager, once I've sold a few more books."

Finn forced a smile, knocking back a shot of whiskey. "That's cool." Finn nodded, Carmen agreeing.

"Well, Feen and I are going on tour in a few months, aren't we baby?" Carmen trilled, linking her arm with Finn's.

"Oh wow, that's brilliant. Where will you be going?" Rae asked, the enthusiasm of her words not quite matched by her tone.

"It'll be America first. I have quite a prominent fan base over there, so it should be lucrative." Carmen said, and Finn felt a stab of annoyance as well as embarrassment. He was never in it for the money, and truth be known, he wasn't even into Carmen's style of music. It wasn't quite raw enough for him. It was a bit too sugar coated and overtly evocative. Finn had always wondered why he'd never got jealous of the male attention Carmen always received, but as he looked over at the woman opposite him, the thrum of envy resting under the surface of his skin, he knew why.

"Listen baby, I'm really sorry but I'm supposed to meet Monica at JoJos in 20 minutes." Carmen breathed, stroking Finn's bicep as he nodded into his drink. He glanced over at Rae who threw him a smile.

"We need to be heading back too, actually. Got an early start tomorrow." Andy said, beginning to shuffle out of his seat.

Finn made to say something, but Rae beat him to it.

"What do you say we stay out for a bit longer, Finn? I mean, if you don't mind, Carmen." Rae's soft gaze moved to Finn's side, and Carmen looked at Finn for confirmation.

"It's up to you." she shrugged.

Finn looked at Rae once more. "Err, yeah I'm up for that. It'll be nice to catch up some more." he smiled.

"JoJos is on the way to our place, Carmen. Would you like to share a cab?" Andy offered.

"Sure, why not." she smiled.

Andy gave Rae a kiss on the cheek before shuffling out, Finn shuffling out of the booth himself a good excuse to avert his eyes.

"I'll see you at home." Carmen said, giving Finn a smooch before looking down at Rae.

"It was nice to meet you Rae. Thanks for the drink." she smiled, Andy shaking Finn's hand as she did so.

"Sorry I couldn't stay out longer. I'm an old man before my time." Andy quipped before leaving with Carmen, giving Rae one last wave over his shoulder.

Finn sat back down, the retreating forms of their respective partners mirroring his gradually fading anxiety.

"You've got some…" Rae started, gesturing to her lips before moving to pull out a napkin from the dispenser nearby. Finn took it, his finger brushing Rae's as he did so, making him tense up slightly. He shook it off inwardly, wiping Carmen's lipstick from his lips before waving the waiter over to order more drinks.

Finn followed this by asking Rae about her life, Rae regaling him with what she'd been up to during their time apart. The more she talked, the more they both eased into the conversation, the awkwardness leaving them until they were back to their former selves, their natural chemistry returning despite the odds. Their conversation moved to their mutual friends, how they'd both tried to stay in touch with the old gang despite their break up. Finn asked how everyone had reacted to her weight loss, Rae responding with a predictable "They didn't notice; well, Chloe did. I don't think she took it all that well, but that's just me being a bit paranoid, I think. The rest of them didn't bat an eyelid. What did you think when you saw me this morning?" Rae asked.

Finn just shook his head. "I noticed you'd changed, but, you still look the same to me. No matter what your size, you're still…Rae, ya know?"

Rae nodded with a warm smile. "I thought you'd react that way."

Rae then asked about Finn's parents, glad to hear they were both doing well and saying how much she'd missed them.

"They miss you too. They often talk about ya when I see them. They just speak about old times, ya know?" Finn said, Rae crinkling her nose.

"Oh God, I'd hate that. I'd hate it if Mum constantly reminded me of the time you and I were…" her face slackened. They couldn't exactly skirt around the subject all night.

Finn cleared his throat, covering up the tension with an anecdote from his time in France. He made Rae laugh, and Finn thought his heart would burst at the sound. The drinks flowed, and so did the conversation until they both realised it was early morning. The jovial mood suddenly took a turn, and Finn found himself compelled to say something he'd been leading up to all night, the sense that the evening was coming to a close encouraging him more to do so.

"Rae, I just wanted to tell ya….well, to say to ya…" he paused, taking another sip of his drink which, like all the others, seemed to have no effect on him.

Rae swirled her straw in her own drink, biting her lip briefly before returning her gaze to Finn. He could see her breathing becoming shallower, and he felt his own mouth suddenly turn dry. He took a deep breath, biting the bullet.

"I never did apologise to ya about what I did, ya know, all those years ago. I know that after it'd happened I just didn't see ya again but…I just wanted to apologise now. I know it probably won't be worth anything to ya but, I need you to know I've regretted that night every day of my life since it happened." Finn said, Rae closing her eyes tight as she visibly remembered, before she returned her glossy eyes to Finn's.

"It wasn't just your fault, Finn - I kept pushing you away. It was only a matter of time before…" she began in a soft voice before Finn interrupted her.

"You didn't push me away, Rae, I ran. I was a coward. I thought I was doing you a favour at the time, thought I was doing the right thing by letting you move on, but the way I went about it is unforgivable."

Rae furrowed her brow, shaking her head in disbelief. "Move on to what?"

Finn swallowed, racking his brains for the right way of phrasing how he felt. "I thought that I was holding you back, if I'm honest. You had all these exciting things headed your way, and I just didn't think there was a place for me…"

"A place for you? You were the place, Finn! You were it for me, my whole fuckin' world…" Rae declared, her anger increasing by the second.

"But it didn't feel like it at the time, Rae! You were at uni with all these new people, smart people, like you! I was just some bloke from your home town in a dead end job, goin' nowhere!" Finn responded, his own increasing anger apparent. He didn't anticipate things escalating this way, but when you have five years of pent up resentment and unspoken words behind you, it was bound to flow to the surface sometime.

"Is that why you stopped speaking to me? After you fucked that girl…is that why you just left without any explanation?" Rae asked, bitterly. Finn felt himself wince at her harsh terms. He couldn't even remember the name of the girl he had sex with. She was just somebody who came into the pub, somebody who draped herself all over him and who he'd let do so. He'd liked to have said he was drunk and didn't know any better, but he'd be lying. He knew it was because, in his own mind, he and Rae were already over. He'd got it into his head that she'd left him behind, that he was just some distant memory to her. He'd had sex with that girl to dull the pain, but mainly to cut ties with Rae, to 'let her go' as he saw it at the time. Yet as he looked at Rae's face from across the table, the memory of heartbreak appearing in her expression as if she'd just experienced it setting into her features, Finn realised his actions had caused a lot more pain for her than he'd envisaged.

Finn could only nod. "I thought I was doing you a favour, Rae. As I said, I was a coward…"

"Too right you were. There's me thinking you slept with somebody else because you didn't love me anymore, that you'd finally got sick of all my baggage and bullshit-" Rae seethed before Finn interrupted her.

"No, no Rae - I never stopped loving ya for a second…I still-" he stopped himself before his confession spilled out of him. Rae looked like she'd turned to ice, her eyes wide and face pale.

"You…you still what?" she began, voice shaking. Finn could only look away, clenching his fist over the table.

"I've got- I need to…I can't handle this Finn. I can't…" Rae made her way to leave, Finn looking at her in time to see her eyes close tight in pain, tears squeezing out from under her closed eyelids.

"This was a mistake." he heard her sob as he slid out of the booth to follow her out of the bar.

"Rae, Rae wait, please!" he pleaded, trying to catch her arm as he followed her down the busy street. He missed the first time, but caught it the second, managing to pull her into a nearby alleyway.

"Just let me explain!" Finn said as Rae pushed him off her, tears pouring down her cheeks.

"Five years, Finn! Five fucking years! You just leave without saying one sodding word to anybody!" Rae yelled, Finn breathing heavily under the strain of the onslaught he knew he deserved.

"…and you've got the nerve to tell me it was because you thought you were holding me back - now look at ya! Flying high, supermodel girlfriend, travelling around the world; I think it was the other way around, don't you?!"

Finn shook his head vehemently."I left Lincolnshire because everywhere reminded me of you, Rae! I had to get away from it all, all the memories, all the places we'd been - fuck, even my bed smelled of you! It was torture!"

Rae closed her eyes with a sigh, her head hanging forward. "Jesus…this is such a mess." she said under her breath. Finn brushed a hand through his hair, before it fell to his side. He'd said too much already, so he figured he may as well go for broke, come what may.

"Everywhere I went, I wished you were there w'me. There's been no-one…no-one could ever compare to you." Finn began tenderly, making Rae hold her face in her hands and shake her head, a mantra of "Nos" released through her sobs. When she moved her hands away, she visibly hardened under the effort to compose herself.

"It's too late for this, Finn. Five years too late. I'm engaged now, I've…I've moved on." Rae said, voice still quivering slightly despite how forceful she was trying to keep it.

Finn shook his head slowly. "I don't believe ya. You wouldn't be reacting this way if you didn't still love me." he stated with new found confidence. He knew he'd fucked up, but things were different now, she was right, but in more ways than one.

"It doesn't matter how I feel about you, Finn…it still doesn't change the way things are." Rae said.

"Bollocks doesn't it. Say it Rae. Tell me you still love me." Finn ordered, taking a step towards her.

Rae shook her head, raising her hand in front of her. "Stay back, Finn. Don't even think about it." she warned, but she held her ground as Finn approached her and her resolve was visibly cracking as he moved closer.

Soon, his face was mere inches from hers, their lips painstakingly close. "Don't do this to me, please Finn." Rae whispered, breath hot on his face.

"You can leave any time. I promise I won't stop ya." Finn whispered back, his hand slowly moving upwards to softly caress her tear soaked cheek. She closed her eyes under his touch, allowing herself to press her face into his palm.

"Say that you love me, Rae…please…" Finn begged as she opened her eyes. He could see the last of her resistance growing smaller in her pupils, and he held his breath, his heart pounding in his chest as Rae touched the tip of her nose to his.

"I love you." she breathed, Finn wasting no time in capturing her lips in his after she did so. He gripped her to him as she wrapped her arms tightly around his shoulders, Finn running his hands over her back and through her hair as she moaned into his mouth. He felt her fingers dig into his back, her pace fervent and desperate. He felt the all consuming need for her practically overwhelm his senses as he pushed her against the brick wall, pulling his lips away only to whisper "Say it again Rae…tell me-" Rae repeating "I love you." over and over every time he'd done so, the final declaration caught in her throat as Finn moved his lips down to kiss her neck and collar bone, pulling the strap of her dress over her shoulder to press his lips against her skin with a stifled grunt.

They'd parted, both breathing heavily as Finn took her hand, wordlessly pulling her out into the street as she readjusted her dress. He looked right and left, noticing a hotel a few buildings up. He didn't look back at Rae as he lead her to the entrance, her sure grip on his hand enough to tell him she was consenting.

Rae booked them in under fake names, her hand shaking as she held the pen. Finn caressed the bare skin on her back as they stood in the lift, Rae removing her engagement ring and slipping it into her bag just before the doors opened.

Rae's lips were on his as soon as they'd entered their room. She pressed him against the wall as he blindly felt around for the light switch. He reluctantly broke away to look for it, Rae kissing his jawline as he turned on the light before kicking the door shut and meeting Rae's lips once more. He lifted her slightly, his arms linked around her waist. Her new slimline figure was an adjustment for Finn, who had been used to their strength being evenly matched when they were both teenagers. He had to get used to their new balance, their new 'gravity,' his experience with other slim women proving useless, as sex with Rae was always unique and on a whole other level. Yet he had to take into account the years they'd been apart, how they had both grown sexually in each other's absence. This was essentially a new experience for him, and every step of the journey was as thrilling for him as their first time.

Rae stepped back to slip off her shoes, Finn removing his shirt and unbuckling his jeans. He paused as he watched Rae undress in front of him, her gaze fixed on him as she pulled the straps of her dress down over her shoulders, slowly slipping it off before removing her underwear with equal pace. Finn noticed how the scars on her legs had faded, were barely there, even. As if knowing what he was thinking, Rae said: "I'm having them removed." and Finn replied, not being able to help himself: "Not because of some bloke, I hope."

Rae smiled at him warmly before shaking her head. "No, for me." she reassured before she stepped towards him to help him with his jeans, kissing a line across his chest as he stepped out of them.

"I've missed you so much." Finn confessed as he buried his hands in Rae's hair, her lips kissing a trail across his adam's apple before returning to his lips.

"I'm here now." she whispered against his mouth, Finn lifting her from the ground. Rae wrapped her legs around his waist as he moved her to the bed, kissing her all the while. After he'd laid her down, he knelt above her, drinking in the sight he'd missed so sorely. Her hair was splayed around her head and her cheeks were flushed. Her eyes were still slightly wet, but she smiled at him in a look of bliss that mirrored his own. She lifted herself slightly to pull Finn down on top of her, her limbs tangling with his as she kissed him passionately, holding his head in her hands as they rolled around on the sheets. There was not stealth or specific moves, just a need to touch every part of each other's body's they could reach. Finn wanted to melt into her, for her to wrap him up inside herself, to tuck him away from a world he hated, a world without Rae. His place was by her side, and he never felt more sure of it as she rolled him onto his back, eyes dark with a breathtaking intensity as she lowered herself onto him, her face melting into a look of immense relief as she did so, her mouth opening with a silent moan. Finn held her hips, willing himself not to shut his eyes, the sight of Rae on top of him something he wanted burned into his memory. He couldn't stop himself, however, crying out as she rocked her hips, his fingers tightening over her skin. He relished the feeling of her flesh enveloping his digits, his grip on her intensifying as she quickened her pace.

"Finn…" she breathed out, and Finn wanted to hear her speak his name a thousand times more. He pressed his head back against the pillow, thrusting his hips upwards, the cry Rae emitted echoing around the room. He flipped her onto her back, her name pouring out of his mouth like water as he continued with the pace Rae had set, gripping onto the headboard in front of him to try and keep control. He felt Rae's nails scratch his back slightly, making him kiss her hard, Rae moving her hands upwards to run them through his hair. They parted, the pair of them gasping for air as Rae flipped them over once more, Finn cursing as she pushed against him harder, and harder, moaning against his ear as she leaned over, pressing their chests together as she held him against her. Finn sat up, their arms wrapping around one another like a vice.

"Finn…I'm close…" she breathed desperately, her groans coming out shorter and shorter as she neared her orgasm, Finn feeling utterly lost in her. He could only half nod in response, his whole body pulsating with indescribable pleasure as Rae tightened herself around him, her head falling back as she called out, Finn following her quickly, pressing his lips against her chest so his own cries were muffled by her skin.

Finn laid Rae down onto the sheets next to him as they caught their breath, looking at Rae's red face as she met his gaze with a sleepy smile. Her eyes softened as she stroked Finn's cheek, the tips of her fingers buried in his damp hair as she moved her thumb over his skin. Finn pulled her closer to him, his hand spread across the small of her back. Rae's hand moved to blaze a trail across his shoulder and chest, before coming to rest on his own back. Finn made to say something, but Rae hushed him.

"Don't say anything. Just for tonight, I want to forget about everything else. We can face the music in the morning but for now, I want it to be just you and me." she stated, Finn smiling at her and nodding against the pillow. They both laid there, looking at each other for at least an hour more, not saying a word. Rae closed her eyes first, the pain of giving into sleep evident but unfortunately inevitable. Finn watched as she started to drift into sleep before pulling her closer still, Rae's lips pressing against his chest as she shifted herself. She began to shiver, so Finn pulled the quilt up from underneath them, covering them both with it. He didn't know what time it was, didn't know how long they'd have to sleep, but he forced himself not to care, just for those few moments. As Rae said, they'd face the music when they needed to. At that moment, however, Finn and Rae were the only two people on the planet.


	20. Rae Badass Moment: Finn Turned On

_Prompt: Your comment on that gif set inspired this prompt. Can you do one where Rae has a bad-ass moment and Finn gets turned on?_

_(Sexy times in this'un.)_

* * *

Buying a birthday present for an 8 year old girl was a lot harder than Rae had initially thought. As she stood in the middle of Woolworths, hand in hand with Finn - who was trying to look like he was concentrating, but was even more lost than his girlfriend, who he had actively asked to help him in the endeavour - Rae tried to think back to when she was the same age, but nine years is a long way to think back. She thought she was, at the time, obsessed with My Little Pony. She scanned the shelves…

"Does she like My Little Pony?" Rae asked, before shaking Finn's arm to jolt him out of his boredom induced daze.

"What? Erm…no. I think she likes Polly Pocket, but she's got loads of that already." Finn drawled.

Rae let out a sigh. "C'mon Finn - I know you asked me to help and that, but, she's your cousin. You know her better than I do."

"Doesn't mean I know what to get her. Whenever we play together, she just likes me to pick her up and spin her round and that, or we play in her wendy house…I'm not inside long enough to see what toys she's got." Finn reasoned, picking up a stuffed tiger and dropping it back, before running his spare hand through his hair.

Rae felt a warm rush of affection at the thought of Finn playing with Sophie. It reminded her of the wedding they'd attended together; Rae and Finn had spent most of the reception playing with the kids, Rae looking on proudly and just a little bit hornily at Finn's gentle way with them, the rugger bugger persona he plasters on for everyone else's benefit left firmly behind. The kids adored him, and Rae felt like the luckiest girl on earth for about the thousandth time since they'd been an item.

Rae was sure she'd be seeing a repeat performance at his little cousin Sophie's birthday party, of which she was also invited. They were all heading to an indoor amusement centre that weekend, and despite Finn's relentless moaning and groaning on the subject, Rae saw right through it and knew he secretly enjoyed playing with his beloved cousin. Rae had been touched to find out Sophie had invited Rae herself, even before Finn had suggested (or insisted, as the case would have probably been) that Rae go with them. Rae thought she got on well with Finn's family, anyway, so there was no trouble in that respect. After several family dinners and a couple of outings, Rae now felt comfortable in the presence of his parents, and Finn had often told her how much they liked her.

"Right, well let's not get her a toy then. What about a piece of jewellery or something?" Rae suggested, leading Finn over to the accessories section. Finn let out a huff.

"I don't mind. You choose; she'll like whatever you get her."

"Famous last words…" Rae muttered to herself as she looked over the plastic jewellery. An idea struck her as she did so, and she thought of a present that would be a lot more appropriate than jewellery, to her mind at least. She lead Finn to the craft section.

"It'll be nice to get her something we can do with her, like an arts and crafts type thing." Rae suggested, before smirking at Finn's withering look.

"Alright, something _I _can do with her whilst you stand outside being a moody sod." she joined, before returning her attention to the task at hand.

"I know she likes flowers…" Finn mumbled as he half heartedly nudged a flower pressing kit. Rae raised her eyebrow before taking it off the rack. Shaking it in front of Finn's face, she teased: "See? Was that so hard?" making Finn roll his eyes with a small smile.

As they made their way to the till, Finn took Rae on a detour through the Pick'n'Mix section, letting go of Rae's hand to start filling a bag with the sweets he knew were her favourite. As he caught sight of Rae's inquisitive gaze, he shrugged out a matter of fact: "To say thanks." before twisting the bag closed and taking Rae's hand once more.

They sat on a bench in the play park outside The Swan afterwards, both dipping into the bag of sweets and chatting before the rest of the gang arrived. Rae offered to wrap up Sophie's present and write out the card, Finn smiling out a wordless 'thank you' as he picked out a cola bottle from the bag and fed it to Rae, before leaning forward to kiss her, sugar mingling with sugar as their tongues found one another. They only parted at the sound of Archie shouting "Get a room!" from over the fence, Izzy giggling beside him as they resurfaced.

—-

"Hiya Rae!" Finn's Dad said warmly as he loaded a big blue cooler into the boot of a minibus as Rae approached Finn's house.

"Hiya!" she responded, Steve walking over to give her a kiss on the cheek.

"D'ya need any help?" Rae asked, Steve shaking his head.

"No love, ta, Finn's giving us a hand. Don't know where he's got to, though…"

Just as he finished his sentence, Finn came out from the front door with two carrier bags filled with Panda Pops, Rae walking over to take one from him and using the opportunity to give him a hello kiss. His Mum wasn't far behind him, beaming at Rae and also kissing her cheek. They were a cheek kissing family, Rae had found out; not quite as bad as a hugging family. She wouldn't really know how to deal with that, but the occasional hello and goodbye cheek kiss was something she could just about handle.

Once the minibus was packed, they set off, picking up kids and parents as they went. Most were travelling with them, but others were following in their own cars. There were going to be a total of 10 kids altogether, each with one parent with them, along with a few older siblings and Finn's Grandad. It seems Finn's family were used to him being quiet, but as Rae was already acquainted with most of Finn's relatives, she spoke to them easily enough. Rae spent most of the journey entertaining Sophie and her friends, however, delighting them with a few cheeky jokes and keeping them occupied with car games.

Once they'd arrived, they sat in the minibus and ate the lunch they'd packed, Finn stepping outside for a smoke as Rae helped put straws into cartons of Ribena and helped open packets of crisps, Finn's Auntie Deb asking her about school and Uni plans as she did so.

"I don't know yet; I've not even started upper sixth, so, I'm just going to concentrate on this year and decide all that nearer the time." Rae answered, taking a bite out of her own tuna and sweetcorn sarnie.

"I know Finn'll miss ya terrible if you do move away. He'll put on a brave face but, I think he's secretly dreading it." Steve said from the driver's seat.

"I am too." Rae said quietly before swallowing.

"Have you and Finn got me a present, Rae?" Sophie asked. She'd moved to sit next to Rae as soon as Finn had vacated his seat, a big '8' badge attached to her pink dress.

"You'll have to wait and see, won't ya?" Rae smiled, Sophie breaking into mischievous giggles as Finn popped his head around the open door with mock anger.

"What d'you think you're playing at?!" he scolded, Sophie burying her face into Rae's side, still laughing, Rae slinging an arm over her and sharing a smile with Finn.

"Right, that's it - I'm gonna tie you to the roof rack on the way home. That'll teach ya." Finn continued, Rae gasping in dramatic shock as Sophie giggled more and burrowed her face deeper into Rae's shirt.

Rae gave Sophie her present once they'd got inside, more as a way of entertaining her and the others as they waited in the queue to get their day passes. The place was quite packed; a big warehouse filled with rides, an inflatable fun house, a bouncy castle, a jungle gym and a climbing wall. Sophie smiled with glee as she opened her gift, but asked Rae what it was after she'd done so. She seemed pleased with the answer, and Rae told her Finn would show her how to use it next time he went to her house. She gave Rae and Finn a hug each before showing her friends.

"Why did you let me buy that? That's dead boring. Shoulda got her something she could actually play with." Rae whispered to Finn as they stood in the queue. He shook his head at her. "Nah, she'll love it. I'd rather've got her that than a Barbie or somethin'." he reassured, linking his fingers with Rae's.

"I hope you're right." Rae said, looking at the back of Sophie's head with a concerned quirk of her lips. Finn let go of her hand to link his arm around her shoulders, pulling her to him to kiss her cheek. They shared a smile before Finn looked at the throng of people in front of them on the way to the booth.

"This is gonna be a long day." Finn moaned.

The group had no choice but to get used to queues as the day progressed, and Rae and Finn had to carry on coming up with imaginative ways to entertain Sophie and her friends as they waited to go on the various attractions. The parents of the children left them to it, all sitting and chatting amongst themselves at a nearby fast food restaurant as Rae, Finn and a couple of Finn's older cousins supervised the children as they went on the different amusements. They were relieved to find that they all seemed to be enjoying themselves, despite the constant delays, and aside from a few inevitable scrapes and tears here and there, everything seemed to be running smoothly.

Rae was getting increasingly annoyed with a certain party as the group played on the jungle gym, however; a group of 5 or 6 young boys supervised by a sour faced, rough looking Mum. Some of the boys were being a bit too rambunctious, and Rae kept her beedy eye on them just in case one or more of them decided to take things too far with one of her charges. The Mum kept throwing Rae dirty looks too, which didn't help the situation. Rae tried to suppress the bubbling irritation within her, glad to have enough on her plate to distract herself with. Rae laughed as Finn kept sliding down the big slide on the jungle gym with Sophie on his knee, the birthday girl giggling with delight. None of the kids seemed to look the slightest bit warn out, and Finn's previous prediction rang in Rae's head once again. 'A long day indeed.' She eyed up the adults a few metres away. Finn's parents gave her a wave as they both shared a bowl of fries, Finn's Grandad falling asleep beside them as the rest of Finns family joked around with each other.

'Alright for some.' Rae thought wryly.

After a few hours of playing on the jungle gym, the climbing wall and the bouncy castle, Sophie and her friends wanted to go on the big rides.

"Where to first then?" Finn asked, hand in hand with Sophie.

"That one please!" Sophie grinned pointing at the mini Energiser ride.

It was clear that it was the most popular ride of the whole place, a fact highlighted by the queue that had so many curves and twists it put Rae in mind of a Viennetta. Finn tried to persuade Sophie against it as he moodily eyed the throng of kids and exhausted adults. "Why don't we go on another one firs-" he began, before Sophie interrupted him with a "Please?!" pulling on his arm as she begged. Her friends all joined in with a chorus of their own whines of persuasion, the harmony of 7 year old boys and girls moaning making Rae and Finn share a withering look before Finn began walking towards the queue in a dramatic slouch, Rae following with a kid hanging from each of her own hands.

Rae could tell Finn's tolerance was fading rapidly as they stood in line, the heat not helping with their mood. Rae could feel her own tolerance level mirror his, despite her best efforts to remain cheerful. She looked at the ride attendant with a sigh - the archetypal public school ponce with an obviously bloated ego, all teeth, muscles, fake tan and highlights. She found herself watching him for something to do, pitying all the gullible young Mums and older sisters he was flirting with as he neglected the screaming children above him. She was jolted out of her self imposed mode of entertainment by Finn's elbow jabbing into her side.

"What?" she asked, rubbing the area his elbow had just left with a confused frown.

"D'ya mind not blatantly eyeing up other blokes when I'm right next to ya?" he scolded, before his eyes widened as Rae let out a laugh.

"Please…" she said with a snort of derision, before looking affronted.

"I'm actually offended that you think I'd go for somebody like that. Honestly, give me some credit, will ya?" she retorted. Finn didn't look convinced.

"Well, what ya staring at him for then?" he continued under his breath, but the corner of his lips began to twitch as he suppressed a smirk.

"I dunno. I'm bored, aren't I!" Rae moaned.

Finn rolled his eyes, but visibly eased. "Me too." he agreed. "This is taking for fff-" he stopped himself before he inadvertently cursed, looking down at the kids surrounding him before returning his gaze to his amused girlfriend.

"…flipping ever." he went with before sharing a small chuckle with Rae.

"It'll be over soon. They're bound to tire out at some point, surely?" Rae mused optimistically.

"Don't count on it." Finn grumbled. The kids didn't seem concerned, chatting animatedly amongst themselves, all messy hair and chocolate smeared faces, confetti strewn on their clothes and sweet wrappers poking out of their pockets.

Rae spotted Finn counting to himself now and then, a personal head count so he didn't lose anyone. Rae watched him with secret adoration, the prospect of finding any other bloke remotely attractive in Finn's presence a completely alien concept to her.

They all got to the front just before they reached the end of their tether, but to Rae's dismay, the stink eye toting Mum and her group of little boy terrors seemed to come from nowhere, making their way to push in and get on the ride before them. Rae was having none of it, immediately seeing red, her passionate nature springing to the service as she walked forward.

"Excuse me! I don't think so." she began, blocking the entrance gate. The woman gave Rae yet another filthy look, Rae standing her ground as the five boys made to push past her, but Rae managed to push them all back.

"Don't you touch my kids, ya fat bitch!" the Mum yelled, making Finn lunge forward, the Mum backing off slightly as he did so. He said nothing, however, only shooting her a glare that could freeze hell over. If she had been a bloke, Rae knew she'd be out for the count within two seconds flat. Rae also knew this was her fight, so she kept her steely eyes on the woman, her tone sharp.

"Well don't push in when rest have us have been queueing for ages! It's our turn now, so you're just going to have to move to the back of the line."

Rae was buoyed slightly by the murmurs of agreement in the queue beside her, the Mum glancing at the crowd before returning her evil eye to Rae.

Rae was infuriated more as the knob head attendant approached them with a thoroughly insincere: "What's the problem?" amidst clicking his gum.

Rae mustered all the sass she had within her.

"I tell ya what the problem is, mate, whilst you were over there makin' your pecs dance for the ladies, this woman and these boys pushed into the queue…"

"…so what? s'not a big deal. Get back into the queue and wait yer turn-" he began, but his uninterested expression tensed slightly as Rae walked forward, eyes ablaze.

"You tell them to get to the back of the queue right now, or I'll make sure that's the last piece of gum you'll ever be able to chew." she threatened through gritted teeth, the attendant's amused gaze hardening in slight fear as he cleared his throat, glancing over the crowd before he turned to the Mum and her boys.

"If you could please get to the back of the queue like everyone else, madam…" he requested, voice breaking as some of the adults in the queue cheered and whistled. Rae sagged slightly as the Mum and kids begrudgingly complied, Rae not wishing to pay them another ounce of attention as she started to move Sophie and her friends through the gate, hoping she hadn't traumatised them with her less than innocent method of getting things done.

Rae turned to Finn as the barrier moved down over the kids' legs, the group still looking cheerful to Rae's relief. She felt suddenly sheepish, despite having the clear support of the crowd. She feared she may have embarrassed him, the thought of doing so making her insides turn cold. It had been a great feeling to have him stand steadfast by her side, holding the boys back as they continued to try and get past her and just generally helping her with posing a united front, but as the rush of adrenaline gradually left her, she wondered how Finn really felt. Did she show him up? Make him feel emasculated, maybe? She couldn't gauge his mood as he looked up at the kids, the ride setting off. His arms were folded and his adam's apple bobbed up and down as he clenched and unclenched his jaw. Just as she was about to ask if he was ok, she heard Steve's voice boom from behind her.

"Nice one Rae!" he praised. Rae shifted her concerned gaze to Steve's beaming face, managing a small smile of her own before speaking out a small: "I hope I didn't embarrass any of ya…" the knowledge that they had been watching the heated exchanged dawning on her. Her quiet tone was a stark contrast to her previous boom.

"Not at all! We were going to come over and help, but ya seemed to have it handled." he beamed, patting Rae gently on her back.

Rae gave him a small nod before returning her attention to Finn, who still hadn't moved. He gave Rae a side glance, before letting out a low and steady: "I need to get something from the bus. Can I have the keys, Dad?" He finally turned around, avoiding Rae's eye as he looked at his Dad expectantly.

"Sure thing mate." Steve smiled, getting said keys from his pocket and placing them in Finn's waiting hand. Rae felt her chest dip, the unwelcome knowledge that she had irked Finn somehow dampening her already frazzled mood. She didn't expect his hand to suddenly find hers, nor did she expect him to wordlessly lead her out of the building and into the car park. He let go of her hand once they'd stepped outside, and Rae noticed how red Finn's ears were as he briefly plunged his hand into his back pocket before removing it once more. She kept pace behind him as they walked in silence, and Rae felt a jolt of anxiety as she speculated he'd brought her out there to have a word. He didn't look at her until they'd reached the minibus. He slid the side door open, turning to Rae who braced herself for the argument to come, holding her breath. She wanted to begin, but she figured she'd said enough for one day. Finn seemed fidgety, but his expression remained forcefully blank as his eyes scanned over her body before he jerked his head towards the inside of the minibus, moistening his lips before he began to speak.

"I forgot something from under the far seat. Could you get it for me?" he asked, tone as nondescript as his expression. That was the last thing Rae expected him to say, and in her sudden relief, she complied without question, the usual response of "Get it yourself, you lazy twat!" lost amongst her easing conscience. Finn glanced around him as Rae stepped up into the bus, and she got on all fours on the back seats as she reached underneath them, feeling around on the floor. Before she could say "I can't find anything!" she jumped slightly at the sound of the van door closing behind her, the sound of Finn's ragged breathing soon to follow as she felt him press himself flush against her back, his mouth encircling her earlobe as he nibbled it, before moving his lips down to her neck.

"Finn!" Rae exclaimed in half amusement and half growing arousal as Finn cupped her breasts.

"What are you do-" her question was pacified by his lips as he turned her in his arms, plunging his tongue into her mouth as she laid on her back. She said his name once again into his mouth, Finn setting a fast and desperate pace as he held Rae's head in his hands. He lifted his lips from hers to kiss her neck again, Rae hearing his voice vibrate against her ear as he moved his head up to speak to her.

"Why do you have to be so fuckin' sexy, Rae? You drive me crazy…" he confessed, his last word muffled as he pressed his lips hard against her skin before shifting backwards, his eyes dark as he started to untie Rae's shoes. Slipping them both off, he began to pull down her leggings, Rae's own breathing ragged as she lifted her bum up, allowing him to pull them from her fully.

"We might get caught…" Rae warned as she looked up at him, eyes widening slightly.

Finn shook his head before looking out the back window, content nobody would be disturbing them anytime soon.

Rae wanted to question him further, but found herself lost for words from that point on as he clumsily unbuckled his jeans, taking a condom from his back pocket and ripping the packet open, slipping it on like lighting before shifting forward, gently biting Rae's bottom lip as he entered her with a satisfied grunt, Rae's tongue poking out from between her lips making Finn meet it with his own. The minibus began to rock from side to side as they had sex, Finn pressing his palm against the window above Rae's head as she moaned, pushing her hands underneath Finn's t-shirt to caress his back.

"Fuck…" Finn stuttered out as the vehicle squeaked around them. He lifted himself up slightly to change the angle, holding Rae's thighs in his hands as he quickened the pace further still, his thrusts becoming harder and deeper as Rae scrunched her eyes shut, a cry leaving her lips as she pushed her palms against the car door to steady herself. Finn moved his hands to her naked bum, squeezing it slightly as Rae met his eyes, his gaze dripping with affection as he looked down at her. Rae lifted herself slightly to pull him down into another kiss, her hands in his hair as he gripped onto the fabric of the seat beneath them. The intensity of Rae's orgasm caught her off guard, and she pulled her lips away from Finn's to gasp for breath, gathering the fabric of Finn's t-shirt into her fists as she pushed herself hard against him, her back arching as she shook under the sensation of it.

"Jesus Christ…" Finn exclaimed, his brow furrowing and eyes closing tight as he tried his best to keep up with the movement of Rae's hips, her broken cry dulled by the acoustics of the bus' interior. Finn pressed his whole body against Rae as he laid himself on top of her, his chin resting on Rae's shoulder as he quickened his strokes further still, his hair damp against Rae's cheek as she ran her hands up and down the length of his back, a grunt catching in his throat with every grind. He let out a moan of his own as he came, moving his head up to press his open mouth to Rae's cheek midway, stifling his moan by enveloping her skin with his lips, his palm pressed against the side of her other cheek as he kissed her face all over, covering her closed eyelids with his panting mouth before settling on her own waiting lips. Finn pulled out slowly, kneeling up and looking out of the back window once more, still breathing heavily as he carefully pulled off the condom, suddenly looking concerned as to where to dispose of it. As Rae moved to sit up with a groan, looking at the floor in front of her for her discarded leggings, Finn grabbed an empty crisp packet from the seats in front of theirs, throwing the condom in there and scrunching it up before tucking himself away and pulling up his jeans. As he moved back to give Rae room to put her leggings and knickers back on, Rae shook her head with a smile.

"I thought you were angry w'me." she confessed, her voice low amidst her post orgasm haze.

"Angry about wha'?" Finn asked, reaching down into the boot to get Rae's right shoe, which he'd thrown haphazardly away in his haste.

"About me tellin' that woman off. I guess I was wrong…" Rae smirked, lifting her foot to tie her shoelace.

Finn took the cigarette from behind his ear, opening the minivan door after he'd done so. Sitting himself down, Rae finished dressing, sidling up to Finn as he lit his fag.

"I love it when you get all…" Finn started after blowing out a line of smoke, struggling to find the right adjective.

"Gobby?" Rae suggested, Finn huffing out a laugh through his nose as he turned his head to meet her eye.

"I like that you can handle yourself." he admitted, voice low as it passed between them.

"I wouldn't go that far…" Rae began, the knowledge of her own endless span of vulnerabilities always there to refer to. Rae covered up her self deprecation quickly, knowing Finn often became annoyed at her inability to take a compliment.

"Thanks for backing me up, by the way. We make a good team, don't we." she smiled, Finn nodding in agreement as he took a drag.

"Anytime, Rae Rae." he said, Rae linking her fingers with his as he lolled his head back, Rae taking the opportunity to admire his profile as he shot out another line of smoke. It became increasingly clear that Rae's assertive display had triggered his sudden sexual outburst, and Rae felt her cheeks tingle at the thought of turning Finn on merely by being herself. A memory suddenly made way into her thoughts, Finn's leather clad figure sitting on his scooter, looking back at her, suggesting Rae "…shove a fuckin' boot right up his arse." - his encouragement of Rae giving Archie what for so steeped in hidden meaning as she looked back on it, but it mostly struck Rae as yet another example of their natural affinity. Rae wasn't a pushover, and neither was Finn. Whether apart or together, they were a force to be reckoned with, and Rae felt a new shade of empowerment fall over them as she realised this. She'd managed to ignore the jealous bitches at school who couldn't believe Finn was dating _anyone_, let alone Rachel Earl, and with it she managed to overcome some of her own demons, the voices in her head that told her she wasn't good enough for him, that Finn would be happier without her. Rae could continue to fight both challenges with even more force, with the same courage she adopted when faced with that offending woman and her vicious children mere minutes before, her bravery only aided by the unwavering supporter of her equally ballsy boyfriend.

"We better go back in; they'll wonder where we've got to." Rae said, Finn nodding in response as he threw his finished cigarette out of the open door. "I don't want to go back in there." Finn moaned, Rae letting out a chuckle as he pouted.

They both checked the seat as they stepped outside, relieved to find no trace of either of their bodily fluids left there, a potentially awkward situation avoided. Finn dumped the crisp packet in the bin outside the warehouse entrance, still hand in hand with Rae as they ventured back inside, their previous activity ensuring both of their moods were considerably brighter during the rest of the day.

As the group sat in the minibus to head home, Steve threw behind him a "Did everyone have a good time?" and Rae and Finn found themselves subconsciously joining in with the chorus of "Yeahs" before sharing an amused smirk, Finn leaning in to give her a kiss. Rae laughed into his lips at the sound of the "Yucks!" and "Ews!" that surrounded them as they did so, Finn beaming himself as he pulled away.

"Why do you kiss Rae all the time, Finn?" Sophie asked, completely serious from the seat in front of them.

"Because she's my girlfriend." Finn answered, Rae smiling as she gazed at her lap.

"Do you love each other?" she asked, her sincere curiosity still firmly intact. Finn and Rae nodded in unison, Finn's Mum and Auntie Deb sharing an "Aw!" between them as they did so, making Finn roll his eyes.

"Anyway, shurrup you. Aren't you tired yet?" Finn asked Sophie, who beamed and shook her head enthusiastically as the minibus pulled away.

"You're not human!" Rae teased, not sure she had the strength to entertain the children with more car games during the drive home, but knowing she probably didn't have much of a choice in the matter.


	21. AU Future Fic: Rae & Finn Affair P2of2

_Prompts: "Hey! First of all I really like your fan fics :) secondly, I just thought of a possible prompt. I'm not sure if anyone has done this yet but.. A fanfic about Rae losing all the weight and how the characters react to this. Thanks xxxx" and "What if Finn did something stupid and pushed Rae away. Then they ran into each other again a few years later and she had lost alot of weight, making her no longer so insecure." and "Rae with another guy but her and Finn having a secret relationship?"_

_**Part 2 of 2!**_

_TW: More sexy times._

* * *

Rae scrunched her eyes shut and attempted to cover her ears by burying her head further into Finn's chest. She could hear her phone ringing from…somewhere, and she felt Finn's sleepy groan vibrate in his throat, which was pressed against her forehead. With every beat of his heart she could feel against her cheek came the dawning realisation that she'd been out all night. Each persistent ring that filled the room brought home to her that her fiancé was probably worried out of his mind, thinking she'd been murdered or something. Rae wasn't one for staying out all night. She'd have given anything to stay snuggled in Finn's arms, but as the phone rang for the third time her anxiety got the better of her, and she jolted out of the bed in a flurry of bedclothes and hair, pacing quickly around the room to find her bag. She found it at the foot of the bed, burrowing her hand into it and feeling around for her phone frantically. Once she felt the shape of it within her fingers, she yanked it out, sitting on the bed as she answered it.

"Hello?"

"Where the hell are you Rae?! I woke up this morning and you still weren't back-"

"Ok, ok…calm down, I'm fine!" - she looked at Finn, who'd sat himself up and was looking at her as she spoke to Andy, half guilty, half concerned. Still didn't stop him from looking absolutely devastating, the sun streaking into the window dappling across his torso, his hair mussed with sex and sleep.

"I'm glad but…you could have called! Where are you?" Her fiancé's voice buzzing in her ear jolted her out of her Finn induced daze, and the guilt she didn't feel a shred of the night before hit her like a juggernaught.

"Finn went home at around 2, and I bumped into a load of old mates from Guildford and Co. - I didn't have anything on today, so I stayed with my mate Jill." Finn's mouth quirked as he watched Rae riff, but his eyes flashed with something akin to disappointment. Rae rubbed her forehead in frustration,

"When are you coming home?" Andy asked with a frazzled sigh. Rae scanned her eyes over the man beside her.

_I am home. _

The thought flashed through her mind before the sting of guilt quashed it. "I'll be back in an hour. I know you're heading to the archives today, so you go on ahead. I'll see ya when you get back, alright?"

"I'm late as it is - alright, I'll see you later."

"Andy?"

"Mm?"

"I'm sorry I didn't call." - she had to look away from Finn as she said this, the burn in her cheeks almost too much to bear.

"It's alright chicky. I don't mind you staying out all night, I just need a heads up so I don't worry."

"I know."

"Love you."

"You too." She couldn't bring herself to say the three words she usually responded with, and she hung up quickly as Finn cleared his throat uncomfortably, shifting himself. Rae took the opportunity to survey the room, items of clothing discarded everywhere, the echoes of their encounter flickering in her peripheral vision. She sighed, closing her eyes tight. Her head was a mess, and with the light of dawn came with it the harsh reality of the situation at hand. Although she loved Finn and he loved her, it still didn't change the fact that she was already with a wonderful man who didn't deserve to be hurt. She had a new life, friends, a job - she'd carved herself a new path in Finn's absence, and now he'd come barrelling back into her life with brute force and knocked her for six - or six thousand. And what about him? He had a girlfriend and a career himself, the two intrinsically linked. Two hearts to potentially break.

Finn began to speak behind her, voice forceful but also melancholic:

"I don't want to hear the usual bullshit: 'This was a mistake' or, 'What have we done?' - You know what you did last night, Rae, we both do."

Rae half turned to him, unable to look at him. "It was a mis-"

"No. No Rae." Rae met Finn's eyes suddenly at the sharpness of his tone. His eyes were glistening, misty with frustration or sadness, Rae couldn't tell. Both would have been a good bet.

"Finn…" Rae reasoned, shaking her head. Finn crawled towards her, Rae attempting to resist his touch but still unable to. She felt tears spring to her eyes as he embraced her, landing kisses on her face, shoulder and neck.

"Please." Rae whispered, fighting the urge to hold him in return with every fibre of her being.

"It wasn't a mistake." Finn said into her neck, voice breaking. Rae felt a tear trickle onto her cheek as he held her tightly.

"Let go of me Finn, please. I have to go." She feebly pushed at his shoulder, Finn pulling away from her like lightning, the sudden cold a shock to Rae's body. Finn sat on the bed with his fists clenched as Rae got up with equal speed, gathering her clothes and getting dressed haphazardly. Finn remained silent as he followed suit. When they were both dressed, Rae turned to Finn once more, attempting to say something but having no idea how to go forward. She was in complete turmoil.

"This isn't over, Rae. Don't think we're just going to part ways and pretend this never happened." Finn stated, stepping forward slightly.

"I don't know what to do." Rae said quietly, instinctively honest in Finn's presence.

"Neither do I. I know this is really shit for you - for both of us, but I'm not just some stranger you picked up at a bar. It's me." Finn pressed his hand against his chest, his eyebrows raised. Rae nodded, her bag clasped in her hands.

"I know." It was all Rae could manage, the tension in her temples and the knots in her stomach making her nauseous.

"Look, just take some time, ok? We'll take some time, we'll think things through, and we'll meet again - just to talk." Finn added hastily, more for Rae's benefit than his, she sensed.

"Ok. When?" she couldn't stop the hope in her voice despite going through her own personal hell.

"Friday night, 8 o'clock. Same bar as last night."

Rae nodded quickly, mouth closed tight. She slowly made her way to leave, before her ears pricked once more at the sound of Finn speaking behind her.

"I'll stay here for a while, so people don't see us leaving together." he said, his previous force melting slightly as his resolve weakened. Rae stood facing the door for a few moments before turning, getting to where Finn stood in a couple of strides, his sad eyes widening slightly in surprise before she pulled him to her lips, hard, their mouths crashing together as she gripped his shoulders. Finn wrapped his arms around her with equal enthusiasm, his tongue lapping against hers as he deepened the kiss further still. Rae allowed herself this one more moment of weakness, the thought of not seeing him for another week filling her with cold dread. She pulled away, Finn's lips flushed as he followed Rae's departing mouth briefly before pulling back, their limbs untangling. Rae rushed out, leaving a breathless and equally confused Finn in her wake.

Rae licked her lips as she checked out, Finn's taste staying with her as she exited the hotel, looking around briefly, the bright light of the morning essentially a spotlight. She hailed a cab, half tempted to ask the taxi driver: "Does it look like I've just had sex?" but refraining, instead using the ride home to evaluate just how much shit she was in. She wanted Finn; she knew that. She wanted him so bad her skin itched with it, her love for him as powerful and all consuming as it had been they were first in the throws of it. Rae reached into her bag and pulled out her engagement ring, rotating it in her fingertips and staring at it intently. She bit her bottom lip, slipping it on slowly. It felt heavy on her hand, straining under the implications of her actions. Welcome back, backpack full of bullshit. She thought about being confronted with her fiancé in a few hours. Would he know? Would the mere sight of her make it all click into place for him? Would he be able to smell Finn on her?

Rae paid the taxi driver as he pulled up to her place. She was living in the top floor flat of a large edwardian terraced house, a space filled with books and paper, pens stuck everywhere, laptops and typewriters stacked on shelves…Rae looked herself over in the hallway mirror as she entered. Turning to the side slightly, she noticed bite marks on her shoulder, her skin slightly bruised there. She placed her hand on them, taking a moment to relive the memory. Finn was right - it may have been wrong, but to Rae it wasn't a mistake. She couldn't bring herself to regret it, even though she knew she should. When she showered, she hated how she was washing away traces of Finn, her inner thighs clammy with dried sweat and her body burning at the memory of his touch. As she walked to the living room, a towel wrapped around herself, she picked up her discarded dress and brought it to her nose, breathing in the faint traces of Finn's cologne.

A picture of her and Andy sitting on the mantlepiece caught her eye. She kept it in her sight as she moved to the washing machine, stuffing the dress inside. She didn't know what she was going to do. She resolved to get through this week as best she could, to act like nothing had changed. Perhaps the time Finn had afforded her would be enough to come to a decision. She knew what she wanted - she just wasn't sure whether it was the right thing. She wasn't sure if she could break Andy's heart like that, and she wasn't sure if Finn was willing to leave Carmen for her. The answers would hopefully arrive on Friday night, she hoped.

When Andy came home from the archives, Rae had made him his favourite meal to apologise. Andy wasn't aware just how much she had to apologise for, and he seemed none the wiser as he smiled out his forgiveness, Rae kissing him, consciously holding back the flash of Finn entering her mind with an inward flinch. They talked as they always did, Rae managing to hold up a facade of cheeriness. She prayed silently that Andy wouldn't want to have sex that night. She wondered how many times she could avoid it; she wanted to at least have the memory of making love to Finn untouched for a while longer. Rae hated herself as she looked into Andy's happy eyes, so unassuming, so clueless. _If only he knew._

* * *

"What is with you, Feen?! Are you ill?" Carmen turned to Finn with a hand on her hip, eyeing him with unshielded annoyance. Finn kept his eyes on the guitar underneath his hands, not ready to look into Carmen's probing gaze. The last five days had been total hell. Finn had been distracted. Well, distracted was an understatement - his head had been up in the clouds; up in the clouds where the harp playing angels who looked exactly like a certain Rae Earl tormented him. He had thought about little else other than Rae as the days had passed, and he was thinking about her even more so as he was going to be seeing her again in a few hours. He'd told Carmen he was meeting her, not feeling the need to lie about it. Carmen may have had her suspicions, and there was a part of Finn that wanted her to have them. He had already made up his mind, and he only needed the ok from Rae to break up with her. He knew what he'd be giving up: his job, his flat, maybe a few friends along the way, the chance to tour America and possibly the world, but it all seemed like a small price to pay to reunite with the love of his life. He knew Carmen would be hurt, and knowing her fiery nature would probably give him a right old time of it, but he wasn't convinced that Carmen truly loved him for _him_, if she even loved him at all. Their relationship had been based on lust to begin with, a bit of fun that became something more as Finn began helping her to write songs and used his industry contacts to secure her studio time and gigs. Finn didn't feel Carmen truly knew him, even after their time together. Rae knew him. Rae understood him more than anyone, or at least, she did before they broke up. Finn had shown himself to her completely, had exposed his soul, and Rae still loved him warts and all. Finn may have been attractive, as many girls and a few gay men had taken great pains to tell him so over the years, but he wasn't perfect. He had his flaws, same as anyone, and as he hadn't been able to fully express himself since being with Rae, his conquests after her had never seen the real him.

"Feen?!" Finn heard Carmen clip clop towards him, and he mumbled out a "Sorry…let's go from the top, alright?" Carmen letting out a sigh and returning to the microphone. Finn mustered up all of his powers of concentration to get through the song, and Carmen's lack of complaint told him he'd managed it.

"You've been so distant lately…" Carmen purred after they'd finished rehearsal, moving behind Finn to rub his shoulders. He forced himself not to jerk away, letting her hands roam over him as she placed a kiss on his neck.

"Sorry. I've just had a lot on my mind, ya know?" Carmen hummed in response, walking around Finn to face him, pulling the guitar out of his hands before kissing him. Finn wondered if she even really cared how he was feeling, if she was even listening. Carmen pulled back, and Finn could see by her expression that the kiss hadn't exactly rocked her world.

"I hope your old friend will knock some life back into you. What time will you be back?" Carmen pouted as Finn pulled himself away, shrugging as he picked up his amp to pack it away.

"I'm not sure. You're having friends over tonight, right?" Finn asked, the thought of seeing Rae sending a jolt of excitement in him, although it was mingled with anxiety.

"Mhmm, yes. We'll probably still be up when you get back." Carmen replied, picking up her bag from a nearby table and waiting for Finn to reach her. Finn was glad she'd be occupied. He had a feeling he'd need time that night to go over his 'break up plan' - then he reminded himself not to run away with his thoughts as he walked back to his flat, hand in hand with Carmen. What if Rae didn't want him back? What would he do then? Would he still break up with Carmen? He knew even in that scenario that it would make sense. Why stay with somebody you don't love? Then he thought about the tour they were going to embark upon. He'd travelled through parts of the world to try and get over Rae before, surely he could try it again? He tried to push his erratic thoughts to the back of his mind as they arrived home, moving to the bathroom to shower. Afterwards, he turned his back to the bathroom mirror, looking over his shoulder at the faded scratch across his shoulder blades. He smiled to himself as he dried his body, his heart pounding at the thought of seeing Rae again, and he hoped that it'd be the start of endless days together, the opportunity to pick up from where they left off. He knew there'd be an adjustment, and they'd have to figure out how exactly they'd fit into each other's lives, but if Rae was as willing as he was, it would make it all the easier to do so.

Just as the rate of his heartbeat only increased as he walked up the street in the evening light towards their prearranged meeting place, he found it slowing considerably and sinking as he looked into Rae's eyes when he entered the bar. She had already been sitting at the same booth they were in the week before. She'd been looking at the door as he walked in, and he knew what she had decided from the look in her eyes, regret and apology emanating from her in waves. That's the thing about being in love with somebody; you can practically read their minds at times. Finn felt himself sag as he walked to the booth. Sitting down opposite Rae, he didn't even wait for the small talk. He had no time for that bullshit.

"Why?" he asked, simply. He didn't need to say anything more.

"You know why." she replied, stifling a sigh as Finn shook his head.

"No Rae, I really don't. I know what I want. I don't see why we can't make this work…"

"I'm engaged, Finn. Engaged." she raised her left hand feebly. Finn glanced at the ring once more before returning his determined gaze to Rae.

"So what? Look, I know it'll be hard. Andy seems like a good guy-"

"He's a great guy, and I love him." Rae said, voice steady and sure. Finn should have seen this coming - of course she'd have decided this. She'd had a week to spend with him, a week to get resettled into her own life, an opportunity for Finn to fade back into the dream he once was. Finn clenched his jaw and looked away, her confession stinging him.

"It's not just that, though…" Rae continued, and Finn met her gaze with difficulty.

"What else is it, then?" he asked.

"You've got such an exciting time ahead of you. Going on tour, seeing more of the world - it sounds great Finn, truly…and Carmen, she's gorgeous, not to mention talented-"

"But she's not you." Finn said, quick as a flash.

"She's better."

"Fuck off." Finn couldn't help his angry outburst, the couple in the booth behind Rae looking over at them. He ignored them, sighing in frustration.

"I can understand if you don't want to be with me because of Andy. If you love him more than you love me, I can handle that, but if you're unwilling to give us a chance because you think I would, I dunno, resent you somewhere down the line or…or you think you're not good enough…"

"You will resent me, Finn. I'll be the woman who ended your career before it truly began, who robbed you of all the amazing adventures ahead of you…"

"I don't want any of that, Rae! I want a life with ya. I want a second chance. I could never resent you." Finn pleaded.

Rae shook her head, looking down at the table. "You say that now Finn, but you will. I'm not going to be the one who does that to you. I can't. I would never be able to live with myself…"

Finn should have known her reasons for rejecting him would be all about the feelings of others, for whatever reason. She had been the most wholly selfless person he had ever known, a fact that made her rejection even worse for Finn to bear. Finn was more blinkered, his love for Rae blinding him to anyone else other than the two of them.

"Listen to me…" Finn grabbed Rae's hand, holding it tightly in his as she squeezed her eyes shut, tears forming.

"Look at me, Rae." Rae shook her head, trying to pull her hands away. Finn gripped onto it as tightly as he could, not willing to let her go in any sense.

"Don't do this. Please just trust me - my job is just a job, I can get another one. Carmen's a big girl and she'll get over it - and whatever adventures you think I'll be missing out on, we can have them together, you and me. There's nothing stopping us." Finn said, voice low so only Rae could hear.

"My mind's made up Finn. I'm sorry. There's nothing you can say to make me change my mind. I'm marrying Andy, and you're staying with Carmen. We'll go back to how things were before."

"I'll only let you go if you tell me you love Andy more than me. Rae…" he shook her hand with his, Rae opening her eyes but still not meeting his.

"Just say the words and I won't bother you again, I promise."

Rae let out a sob, her brow furrowing in obvious agony.

"Do you have any idea how hard this is for me? Do you think I don't want this? Of course I want this - I want you. I love you more than anyone on earth and I always will, but it doesn't mean I should have to break the heart of a good man in the process. He's the last person on earth who deserves that. He asked me to marry him and I said yes. I made him a promise, and I'm not going to break it."

They sat in heavy silence for a few moments, Finn feeling all of his hopes sink as he slackened the grip on her hand, Rae meeting his gaze as he did so. She pulled away, muttering out another apology as she ran out of the bar once more, Finn not being able to bring himself to watch her leave. He stayed seated, dwelling in the aftermath of his heartbreak. He felt himself well up, the pain in his chest and the tightness in his throat excruciating. He had to get out of there, the shadow of Rae still present in the seat opposite him. He couldn't comprehend how Rae could love him, yet still not bring herself to be with him. He only had his own feelings as reference, and he knew he'd give up everything and more for her.

As Finn neared the exit, he heard a familiar sob from nearby. He walked across the narrow hallway, looking around a corner into a small corridor. He could make out Rae in the dim light, her back against the wall, crying her eyes out, trying to stifle her manic sobs with her hand. Finn could see a glint in her eye as she looked up at him, the lights from where he stood reflected there. Finn closed the gap between them, Rae's bag dropping to the ground with a thud as she stood up, letting out a shaky breath before Finn kissed her, the tears on her cheeks warm against his face. This time they didn't make it to a hotel. They found themselves stumbling into a storage room, Finn locking the door behind them as he pulled at Rae's underwear, kneeling in front of her. He ran his lips across her inner thighs, Rae letting out a moan as she gathered tufts of his hair in her hands, her flesh quivering under his tongue. He caressed her buttocks in his hands, Rae's moans becoming marred with frustration.

"Please Finn…I need you n-…now…please…" she begged from above him, voice thick and wet. Finn grunted in response before standing upright once more, Rae's eyes darkening as she grasped at the zip of his jeans, Finn taking a condom from his wallet before she pulled his jeans and boxers down, Finn slipping on the condom and lifting her, her legs wrapping around his hips as he wrapped his mouth around hers. Rae adjusted herself before Finn slowly lowered her down onto him, Finn parting from her in time to see Rae break out into a smile, her eyes closed, head lolled back against the wall. She let out a silent "Yes." before Finn sucked on her neck, mirroring her moaning with his own groans of pleasure. Rae pressed her palms against the wall behind her to steady herself, Finn pushing up into her with a punishing force. It wasn't enough for him, so he carried Rae to a table, pushing off the boxes and plastic cups he found there to lay her down onto it, holding the edge of the other side for leverage. Rae gripped onto his own buttocks, pushing him deeper inside her still, her need for him as insatiable as his for her. The table creaked under the weight of them, both of them too lost to worry if it would break or fall.

Rae fixed her gaze on Finn's one more time as she came, her eyes red. Both of their encounters had been in the wake of internal conflict, and Finn found a part of him longing for a day where the weight of the baggage they both carried would be lifted from them.

"Don't come yet." Rae whispered out, Finn pausing with great difficulty.

"Rae…" he pleaded, voice gravelly with restraint.

"Stand up." she continued, her eyes hardening as Finn looked at her with desperate confusion.

"Trust me." she whispered, Finn pulling out with a stifled growl and standing, Rae following him and backing him up against the wall where she had been minutes before. She knelt in front of him, pulling the condom from him before taking him into her mouth, Finn letting out a guttural moan as she did so, looking down at her before the sensation overcame him, causing him to close his eyes and press his head against the wall. He felt his knees buckle slightly, Rae's tiny gulps and moans bringing him to the edge. He gasped before calling out, his whole body shaking as he climaxed. Finn had to hold Rae steady as she got up, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand, body plagued with empty shakes of her own. Finn moved some of her hair out of her eyes, Rae stepping forward and into Finn's arms after she helped him pull up his trousers.

"I'm glad you found me. I couldn't just leave it like that." she whispered, Finn holding her closer still and nodding.

Rae's heart was pounding against his chest as the silence stretched out between them, their laboured breaths filling the room.

"So what now?" Finn asked.

* * *

It became clear to Rae as the days and weeks passed that the few days Finn had originally given her to think things through hadn't been enough. Not nearly enough. She'd been all set to end things between them, to cut out Finn from her life and with it the dangerous passion he conjured within her, but she should have known that it would have broken her heart in two to do so. When she'd left the bar, an almost supernatural force of misery took her, a pain so raw and deep it made her buckle. She didn't get very far, not even making it to the street. A bouncer had asked if she was alright, but she'd batted him off, holing herself away in a dark deserted corner of the foyer. She never thought Finn would find her, would assume he would have stormed out and would be halfway home as the tears poured from her, but he did, of course, and they came together once more like a magnetic force. It was unnatural for them to be apart now, and they needed each other like water and air; yet the inner conflict was ever present. Nothing had changed for either of them. Rae was unwilling to leave Andy and insisted Finn stay with Carmen. These declarations were unspoken, and they remained in limbo, together but still not together. They would meet whenever they could as the weeks followed, Finn meeting her somewhere after she'd finished work, usually going to a hotel. They didn't always have sex; sometimes they'd just talk, cuddle, reminisce, their little pockets of borrowed time not nearly enough for either of them. Finn would always verbalise his confusion as to why Rae wouldn't leave Andy for him when she so obviously loved Finn.

"Why do you keep fighting this, Rae? You know I'd leave Carmen in a heartbeat. Just say the word." Finn repeated as Rae laid on his chest in bed. She sighed in response, tracing idly on his open hand. In that moment, she didn't know why she didn't just leave Andy and run away with Finn, but she always had to go home and be confronted with the innocent man she was cheating on. They had a history of their own, her and Andy. They'd had some good times, good laughs and sweet, romantic moments. Then she'd have to go to work and have her colleagues ask: "How's the wedding plans going?" "You booked a venue yet?" "This dress would look lovely on you, Rae…" and she'd have to sit there feeling like the worst person on the planet.

The tension between Andy and Rae was increasing as he saw less and less of her. Rae would come up with different excuses to cover up her encounters with Finn; meeting friends, going to the library, just spending some time alone. The hours spent away all added up as her need to be with Finn increased, and she couldn't exactly expect Andy not to notice the change. They would bicker more and more, Rae's tolerance decreasing as her self hatred and guilt ran rampant. She could feel Andy bristle whenever she'd come home. Once she'd forgotten to put her engagement ring back on after returning from seeing Finn, covering it up with an excuse of offering to do the dishes at work. As time went on, Rae noticed Andy throw himself into his work, not one for confrontation. Passive aggression was more his speed, and the elephant in the room became bigger every day.

Neither Finn or Rae told the old gang what they'd been doing. None of them even knew they'd reunited at all. It was their secret, but it afforded neither of them any thrills. Just as Andy became more distant, Finn became more frustrated, already tired of being 'the other man.' Rae found herself juggling two men who she was hurting, and it was eating her up inside. It had been years since she'd felt so low, and she'd made so much progress with counselling up until that point: she'd even started to like herself, to be comfortable with who she was. Now she felt herself regressing. _I will always let people down. _

Finn seemed to have read her thoughts when they met, Rae joining him at their regular spot at a bus stop near her work, but far away enough to not be spotted by her co-workers.

Rae felt so drawn and tired, the instant happiness she felt with Finn marred by the aftermath of guilt and self hatred. It had been draining on her and no doubt degenerative to both of them. It had to end, one way or another. Rae knew it was time to make a decision.

"Andy's starting to suspect something, isn't he." Finn said, leaning against the glass.

"I'm not an expert at adultery, Finn-"

"You think I am?" Finn bit back, the strain of the last few weeks evident in his fatigued emotions. Rae sighed, swallowing, trying not to take the bate.

"All I meant was, he's bound to notice that I've been away a lot. He thinks it's wedding jitters or something. I don't think he suspects I've been seeing ya." Rae's voice was small as she glanced at Finn before looking at the floor.

"When is this gonna end, Rae? I'm tired of sneaking around. I don't want to just be with you a few hours a week, I want you…all of ya, the real deal. I want to be your proper boyfriend again, Rae, but you're holding back. Is it…is it because of what I did to ya?"

"No! No, that was so long ago. I know you're sorry about it, and I've forgiven ya, truly." Rae assured, meaning every word.

Finn tensed, standing upright and bracing himself, Rae looking up at him instinctively. She felt something fall over them, could practically feel the heat of Finn's frustration pulsing from him. He began speaking, voice firm:

"Then it all comes down to this then, doesn't it. You know what I want, and I don't give a shit if you think I'd be making a mistake or I'd be missing out; I want to leave Carmen and for us to be together. It's what I've always wanted. Now, you just need to figure out what you want, Rae, once and for all, because this right here -" he pointed to Rae before pointing to himself - "…is killing us. We're lying to two people right now, and you know we can't carry on doing that. If you want to stay with Andy, that's your decision; I wasn't ready to let you go before, but I am now, if that's what you think is right. You just need to figure out what you want. Don't think about anybody else, not Andy, not your friends, not me…just think about what _you_ want, alright?"

Rae nodded, the force that gravitated her towards Finn pulling at her gut. Finn took a breath, glancing away and fiddling with his jacket sleeve, before returning his attention to Rae, sheepishness snaking into his expression.

"Carmen has booked flights to LA in a week. It's the start of the tour."

"I see." Rae replied, neither of them talking about their respective partners whenever they'd got together. The fact only emphasised the crossroads she'd come to.

"We're playing a farewell gig at Electric Ballroom tonight. If you don't want me, I'll go ahead and leave, but if you do want me Rae, and I really fucking hope you do…" he let out a huff of longing as he said the words, Rae looking at him with wide eyed guilt - "…then come to the gig tonight and tell me. It starts at 9." Finn took out a leaflet from his pocket, handing it to Rae, an action mirroring their reunion nearly two months before.

Rae knew Finn was right. She couldn't keep doing this; this wasn't her. She wasn't a liar, or a cheat, she was just a confused woman who was in love with a man other than her fiancé. If she'd been so adamant at not letting Andy down or hurting him, continuing to see Finn like this was the supremist form of hypocrisy.

Finn stepped forward, holding Rae by the shoulders. He landed a gentle kiss on her cheek, before parting from her, eyes darkened by sadness. He walked away, Rae watching him as he went, hands in his pockets. She held back anxious breaths, clutching at her shirt briefly to steady herself.

The internal battle raged within her once more as she walked home. Her head ached with it, and she was frustrated with herself as to why she couldn't just _make a decision. _She wondered why she couldn't be brave and just take the leap with Finn, and she knew it was for one reason only: she just didn't want to break Andy's heart. Yet if she stayed with Andy, Finn's heart would break all over again, and that thought was even worse for Rae to bear.

Rae dropped her keys on the hallway table as she arrived back to her place. Andy wouldn't be back until 8, so she had time to survey the house, to have memories triggered by collected items and photos. She walked around the different rooms, gently touching the pages of Andy's manuscript, his typewriter, his jacket hanging on the back of his chair. She thought back to their holiday to Scotland, where he proposed to her at the Callanish Standing Stones, a place he'd wanted to visit since he was little. Rae remembered even then, the shadow of Finn had been near, a whisper of a thought entering her mind as she accepted with a laugh: "How would Finn have proposed to me?" before she buried it.

"I'm so sorry, Andrew." she whispered as she walked to their bedroom. The bed they'd shared was unmade. She was never really fond of the decor; she'd moved in with him, so the place had its own look before she'd arrived. In private moments, she'd fantasise about what her first place with Finn would have been like: unkempt, eclectic, a place filled with music and beer and laughter. Rae realised then she'd been essentially cheating on Andy all along, mentally at least.

She crouched down, taking a shoe box from the bottom drawer of her bed side table. It was cellotaped shut, Rae using Andy's letter opener to take off the lid. Inside was pictures of the old gang, the first polaroid she ever took of them amongst pictures of her and Finn through different stages in their relationship. She hadn't allowed herself to look at them throughout the entire time apart from him, but she could recite every detail of every photo despite this. She stroked his 18 year old image with the tips of her fingers, her breath caught in her throat. He was smiling so widely, all his teeth showing, eyes looking above the camera at what Rae knew was her. She'd cracked a joke as she took it, and Rae felt a rush of affection and love at the memory. Underneath the photos lay all the mix tapes Finn had made for her, all labelled simply but full to the brim with meaning. Rae scrabbled around for her walkman, putting on a tape. With every track that passed, the decision she knew was always there became clearer. She thought about Finn at the club, waiting for her, hoping she'd come and take him away from everything. She knew if she didn't take that chance, she'd regret it for the rest of her life.

When Andy arrived home, Rae was waiting for him, her engagement ring in the middle of the dining room table as she sat in front of it. Andy clocked it, sighing, his eyes closing tight in anger before he dumped his coat and books. He hovered for a while, not sure what to do, Rae sitting steadfast. She could feel her guilt was apparent, and she wondered if Andy had any idea about anything.

He pushed a hand through his hair, pulling out the chair in front of Rae and sitting down, his hands splaying across the surface of the oak. Rae decided to talk before she lost her nerve altogether.

"Andy…"

"Is it somebody else?" he said, Rae shocked slightly by his interruption. Rae felt the tears spring to her eyes as she closed them, nodding quickly.

"Fuck sake! I knew it." Andy stated, the volume of his voice rising slightly before dipping back down in and effort to compose himself.

"Jesus Christ Rae…how could you…I thought we were good, you know? I thought you…I thought you loved me!" Andy continued to babble, his kind nature at odds with his pent up frustration.

Rae began to cry, responding between quivers and sniffs: "I do love you, Andy. You're a wonderful man and I don't regret one second of our time together; it's just, I…it's not fair for me to stay with ya when I'm in love with somebody else…"

"Who is it?! No wait, don't tell me…I don't want to know…" Andy stood up, pacing up and down, pulling at his hair before placing his hands on his hips.

"I'm so, so sorry. I didn't mean for it to happen; the last thing I want to do is hurt you…"

"Very noble sentiment, Rae. Have you been sleeping with this guy, whoeverthefuck he is? Hmm? Tell me Rae, you might as well."

Rae nodded, Andy's face reddening as she did so.

"Rae, I never thought you'd ever do that…that's not you! You're different, you're…you're different…" Andy rambled, obviously not sure what to do with himself.

"No I'm not Andy. I'm weak, I'm scum and I hurt ya. I'll never forgive myself…and I don't expect you to either." Rae sobbed out, closing her eyes and shaking. After a long moment of silence, Rae looked up, Andy's figure blurry through her soaked lashes. She wiped her eyes, revealing him looking down at something in his hands. He was as still as a statue, his eyes flickering as he contemplated what he had between his fingertips. Rae looked down at whatever it was, her throat constricting as she realised it was the leaflet Finn had given her a few hours before.

"Andy…" she began, standing slowly and stepping forwards. She repeated his name again in a whisper, before jolting as he dropped the leaflet, stalking out of the flat. Rae followed him, slipping on her shoes like lightening and chasing him out into the street. She ran alongside him as he walked with a deliberate pace, expression thunderous.

"It's that Finn bloke, isn't it. We went out with him and you were out all night…made up some bullshit excuse…I should have fucking known." he yelled, obviously livid.

"How…?!" Rae called out, not being able to help herself. She couldn't comprehend how he could have figured that out from just one night. Andy kept yelling en route, the people they were walking past stopping to gawk.

"I know he was your first boyfriend, Rae. I know you tried to cover it up but…do you remember when we went out with your old friend Chloe last year? Bet you don't, because you got pretty drunk, and Chloe kept telling me about 'Finn' - telling me 'not to worry' that he was 'long gone' - tell her she was talking out of her arse next time you see her, won't you?"

Rae felt her face flush with mortification. She'd completely forgotten about that. "But you didn't…you didn't let on that you knew him…" Rae continued, getting out of breath as they turned a corner.

"Didn't realise at the time, did I?! It's all clicked into place just now…"

"Where are you going?" Rae called, fearing she knew the answer.

Andy ignored her as he approached a taxi rank, scrambling into a cab and slamming the door.

"Electric Ballroom." he said, Rae letting out a "Fuck." before running to the taxi behind his, thanking her lucky stars she had some cash stuffed in her pocket.

"Electric Ballroom please." she repeated breathlessly, keeping Andy's taxi in sight throughout the journey. What was he going to do? Confront Finn? Tell Carmen? She didn't think Andy would react like this; he wasn't the angry type, not one for flying into rages like this: but then again, when your partner of nearly three years has been cheating on you, all bets are off.

Rae paid the man quickly, throwing him a note before rushing after Andy, who had already got to the entrance. He'd stormed through without getting a ticket, the bouncers making to grab him. Rae ran after him, shouting his name. Andy managed to evade the bouncers long enough to get inside, the queue into the entrance murmuring at the drama unfolding. Rae spotted Finn setting up on stage, but it seemed Andy had spotted him before her. He practically sprinted across the room, leaping up on stage and punching Finn square in the face, Rae calling out in shock as the bouncers reached him, grabbing Andy's shoulders and pulling him back. Finn had been floored, caught unaware. Andy's eyes sparkled with maddened pride as he looked at Finn before turning back to dark thunder as he clocked Rae.

"We're done." he said simply, shaking the bouncers off him and leaving, straightening his blazer as he went.

Rae ran on stage, kneeling next to Finn as he cupped his nose in his hand, groaning.

"What the fuck…" he mumbled out, before looking up at Rae.

"Are you alright?" she asked, sitting him up.

"Not really - your fiancé just punched me in the face." he gurgled.

"Ex fiancé." Rae corrected, Finn's eyes meeting hers and brightening considerably, despite his bleeding nose.

"You serious?" he asked, voice muffled but hopeful. Rae nodded, gently moving Finn's hand away to take a look at the damage. Finn's face stretched into a grin, the blood from his nose dripping onto his teeth.

"Where's Carmen?" Rae asked, Finn shrugging in response as Rae took some tissue from the barman with a grateful smile.

"No idea. I broke up with her this afternoon. I'm only here setting up for the replacement."

"Ya what?" Rae said with an amused chuckle, Finn's cheerful mood infectious, coating the dread and guilt that had been plaguing her for so long.

"Yeah, bet she's chucking all my stuff out of our flat window as we speak." Finn joined as Rae gently wiped his mouth.

"Oh god…you're in a right mess." Rae commented, frowning as she gently stroked the skin of his nose.

"Not anymore." Finn said, Rae smiling fondly at him with a small sigh.

"Yeah." she agreed, feeling a sense of relief. It would take some time for her to get over how she hurt Andy and to get over the guilt of cheating on him, but she knew she'd have to let it go eventually. As she knelt on the stage and looked at her first love, her true love, tissues pressed against his nose and head bent back, she knew she'd made the right decision. She was ready to face the consequences of her actions, knowing that as long as she and Finn were together, they'd be all the easier to handle.


	22. Rae Pregnant, Finn Looks After Her

_Prompts: "i know you've probably got a shit ton of prompts already, but there's this poem called "the coolin'" by james stephens. you should look it up, it's beautiful. but there's this passage from it that goes "And we will talk until talk is a trouble, too, out in the side of the hill, And nothing is left to do, But an eye to look into an eye And a hand in a hand to slip, And a sigh to answer a sigh, And a lip to find out a lip". so that is my prompt. do with it whatever you wishhh." and "Can you do a mad fat diary fanfic where Rae's pregnant and Finn cares for her?"_

* * *

Finn felt himself tense for the hundredth time as he heard Rae's exasperated sigh from the living room. He'd been sitting on the kitchen table editing a track listing for work, hoping optimistically that Rae was as comfortable as possible, her swollen legs propped up on a beanbag and a big packet of maltesers on the arm of the chair she was sitting in. She was heavily pregnant, just over the eight month mark, and her tolerance had wained considerably over the last couple of months. Gone were the glory days of Rae being so out of control horny they'd have sex about five times a day. _Good times. _Finn thought with a wry smile, his ears pricking as he heard the squeak of the cushions from next door. He heard Rae groaning, the sound of the fabric straining under her hands as she was obviously trying to stand, the bean bag hissing as she kicked it away. Finn shot up, walking to the living room to help her. She'd managed it by the time he'd arrived, and she huffed in frustration, blowing a strand of hair out of her face and pressing her hands against the small of her back.

"Finn!" she yelled, Finn half tempted to run away, but knowing that wouldn't be an option. He'd suffer her wrath if need be. He'd done this to her after all, a fact Rae never failed to remind him.

She turned, half nodding as she realised Finn was standing there.

"I need to get out of here, Finn. I'm going crazy." she shook her head, looking around the room and arching her back before stroking her swollen stomach.

"Rae, you know what the doctor said-"

"I don't give a flying fuck what Dr Spray thinks, I want to go outside and I'm going with or without ya." she snarked, her voice echoing around the house. They'd nicknamed their doctor 'Dr Spray' due to his tendency to spit on them as he talked.

"Fine, just sit down for a bit alrigh-"

"I'm done with sitting down, Finn! I've been sitting down all bloody week!"

Finn took a deep breath. He'd woke the beast; now he needed to calm it down. Food hadn't worked, TV hadn't worked, foot rubs were useless as her feet had gone numb, apparently…

"Rae Rae…" he began gently, Rae flinching, even his usually beloved pet name for her setting her teeth on edge - "…just wait here, I'll go and pack us some food and I'll drive us somewhere, alright? Somewhere nice." An idea began to form in his head as Rae sagged, a sigh leaving her lips, her hair all over the place making her look hopelessly adorable to Finn, despite her foul mood.

"Fine. Thank you." she concluded, her thanks released under her breath. Finn set off, not hanging around or stalling as he made Rae some cheese and jam sandwiches with his usual grimace, grabbing the cooler from the cupboard under the stairs and packing it with food and drink for them. As he moved to the hallway, he grabbed Rae's coat from the rack, checking for the car keys in his pocket before poking his head back into the living room.

"Ready?" he asked, Rae not saying anything as she stomped out of the room and pushed past Finn, who was stifling an amused smirk. He knew if he let on how her moodiness amused him, she'd just get angrier still.

As Rae waddled out of the door and towards the car, Finn stuffed the cooler and Rae's coat in the boot before running back inside to collect a blanket and some pillows. He'd finished packing the car by the time she'd got herself in the passenger seat (Finn knew better than to try and help her - she couldn't stand him fussing, especially at this stage) and Finn said nothing as he got in the car himself.

Finn pulled down the windows, Rae sticking her face out of hers slightly to breathe in the fresh air as they drove.

"God that feels good." she said, her voice obscured by the roaring of the quickly moving streets. Finn eased slightly, glad she was starting to settle. He'd have the car ready should anything drastic occur, ready to speed her away to the hospital, the 'emergency bag' already in the back seat.

"Where are we going?" she asked, before wincing and rubbing her stomach. "Easy girl…" she said.

"She dancing again?" Finn asked with a fond smile, seeing Rae nod from the corner of his eye.

"Yeah. Tap this time. She likes that one, don't ya…cos you know it pisses Mummy off the most!" Rae said in mock anger, her voice raised as she leaned over to scold her unborn daughter. Finn huffed out a laugh, keeping an eye out for the right road sign. He knew they were close now, despite being a bit worse for wear the last time he'd gone to his chosen destination.

"This looks familiar." Rae pondered, looking around. Finn let her make the connections in her head, could practically hear the cogs turning.

"Oh Christ…" she said with a smile, sinking back into her seat. Finn eased further still, glad to have got a smile out of her, of all things.

"You remember now? That surprises me." Finn quipped.

"I wasn't that drunk." Rae replied, a smirk still pulling at her lips.

"Yeah, whatever you say princess." he teased, turning into a hidden path just on the outskirts of their borough. He was taking Rae to a riverbank they'd found a few years ago; well, drunkenly stumbled upon made more sense. They were heading to their hotel from their wedding reception, the limo driver thinking it would be a good idea to take the clearly wasted couple on the scenic route. Rae had been whispering into Finn's ear all the filthy things she was going to do to him when she'd got him back to their room, before pulling back with an "Oh god…" urging and clutching at her stomach. Finn had yelled at the driver to stop the car, Rae practically falling out of the door still in her wedding dress, crawling on all fours to try and compose herself. Finn stumbled after her, groaning sympathetically as Rae blew chunks, nearly falling over as he bent forward to pull her hair from her face.

"Finn…I don't want you to see th-" Rae managed to get out before a fresh wave of bile, beer, champagne and wedding cake gushed from her.

"It's alright Rae…you're my wife now and I love ya, in sickness and in matrimony." Finn slurred out, before urging himself at the sight, wobbling on his feet. He managed to take off his jacket to drape around Rae's shoulders when she'd finished, Rae sitting on the grass and catching her breath. Needless the say, Rae didn't manage to fulfil her promises that evening, but instead passed out after Finn and the limo driver carried her to their honeymoon suite.

"Thanks driver man." Finn slurred through a squint, patting his shoulder and giving him 22p from his pocket as Rae began to snore, Finn staring intently at the coins in his hands before handing them to the driver with a smile.

"Why here, of all places?" Rae asked as Finn found a parking space. He shrugged.

"Just thought it'd be nice to see it in the daylight…when we're both sober." he gave Rae a wink, who smiled in slight embarrassment, her cheeks reddening.

Rae got out of the car to stretch her legs as Finn moved the blanket to a spot next to a small mound, thinking it would be ideal for Rae to rest her back against. The sun was high and was reflecting off the water, shimmering and dancing as Rae moved towards Finn's chosen spot. The vomit was long gone, but Finn sat them far away from the space regardless.

Finn helped Rae sit down onto one of the pillows, propping one behind her before moving to get the cooler, bringing it over.

"Stop fussing and sit down." Rae said as she put on her sunglasses, patting the space next to her with her other hand.

"Yes ma'am." Finn teased as he joined her, instinctively wanting to cuddle her but fearing it would aggravate her. Rae had other ideas, tugging at his shirt sleeve to pull him closer, Finn beaming as he slung his arm over her shoulders. Rae leant her head against his, looking out over the glistening water.

"I miss beer. I miss booze in general actually." Rae moaned.

"I tell ya what…as soon as littlun's born, I'll take you out and get ya plastered. Sound good?"

"Promise?" Rae asked, Finn letting out a laugh.

"Scout's honour."

Rae let out a small laugh of her own before sighing, settling back into the pillow behind her.

"You're so good to me." she commented, reaching over to lace the fingers of Finn's spare hand in hers. Finn moved his face to press a kiss on her forehead before returning to their previous position, chuffed with himself that he'd managed to make Rae's emotional state u-turn in a mere half an hour. They sat in silence, Finn's eyes wandering to Rae's belly as he listened to her breathe, letting go of Rae's hand briefly to run his palm across the fabric of Rae's t-shirt, feeling the vague shape of his baby beneath her skin.

"I'm sorry I've been such a bitch." Rae said quietly.

"You've not been a bitch, you can't help it if you're uncomfortable all'time." Finn replied, Rae gently stroking his splayed fingers with the tips of her own as he assured her.

"No Finn, I've been a total cow. We both know it. You've been so bloody brilliant to me…just, I need you to know I'm grateful for it, honestly. Don't think I'm taking you for granted, 'cos I'm not."

Finn sighed, nodding against her head.

"I know. Thanks." he replied, circling Rae's belly button with the tip of his index finger. Rae let out a small giggle before her breath hitched as Finn began to spell out some words on her stomach.

s-e-e

y-o-u

s-o-o-n

Finn had taken to occasionally writing messages to their daughter when the mood took him, as well as speaking to her when he could. He never knew what to say; he'd usually just tell her about his day or tell him he loved her and couldn't wait to meet her. Rae would chat to her constantly about anything that popped into her head.

"Thought any more about names?" Rae asked, shuffling closer to him.

"No, not really…you?" Finn answered, rubbing his thumb against her shoulder.

"Yeah I have actually…" Here we go, Finn thought. What would she have come up with? Ariadne? Cleopatra? Rosamund? Finn had knew Rae had been taking the piss when she'd suggested all of the most long winded and frivolous names from her collection of books, but there was something in the back of his mind that made him worry that she was serious. He didn't know how he would tell her he thought the names were stupid beyond belief.

"Oh yeah? Hit me with it." Finn said, trying to hide the worry in his tone.

"Well, I don't know how you'd feel about this but…I was thinking maybe…Laura? After your Nan? I know how much she meant to ya and I think it's a lovely name…"

Finn felt his chest sear with affection as Rae fiddled with the hem of her t-shirt, waiting for a response.

"Finn?" she tried after he'd just sat in silence, relishing the wave of contentment washing over him.

"Are ya sure?" he asked quietly.

"Yeah I am. I always wish I could've met her, ya know? I think this'll be nice…besides, she feels like a Laura to me." Rae reasoned. Finn moved his index finger to her belly once more, and he could feel Rae's smile emanating from her as he wrote another message on her stomach.

h-e-l-l-o

l-a-u-r-a

"Laura it is then." Rae grinned, Finn shifting slightly to turn Rae's head towards him to press an adoring kiss on her lips.

"That's another thing I've missed." Rae said with a goofy grin, lifting her hand to Finn's face to pull him down into a snog, Finn smiling into her mouth as he curled her hair around his fingers.


	23. Rae Gives Birth

_Prompt: "I seriously shouldn't read your fics on work breaks, they dissolve me into a bumbling mess :p that was the sweetest lovliest thing Ive ever read, have you thought about doing a follow up, maybe the baby being born or a few months after? pretty please? :D"_

_If any midwives/mothers read this, I can only apologise. I researched as best I could but there might be some inaccuracies._

_A follow on from chapter 22. _

* * *

"Rae, can I come in? I'm busting…" Finn called from outside of the bathroom.

"Course ya can, you don't have to ask!" Rae replied, Finn quickly entering to do his business. The heavily pregnant Rae had been soaking in the tub, surrounded by bubbles. Her head was resting on the bath pillow and her eyes were closed before she opened them to look up at her husband.

"Why didn't you just come in? Me being in the bath hasn't stopped you before." Rae asked, clearly relaxed.

Finn shrugged. "I didn't wanna disturb ya; I know how much you like your baths, so…"

"You just didn't wanna incur my wrath." Rae smiled, Finn huffing out a laugh.

"Maybe." he admitted, amused at his wife using his own turn of phrase. She'd overshot her due date by a week, and her already decreased tolerance was waining further still as the hours passed. Finn didn't want to disturb the rare occasion where she was actually comfortable and relaxed, but the two glasses of diet coke and can of lager he'd knocked back had other ideas.

Rae pulled herself up slightly as Finn closed his fly and pulled the flush, moving to the sink to wash his hands.

"Well, seeing as you're here, do you reckon you could wash my back?" Rae asked.

"Sure thing gorgeous." Finn replied, drying his hands before kneeling down beside the bath, Rae handing him her bath puff and the shower gel. She swayed slightly as Finn lathered up her back, her eyes closed with a small smile playing on her lips. She'd been experiencing pains all day, the two of them thinking nothing of it as she had experienced all the aches and pains under the sun during the 9 months she'd been pregnant.

"That alright?" Finn asked, Rae nodding in response.

"Lovely, thanks." Rae said sleepily, Finn smiling himself as he watched her, unnoticed. He leaned over to place a kiss on the crook of her neck, his nose and lips wet as he resurfaced, Rae's smile widening slightly as Finn washed her shoulder blades. After a while, he stood, rinsing her back with jug fulls of water. He suddenly tensed as Rae jerked, letting out a sharp "Ooo!" her hands shooting to her stomach, Finn putting the jug down.

"Rae?" he asked, concerned, his heart beginning to pound.

"Fuck…" she cursed, leaning over further still. Finn could see a thicker constancy of water release and join the rest from between her legs, and Rae nodded with a strained: "I think this is it."

"Ok, alright…" Finn began, trying to calm himself down as the adrenaline and nerves began to pump through him. He took a deep breath before moving to help lift Rae from the bath, Rae's brow furrowed as Finn tried to assure her with a quiet "It's alright…that's it…"

He grabbed a towel as Rae stood in the middle of the bathroom, breath coming out in short, sharp shoots as the contraction subsided. Finn surrounded her with the towel, drying her off as best he could before running to their bedroom to find her some loose fitting clothes. He was glad he was dressed, at least, and their emergency bag was already in their car, so that wasn't a problem.

They'd arranged everything beforehand with Rae's midwife, Amanda, Finn dialling her number on his mobile en route back to the bathroom, Rae's clothes clumped in his arms.

"Amanda? It's Finn. Yeah, it's started…" Rae managed to smile as she took the clothes from Finn, gingerly pulling on the long skirt whilst Finn held her steady, phone pressed to his ear in the other hand.

"Alright. Yeah, I'm driving her. Yeah, got everything…yeah, yeah, everything in there. Cool, thanks."

Finn stuffed the phone into his pocket to help Rae pull on her t-shirt, the fabric clinging to her damp skin.

"Is she meeting us there?" Rae said, Finn nodding. Rae smiled at him, holding up alright so far. Finn took the opportunity to cup her face in his hands and kiss her, knowing it would probably be the last he could feasibly give her until it was over.

"You ready to become a Daddy?" Rae said, eyes sparkling.

"Hell yes." Finn said, beaming at her.

"Ok, let's do it." she said, Finn grabbing her hand and manoeuvring her through the house. The second contraction hit her as she got to the ground floor hallway, Finn moving behind her to hold her in a brace.

"Jesus…" she mumbled out, the distress Finn felt at seeing Rae in pain hitting him with an unexpected force. He knew what to do, knew his role, but he didn't comprehend how hard it would be to witness Rae tense and grimace, the tight grip on his hands a clear indicator of the severity of the pain.

"I think it's going the same way as Mum." Rae said as her grip loosened, Finn being reminded of the particularly uncomfortable afternoon when Rae's Mum had relayed the tale of giving birth to Rae in eye watering detail.

"Don't think about that. We'll get you chocked up full of pain meds and it'll hopefully go a bit easier." Finn said, leading her towards the front door. Rae began to speak as they stepped outside.

"Finn, whatever I say to you over the next few hours, I don't mean it, ok? I might get angry at you or something…" Finn's chest constricted as Rae rambled, increasing distress evident. He faced her on their front drive, another memory forming as her breathing became shorter and faster, the corners of her face constricting in fear.

"…it's just…just don't leave me, please…I won't mean any of it…" she seemed slightly delirious, her face bright red and sweaty.

Finn remembered how on the same afternoon her Mum had come to visit, Rae had told Finn how her Dad had been there at her delivery, and her Mum had joked about how badly she treated him during the birth.

_"For years I thought that was one of the reasons why he left, like, that was the final straw or something. He'd stuck around all the way through it, but he left not long after. I know it sounds stupid and there was more to it than that, but I was always trying to find some kind've explanation…"_

As the reason for Rae's outburst clicked into place, Finn held her shoulders tight.

"Rae, look at me…take a deep breath…in…out…in…" he set by example, Rae calming gradually as she copied him. She still looked conflicted, however, and Finn looked at her intently, pleading with her to hear and believe him.

"I'm not going anywhere, you understand? I don't care if you kick me in the nuts or break my arm, or call me all the bad names under the sun, I will never, ever stop loving you and I won't leave you, I promise. Don't think about your Mum or your piece of shit of a Dad - this is you Rae, this is us. This is our story, not theirs."

Rae nodded. "Ok." she breathed out, Finn resuming his own deep breathing and Rae copying him once more. Her expression eased slightly.

"I'm so fucking proud of you. You're gonna do great, I know it." Finn added, Rae letting out a chuckle before Finn took her hand once more, leading her to the car. The third contraction hit as Finn clicked in her seat belt, Finn handing her the duck shaped stress toy on the dash board. She squeezed it hard, calling out. He wasted no time, trying to bury his instinctive worry as he ran around to the driver's seat, Rae still in the throws of it as he turned on the ignition with shaking hands.

"Just keep breathing deep Rae, alright? I'll get you there as quick as I can."

He could see Rae nodding as he pulled away, her eyes clamped shut.

She had another contraction on the way, this time lunging forward and gripping onto the dashboard as Finn tried his best to concentrate on the road despite his chest constricting. Finn tried to gauge if she needed a wheel chair as he helped her out of the car, but she walked with him into the hospital, crouched slightly. He kept his arms hovering around her just in case she stumbled, before taking her hand as they got to reception. Amanda was waiting for them.

"Hello Rae!" she smiled, Rae trying to plaster on a cheery "Alright?" but failing to pull it off due to her compromised state.

"How far apart have her contractions been?" Amanda asked as Finn lead Rae to her room.

"Erm…around 10 minutes apart…or maybe 5, I dunno…" Finn answered, holding his attention on Rae who seemed to be about to have another. She'd got halfway to her bed before it hit her once more.

"This is a bad one…" she mumbled out before she crouched over, straining, Amanda telling her she needed to stay upright. She leaned back, swaying slightly at the effort to do so. Finn's hand began to throb under Rae's grasp, and he subtly stretched it out after she'd pulled hers away, Rae catching it with an apologetic look.

"Sorry." she said, Finn letting out an incredulous chuckle.

"Don't worry about me." he reasoned, tears coming to his eyes as he helped Rae out of her clothes, Amanda walking over with a hospital robe. His love for his wife overwhelmed him for a moment, and he tried to swallow it down as best he could, not wanting to worry Rae with an embarrassing emotional display.

Amanda kept examining Rae as the hours passed, the contractions becoming more frequent. Finn kicked himself for forgetting to keep track of her contractions and was glad to have Amanda there to help take care of things. He could see Rae was becoming more and more exhausted, managing to sip some energy drink every now and then but being unable to eat anything, the mere thought making her urge. Amanda had told them the pains Rae had been experiencing throughout the day had been early labour, something Finn had learned about but still didn't register as it was happening.

Finn thought about ducking out to call somebody, her Mum or his parents, but he didn't want to leave his wife's side for a second. Rae had been relatively silent apart from her heavy breathing and occasional moans of pain. Finn had been dabbing her forehead with a damp flannel whilst holding her hand.

"Don't hold back, Rae. If you need to shout at me just do it, if it'll make things easier." Finn said, Rae managing a chuckle in between grimaces.

"I don't think it will." she panted out, Finn at a loss as to how to comfort her. He knew he couldn't do much, could only be there whilst she rode it out, but he hated how powerless he felt.

Amanda came back in at the four hour mark, examining Rae once more.

"You're halfway there, Rae, just a little while longer and you'll be ready to deliver. She's an eager one." she smiled, Rae nodding amidst her heavy breaths.

"Thank fuck for that." Rae breathed, Finn letting himself smile, Rae mirroring it ever so slightly.

"…and you'd thought it'd be a long one." Finn said.

"Yeah well, it still might be." Rae said, still convinced she'd have a drawn out labour like her Mum did.

The pain killing methods put in place didn't seem to do much, and it became clear that the already painful contractions Rae was enduring were only getting worse as they became longer. She began swearing at the top of her lungs, the air turning blue as her whole body convulsed.

"Jesus Christ." Finn said under his breath, hating every second.

"I knew it would hurt but…nothing can prepare ya…" Rae managed to get out, her head lolling back against the pillow.

"Won't be long now, Rae, just a little bit longer." Finn repeated, Amanda watching them sympathetically as she checked Rae's vitals.

Finn thought with a hint of bitterness about how Chloe's labour had apparently been a breeze, their friend giving birth two weeks before. Finn hoped Rae wasn't thinking the same thing, knew she'd be in too much pain to comprehend it. Although Finn always encouraged Rae not to fixate on the differences between her and Chloe, sometimes Finn would share Rae's paranoia over the subject, the irony of certain situations so painfully obvious even he couldn't overlook them. In all other walks of life, Rae trumped Chloe at every turn in Finn's eyes, and on some level, Rae going through a real time of it made Finn love her so much more. She was a fighter, the one who worked twice as hard to get half as far, as she always saw it, one of the many reasons why nobody could even come close to comparing to her for Finn. She was the love of his life, his first love, his wife and soon to be the mother of his child. She was it for him, the one. These and other thoughts like it ran through Finn's head as he stood by her side, not being able to sit for long. His emotions were at the very surface, almost brimming. If he didn't end up blubbling by the end of it all it'd be a miracle.

There was a lull two hours later, Rae closing her eyes as Finn dabbed her forehead once more.

"You're going to be an incredible Mum, Rae Rae, just you wait." he said, voice low, Rae unable to respond verbally but rubbing her thumb on the skin of his hand clasped around hers to show she'd heard him.

"You're gonna be a pro." he continued.

"Just need to…get her out…first…" Rae panted out.

"Speaking of…" Amanda began. She examined Rae before looking up at Finn, giving him a nod before Rae lifted her head.

"It's time." she said.

"Already?" Rae asked.

Amanda nodded.

"You complaining?" Finn joked, although he felt the anxiety in his chest expand.

"I just thought…" she started, her eyes widening in fear. Finn's emotions mirrored her expression, although he forced himself to plaster on a brave face for her sake.

"I'm surprised myself. It's rare for a first time Mother to be ready to deliver so soon, but as I said, she seems really eager to meet you!" Amanda smiled.

_Short and painful. _Finn thought, the tale of the event already forming as it was happening.

"Is she alright?" Rae asked as they began to wheel her out.

"She's perfectly fine, don't worry. You can give birth to her naturally." Amanda reassured, Finn keeping Rae's shaking hand in his.

"Finn…" Rae began, delirious with growing fear and fatigue.

"You're going to be fine, Rae…you're doing so well. Just a little bit longer and it'll all be over."

"Don't leave." she mumbled, Finn lifting his other hand to grip hers tight.

"I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere." he repeated, feeling a little braver.

If seeing Rae in the throws of nasty contractions was tough for Finn to handle, the next hour was nearly unbearable. Rae was as red as a tomato, drenched in sweat as she groaned, cried and screeched, shouting all the filthy words she could think of as she pushed. One of the two nurses accompanying them looked shocked at her language, Finn noticing but choosing to ignore her. Finn had always loved Rae's foul mouth, neither of them giving a toss what people thought about them. That moment had been no different, and Rae was too busy having her insides ripped out to even comprehend giving a shit.

"Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuccccckkkkk!" Rae called out, gripping Finn's shirt as he watched her, full of worry.

"She's showing Rae, just a few more pushes, come on…3…2…1" Amanda coaxed, Rae taking a few big breaths before complying, the effort of doing so etched on her face.

"Good Rae, that's really good. One more." Amanda continued, but Rae had fallen back against the sweat drenched pillow, her eyes closed and flickering.

"Rae?" Finn called, Rae not stirring.

"What's happened?" he yelled, fear rising in his chest.

"Calm down Finn, she's just fainted." Amanda assured, Finn letting out a small sigh of relief as one of the nurses began to gently tap her cheek with her hand. Rae's eyes opened as the slaps became harder.

"Rae!" Finn called, lifting her head slightly with his hands. "Just one more push love, alright? One more…"

Rae's eyes focussed in on his, and she moved to scramble up, Finn supporting her as she mustered up all her strength.

"One more…" Finn repeated, Rae's whole body tensing as she let out one final strained cry, gripping the bed sheets beneath her.

Rae's head fell back onto Finn's shoulder as her whole body relaxed, breathing hard as Finn pressed a kiss on her cheek.

"You've done it, Rae Rae. You've fucking done it." he whispered in her ear, watching as Amanda cut the umbilical chord and moved his daughter out of view to clean her. Finn gently moved his arm out of the way to lay Rae back, plumping the pillows behind her as Rae closed her eyes. Finn kept his eyes on Amanda, waiting with nerve wracked anticipation for his newborn baby to be handed over to them.

"Rae…she's here…" Finn babbled, punch drunk. "She's actually…"

Amanda walked over with a smile, Finn's heart leaping into his chest as he caught sight of his child for the first time. She was more beautiful than he could have ever imagined, all cynical jokes about how newborn babies seemed ugly long forgotten. She was anything but, and the intense love he felt at the merest glance of her consumed him to the core.

Finn could see Rae beam sleepily from the corner of his eye as Amanda handed her their crying daughter. She wriggled in Rae's arms, Finn perching on the bed beside them as he looked from Rae to their baby, feeling like he was on the brink of euphoria.

"Congratulations." Amanda said, Rae and Finn glancing at her to smile out their thanks before returning their tearful gazes to the little bundle.

"Hello Laura." Rae whispered thickly, sniffing as the tears came. Finn felt tears spring to his eyes too, his throat thick as he reached out to gently stroked Laura's head.

"She's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen." he whispered, dazed.

"I know." Rae agreed, leaning into Finn as he pressed a hard kiss on her damp hair. She turned her face towards him, Finn moving his hand from Laura's head to stroke Rae's cheek as he kissed her. He wanted to thank her for everything, thank her for existing and bringing him so much joy, but he opted for whispering "I love you so much." against Rae's lips, Rae smiling and supplying a "I love you too." as Laura's cries subsided.

"I'm so tired." Rae commented, unable to take her eyes off Laura, same as Finn. "But, I don't want to go to sleep. I want to hold her and look at her forever." Rae rambled, Finn laughing gently.

Finn held out his finger, Laura gripping it with her tiny hand. His breath caught in his throat, tears pouring down his cheeks thick and fast. He wiped them off with the back of his other hand, but they kept coming.

"You're a goner." Rae commented with a smile, Finn feeling her fond gaze on him as he stared at Laura tenderly.

Finn could only nod, grinning from ear to ear.

"You need rest, Rae. We're going to fix you up first, though." Amanda said, Rae nodding, still not being able to pull her eyes away from Laura.

"I'm going to give you to Daddy now, ok?" Rae said, Finn feeling a pang of fear amidst his glee. He took her from Rae as gently as he could, calming as he got used to the weight in his arms. Laura had opened her eyes, looking up at Finn with rich brown orbs he recognised as his own. A nurse moved to lead him away. He looked back at Rae, who could barely keep her eyes open, but was looking at the pair with sheer adoration.

"I'll see you in a bit, alright?" Finn said, Rae nodding and smiling. The nurse took Laura from him, Finn taking the opportunity to move back over to Rae and kiss her once more.

"You're bloody amazing." he beamed between his pecks, landing one final kiss on her forehead before moving away.

"You'll be there when I wake up?" Rae asked after him, eyes practically closed and voice low.

"Of course. We both will." _Me and my daughter. Me and my baby daughter, we'll be there when you wake up. _

—-

Rae's legs were too weak to climb their stairs after Finn had brought his little family home from the hospital, so he gently placed his daughter in her bassinet before getting their duvet and pillows from their bedroom and arranging it on their sofa, Rae sitting down with a wince before lying down fully, Finn covering her with the duvet and leaning down to kiss her forehead and stroke her hair. Her Mum and Karim would be visiting that weekend, his own parents arriving a few days after. This afforded time for Rae to regather her strength and heal up before she was bombarded with family. She dozed on the make shift bed as Finn called all their friends, holding Laura on his arm as he did so. He didn't want to part from her, completely and utterly enamoured. After he'd made the calls, he sat in the armchair, only the sound of Rae's soft snores filling the room. He stroked the downy tufts of Laura's dark hair, taking in all her features as she slept. _Rae's hair. My eyes. Rae's lips. My nose._ He lifted her slightly to breathe in her scent, before looking over at his sleeping wife. He was startled slightly to find her not sleeping at all, but looking at him tenderly, moving her arms up slightly to stretch and blinking slowly.

"Finn…" she mumbled thickly, voice heavy and low.

"Yeah?"

"Can you get me some chips? I'm starving." she asked, Finn beaming in response.

"You got it." he said, standing to place Laura back in her bassinet. Rae moved to sit up. "Can I…?" she began, wincing once more as she got upright, her arms out in front of her.

Finn moved to her, handing their daughter over before grabbing his car keys, wanting to get to the chippy and back as quickly as possible so as to spend more time with the new arrival. He couldn't help but pause as he reached the living room doorway, looking back at Rae holding their baby, gently swaying her in her arms.

_My girls. _he thought to himself, a sigh of contentment brewing in his lungs before the pang of hunger he didn't realise was there roused him from his reverie.


	24. AU: Rae's Boyfriend Cheats, Finn Sees

_Prompts: "Hey I was wondering if you wouldn't mind doing a fic where Finn is really jealous, and Rae is completely oblivious to it...?" and "I would love one where Rae and Finn are broken up and she's seeing a new guy and then Finn finds ouy he's cheating on her."_

* * *

It was Izzy who brought it up, and Finn couldn't help but love her in that moment. He felt a swell of affection for his 'little mouth' as she sometimes was, the girl who verbalised what he wanted to ask but would never be able to live down if he actually went for it. Finn couldn't deny that this question had been niggling at him too, his need to get an update on this Rae and Archie disaster constantly tugging at his gut. He slouched back in his seat, plastering on his best 'I really don't care what Rae does ever' face as Izzy probed Chop, Chloe pushing her hair behind her ear and tensing slightly.

"So…what happened with Rae and Archie? Are they back on or what?" she asked, brimming with enthusiastic curiosity. Chloe leaned forward subtly, and a stony silence fell across the group as everyone - some secretly and some not so secretly - waited with bated breath for his answer.

"Spoke to Archie this morning. He told me she'd gone to the Leisure Centre to give him hell, threatened to punch out the poor twat on reception while she were at it…" Chop retold with a proud grin, Finn feeling the familiar burn in his stomach and throb in his groin at the thought of Rae on a rampage.

"Oh Rae…she's got no shame!" Chloe commented, and Finn resisted the urge to throw her a glare.

Once upon a time, he might have fancied Chloe, girls like her much of a muchness in Stamford, yet Rae had raised the bar for him, became a symbol of what's possible - a higher level of 'girl' in his mind. Chloe couldn't even hope to have the fiery passion Rae seemed to have within her, the fire that reared its head whenever she was at loggerheads with Finn, sniping about music or calling him a 'jumped up prick' under her breath, not bothered in the least if Finn noticed. He didn't care that she didn't like him before - the feeling was mutual at first, or so Finn thought at the time. Then Archie had told them in passing that he was going on a date with Rae. That didn't sit right with Finn at all, and his knee jerk reaction came out as a bit spiteful.

"What the fuck? Why?" Finn had asked, face contorted in confusion and disgust, although not for the reason his friends thought.

Chop had rolled his eyes, but didn't say anything. Archie had adjusted his glasses, suddenly looking like a deer caught in headlights.

"Well…err…she seems cool! Good taste in music, she's funny…nice to talk to, and she blatantly fancies me." Archie concluded, picking up his beer and taking a big swig as the knots in Finn's chest constricted further still. He scoffed, Archie widening his eyes with a hint of amusement.

"What's your problem with 'er? She's pretty boss to my mind." Chop asked. It was Finn's turn to look like a deer caught in headlights as he scrambled for an explanation.

"She's just…she's…" he stumbled, all the things about her he found irritating at first suddenly not so irritating as he began to wrestle with this sudden bout of jealousy.

"It's not because she's a big lass, is it? Because that is low." Chop scolded._Seriously? _Finn felt his palms begin to sweat as his two friends stared him down.

"No it isn't because of that, I mean…she's alright to look at…" Finn mumbled, the two boys in front of him raising their eyebrows in unison. Finn let out an aggravated sigh, his mind falling in on itself under the strain of his relentless thoughts.

"Look, I just don't like her, alright? We don't get on. Simple." he'd shrugged, a part of that statement not strictly true, he was beginning to discover. _This isn't good._

"Well, you might have to learn to like her if things go well." Archie reasoned, albeit with a quiver in his voice. Finn was too busy feeling nauseous to pick up on it.

"Whatever." he'd drawled, furrowing his brow when his friends diverted their attention from him.

He'd spent the next day trying not to think about it, but failing, repeating his own little mantra: 'Nothing'll happen. They'll just have a friendly pint and she'll go home. Nothing'll change.' verbalising his theory whenever their date came up in conversation.

"What if they get together? It'd be so sweet!" Izzy had beamed, Finn rolling his eyes.

"Nothing'll happen, Izzy. It'll be a colossal failure. Just you wait." He couldn't help but smirk slightly at the thought, his efforts to convince himself the date would be a total dud soothing him. To everyone else, he just looked spiteful, yet again.

"You're such a spoil sport! Why wouldn't it work? I know Rae isn't exactly like other girls, but she's lovely. She deserves a nice boyfriend." Izzy stated with a sure nod.

_Preaching to the choir._

Finn shook his head subtly as the thought flashed through his mind. What does that mean?

Then Rae had sauntered in not long after, Finn waiting to be proved right, ignoring the bubbling fear in his stomach as she giggled like a love sick school girl. He dared glance at her as she sat down, instinctively curious even though he was convinced he knew the answer to Izzy's demand for an update. Finn repeated his declaration, aiming it at Chop more than anyone, but neither he or Izzy would hear any of it. He caught Rae's look of contempt before a smile stretched across her face.

_"We did have a bit of a kiss, though!"_

Finn felt double of what he'd felt when Archie had first told him about their date, his heart sinking in disappointment as he looked at Rae with new found longing. He couldn't look at her for long, the sudden vision of Archie's lips on hers making his stomach ache and eyes burn.

_"You guys are so perfect for each other!"_

Finn had frowned at Izzy, her declaration ringing in his head. _Fuck are they. _He thought bitterly, thankful for Chloe's interruption. He threw himself into concentrating on the challenge he'd set Chop, the amusement it would have afforded him hours before dulled significantly.

Then Archie went and buggered it up, didn't he, Finn only realising he'd stood Rae up after he'd left the café, fresh from telling Rae the news. Now Rae probably hated Finn so much more. _Perfect._

Finn had naively assumed that Archie wouldn't stoop so low as to send his mate to tell his date he wasn't coming, that they were just meeting as friends. He remembered feeling a touch of hope as he rode to the café, thinking maybe the kiss had been a one time thing, a friendly fumble that was now forgotten. Then he clocked how Rae looked, all dolled up to the nines (totally not herself) - the initially excited girls sitting a table away suddenly looking confused. He'd seen the hurt on Rae's face, how embarrassed she seemed, the whole thing still not registering with him until he was en route home.

_That twat. _Finn had thought when it clicked into place. He felt the overwhelming impulse to plead his case, replaying the scene in his head and realising how much of a cruel dick he must have looked. He did just that, ringing Chloe to get Rae's address (which turned out to be a mission in itself - "Why do you want her address?" "What's happening?" "I didn't realise you two were that close…" _Fuck's sake Chloe, we're not, but even if we were it's none of your chuffing business! Now, address please?) _before heading over there to defend himself. It was shaky at first, Rae immediately assuming he'd come over to take the piss (like he'd go to that much effort to do that…Christ!) but she seemed to soften a bit; Finn even got a smile out of her, catching it just before he rode away. It made his stomach do a summersault, and the thought of Rae following his suggestion to go and give Archie hell made him feel better still, glad to know the weird little interlude would be over with a bang.

He'd spent the evening imagining scenarios of what Rae would do, wondering how she'd go about giving him a piece of her mind. He knew enough about her to know she was a ballsy loud mouth who could handle herself, and he also knew how crazy girls could get when they'd been had up. Although he felt like a dick for feeling it, he relished the thought of Archie getting a right telling off, a rush of satisfaction filling him as he imagined his terrified face. He'd get back on good terms with the bloke once this was all over, he was sure, would probably have to be on the receiving end of his account of events, with a few details changed he'd guess. No lad would want to admit that a girl had called them up on being a coward, even if it was a girl like Rae, who wasn't like any other girls Finn knew, which happened to be another thing that irritated Finn at first, but was rapidly becoming one of her most becoming features.

Now it was the moment of truth, and Finn tried to suppress a smirk as he waited for Chop to recount the rest of the tale.

"She gave him a right old time of it when she found him, nearly screamed the fuckin' place down, 'pparently, but the poor bastard begged for her to forgive him and give him another go." Chop stated before taking a swig of beer, Chloe's eyes widening in surprise. _Is it really so hard for you to believe, Princess? _Finn thought, deciding to ignore her from then on. He didn't get girls, and he couldn't be arsed with trying to. Finn sat back in his seat, waiting for Chop to tell the group about Rae telling him where to stick it, unable to suppress his smirk much longer.

"Well? What did she say?" Izzy squeaked, tensing even more as she awaited Chop's response.

His face, which had been plastered with forced nonchalance, suddenly melted into a cheeky grin.

"What can I say? He charmed our Raemundo good and proper, the old dog. Arch says they're going out now." Chop smiled, Izzy's mouth stretching into an excited grin as she clapped her hands together. She quickly stopped to frown: "I'm still not happy with him for standing her up, but I'm so glad they worked it out!" she finished, returning to her previous glee.

"You can't be serious?" Chloe supplied, still in the throws of surprise. It seems Chloe had become Finn's mouth, temporarily, because that was just what he'd been thinking, along with _What the fuck?! No fucking way! Bullshit. _He felt like he'd been punched in the gut.

"Look, that's what Archie told me, alright? Don't shoot the messenger!" Chop defended, before Finn noticed his eyes drift above Chloe's head, another grin appearing on his face.

"Anyway, you can see for yourself now, can't ya?" he smiled, Finn's heart sinking even further as he followed Chop's gaze to see Archie leading Rae into the pub by the hand, the pair chatting away. Izzy let out a gasp and Chloe's eyes widened as she looked back down at the table after clocking them. Archie gave the group a wave, Rae throwing them a shy smile as she followed him to the bar. _This can't be happening. _

Finn got out his tobacco, eager for something to distract himself from the throbbing in his temples and the sudden onslaught of envy rushing through his veins. He hoped a cigarette might help calm him, and the action of rolling it was a good excuse to avert his eyes from the group, and more importantly, from _them_.

"So, it's true then? You're together?" Chloe asked when the couple joined the table with their drinks, Finn not wanting to look up for the confirmation. Didn't stop him from hearing it, though.

"Yeah, we are. I felt really bad for standing her up, and it just made me realise how much I like her, so…" Archie supplied, Finn glaring at him in time to see him smile at Rae, who mirrored it. _This is awful. _Finn wanted to escape, but knew it would look suspicious if he just ran out of there so soon. He endured a half hour more, some of the group noticing his sudden shift in mood.

"What's up with ya?" Chop asked, nudging him. Finn shrugged, mumbling out a "Not feeling well." the cigarette doing nothing to calm him. The rest of the group were luckily preoccupied with the couple, the novelty of their union a good mode of entertainment, for a while. Chloe had softened, joining Izzy in her cooing. Finn itched his arm, as if it would eradicate the burn he felt underneath his skin. It ignited further when Archie pecked Rae on the lips before heading to the juke box, that one act solidifying everything for Finn. That was it. Rae and Archie were together. Rae had a boyfriend, and not just any bloke at that - he was Finn's best mate. Rae was off limits. No hope. Shutters down. The dim inclination buried in Finn's mind to try and make things right with her, to apologise for how much of a dick he'd been acting and to maybe become her friend seemed pointless now. He didn't want to be Rae's friend, to be pally with her and watch her be happy with somebody else. He didn't want to be around the couple at all, in fact. Why couldn't he have realised how he felt before Archie even got a look in? Why did he have to realise how much he liked Rae when she'd already got together with somebody else? Rae caught Finn's eye, her expression a little guilty. Finn glanced away as soon as she did, coughing and shifting in his seat.

He needed to do something, anything, to stop this feeling.

Vanessa Pearce walked into the pub then with her friends, a girl from the upper sixth Finn had met at a party a week or two before. The sun provided a backlighting for her, highlighting her as the saviour she would turn out to be, Finn predicted, at least for a little while. She caught his eye, giving him a sultry smile once she'd reached a table on the other side of the pub. Finn felt himself smiling back, already forming a plan in his head, not that he ever needed to do much in situations like this.

"'scuse me." Finn said, making his way out of the booth. He felt Rae's eyes on him as he did so, but he ignored her as he made his way to the table, the sound of Chop's "Not feeling well my arse." following him. He said no more than ten words to her before she was accompanying him outside, Chop throwing them a wolf whistle as Finn lead her out, hand on the small of her back. He looked back at Rae in time to see her look at him with the same 'What a prick' expression she'd thrown him so many times before, rolling her eyes and shaking her head before returning back to the group. Finn felt anger pang in his chest. Not only was he gone on a girl with a boyfriend, but he was gone on a girl who didn't even like him at all, let alone fancied him. All the dick moves he'd pulled during his life suddenly montaged in his head, and he wondered if any were bad enough to warrant this total shit of a situation. _Well, Rae, you might not like me, but a lot of girls do. You may think I'm a prick, but about half the girls from our school would beg to differ, probably more. _He felt like a right arrogant asshole for thinking that, but it also made him feel a tiny bit better, and that had to be enough, for now.

Vanessa was a good kisser, to be sure, and provided a decent enough distraction. Finn always enjoyed getting a girl flustered, to see how her eyes darkened as she took him in, her breathing heavy as she gazed at his lips whilst licking her own in anticipation. Some girls would get a bit too clingy after an encounter, but Finn had gotten increasingly better at keeping girls like that at bay, as well as gauging which girls would be more up for a casual thing as opposed to 'the whole nine yards.' Finn toyed with trying to get himself a girlfriend as he walked home, the feeling of dread and jealousy slowly creeping back when left to his own devices. That made him feel worse, however, because he knew he hadn't even entertained the thought of having a girlfriend until he met Rae. He didn't realise how much he wanted to be her boyfriend until it was too late. He didn't even know her _that well_, but he saw a lot of himself in her, how she dressed, what she liked; she was a lot more outspoken than him, to be sure, but she shared a lot of Finn's opinions on things and would say stuff Finn was thinking before he even had a chance to open his mouth. He couldn't let himself imagine what it would be like if they were a couple, the mere thought of it too painful when he knew it was an impossibility. There was only one thing for it; he had to try and get over her.

He found himself pulling away from the group bit by bit as the weeks went by, citing his dramatically improved love life as an excuse. He spent a lot of his time getting off with girls, always managing to cop off with at least one willing teen whenever he went out to a pub with the lads or after a football match. He'd even had a few over to his house when his parents weren't home, ending up doing a darn cite more than just snogging whenever he did so. What infuriated Finn the most was how it didn't seem to be making things any easier. Whenever he did catch Rae and Archie together, usually when Chop, Izzy or Chloe practically dragged him to the pub, their ease around each other felt like a nail in his chest, their secret smiles and intimate hugs as painful to him as when he first saw them kiss. _Why do I still like her? _He supposed he was lucky that they weren't the sort of couple who constantly had their tongues down one another's throats; they didn't even hold hands at the table or anything, but it didn't help much. Finn still tortured himself with thoughts of the two together, his imagination far worse than what he'd witnessed.

Sometimes Rae would make to speak to him, but Finn would try and ignore her as best he could, not even rising to snipe at her. He wondered if Archie would ever have a word with him over how he was behaving, but the moment never arrived.

What Finn hated most of all was how Rae would often flash into his mind when he was getting off with a girl, how his bastard of a brain kept making him imagine it was her he was kissing. He tried to keep it under control as best he could, but he struggled with it. It was even worse when he had sex. If he'd managed to keep Rae out of his mind for the process, he'd _always _imagine it was her he was shagging whenever he came, her voice screaming in his ears. Sometimes he'd just give into it, closing his eyes and torturing himself with the thought of it being her beneath him, imagined a greater expanse of skin underneath his hands, imagining the jutting bones and defined hips replaced by soft, doughy flesh. It was never enough for him, and each encounter just made him long for Rae all the more.

As time went on, he went to the pub less and less, not staying for long when he did go there (with only one thing in mind) Sometimes he'd visit Chop at work, and he'd have a go at him for not going to the pub anymore. He'd always ask why, and Finn would tell him to shut the fuck up and change the subject quick enough, Chop just happy to be spending some time with him. The others were easier to avoid, Finn not being the most approachable of boys for them. He felt sad and sometimes annoyed at himself that he couldn't even hang out with his friends because of how he felt, but he'd hoped it wouldn't be for much longer. He hoped that soon he could look at Rae without feeling a rush of affection, without his groin pulsing and his chest searing. He'd only see her sometimes when he'd bump into her out and about. Every time she'd make to approach him, but he'd find a way to escape.

One afternoon he hadn't been so lucky. He'd gone down to Rutland Waters with Wizard and Little Al, only to find the gang all there, including the happy couple. Abigail Webber was also there, clocking Finn as soon as he arrived. She was up for anything, was Abi, a real firecracker in Finn's experience. The gang were waving him over, but he only threw them a half nod, going to sit next to Abi, trying to ignore the grumbles and snarks coming from his friends. The only voice he didn't hear was Rae's, which he was glad about. He didn't need her input.

10 minutes later, Finn and Abi were heading off to find a secluded spot, Abi already nibbling on Finn's earlobe as they walked. They found a patch of grass in between a couple of trees, Abi practically yanking Finn down by the scruff of his shirt. She was wasting no time, ripping his shirt from him and undoing her dress._Christ, she's eager. _They made out for a minute or two before an all too familiar voice made him rip his mouth away with a start.

"Bloody hell, you can't keep it in your pants for one second can ya."

Finn looked up at an annoyed Rae, standing nearby with her hands on her hips. He shot up like a flash. "Christ, Rae!" he yelled, realising his flies were undone as he stood. He scrambled to do them up, Abi sitting up and doing up her buttons, red faced.

"Abi, your boyfriend's looking for you. He's just arrived." Rae drawled, Finn rolling his eyes and shaking his head. "Fuck sake, Abi." he muttered, Abi now standing and looking at him guiltily before eyeing up Rae, nearly petrified.

"Please don't tell him Rae!" she pleaded, Rae sighing before glancing from her to Finn.

"Not my place to tell him." she said with a shrug, Finn picking up his shirt and pulling it on before wiping the lip gloss from his mouth.

"Thanks." she sighed out, hot footing it past Rae without so much of a glance behind her.

Finn sighed, scratching his head before forcing himself to turn to Rae.

"Finn, what the fuck are you playing at?" she asked, brow furrowed, shaking her head slightly.

"I didn't know she had a boyfriend!" Finn said defensively.

"No, I don't mean that - why are you ignoring us? We've hardly seen you in weeks, and the gang…well, they miss ya." Rae explained, her demeanour softening slightly as she spoke. Finn sighed, at a loss of what to say. Rae waited patiently, before her mouth twitched in annoyance.

"Look, I'm going to cut through the bullshit, alright? Because I think I know why you've been avoiding us." she continued, Finn's breath catching in his chest. He looked Rae in the eye, swallowing uncomfortably.

"It's because of me, isn't it." she sighed out, exasperated.

Finn tensed up. _Fuck, she knows. Shit shit shit! _He glanced at the grass before returning his gaze to Rae, his heart beginning to pound.

"How…how d'ya mean?" he asked, trying to keep his cool.

"I know you've never liked me and we don't get on. I just never thought you'd dislike me so much that you can't even stand to be around me! Every time I try and talk to ya you run away. It's pretty obvious I've driven you out." _Nearly there, but not quite. _Finn stood in silence once more, contemplating whether he should put her right or whether it was better for her to think that way. She didn't let him contemplate for long.

"Well? Am I right?" she probed, Finn jolting and shaking his head, despite himself.

"No. No it's not that…" he assured, brow furrowing, conflicted.

"Well…well, that's good, I guess." Rae said, her flame extinguished a little. Finn couldn't deny that he'd missed this, missed speaking to her, even though he'd tried to avoid it for so long. Even if their only exchanged words were barbs and snide comments, they were still speaking at least.

Finn made to say something, what exactly he wasn't sure; he just wanted to keep her there for a little longer. He was interrupted by Archie's voice calling Rae's name, and Finn felt his walls go up once more, the reality of the situation rearing its ugly head yet again. Rae looked behind her.

"I'll be back in a minute, Arch. Just stay with the others, yeah?" she yelled, Archie's "Ok!" echoing back to them. Rae turned back to Finn, jerking her head behind her.

"Archie misses you a lot. He says you haven't said one word to him in weeks." she said mournfully, Finn feeling guilty all of a sudden, not to mention sad. _I miss Archie too._

"They all miss you. Hell, even I miss ya! I'm sick to death of talking about bloody pop music and UB fuckin' 40!" Rae said, her mouth quirked. Finn felt a little giddy at her confession, his mood brightening a little.

"Christ…who listens to that?" Finn asked, huffing out a chuckle through his nose.

"Chloe. She confessed to liking them during truth or dare and she's become a right cheerleader for them since. She keeps putting on her Dad's LPs whenever I go over there…I think she thinks she's being alternative." Rae grimaced, Finn laughing once more. Rae threw him a smile, the second he'd received from her. _He was keeping score. _

"Anyway, you can make it up to us. I'm having a party tomorrow night. Mum's gone off to Tunisia all of a sudden so my house is empty. Chop's convinced me to throw a 'sexy party', whatever the fuck that is. You better be there." Rae concluded, turning to head back. Finn watched her leave with a sigh, considering whether or not he should just be honest, to just tell his friends why he's been so distant. He knew he'd be going to that party, because no matter how hard it was for him to see Rae and Archie together, his impulse to be near his friends won out. Knowing that they all missed him was enough to break his resolve, and his attempts to get over Rae by staying away from her clearly weren't working. He'd have to try a different tactic. Plan B: Grin and bear it, swallow his pride and be around Rae and Archie, maybe even power through it enough to form some kind of friendship with Rae. The last part of the plan seemed far fetched, but he could try and manage the first two, he supposed.

* * *

Just because he decided to go didn't mean he was happy about it. He'd been dreading going all day long. He felt a bit nauseous as he checked his reflection in the mirror, running the tips of his fingers through his hair. He packed a six pack of beer in his bag, along with a selection of tunes before Chop called for him, picking him up to ensure his attendance. They chatted easily on the way to hers - he could always count on Chop to not make things awkward. Finn wondered if he had any idea why Finn had been so distant, but if he did, he didn't let on. The party was already in full swing when they arrived, Rae walking over the Chop immediately and scolding him over how there were a lot more people there than she was expecting.

"Alright, so the head count's gone up a bit, but I know everyone here personally! I can vouch for every single one of 'em!" Chop defended.

"Oh really? Who's that then?" Rae quizzed, pointing at the girl behind her.

"Anna." Chop said confidently.

"…and who's this?" Rae continued, pointing at another girl. Chop paused momentarily, looking sheepish all of a sudden.

"Anna?"

Finn let out a laugh from beside him as Rae rolled her eyes in annoyance, before turning her gaze to Finn.

"I'm glad you could make it." she said, with a quirk of her lips. Finn nodded, reaching into his bag and pulling out a few CDs.

"I brought some tunes." he said, subtly glancing around for a sign of Archie. He couldn't see him.

"We've got the music sorted, thanks." Rae sighed, Finn snorting.

"Doubt it." he mumbled, before beginning to protest as Rae snatched the CDs from his hand.

"Oi!" he began, Chop wandering off as Rae shuffled through the CDs. Her frown eased more and more as she went through them, Finn's smugness increasing as she did so.

"You were saying?" he teased, Rae half rolling her eyes.

"Where's the stereo?" he asked, Rae beckoning him to follow her as she walked over to it, the floor around it strewn with her own CDs and a few tapes. Finn crouched down, shuffling through her collection, trying to hide how impressed he was with what he found. He didn't seem to be doing very well as he glanced up at Rae, who'd sat on a cushion by stereo, eyeing him with her own smugness.

"You were saying?" she repeated, Finn smirking despite himself. Finn's initial dread eased as he started chatting to Rae about their respective collections, their initial cautious banter melting into a passionate discussion. Finn couldn't let himself completely enjoy it, however, the constant shadow of Archie there even though he hadn't even clapped eyes on him for a good hour. He didn't want to ask where he was, not wanting to do anything to disrupt the quality time he was spending with Rae, the occurrence a real rarity. They both sat on cushions, their backs against the book case, their discussion sometimes fading into silence where they'd just nod their heads to the music, Finn trying to ignore the lingering looks from a few girls who walked past. Izzy had bounced over at one point, joining them for a few minutes before bouncing away once more, Chloe giving Finn a wave at one point as she walked through the living room en route to the stairs. They were playing spin the bottle in Rae's room, apparently.

"Surprised you're not up there, although I doubt you'd need a bottle to get a kiss off most of the girls here." Rae quipped, Finn feeling his stomach knot in annoyance. _She must think I'm such a heartless dick. _

He said nothing, only nodding his head to the music, his own musing as to why Rae wasn't playing answered in the same internal breath. _She's not playing because she has a boyfriend. _

He sighed, the reminder breaking the temporary spell he was under, popping the little bubble he and Rae were sharing for a short while. His plan to power through and try to be her friend seemed to be failing. As every brick of the wall she'd built around herself to keep him out fell away, it only increased his internal torture. Being with her there, spending an hour or two just chatting to her about their mutual passions (he'd lost track of time) he knew it wouldn't work. The more he got to know her, the more he liked her, and the longer he spent with her, the harder it became.

"Where's Archie?" he grumbled, figuring he may as well kill the moment dead.

"Don't know, probably boring some poor sod to death with his encyclopaedic knowledge of Henry VIII." Rae joked, Finn looking at her with confused amusement. _Hello. _

Chloe came into the room then, sighing with her hand on her hip.

"Finn, all the girls keep asking why you aren't playing, and it's getting annoying now. Can you come up and join the game, please?" she asked, exasperated. _No, I want to sit here and talk to the girl I actually like, thanks. _

"Oh go on Finn, ya moody sod. You know you wanna." Rae teased from beside him, nudging his shoulder with her own. It was funny how that simple act had more of an effect on Finn than any of the kisses a game of spin the bottle would afford him.

"You just want sole control of the music." Finn replied, trying to ignore the pang of sadness he felt over Rae clearly not giving two shits if he snogged all the girls in Lincolnshire and beyond.

"Anything to get your grubby mits off my tapes." Rae replied, but in good humour. Finn would have to be satisfied with her steely resolve melting. It would have to be enough, he supposed. He complied, following Chloe up the stairs to play a round of spin the bottle. He tried to look interested, but he just wasn't. Each lingering kiss he received had no effect on him, hell, even the more than reluctant kiss he received off Wizard gave him more of a thrill. After an hour of it, his boredom had reached a peak, and he bowed out, much to the communal moaning of the girls in the circle. He walked out to the hallway, mouth covered in different shades of lip stick and lip gloss. He'd spent most of the game just looking around with a fond smile, the first time he'd ever set foot in Rae's bedroom. It was an amusing mixture of girly cutesyness and cool, the pastel colours and childish drawings covered with band posters and stickers. It smelled good, too, like Lenor and leather. Even her room made him feel warm all over. _Pathetic. _

Finn managed to find the bathroom, having to take a leak. He found himself looking into the back garden after he'd done so, tensing as he noticed two figures cross the lawn, looking behind them every now and then shiftily. He recognised Archie as one of them, and the other, that Barry guy who'd driven over from Hull. He'd been playing spin the bottle initially, but he'd ducked out half way through for whatever reason. Finn felt his chest constrict as he saw them move behind the bird cage. _What are they doing?_

Finn went to investigate, pacing down the stairs and finding the back door, wondering if they were plotting some kind of prank or something. As he walked across the lawn towards the bird cage, he stopped in his tracks as he saw them both through the fencing. They weren't plotting a prank…they were snogging. Finn had to double take, wondering if he'd passed out and was dreaming this mad scenario. Still they clinched, going to town on each other as Finn felt a bit nauseous, having a lot of difficulty registering what he was seeing. It was definitely Archie, he knew, walking forward slightly to get a better look and be sure. Amidst his confusion, he felt angry, wondering what the fuck he was playing at. He contemplated going over there and giving him a piece of his mind, but he was too dumfounded. He instead turned and walked carefully back to the house, all confusion and nausea and shock and anger and…he felt rotten for feeling it, but he felt a tiny shred of happiness snake into his roaring emotions, the part of him that fancied the pants off Rae rejoicing. He buried it quickly, keeping his priorities straight. He clocked Rae through the glass doors, sitting on the sofa and chatting animatedly to Rob and his girlfriend Flo, completely oblivious. He knew then he'd have to tell her, for her sake rather than his own (alright, he wasn't a saint…it was a little bit for his sake, too) but it didn't seem right to do it then, when Rae seemed so chilled. He didn't want to cause a big drama and embarrass Rae in front of everyone, and he was Archie's friend too. Despite being pissed off with the bloke, he'd known Archie for hell of a lot longer than he'd known Rae, and Finn wasn't stupid enough to think that him telling the world he'd seen Archie kissing a bloke wouldn't turn out to be essentially a death sentence.

Finn was glad Rae had piled up his CDs neatly, because it meant he could subtly pick them up without anyone noticing, stuffing them in his bag and sneaking out. He couldn't stay there, the mess of a situation too much for his simple mind to handle.

Rae caught him as he neared the front door, Finn wincing before turning to her.

"Off so soon?" she said, leaning against the doorframe.

"I've err, got an early start tomorrow, so I need to head back."

Rae nodded, and Finn could've sworn he saw disappointment flash in her eyes before she buried it with her initial nonchalance.

"Alright. Hope ya had a good time, anyway." she said with a cheeky wink, tapping her lips before moving back to the living room with a smirk. Finn only just remembered the lipstick on his mouth, wiping it off roughly as he watched Rae retreat.

_See you tomorrow, Rae. The bad news can wait for a few more hours. _

* * *

Finn went back to Rae's the day after, in the early afternoon to allow for her to get over a hangover, should she have had one. She didn't seem to be drinking much the night before, but Finn had left while the night was still young, so anything could have happened after that. Maybe Rae caught Archie herself? Maybe shit did go down, despite Finn trying to avoid it with his silence?

"Did you forget something?" Rae asked as she opened her front door, her casual mood disproving Finn's theory immediately. He noticed a smear of chocolate across her cheek, a vision of him lunging forward and licking it from her face flashing through his mind. _Focus, Finn. Remember what you're here for. _

"No, I need to talk to ya." Finn said, bike helmet in his hands.

"Ok…do you wanna come in?" she asked, looking a little confused as she stepped back. Finn nodded, notifying Rae to the chocolate on her face as he stepped in by tapping his own cheek.

"Oh…" she started, wiping it with her hand but only smearing it more. Finn picked out a tissue from his pocket, lifting it to Rae's cheek and gently wiping it. He only realised how close his face was to hers when their eyes met, Rae closing her mouth and letting out a small, shaky breath through her nose, Finn pausing a bit too long after he'd got it all off.

"Cake-" Rae began, in barely a whisper before she visibly came to herself, her face flushing as she shook her head. "I'm making a cake." she said in a more forceful tone, Finn stepping back reluctantly. He nodded.

"Just putting the icing on now…" Rae continued, walking towards the kitchen erectly. Finn closed the door, shrugging off his jacket and draping it on the bannister and placing his helmet on the stairs before following Rae.

"Smells good." he commented, Rae smiling over her shoulder as she continued to spread the icing, sucking some chocolate from her index finger. _Minx. _

"Rae…do you reckon we could sit down or something?" Finn requested, fidgeting.

"Do you want a slice?" Rae asked. Finn sighed.

"Will it make you sit down if I do?" Finn asked, helplessly reminded of his parents' playful bickering as he did so. _Sit down, love! You've been on your feet all day. I'll make you a cuppa._

"Go in the front room then. I'll be in in a bit." Rae responded, preoccupied by gathering two small plates and a couple of forks. Finn complied, the surreal quality of the situation not lost on him. Rae came in a few moments later, handing him a plate before plonking herself down on the sofa next to him and tucking in.

"Why did you make a cake?" Finn asked, picking up his own fork. Rae suddenly looked embarrassed, her eyes wide as she swallowed.

"I don't just sit at home and make cakes and eat them all by myself!" she said defensively, Finn laughing at her reaction. She melted, laughing with him.

"I'm practising, for Archie's Birthday. Wanted to make him a cake, and chocolate's my fave, so." she explained, Finn's mouth suddenly becoming dry. Even the warm fudge couldn't moisten it as he braced himself, the mention of his name reminding him that he needed to proceed.

"Look, Rae…" he started, moving to put his plate on the coffee table.

"Don't you like it?" Rae said immediately, jaw tensing.

"Yeah I do, it's real nice, I just-"

"It's too sickly, isn't it. I knew I mixed the icing too thick-"

"Rae!" Finn said sharply, Rae tensing and jolting upright.

"What?" she asked, looking at Finn like he was a mental patient.

"Just listen to me a minute, will ya? I'm tryin' to tell you something." Finn pleaded, Rae putting down the plate with a sigh.

"Go on then!" she sang, gesturing for Finn to 'take the stage.'

Finn sighed through his nose, looking away to try and gather his thoughts. He returned his gaze to Rae, reminding himself that she had a right to know. He wasn't thinking about himself anymore - he wasn't stupid enough to think she'd immediately fall into his arms after he told her this, knowing she was proper gone on Archie. He was doing it for her sake, because Rae didn't deserve to be cheated on. She deserved to be with someone who appreciated her, who treated her with respect. If Finn told her what he was about to, she had a chance to be with someone who would do just that, _whoever the lucky fucker may be. _

"This isn't easy for me to say, but, last night at the party…" Rae shifted in her seat a little, her expression open, eyes bright and expectant. "…I saw Archie. He was kissing someone by the bird cage, not just someone…a bloke, that Barry guy." Finn concluded, his shoulders tensing as he awaited Rae's response. Would she cry? Would she get angry? Would she refuse to believe him? Finn searched her face, surprised to find it unchanged.

"Rae? Did you hear what I said?"

At Finn's insistence, Rae plastered on an obviously fake look of disappointment, letting out an overdramatic "Oh no! That's awful! How could he…" Finn wondering if she really thought she was fooling him.

"You don't believe me, do ya?" he said flatly, thinking it must be the only explanation for her lack of care. He thought she was maybe taking the piss out of him, which he didn't appreciate.

"No, I believe ya…" she started, before Finn heard her mumble "Archie, you daft twat." as she faced away, her eyes closing briefly. This didn't strike Finn as the right response from a betrayed girlfriend, more the reaction of an irked friend.

"…and this doesn't bother you at all? That your boyfriend's cheating on ya…" Finn said, hoping to hammer it home. He wondered fearfully if Rae just didn't care at all, that she was so balls out in love with Archie that she'd just overlook any shit he'd do just to be with him. He hoped that wasn't true.

"You haven't told anyone, have ya?" Rae said suddenly, Finn shaking his head.

"No, why would I?"

Rae sighed in relief, Finn getting more confused by the second.

"Rae, I don't get what's going on here. I've just told you that Archie kissed a bloke and you don't even look put out."

"Jesus Finn, if you want to see me cry just punch me in the tit or something!" Rae yelled, Finn's mouth hanging open, bemused as to how weird this exchange was turning out to be. Was he going mental? No, he wasn't…the world was. The world had to be going mental.

"What the fuck, Rae? I'm not trying to upset ya, I'm just being up front! I thought you two were proper into each other and shit."

Rae eased up, biting her lip briefly before melting into awkward nervousness, letting on a sigh through her nose as she contemplated.

"Ok…I think I need to be straight with ya." Rae started, Finn not having the slightest idea where she was going with this. All bets were off.

"You of all people are going to have a field day with this…" she joked, before resuming a serious demeanour when she clocked Finn's sincere expression. She swallowed before venturing on:

"Archie and I…we're not really going out. That day when you came over to mine and told me to go and give him what for down the Leisure Centre, well, I did, and I found out that he's a gayer. He told me, and because he was so scared of coming out in Stamford and all the shit he'd get because of it, I said I'd pretend to be his girlfriend, ya know, to keep the heat off him."

Finn sat staring at Rae, trying to make sense of the bomb shell Rae just hit him with. So many thoughts flew through his mind, so many feelings rushing through him at once: anger, confusion, relief, happiness…anger seemed to be winning out.

"You've got to be fucking joking me." Finn exclaimed, Rae visibly surprised by his aggressive response.

"I know it's a bit mad…"

"A bit mad? It's off the charts! What the fuck were you thinking?" Finn yelled, his face hot.

"Alright alright! Calm down…what are you getting so angry about? I thought you'd find it funny!" Rae exclaimed, Finn scoffing.

"Why would I find that funny?"

"I don't know! I just, I thought because you didn't like me it'd be something for ya to take the piss out of…"

"Fuck sake Rae, stop thinking I don't like ya because I do! Even if I didn't, I wouldn't take the piss! Who do you think I am?" Finn ranted, Rae suddenly looking guilty.

"I'm sorry, I know you're not like that. I didn't…I didn't think…" Rae back tracked, Finn plunging his face into his hands. Weeks and weeks of jealousy, misery, time missed out with his friends and gaining a reputation of the biggest man whore in Stamford, all down to a fake relationship. These weren't the only reasons Finn was angry, though.

"So, let me get this right…you two pretend to go out, and he can go off with as many blokes as he wants, and you…what?" Finn asked, calming slightly but still bemused.

Rae just shrugged, picking up her plate and continuing to eat her slice. Finn glanced from her face to the plate, sighing through his nose and clenching his jaw before laying back on the sofa, massaging his eyes with the tips of his fingers.

"Why is this bothering you so much? It doesn't even effect you at all." Finn heard Rae say from beside him, Finn removing his hand to look at her. She wasn't looking at him, just kept her eyes fixed on the plate uncomfortably, her voice small. Finn sat back up, biting his lip and contemplating where to go next. The inclination to confess how he felt hung there, but it didn't seem the right time. Rae still didn't think he even liked her as a friend. Finn thought any confessions of him liking her in a romantic way might make her head explode.

"It just doesn't seem fair. He gets to…you know, and you don't have a chance for any of it." Finn mused, Rae looking at him in surprise, clearly not expecting him to say that. Finn threw her a side long glance before returning his attention to the coffee table, clearing his throat.

"Come off it, Finn. As if I've even got the slightest chance of getting a boyfriend. Look at me!" Rae exclaimed, leaning back and spreading her arms out, gesturing to her body. When Finn only continued to stare at her, his expression unmoving. Rae sank back into her original discomfort, looking back down at her half finished slice.

"…and Archie's kind've like a boyfriend, ya know, without the sex and stuff…"

"He's nothing like a boyfriend, Rae, and if you're still gone on him you need to stop being, 'cos it's bloody pointless." Finn sniped, Rae huffing out a sigh and looking back at Finn, offended.

"Bleedin' hell! I didn't ask for a bloody lecture, Finn! It's nothing to do with you anyway. And for your information, I don't like him like that anymore. I know I'm pathetic but I'm not quite at the 'sad bitch pining for a gay man' stage." she sniped back, Finn grunting in frustration at her relentless self deprecation. The frustration and longing was suddenly getting to much for him to handle.

"You're right, it's got nothing to do w'me. I'm just gonna go." he said, standing up and heading out. Finn heard Rae call his name along with the clanking of plates before he heard her run up behind him as he reached the bannister. She spoke as he shrugged on his jacket,

"Finn, I'm sorry alright? I don't mean to be a cow…I…it's just who I am. Thanks for coming round to tell me, that was dead good of ya." she said, her smile making Finn long for her all the more.

"Anyway, are you gonna eat this now, or shall I wrap it up for ya?" she asked, raising her eyebrows. Before Finn knew what he was doing, he stepped forward, Rae tensing and widening her eyes as his face inched closer to hers. Finn wondered if she'd pull away, give him a slap or kick him in the balls, but she only remained frozen solid, her big hazel eyes glancing down at Finn's advancing lips before she closed them, her mouth parting ever so slightly as Finn gently kissed her before pulling back in time to see the colour rush to her cheeks, her eyes still closed. He felt light headed, his heart pounding as Rae slowly opened her eyes, swallowing thickly, her shallow breathing cooling his nose.

"Didn't think my baking was _that _good." she joked quietly, Finn pulling back further to laugh. She moved back to shy seriousness, glancing at the floor before looking back up at Finn, who stood with his arms swinging by his sides, having so much to say but not sure how to order his words. She beat him to it.

"I didn't expect you to do that at all. Why…why did you do that?" Rae asked, looking at him in wonderment. Finn took a deep breath, a sentence forming in his head. He'd already kissed her, so he may as well go for broke.

"Because I like ya, Rae…I really like ya. I have done for ages. That's why I've not been hanging with you lot, 'cos I thought you and Archie were together and…" he trailed off.

"You were jealous." Rae stated, still quiet as a mouse. Finn nodded with a lopsided smile.

"That explains a lot…" Rae continued, almost to herself.

"I know you and me don't know each other that well, but, I'd really like to, you know…get to know you better, I guess." Finn continued, his face burning up once more. Rae smiled bashfully, letting out a chuckle, slightly delirious. She nodded.

"Me too." she admitted, Finn mirroring her smile. She suddenly looked serious once more, her brow furrowing slightly. "I'm not like the other girls you know Finn…I'm not like bloody Abi Webber and Maggie Croft, just up for a quick fumble and that's your lot; I do actually want to get to know ya, so when you go off me we can still be friends." she confessed, Finn not sure how to respond to a statement that made him both happy and long to put her right and assure her, but it was early days and despite how much he liked her, he didn't know how they'd work if they dated. He'd have to see how things went, take things one step at a time. Knowing Rae was up for it was reason enough for him to be ecstatic.

"I want that too. We'll just take things slow, yeah? I'll take you out somewhere…once you dump your boyfriend." Finn joked, air quoting the word 'boyfriend' as Rae let out a laugh.

"Oh God, I'm going to look like such a bloody man eater! Going from one to another in a heartbeat." she chuckled, still bashful and blushing with it. A girl had never reacted this way to Finn before, not sweet and smitten, more needy and lustful. Finn loved the reaction he got from Rae more than all the lust filled gazes he'd received combined.

"We'll keep it quiet at first, if ya want, for a couple of weeks or something." Finn reasoned, Rae nodding.

"Sounds like a good plan. I'll ring Archie later on. He's going to freak out so much when he finds out you know." Rae admitted, the realisation visibly hitting her.

"You don't have to tell him if you don't want to. I can keep my gob shut easy enough." Finn assured, Rae smiling out her relieved thanks.

"I didn't realise how stupid our little arrangement was until I saw it in your face. I guess I just wanted to help him." Rae admitted, mouth quirking.

"You'd have realised it soon enough, I reckon. That's no way to live, Rae." Finn stated, Rae shaking her head in agreement.

"Anyway, wrap up that cake and I'll be off. Give me a ring after you've talked to Archie and I'll probably have come up with something for us to do by then." Finn said, delighting in Rae's grin.

"Ok." she beamed, walking to the kitchen with a spring in her step, Finn huffing out a small laugh before following her, watching her from the doorway as she whistled out a tune, wrapping the slice in cling film. She looked as cheerful as he felt, the turn for the books a happy relief to the weeks of insane dread and rushing thoughts. He hoped as he watched her that they'd get on, that all the things he thought she was would be proved true. Finn gave her a peck on the cheek as she handed him the slice, Rae's breath catching in her throat as he did so. He beamed at her before he left, whistling out the song Rae had started for the entire journey home.

* * *

Finn was happily proved right as he began dating Rae, the more he got to know her the more he liked her. Rae liked him more and more, too, which was what Finn had wanted most of all. They realised they had a lot in common, more than Finn could ever have guessed from his initial impression of her, and gradually his reputation for being a player began to subside as his relationship with Rae deepened. After a couple of months, Rae had confessed to him a secret she'd been carrying for months, had felt she trusted him enough to tell him she hadn't been in France at all before she met him, but she'd actually tried to hurt herself and was subsequently admitted into a 'mental home' as she called it. She'd been petrified as she told him, afraid for her life that he'd go off her, but her confession had the opposite effect. It made him like her all the more, and as he kissed her deeply, the thought of Rae trying to hurt herself making his blood run cold, he realised he was falling rapidly for this girl he'd hankered after for so long.

People wondered why Archie hadn't been more upset after breaking up with Rae, why Archie and Finn were still friends despite Finn 'stealing her from him', but the best way to deal with the whispers and gossip was to ignore it altogether. Finn and Archie had properly reunited at Archie's Birthday party, Archie glad beyond belief that Finn was back on speaking terms with him.

As the summer drew to a close, Rae tentatively confessed her love for Finn, telling him so during an evening at his house. Finn confessed the same in a heartbeat, hearing her say the words only emphasising how he felt the same. He'd taken her upstairs where he made love to her for the first time, the experience so much better than he could have ever imagined. He loved how when he opened his eyes it wasn't a random girl beneath him; it was Rae, the only person he ever wanted to do this with, and when he climaxed, he loved how he no longer had to fantasise that it was her voice he heard echoing his own. Rae was real and she was there, and she was his.


	25. Library Smut (Being Orgasmic)

_Prompt: "You should do a fic where Finn sees Rae at the library with that sex book and either asks her about it there or can't stop thinking about it an finally confronts her somewhere else and they get all hot and steamy and omg just please that would be hilarious thanks 3"_

_Going to change this up a tiny bit because I really want to do something canon. :)_

_Warning: Smut smut and more smut.  
_

* * *

It had to be a whole new form of procrastination, but Rae couldn't help but find herself wandering to the erotica section of her local library whenever she was bored out of her skull doing revision. Her books and notepad would still be strewn haphazardly over her chosen table, crazy Doris sitting nearby muttering to herself. Rae wasn't sure what her name was, but she'd christened her 'Doris' because she reminded her of one of the lunch ladies at her primary school, the one with the big mole who smelled a bit off. Difference was, the lunch lady wasn't homeless, and crazy Doris clearly was. She didn't bother Rae much, would occasionally shout out "Where's Phillip?" but not often enough to be of real bother. Going to the erotica section was also an excuse to get away from her, as she did prove to be a distraction, even on her quiet days. She seemed to have taken a liking to Rae, as no matter where Rae sat, she'd sit opposite her. She wouldn't even look at her, however. Rae left her notepad behind, always half curious to find out if Doris would write anything in there in her absence, would maybe try to communicate, or draw a picture of a cat skeleton or something.

The erotica section was, fittingly, at the far end of the library, in the dingiest and darkest corner where no upstanding citizen would be caught dead in. Rae wasn't an upstanding citizen, and she didn't give a shit if people judged her. She was a highly sexual being who enjoyed a good bit of literary porn now and then, the filthier the better. It didn't do any harm, and if Finn had his tapes and magazines (and personal stash of nude photos courtesy of his girlfriend) Rae could have a dirty book or two.

She'd already maxed her limit of books to take out, so she was just browsing. The sexual health books were mixed in with the Mills and Boon knocks offs and tasteless wank rags, which Rae couldn't help but find hilarious. As if getting out a book on coping with erectile dysfunction wasn't embarrassing enough, you had to brave the XXX section to get it and look like a pervert. She spied a copy of 'Being Orgasmic', pulling it out with an amused grin. She remembered buying it when she was 16, remembering along with it the personal check list of romantic milestones she'd set for herself. She remembered her first orgasm, remembered the face of the fantasy man who'd helped it along with a wicked grin.

"I don't think you need any help in that area."

Rae jolted slightly as the familiar voice reached her. She turned to find Finn standing behind her with a knowing smile, scanning over the books on the shelves with a raised eyebrow before returning his gaze to his girlfriend.

"I was just thinking about you." Rae smiled, Finn moving forward to peck her.

"When do you ever not think about me?" Finn teased as he pulled away, taking the book from Rae's hands and inspecting it.

"Vain sod." Rae mumbled, Finn huffing out a chuckle through his nose.

"How did ya know I was up here?" Rae asked, snatching the book away from Finn and putting it back on the shelf, Finn still grinning, slipping his hands in his pockets.

"I asked your mate." he replied, stepping back and nodding towards the table Rae had previously been sitting on.

"Oh, so she talks to you then. Won't say a bloody word to me."

"She didn't exactly say words, she just threw one of your pens in this direction. I figured out the rest."

"Well aren't you clever." Rae jibed playfully.

"Didn't know you had an exam on this typa stuff. You kept that quiet." Finn commented, jerking his head towards the shelves once more, his amused smile slackening slightly, an all too familiar expression snaking into his features. The colour of his eyes darkened, becoming richer, his tongue poking out briefly as he moistened his lips. It was difficult to ignore, despite Rae's noble attempts, and she could almost hear his dirty thoughts as if they were her own. Maybe they were her own, who could be sure.

Rae's mood shifted with his, their collective amusement and banter melting into something more intense, the air becoming denser somehow.

"Yeah well...thought you were supposed to be working?" Rae said, meaning to continue with the banter but knowing it was a lost cause. Her voice came out in a slight quiver as Finn took a step towards her. He meant business, it seemed.

"I'm on lunch. Thought I'd come over and say hello." she said, smirking as he kissed Rae once more, gathering her to him and as he pushed his tongue between her lips, Rae meeting it with her own as the kiss intensified. It took all of Rae's willpower to pull away, her head pressing against the stacked books behind her. She hadn't even noticed Finn had pressed her up against the shelves, but she definitely noticed his erection pressed against her crotch. She swallowed.

"We might get caught." she whispered, eyes wide.

"We better make this quick then, ay?" Finn breathed, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively before ducking his head to press his lips against Rae's neck, making her giggle.

"You horny fucker." she teased quietly, closing her eyes as Finn nibbled her earlobe, his breath ragged and hot.

"Look who's talking." he whispered, unbuckling Rae's jeans. She gasped as he plunged his hand into the front of her knickers, Finn stifling it by crashing his mouth against hers.

"Spread your legs." he ordered against her lips, Rae complying as he resumed the kiss, one hand gripping the back of her neck to steady her whilst his other caressed her, Rae moaning into his mouth, trying to keep as quiet as possible as she unbuckled his belt. Any fears of somebody seeing them gradually faded at his touch, Finn moving his hand expertly, knowing exactly how Rae liked it. She let out a shaky "Fuck." when they parted to catch their breath, Finn touching a sweet spot. He moved his lips to her ear once more, his voice deep and gravelly.

"I've been thinking about you too, all fuckin' morning." he confessed, Rae letting out another hushed moan in response, eyes clamped shut as she half nodded, licking her lips. Rae unbuckled his jeans before pulling them down with his boxers, taking him in both hands. Finn moved to press his forehead against hers, a groan bubbling in his throat as he looked down as she caressed him with increasing firmness. He bucked into her grasp, his need for Rae obviously urgent. He continued to drive Rae wild with his own caresses, the sweet warmth gathering in her groin and stomach exhilarating.

Finn grunted out his impatience, briefly looking behind him to check the coast was clear before pulling his hand away, turning Rae around in his arms before pulling down her jeans and pants in one swift movement. Rae was shivering in anticipation, gripping onto the shelf dividers as she bent over. She could tell by Finn's shaky breathing that he was shivering too, but it didn't hinder his ability to expertly rip open the condom wrapper after pulling it from his jacket pocket. Rae looked behind her, wanting to see him as he entered her, gripping onto the flesh of her hips as he did so, hard and unceremoniously. She was forced to turn away at the sensation, pressing a hand against her mouth to stop her from calling out. She kept it clamped there as he fucked her, the book shelves in front of them shaking slightly, threatening to topple over at his insistant force. She felt him gather the fabric of her t-shirt on her back, balling it into his fist. Rae found herself unable to stop moaning into her palm as he pushed himself deeper inside her, obviously struggling to keep the volume of his own groaning down.

His breathing became more and more laboured between his grunts, and she could hear her name leaving his lips and evaporating into the air around them. She longed to look at him, but was unable to, instead closing her eyes and letting herself get more lost in the feel of him. His hand moved to her shoulder, his grip on her near punishing as he quickened his pace further still. She imagined him looking down at his cock as it slipped in and out of her, the thought making the experience that much more intoxicating. She knew she was getting close, and she felt herself push back against him needily, her hand suddenly not enough to stifle her cries. She heard him let out a jagged and forcibly hushed "Fuck, Rae!" as she gathered the fabric of her shirt into her mouth, having to bite down onto it to stop herself from screaming. She blindly reached out behind her, Finn meeting her hands with his before Rae pulled them down, pushing them up under her shirt and clamping them around her breasts, arching her back slightly so Finn didn't slip out of her. She could feel his cheek rub against her back as he continued with his thrusts, gripping her breasts, their fingers linking. He pulled them away and stood up, unbuckling her bra with quivering fingers before moving to cup her breasts again, this time underneath the fabric of her bra. Rae pressed her hands against his once more, their fingers interlocking again as she felt herself near the edge rapidly. She gripped them hard when she came, swaying slightly on the spot. Finn moved back quickly to steady her, affording Rae the chance to press both of her palms against her mouth in the hope of suppressing her cries.

She bent over further as Finn finished, resuming his grip on her hips as he pushed into her slowly, wanting to relish the last few moments as he always did. He pulled out of her suddenly, Rae too dazed to wonder why as he stood her up and turned her to face him. She was glad he did, because she could finally look at his face as he gently prized her legs apart, could take in his flushed cheeks and practically black eyes as he pushed up into her, biting his bottom lip as he did so. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders, Finn's hands snaking up her back as he grinded out the last few thrusts, crashing his lips against hers when he came to stifle his own grunt. Rae knocked against the bookshelves with a rousing bang as it hit the wall behind them, some books falling from the shelves and onto the ground. Finn quivered between her legs as he rode out his orgasm, pulling his mouth away from hers when his moaning subsided. He held Rae's head, their noses touching as he kept himself inside her for a few moments, Rae feeling herself throb around him. Finn landed adoring kisses across her jawline before settling on her lips, Rae sighing into his mouth before he pulled himself out of her, standing back and removing the condom, catching his breath with a punch drunk grin. Rae mirrored it before standing up, the shelves creaking behind her as Finn threw the used condom in a nearby bin, filled up with used tissues, somewhat worryingly. Rae pulled up her own jeans and underwear as he did his, Rae picking up the fallen books and returning them to their original place as Finn buckled his belt.

"D'ya mind?" she breathed with a smirk, turning around. Finn walked forward to buckle up her bra, Rae turning back and briefly kissing him again before Finn lead her away from the scene of the crime. Rae felt herself sag in relief as she realised they'd got away with it, knowing they'd both be out on their ear if they were caught.

Finn tugged on her hand once they reached Rae's table, making her turn to face him.

"What're we having for tea tonight?" he asked, taking the rolled up cigarette from behind his ear and placing it between his lips. It was Rae's turn to cook, the couple having a 'one person cooks, the other cleans up' arrangement, the responsibilities switching each day. It seemed to work for them.

"Pasta bake?" Rae suggested. Finn nodded, the corners of his mouth quirking slightly.

"Sounds good." he mumbled, before removing the cigarette to peck Rae on the cheek, giving her a wink as he backed away.

"See ya later then." he smiled, Rae mirroring him with lazy sigh.

"See ya." she beamed, Finn giving Rae her pen from his pocket before making his way to leave.

"See ya later Doris!" he called over his shoulder when he neared the door, the woman behind the counter shushing him angrily. He threw Rae a wicked smile as he pushed the door open with his back, Rae laughing at him in surprise.

"Daft twat." she muttered as Finn went out of view, the woman behind the counter throwing her a scolding stare. Rae eyed her back with unshielded attitude.

_Shoulda seen what we've just been up to, love, then you'd have a real reason to be offended. _

Rae sat back down, feeling herself smirk, tingling all over as she resumed work with a new found ease. Revision didn't seem quite as mind numbingly dull after engaging in mind blowing sex with her boyfriend. Rae happened to glance up at crazy Doris, shocked to find her looking in her direction with a warm smile. She was even more shocked to see her wink, Rae chuckling slightly through her own bashful grin before returning her attention to her studies.

_Doris, you dark horse. _


	26. AU Future Fic: Rae Passing Away

_Prompt: "Your Finn dying fic was too amazing. Can you do one where Rae dies from Finn's POV?"_

_Changed this up a bit - it's not from Finn's pov and it's an AU future fic. EMPHASIS ON THE AU :'( *sniff*_

* * *

She'd been going to the meetings for a while and they were helping, she supposed. What helped was being amongst others like her, other fat girls, other unattractive girls, people who side stepped societies' narrow view of beauty. Another commonality amongst Holly and the group of teenagers she shared the counselling sessions with was their apparent self hatred.

Holly couldn't speak for the others, despite hearing a few horror stories and monologues from the other members, most of which she could definitely identify with - she could only reference her own experiences. Finn, their group counselor, always encouraged them to be a little more blinkered when it came to their emotions instead of taking on the woes of others. He praised it as a noble trait, but ultimately one that hindered their 'healing' as he called it. Holly's conscious efforts to only deal with her own emotions seemed to help, but she was forced to confront her own misery head on. That was part of the sessions, to look inside themselves and try and better understand why they hated themselves so much. Bullying was a topic most often brought up, and Holly herself had been bullied fiercely all her life. Most of the girls in the group had, too, which was another comfort. That was the thing that stood out to her the most, the most important and valued part of the gathering for her: she wasn't alone. She'd felt so hopelessly alone all her life, had hardly any friends, the ones she made not sticking around for long…but now not only did she have new friends from the group, she also had found a friend and mentor in Finn.

There were 13 members of the group all in all, ranging from slightly overweight to obese, age 13 to 18. They were all told to keep a diary of all their thoughts, a therapeutic tool. They could keep their diary a secret, and Holly couldn't deny she was grateful for it at times, when she was so angry she could spit feathers or when she felt hopeless to the point of wanting to crawl into bed and not emerge for weeks. She dedicated a page of her diary to each member of the group, drawing a picture of each girl along with a few words on first impressions, adding to it as she got to know them.

_**Claire, 15**: brown long hair in a ponytail, sweet, lovely, kind, best friend material._

_**Jen B, 17**: lots of freckles, quiet, twitchy, nice enough._

_**Jen H, 15**: red hair (gorgeous colour) big teeth, smiley, dark horse._

_**Abi, 18**: Blonde, thinnest, looks great…must be deluded._

_**Sheri, 16**: Loud, gobby, confident, fun._

_**Lauren, 16**: Sheri's partner in crime, brown curly hair, long painted nails._

_**Molly, 18**: Tomboyish, shy, doesn't make much eye contact. _

_**Kelly, 17**: So random, all over the place, weird but in a good way. Pink hair. (Awesome!)_

_**Sophie, 14**: Makes the most amazing cupcakes ever. Always gives one to Finn first. Probably fancies him the most. _

_**Emma, 15**: No, she fancies Finn the most. Goes red as a beetroot whenever he looks at her, poor thing. Brown hair, blue eyes, talks about her hamster a lot. (Bet she's named it Finn.)_

_**Cat, 16**: Short for Catherine. Hates her whole name, apparently. Blonde curly hair. _

_**Phoebe, 13**: Tiny, cool accent, in a wheelchair. _

She even had a page for Finn.

_**Finn, 32**: brown hair, muscular, dry, kind, quiet, meaningful, glad I don't fancy him…would make things so awkward._

As the weeks progressed, despite her initial scepticism, the group formed a safety net for her, something she could mentally refer to in times of distress, when past traumatic experiences crept up on her or she suddenly became overwhelmed by loneliness. Finn would call her from time to time, just to see if she was alright. He would always remind her of how important her Dad was, how she should be grateful for him, even when she didn't think he understood her.

"He loves you, Holly, and that's the only thing that matters. You may feel like nobody loves you sometimes, but he does. Just think about him and think about your friends when it starts to get too much. Don't lose sight of what's important."

She had been shocked at the extra mile Finn seemed to go to for his charges. When he was initially introduced to her as one of the founders of the 'Rae Earl Foundation' charity, she didn't think she'd see his face again, assuming he'd be one of those CEO types who'd just pop in wearing a fancy suit once a fortnight before driving his BMW back to his pent house for a martini. Instead, he wore t-shirts and jeans and drove a motorbike. He was also there every day with an open door policy. Holly didn't share in the schoolgirl crushes a few of the girls had on him, but she could see why they liked him that way nonetheless - she knew he was handsome, but more than that, he was caring. He gave a shit, basically, the most attractive quality of all for girls like them.

Nothing embarrassing had occurred regarding these crushes, all the girls far too insecure to even think of crossing the forbidden boundary.

They came close to it during one particular session, however. There seemed to be an air of cheekiness that fell over them as they all sat in their usual circle, the group managing to avoid focussing on the more painful subjects and instead managing to keep things light hearted, which Holly couldn't deny had been somewhat of a relief. Half an hour in, Sheri, Lauren, Sophie and Emma started whispering amongst themselves, Finn clearing his throat.

"Anything you want to share with the rest of us, Sheri?" he called, the girls surrounding her moving away to reveal her fully.

"I want to talk about boys!" she exclaimed, the group all erupting into giggles. Finn smiled before leaning back in his seat, eyebrows raised.

"What about 'em?"

"It's alright learning how to like yourself and to appreciate your family and friends, but I for one want to have a boyfriend too. Thing is, boys don't like fat girls. It's just how it is…they go for the skinny, pretty girls over people like us…" Sheri said, the other members murmuring in agreement.

"That's not true." Finn said immediately, shaking his head. Sheri threw him a withering look. "How do you know?"

"How do _you _know?" Finn countered, Sheri sighing and folding her arms.

"You never see a fat girl on telly with a fit boy, or any boy for that matter…"

"Life isn't a TV show, Sheri, I'm glad to say." Finn stated.

"Do you have a girlfriend, Finn?" Lauren asked, Finn shaking his head.

"No…why?"

"How is that even possible?" Sheri asked incredulously, the girls all laughing. Finn smiled once more as he rolled his eyes.

"Alright ladies, settle down yeah? These sessions aren't about me, they're about you."

"The plain fact is, none of us are ever going to know what it's like to be loved romantically, to be touched, to be kissed…it's just not going to happen for us…not for me, anyway!" Sheri continued.

"Clearly you've not been listening to a word I've said during our sessions…"

"I have but…that's another thing…" she said, Finn's eyes widening as she was clearly on a mission.

"…why are you even doing this? I don't want to creep you out or anything but, it's fair to say you're pretty hot, I mean, you're good looking, nice body and stuff…I just don't get why you're here, why you care about helping us. I'm glad you are, don't get me wrong, it's just…I want to know, I guess."

"For one thing, you thinking I'm good looking wouldn't creep me out at all. It's sweet that you think so. It's not against the law to find somebody attractive, and you need to stop thinking it's wrong every time you do, alright?" Finn assured, Sheri blushing and looking away.

"I just don't get it." she said under he breath, shaking her head slightly.

The original air of joviality gave way to something more serious, and it became clear that Sheri hadn't been alone in her musings, the girls all looking at Finn expectantly. His eyes scanned them, his amused half smile slackening. Finn obviously noticed the change, sighing and clenching his jaw, leaning forward in his seat. He furrowed his brow, silent for a few minutes as he visibly contemplated, staring down at his hands as they hung off his knees. Some of the girls looked at each other uncomfortably, a few shifting in their seats making the legs creak against the wooden floor. When nothing seemed to be happening, Holly tentatively tried to rouse him. "Finn?"

Finn looked up at her, another small smile starting to form, but his eyes still seemed glazed in deep thought. He glanced around the group before taking a deep breath.

"I've never told ya who Rae Earl is, have I." he said, some of the girls shaking their heads amongst a murmer of 'No's.

"We didn't ask, to be fair." Claire said from beside Holly.

"We just assumed she was one of the funders or something…" Jen H supplied. Finn shook his head, looking away once more and going back to his inner thoughts, half with them, half not.

"No. She was my friend…my best friend, from when I was a teenager." he said, his voice breaking slightly. He coughed, coming to himself a little, sitting up and visibly bracing himself. A hush fell over the group, and Holly could sense that he was about to tell them something important.

"When I was 17, I had this small group of friends. There were five of us, two girls and three boys. All we did was bum around, drinking underage, driving around our hometown on our scooters…doing what teenagers did, I guess. We lived in this shitty place called Stamford, in Lincolnshire, a right dive. Being a teenager's shitty for everyone in different ways, regardless of how you look. I had all these raging hormones and mood swings, I felt crappy all the time and I didn't know what the fuck I was going to do with my life. I mean, yeah, I did alright with the ladies, a lotta girls fancied me and I got quite a bit of action, but nobody really stood out to me. They were nice enough but we never had anything in common and all the girls I'd met seemed to be interested in was boys and make-up, which is fine but…it wasn't what I was looking for. I didn't even know what I was looking for, until I met her."

Finn had never spoken to them so openly before, and the stony silence remained uninterrupted. Every week they would have to face all the painful things inside them, to analyse and pick apart horrible moments in their life so they could deal. Now Finn seemed to be doing the same.

"She was this loud, ballsy girl…16 but, seemed older somehow, more mature, I guess. She didn't wear make-up, wore t-shirts and jeans, plaid and leather, like me, and she loved music. That was her passion." He added extra emphasis to the word 'music', driving home how big of a deal it had been to him.

"We liked a lot of the same music. We had a lot in common in general, so much so that we clashed at the beginning. We didn't like each other at all; well, she didn't like me at least. I still got to know her, though, and she became the sixth member of our little gang. She was dead funny, wasn't afraid to tell jokes like the other girls, and she was caring, sweet, always there for us if we needed her…" He'd disengaged once more as he forced himself to remember, and the affection and esteem in his voice made the following statement seem almost irrelevant.

"…I was mad about her. The more I got to know her, the more I realised how brilliant she was. We became closer, became dead good mates. We'd look out for each other, even had our own secret way of communicating." He let out a chuckle, looking down at his legs.

"What was it?" Sophie asked.

"We'd write words on each other. I wasn't any good with talking out loud, and I only cared about talking to Rae. It was our secret, something that was just ours, ya know? As time went on, I realised I was falling for her, but she was so insecure…she hated herself so much, I don't think she could comprehend the thought of somebody liking her like that, or even liking her in any way."

"Was she big then?" Holly asked gently, her curiosity almost palpable. Finn nodded.

"She was overweight, yeah…that had a lot to do with it. She was bullied, like you and she didn't have any friends for a long time, until she met me and the others."

Sheri frowned, obviously not believing Finn could ever fall for a big girl. Finn looked at her, smiling knowingly.

"Ya see…" he began, gesturing to Sheri, his tone hardening vehemently. "…just like Rae, you don't think anyone could love ya. That's what gets me so fucking angry. You girls, all you girls have been told that you're not good enough, that you're not beautiful, that you're not worthy of love. That is the biggest load of bullshit ever. Rae thought she was ugly, that she was mad…she hated herself to the point of self harm, but if she could've seen herself the way I saw her…" His voice had been rising in volume throughout the last leg of his speech, but he suddenly became silent, his eyes misting up as he stared into space for a few moments, before looking down at his hands which he clenched into fists.

"…maybe she'd still be with us."

Silence fell on the group once more, the sound of the boiler clicking accompanying collective sadness and silent shock.

"She went through a bad time of it. I don't know everything that went on but, it seemed to have all got on top of her. She'd been going to counselling, because she'd tried to commit suicide before I met her, but she'd lost contact with her counsellor, which was such a huge mistake. She tried it again a few months after I met her and…and she succeeded, second time round."

His voice was barely there as he spoke, breaking with every word. He swallowed thickly, his eyes clamping shut. Holly felt tears sting her own eyes, the other girls in the group looking mournful and pale. He continued, composing himself but still quiet.

"I loved her…I really bloody loved her, but I never got to tell her that before she died. I never got the chance, and I would give _anything _to be given that chance. I lost my first love because she thought we'd all be better off without her. She couldn't have been more wrong, because she left a lot of broken hearts behind, not just mine. Her Mum had a breakdown and our friendship group fell apart. She was the life and soul of our gang, even though she never realised."

"Did she…" Abi began, tensing before resolving to continue. "…did she feel the same way? About you, I mean…"

Finn nodded, his face constricting in visible pain. You could tell Abi instantly regretted asking.

"Yeah, turns out she did. Only found out afterwards though. Makes it that much harder, as you can imagine. That's why I started this group, so there won't be anybody else like me, because chances are, there's a boy out there, or a girl, depending on which way ya swing, that secretly wants you but for whatever reason is too afraid to say so. Even if nobody wants you right this second, they will. If any of you decide to check out early, you'll never get to find out. You're all sweet, conscientious girls who care more about the feelings of others than your own - I see a lot of Rae in ya, I really do. My point is, if you're not going to stick around for your own sakes, do it for the sakes of others, for the sakes of the people who love you. For those of you who don't get on very well with your family and don't have any mates, stick around for us, this group. This group is your family, and I for one like every single one of you."

His wet eyes scanned the faces of the group assuredly. Holly felt her heart pound, the tragic story making something dramatically shift inside of her, the new found perspective shedding a new light on things. The girls had all wondered, in their stolen moments of cheeky gossiping, mostly made up of gushing over how fit Finn was, why he didn't seem to have a girlfriend, or a wife, even. She wondered if Finn had been single for a long time, had been a loner lost in mourning, the walking wounded. The cynical members of the group would no longer wonder what the hell he was doing there, why somebody so drop dead gorgeous would give a shit about a group of broken teenage girls. They knew why…he had resolved to help the future Raes of the world and in turn, the future Finns.

He continued, his voice firm.

"You're all brilliant, and I'm not just saying that. I wish I could wave a magic wand and make you all like yourselves, but I know that's impossible. Just promise me right now that no matter how hard things get, you'll stick around. I'll always be here for you, as long as you need me…I just need you to promise me you won't do anything stupid."

The girls all shifted, looking at each other before turning back to Finn, a few biting their lips awkwardly. Holly had hurt herself, would think about killing herself every day. It was almost a comfort mechanism for her, an option of release. She could free herself any time she wanted…but she never fully understood the repercussions of her actions. A vision of her Dad crying at her funeral entered her mind, her new found friends mourning her at group…and she entertained the thought of a boy, any boy - didn't have to be as handsome as Finn either, just somebody who fancied her for who she was, who would like her still at any size. Maybe it was possible, but as Finn had said, she would never know if she took the easy way out.

"Promise me." he pressed, his face set in determination.

"I promise." Holly started, Finn smiling at her, nodding out his thanks. The girls all followed suit, one by one, Finn's watch beeping soon after. He visibly came to himself, looking around and clearing his throat once more. Every session was eventful in its own way, and it was funny how just when this week seemed to be the most easy going session so far initially, it turned out to be the most emotionally draining and poignant for all of them.

"Ok ladies, that's all for this week. I will say this before you go…I know that story was hard going, but don't feel sorry for me, ok? You've got enough on your plates without worrying about me. I only wanted to tell you that to put some points across, but I'm fine, truly. Don't go feeling too sad, alright?"

The girls murmured out their assurance, Finn nodding once more and helping them stack up the chairs as he always did.

"Poor Finn." Claire whispered to Holly by the drinks table, the pair looking over at him as he chatted to the caretaker.

"I know. I had no idea he went through something so horrible." Holly said, her throat tightening once more.

"I wish we could've met Rae…she sounds awesome." Claire commented as they grabbed their bags and made their way out.

"Me too." Holly agreed, Finn leaving before them.

"I was meaning to ask…do you fancy going to the cinema this week? I got a couple of vouchers for my Birthday." Claire asked as they descended the front steps.

"Yeah, count me in." Holly smiled, feeling her chest sear as Claire hugged her, the novelty of having a friend never diminishing.

"Brilliant. I'll give you a ring tomorrow." she concluded, waving as she headed towards her ride.

Holly spotted Finn on his bike as she made her way to her Dad's car. She couldn't help but pause to watch him, his revelation although meant to help her just making her feel sorry for him. _"Just concentrate on your own feelings, Holly." _She'd have to disobey him this once, never thinking her heart would go out to somebody who seemed to have it all together. Her heart broke for him further still as she saw him take something out of his wallet. She watched unseen as he gazed down at what she knew was a photograph of Rae. He didn't have any in his office and she guessed he wouldn't have any at his flat, but it seemed he kept one with him at all times. He placed it gently back into his wallet after a while, slipping it back into his jeans before wiping his nose with the back of his hand.

"Holly! C'mon!" Holly jumped as her Dad beeped his horn, Finn turning to look at her briefly. Although he was a long way away, she noticed a glint on his cheeks, the street light illuminating what she knew to be tears. She gave him a small wave, Finn forcing a smile and nodding in return before slipping on his bike helmet. She sighed, making her way to the car.

"You can ogle your bloody counselor on your own time, I don't want to miss Top Gear." her Dad said as she sat down next to him. Holly leaned over, wrapping her arms around his shoulders in a sideways hug.

"Hey…" her Dad said, obviously bemused.

"I love you." she said, her Dad sagging in her embrace.

"It's alright, I'm sure there'll be a repeat of it." he relented, but she kept her hold on him, tears of her own starting to fall.

"Emotional session, ay?" her Dad said gently, Holly nodding against his arm.

"I just need you to know that I am grateful, even though I don't always show it. Not many people like me so…I'm glad you do." Holly sobbed.

"I darn sight more than like ya. I love you more than anything!" her Dad exclaimed, tutting as she sobbed harder and moving to stroke her hair.

"Thanks." she said, managing a smile as she sat back up, wiping her cheeks and sniffing.

"There's some kleenex in the glove box." her Dad said, Holly opening it and taking one out to blow her nose in.

When she got home, she poured all of her pent emotions into her diary in the form of a letter to Rae, whoever she may have been. She wrote of how she wished more than anything that she was still around, that she hadn't succumbed to the self hatred Holly felt every day in herself. She felt it ironic that if Rae was still around, there wouldn't be a group to go to at all. Finn would never have felt compelled to help others like Rae in her memory. Despite this, she still wished she could still be alive, and she wished more than anything for Finn to be happy, just as he wished Holly to be. She found herself drawing a picture of Rae, how she imagined she'd looked when she was 16, before drawing a picture of Finn next to her, imagining how he would have looked all those years ago. She felt herself well up once more, taking out her mobile phone and tapping out a text to Finn.

_It's a two way street. If you ever need to talk, I'm here. _

Finn replied a few minutes later.

_Just concentrate on YOU. I'm fine, but thank you. _

She smiled through her tears, his selflessness an inspiration. She closed her diary with a sigh before moving to join her Dad downstairs. Top Gear had finished and he was watching the news. She sat down next to him and he slung his arm around her.

"Still upset? Those sessions are worse than torture." he commented.

"No, they're the best thing that's ever happened to me." Holly said truthfully, another puzzle piece clicking into place. She now knew what Finn meant by 'healing.' It's what she felt every week, the light at the end of the tunnel becoming ever clearer.


	27. Rae Gets Drunk, Finn Looks After Her

_Prompt: "what about a sequel to drunk Finn. Rae is drunk and Finn's looking after her?"_

* * *

Finn fanned out the files on the break room table, a pen wedged between his teeth. He'd been trying to quit smoking for what seemed like the hundredth time, always finding himself subconsciously nibbling on something cigarette shaped despite using more patches and chewing more gum than you could shake a stick at. He couldn't help but be crankier than normal when he was in 'quit mode,' - he'd been smoking since he was 14 years old, after all - and his assistant Ash, who was currently making the pair of them some coffee, seemed to be at the brunt of his foul mood swings, mostly. Finn thought it was lucky, in that case, how laid back Ash was - he seemed like a hippy, stoner type with baggy stained clothes, long shaggy hair and a full beard. Finn liked Ash, and he didn't like many people. Finn's assistant before him had been very efficient, but it became clear during the few months she worked for him that her interest in Finn was less than professional. After a couple of adamantly rebuffed attempts to seduce him and a friendly warning from Finn's fiancé (if Rae threatening to "punch her pretty white teeth in" could be considered 'friendly') she'd been fired, Rae insisting she help Finn pick the next assistant who turned out to be, unsurprisingly, a straight male. Now Finn had about a month of backed up schedules to arrange, the 28 year old working as a freelance recording engineer in the process of tacking a three year contract with Zed One records.

He looked up at the clock with a sigh before turning his attention back to the spread out folders, Ash wandering over, the mugs clinking as he placed them on the table.

"Cheers." Finn mumbled, removing the pen from his lips and leaning on his knuckles, taking the lid off with one hand and drawing a line through a date error.

"Got nothing special planned tonight then?" Ash asked, opening up a tin of biscuits and sniffing the contents quizzically.

"Nah. I need to stay out'o'the flat tonight, so I thought this would be a good excuse." Finn said, pulling out a chair and opening one of the folders, looking it over as he sat down. Ash threw a jammy dodger in his mouth before moving to sit opposite Finn, crunching all the while. Finn didn't know what annoyed him more, the sound or the crumbs in his beard. He glanced up at his assistant, clenching his jaw and throwing him another folder impatiently.

"Why's that then?" Ash asked, smacking his lips together, completely oblivious to his boss' aggravation.

"It's Rae's hen do. She's got her mates round for pre drinks as we speak." Finn said, stifling a sigh.

"You know, she doesn't strike me as the type of woman who'd want to go on a hen do, with the learner plates and limos and all that bullshit." Ash commented, Finn easing up a bit now he'd swallowed his biscuit. Maybe the patch was actually starting to work…

"I think she wants to keep it low key, I dunno. But yeah, she's not into that kind of stuff." …but Chloe and Izzy had arranged the whole thing, both relishing the thought of arranging a hen do in swanky London. Just as Finn said the words, he had a feeling it'd be just as Ash predicted, complete with a big white limo, tequila slammers, cock straws, a stripper - he'd witnessed enough hen dos when he was doing bar work in his early twenties to know how they went. A vision of Rae licking whipped cream off a muscle man's six pack entered his mind, making him feel a bit sick. He focussed back on the task at hand, trying to quell his speculations._Corrie Abbott, October 20th-24th, The Valleys, August 15th - 20th…_

Rae's weekend with Tix would have probably been more up her street, Finn thought. She'd gone to visit her for a girl's night in, just the two of them, as Tix hated London and wasn't a fan of travelling. Rae had loved it, as did Tix apparently, and Rae hoped Tix would be able to make it to the wedding as it would be held on the outskirts of London as opposed to slap bang in the middle of the city she found so overwhelming.

Finn was brought out of his internal procrastination by the sound of his mobile ringing. He pulled it out of his jeans pocket, checking the caller display with a confused smile before answering.

"Alright?"

_"Hiya. Just letting you know we're off out now. You still at work?" _Rae's voice buzzed, the sound of female chatter accompanying her.

"Yeah. It'll probably be a late one tonight. You having fun?"

_"Yeah! All the girls are here…girls, say hello!" _Finn held the phone away from his ear slightly with a wince as the sound of Rae's friends collective whoops and hollers entered the otherwise silent room. Ash huffed out a chuckle, Finn rolling his eyes with a smile before pressing the phone back against his ear when he was sure it was safe.

"Thanks for that."

_"You on your own?"_

"Nah, got Ash wimme." Without missing a beat, Ash let out a high pitched "Woo!" of his own, Finn and Rae laughing in unison.

_"Nice one…don't keep him up too late. He's not a sad old man like you."_

"Did you ring me for a reason or did you just want to take the piss?"

_"I just wanted to tell you I was off out, that's all. I don't know when I'll be home. Oh, and I guess I wanted to tell ya I love ya, I suppose." _Finn could hear Rae's teasing smile through the phone, a few of her friends letting out 'Awws' amidst their giggling banter, overhearing her despite her attempts to hush her voice.

"I love you too. Have a good one, yeah?"

_"Thanks. See ya later."_

Finn's own goodbye was masked by her friends all shouting "Bye Finn!" before he clicked his phone shut with a whistling breath.

"I think you made the right decision to work late." Ash commented, Finn nodding in agreement.

"Just a bit."

The two men carried on working in silence, Finn's lingering amusement fading the more he got stuck in, Ash putting on some music to accompany them. Three hours had passed before Finn got another call, deciding to take it outside so as to not interrupt Ash whilst he was 'in the zone' as he called it. He went out on the fire escape, bracing himself.

"Alright Rae?"

_"Hello?"_ Rae's voice was obscured by thumping music, but even though he could barely hear her, he could tell she was merry.

"Rae? Is everything alright?"

_"Finn? You there?"_

"Yeah I'm here Rae…what ya calling me for?"

_"I can't fuckin' hear…Finn? Nah Izzy he's not…I can't hear-"_

"Fuckin' hell." Finn mumbled as he was cut off, making his way back inside, trying his best to ignore the fag butts in the ashtray on the windowsill. She called back half an hour later, Finn making his way back outside with a sigh.

"Sorry Ash." he said, Ash waving his hand dismissively, indicating he was fine.

"Rae?"

_"Finn!" _she yelled happily, making him smile despite himself, Rae obviously managing to find a quiet place.

"What do ya want?" he chuckled out.

_"Just wanted to tell ya that…" _The 'that' was drawn out amidst her slurring and she paused for a few beats afterwards, considering her choice of phrase.

_"…you are the sexiest, most gorgeous bastard alive and I don't give a shit what bloke Chloe's got lined up for me, he won't be half as stunning as you, alright?"_

Finn laughed, imagining what state Rae was in. She hadn't eaten a lot during the day, and it was clear she'd made short work of getting pissed.

"Well, thanks for that. Good to know."

_"Don't worry Finn, the stripper's for me really, Rae won't get a look in." _Chloe interjected from over Rae's shoulder, also slurring a bit.

_"I don't even want him Chloe! You can have him for all I c-care…" _Rae hiccoughed, Izzy whooping from somewhere unknown.

"Glad you're having fun, but listen, I gotta get back to work…"

_"Are you working tonight?"_

"Chloe? Where's Rae gone?"

Chloe giggled. _"Dunno. Think she needs to piss or something."_

"Jesus Christ…" Finn said under his breath. "Alright well, I'm gonna go now Chloe, ok? Keep an eye on Rae for me, yeah?"

"Will do. Bye." Chloe chimed, obviously not turning off the phone.

"Chloe…" Finn called, trying to get her attention.

_"How the fuck do you work this? Rae! Rae how do you turn-"_

Finn clenched his jaw in annoyance, his need for a cigarette increasing as he clicked his phone closed yet again, strongly considering turning it on silent, even though he knew that wasn't an option. He knew Rae was a big girl who could handle herself, but part of him always worried about her whenever she went out without him. It was only natural, he supposed, and she admitted to worrying about him too. It would be Finn's stag do the week after. Finn considered calling Rae throughout his own night in revenge, part of him wondering if he'd just end up doing it anyway.

Another hour passed before the phone rang once more, Finn answering at the table as Ash was in the toilet. He was en route back as Finn answered it, putting it on speaker phone so he could 'share the burden.'

The only sound that came through was a song Finn recognised, but couldn't place the name of. He knew it was a pop tune, and as it was his business to keep track of popular music, no matter how much he couldn't stand some of it, he couldn't think who the artist was for the life of him. He threw Ash a withering look, holding the phone limply in his hand.

_" * _ _Ain't no other man can stand up next to you, ain't no other man on the planet knows what to do, you're the kinda guy a girl finds in a blue moon, you got soul, you got class, you got style, you're badass… * _ _"_

"Christina Aguilera. My ex girlfriend was mad about her." Ash groaned, Finn only furrowing his brow further. It rang a bell…

Ash started to act out 'Genie in a Bottle' singing parts of it and throwing Finn some Bollywood style dance moves to try and drill the point home. Finn nodded slowly, his memory jogged.

"Promise me you won't ever do that again?" Finn said, Ash laughing before giving a staunch salute.

The two men jumped as Rae's voice suddenly boomed over the phone.

_"That's how I feel about you Finn…ain't no other man but you, baby!" _Rae yelled before whooping.

"She wouldn't be caught dead listening to that if she was sober." Finn assured.

_"…and I tell ya something else, that stripper's cock was nothing compared to yours-"_

Finn scrambled to turn off the speaker phone, his cheeks flushing as Ash raised his eyebrows with a smirk. Rae had nearly finished her disjointed thought by the time Finn pressed the phone to his ear.

_"…chuppa chup lolly stick."_

"Rae! Rae can ya hear me?"

_"Anyway, look I'm gonna go now because Liv's just brought over some more shots so I'm gonna drink some of those now…"_

_"…Rae, put ya tits away you slag!"_ Izzy chimed in, Rae laughing hysterically with the others.

Finn mentally gauged the distance to the nearest off licence. _Just one ciggie, just this once…my wasted fiancé's fuck knows where with her breasts hanging out…I can at least have one…_

It became clear that Rae forgot she was on the phone altogether, resuming her drunken chatter with her friends. Finn hung up, massaging his temples with his thumb and forefinger. He looked at the clock: 1:45am

"When did you start today, Ash?" Finn asked, leaning back and stretching.

"10." he responded, still looking down

"Jesus Christ! Go home. I can finish this." Finn said, eyes wide.

"It's alright, I don't mind…"

"…nah mate, you've done more than enough. Take the day off tomorrow as well, yeah?"

"You sure?"

"Yeah! I think you're on illegal time now. You need some down time or I'll get arrested." Finn joked, Ash nodding.

"Thanks Finn. Good luck with…you know." Ash said as he stood, gesturing to his abandoned mobile phone with a sympathetic smile. Finn threw him a lopsided grin.

"Cheers. I think I'll need it."

Finn managed to refrain from getting any cigarettes as the night rolled on, instead substituting his cravings with drinking his bodyweight in coffee. He was relieved to see he was making progress with the task, despite having several interruptions, but he couldn't deny that he felt anxiety snake into his system when the clock struck 3. It was probably because he was overtired, the words on the sheets in front of him all blurring together and compressing, but for whatever reason, he suddenly felt the need to see Rae and check if she was alright. He managed to distract himself for another hour - mainly by rearranging the cupboards in the break room and making a toilet roll tower in the bathroom - until his phone rang once again, Finn sagging in instinctive relief as he picked it up. He predicted that Rae would be practically incoherent. He was wrong - it wasn't Rae at all.

_"Finn? You there?"_

It was Chloe. Finn felt his throat constrict, suddenly anxious.

"Yeah Chloe, it's me…is everything ok?"

_"I think you better come here…Rae's asking for ya." _She said, slurring slightly but sounding more sober than she had a few hours before. Finn thought he heard a sob, and it gradually dawned on him that Rae was crying in the background.

"Is she ok? What's happened?"

_"I dunno…we were coming out of Pacha and she just started crying. She wants to see ya."_

Finn could hear Izzy in the background offering wobbly words of comfort amidst her own drunkenness. _"Chloe's on the phone to him now Rae…he'll be here in-in a little bit…"_

Finn managed to glean where they were from Chloe's less than helpful instructions, ("_We're by loads of water.")_ figuring they were somewhere near Pacha. Finn locked up the studio, slinging on his jacket and getting to his motorbike before setting off. When he got to the club, he wandered around for a good ten minutes before spotting a few figures by the side of the River Thames, the three women all wedged on a park bench becoming clearer as Finn approached them.

"Here he is!" Izzy said cheerily next to Rae, Chloe turning to face Finn from the other side of her. All three girls had confetti and glitter in their hair, flashing hearts on springy antennas swaying in the breeze from their heads, all smeared make-up and tutus. Chloe and Izzy moved from either side of Rae, stumbling towards the railings, Chloe bare foot. Finn went to sit next to Rae, who was no longer crying, but staring at an L plate in her hands, expression vacant.

"Rae? I'm here now." Finn said, Rae sniffing, her face crumpling as she began to cry anew.

"Hey…" Finn began, brow furrowing in concern as he held one of Rae's hands in his, glancing at the two women leaning over the thames, standing on the ledge and looking at the sights.

"…what's up with ya? You were 'aving a right laugh earlier on…" Finn continued, Rae's shoulders shaking as she sobbed, obviously exhausted along with it.

"Did something happen?" Finn tried, Rae shaking her head, eyes clamped shut.

"What if it's shit?" Rae said suddenly, looking up at Finn, eyelashes soaked and mascara everywhere.

"Wha-…what if what's shit?" Finn asked, trying to ignore Chloe and Izzy, who had suddenly burst into a rendition of Enrique Iglesias' 'Hero.'

"This…this right here…what's about to happen…" Rae said, words coming out slow and spaced out.

"Rae…"

"You haven't even sold your wild oats!" Rae suddenly exclaimed, eyes wide. Finn suppressed a laugh, the nonsense Rae was coming out with funny despite her distress.

"What's that got to do with anything?" Finn asked, not bothering to correct her error.

"It's got everything to do with everything!" she declared, flapping her limbs before wiping her cheeks roughly, smearing her make-up more. She addressed the rest of her rant to the space in front of her, only glancing at Finn a few times with glazed eyes.

"…and…and…what if the sex becomes bad? That can sometimes happen, ya know. People get hitched all the time and then suddenly the sex just…" Rae made a raspberry noise, frowning in concentration as she formed a thumbs down, Finn unable to suppress his chuckle.

"It's not funny! What if we stop shagging altogether? What if you can't get ya thing up anymore?" she asked, pointing vaguely at Finn's crotch, Finn unable to control his rapidly increasing hysterics.

"Stop laughing ya twat! Sex with you is like…" she stuck her tongue out, frowning at her outstretched hands as she visibly counted her fingers.

"…the third most favourite thing I like doing w'ya! I don't want it to go away!"

"What's the first two?" Finn asked through his amused grin, surprised it didn't hit the number one spot. Rae shook her head, rubbing her nose with the back of her hand. When it became clear Rae wasn't going to say anything more, Finn sighed, sidling up to her, still smiling. He slung an arm around her, Rae leaning into him slowly with another sniff.

"I tell ya what, I promise that the sex will never stop - even if I have to start popping back viagra like they're Skittles, we'll still be at it for a long time, so don't worry."

Rae only hummed in response, and Finn thought she might have been falling asleep on his chest. He shook her gently, Rae coming to herself, but not by much.

"Is she alright now?" Izzy asked, bouncing over.

"Yeah she's alright. Needs sleep." Finn responded, pulling out his mobile to call a cab. Afterwards, he stood, propping Rae up in his arms, her head lolling back. He slowly lead her to the nearest road, Chloe and Izzy following them, Chloe holding her stilettos.

"I don't know what brought it on. She seemed to be having so much fun all night, didn't she Chlo." Izzy assured, Chloe nodding slowly.

"She's just pissed is all." Finn said, speculating that stress might have had something to do with it too. Finn wondered what she'd meant by "You haven't even sewn your wild oats!" having a sneaking suspicion that this had been the reason she'd started crying. He longed to question her, but knew she'd probably forgotten all about her outburst as she stood limply on the kerb, drooling on Finn's shoulder.

The cab arrived, all four of them piling in, Chloe and Izzy trying to help load Rae in as best they can, but both of them being pretty useless between them. Izzy started chatting animatedly to the cab driver whilst Chloe phoned her boyfriend, Rae starting to snore as Chloe put on her best sickly sweet voice, doling out all the saccharin slush that turned Finn's stomach. "I love you so much…yeah I know it's 5 in the morning but I wanted to hear your voice…thought you had work as 6 anyway?"

Before long, the cab pulled up to Chloe and Izzy's hotel. The two women both kissed Rae goodbye before they left the cab.

"Thank you girls…I love ya…" Rae mumbled, eyes practically closed as she attempted to sit upright. Chloe and Izzy murmured their 'I love you's,' both kissing Finn's cheeks afterwards, leaving lipstick marks there. Finn watched as they stumbled towards the hotel reception arm in arm, Rae's head lolling back on his shoulder. She wrapped her arms around his, snuggling closer to him.

"When's the big day then?" the cab driver asked.

"In two weeks." Finn replied, gently leaning Rae's head back as it lolled forward, her grip on him slackening as she fell further into sleep.

"Not long now then. You nervous?"

"Not really. I know it's expected for the groom to be bricking it but…I feel pretty calm." Rae seemed to be freaking out more than he was, if anything.

"Just you wait. It hasn't sunk in for you yet. I remember the night before my first wedding, I was climbing the walls."

"First wedding?" Finn asked, Rae grumbling next to him, completely oblivious to their conversation.

"That's right. Been married three times, if ya can believe it." he said.

"Jesus." Finn mumbled, Rae jolting out of place as they went over a speed bump. Finn held her steady, cupping her face in his hand as he resettled her. She seemed out of it.

"Yeah. Never again. Something changes once you tie the knot…I can't describe what it is, but it does. It's like, everything you thought was so great about the girl at first just seems a bit…I dunno, crap once you've shackled yaself to her. I guess it's cos you lose a bit of your freedom or something. It's almost…what's the word…paranormal, when it happens."

"That's good to know." Finn drawled sarcastically, praying for the ride to be over as soon as humanly possible. _What the fuck's this guy's deal, telling an engaged couple about how shit marriage is? _

When his prayers were answered, the cab driver helped Finn get Rae out of the car, the man propping her against her fiancé, Finn resuming his grip on her. He thanked the guy before paying him.

"All the best to ya both." he chimed before driving off. _Don't need your blessing, thanks mate, not with your track record. _

Getting Rae up the stairs to their flat was the trickiest part, Finn having to practically drag her at points. She would no doubt wake up to find carpet burns on her legs. He got her up the last few steps with a groan, Rae singing softly as Finn moved her across their living room towards their bedroom.

" * Ain't no other man…grand stand…on next to you, ain't no other man, on plan…knows what you do…you're the kinda guy a girl fires in ugly ooo… * "

The springs on the bed squeaked as Finn dropped her onto the mattress. He took off her shoes before pulling the hair out of her mouth, tucking it behind her ear and covering her with the duvet. He nipped to the kitchen to get their big salad bowl, bringing it into the bedroom and putting it on the floor next to the bed. _Just in case. _

As he moved away, Rae reached out and made a lazy grab at his wrist. Finn caught her hand, kneeling beside her and placing his other hand on her head, stroking her hair gently as her eyes opened slightly.

"I don't think I'm gonna vomit tonight." she whispered.

"Good, but if you do feel like you're gonna go, tell me, yeah?"

Rae nodded slowly against the pillow before closing her eyes once more. Finn leaned in to kiss her nose, Rae crinkling it with a lazy smile.

"Night then." Finn whispered.

"Night." Rae replied, her breathing becoming deeper. As Finn looked at his fiancé, her face illuminated by the light blue of the dawn coming through their window, he couldn't imagine loving her any more than he did at that moment. He'd been in love with her for over a decade, yet he couldn't keep Rae's slurred fears out of his mind, as well as the unsettling omen from their cab driver. He looked at her left hand, tucked under her chest and resting on the mattress by her neck. He imagined a silver band joining the engagement ring already on her ring finger. Would things really change? Would his feelings for her diminish suddenly…he couldn't see it himself, but what if she fell out of love with him? What if their union proved to be the final nail in their coffin? He wasn't sure he could handle losing Rae, to have her stop loving him.

Finn felt his chest constrict, his breathing becoming shallower. The rational part of his brain kept telling him he was tired and stressed from work, the eventful evening doing a lot to warp his mind…yet the rational part of his brain wasn't the most prominent. _Fuck it. _

He shot up, pacing to the living room before kneeling on the floor in front of the sofa. Looking underneath it, he reached in and felt around blindly, finally making purchase on a small cardboard box, already feeling calmer at the mere feel of it in his hand. Ripping it from the bottom of her sofa (it had been cellotaped underneath) he walked to the kitchen, opening the windows before turning on the stove, lighting his cigarette and inhaling deeply, his eyes closing in ecstasy. _That's what it's all about. _With each savoured drag, he felt his anxiety lessen, his erratic thoughts slowing down and beginning to streamline. As the paper burned and the ash fell away, his fears decreased and reason won out. Their story, his and Rae's, it wasn't like any other story. They'd been together for years, were meant for each other, a fact obvious to everyone including them. Above everything else, Finn wanted to make Rae his wife, to be able to refer to her as such to the people he met, to claim her for his own and to become hers by the same token. He wasn't about to let the unfounded, drunken fears of his fiancé and the tale of woe from a complete stranger make him lose it.

If this was his bout of wedding jitters, he was a jammy sod, because it lasted all of 5 minutes. He thought the cigarette had done a lot to keep it at bay, but then he wondered if the fears would reemerge nearer to the big moment. He shook his head, stubbing out his cigarette before closing the windows, the sun already peaking out on the horizon. He walked to the bedroom, taking off his shirt en route and unbuckling his trousers. Stripping down to his boxers, he slipped under the duvet behind the sleeping Rae, who was practically falling off her side of the bed. He gently pulled her towards him, wrapping his arm around his waist. He buried his nose in her hair, which smelled like cigarette smoke, dry ice and perfume. She writhed in his arms slightly, backing herself into him further. Finn couldn't predict the future…neither of them could. They just needed to take things day by day, one step at a time. _Step 1: Sleep until 2pm. Step 2: Shower (together) - wash Rae's hair, suffer her hungover wrath. Step 3: Fry up and painkillers…_

Take things as they come and ignore the neigh sayers; a philosophy Finn could definitely work with.


	28. Rae and Finn: Love Bites

_Prompt: "Hello! So as the avid Rae x Finn fanfic reader that I am, I've noticed that across all of you lovely writers there seems to be a theme of Finn leaving marks on Rae (like hickies and other sexy time bruises). I was just hoping you would write a fic about the first time it happens and how they both react to it? Naughty details are encouraged of course. Please and Thank You!"_

_ TW: Sexy happenings!_

* * *

Summer may have been coming to a close, but it didn't stop the boys from wanting to head to Uffington and swim in the river there. There was fuck all to do in Stamford, and they were getting tired of always being inside, or just sitting around Rutland or the local parks. It was Chop who suggested it at first, eager to get back into the water since Chloe's pool party. He was also eager to get Izzy back into a bikini, sure to appreciate the sight all the more now she was his girlfriend.

"I'm not swimming though, you can forget it. It's so manky in that water." she said with a grimace when Chop pitched it to the gang in the pub.

"Don't be a fanny! It's good for ya! Builds up ya immune system; I read it in a text book." Chop reasoned, Izzy only rolling her eyes.

"C'mon Chop, Izzy's right. That river's so shit high they'll be classifying it as a danger zone any day now. The only people who swim in it are tramps and dead bodies." Rae agreed, the gang chuckling.

"It's not that bad, Rae. We used to swim in there all'time when we were kids." Finn said from beside her.

"Glad you don't have any weird deformities in that case." she said with a grin. Finn glanced around at his friends before pulling Rae to him, pressing his lips to her ear.

"You haven't seen everything yet." he whispered, Rae flushing.

"What did he say?" Chloe asked, Rae shaking her head.

"Nothing." but she couldn't hide the smirk from appearing on her face, Finn grinning wickedly at her side.

Whether the girls liked it or not, it had been decided, and the next day they all headed down there, Chop, Izzy, Archie and Chloe in Chop's car, Finn and Rae on Finn's scooter. The gang all had loose fitting clothes on with their swimsuits underneath, Rae wearing long shorts, her Aunt Jackie's old shell suit jacket and a vest, the air ballooning the silky material of the jacket as they rode, blowing up around her arms like a parachute. The rest of the gang were already there when the pair arrived, Chop able to drive near a secluded spot by the riverbank next to the adjoining woods, Finn parking alongside him.

"Race ya in!" Chop yelled after he'd exited the car, ripping off his shirt and pulling down his trackies, Finn giving Rae a quick peck on the cheek before following suit. They could have been little boys in that moment, their youth pulsing from them as Finn pulled Chop back mid run, the two teens wrestling and laughing, Chop slipping across the mud on the bank onto his back and pulling on Finn's ankle from the floor, making him stumble and curse through his laughter. The girls and Archie looked on amused, Finn managing to break free and leap in first, Chop scrambling up and cannon balling in his wake.

"You not going in?" Rae asked Archie, who suddenly looked uncomfortable.

"Er, maybe later. " he said dismissively.

"Don't feel like ya have to. You don't have to try and impress us or anything." Rae said with a kind smile.

"Well, in that case, I ain't going in there if ya paid me." he said with a grin, Rae laughing.

"It doesn't look _that _bad." Izzy commented, moving closer to the edge and looking into the water, the ripples from Chop and Finn reaching the bank as they swam a few laps.

"Is that a dead rat?" Rae joked, Izzy squealing and running towards back towards the car, her shoulders pressed against her ears.

"What's happened?" Chop shouted, making to swim towards them.

"Nothing! I just made a bad joke." Rae called back, Izzy still shivering as Chloe gave her an end of the tartan blanket she'd brought to spread out on the grass.

"Impossible m'dear." Chop responded with a grin, Rae blowing him a kiss, laughing as Chop caught it.

Archie grabbed Chop's brother's boom box from the boot, placing it on the blanket and putting on some music, Rae passing everyone a beer from the cooler they'd brought before sitting down, Izzy and Chloe already in their bikinis, rubbing sun cream on themselves. It was a hot day despite spring being close by, Rae feeling brave enough to take off her shell suit jacket, the vest she had on the furthest she was willing to go in terms of revealing clothes. Her shorts reached just below her knees, and she'd hoped to catch some sun on her shins.

Rae couldn't keep her eyes off Finn, the muscles in his back contracting as he swam, his wet skin glistening under the sun. Chloe said something she didn't quite hear, Archie pressing up underneath Rae's chin to close her gaping mouth. Only then did she snap out of it.

"What?" she sniped with an annoyed frown, Archie laughing and jerking her head towards Chloe, Rae turning her attention to her, expression unmoving.

"I was trying to talk to ya, gawm." she said, taking a sip of beer.

"Sorry. I was distracted." Rae said with a smirk, leaning back on her hands and returning her attention to Finn, who was laughing with Chop over something unknown. Chloe rolled her eyes.

"Don't be one of those girls, Rae."

"What do you mean by _those girls_?" Rae asked, frowning.

"Yaknow the types, the ones who get a boyfriend and suddenly their friends might as well not exist." Chloe responded, adjusting her bikini strap.

Rae physically shook under the effort of holding in the ultimate scoff. Chloe's hypocrisy was earth shattering at times, Rae knowing from experience how she'd take a back seat whenever Chloe hooked up with someone. Sometimes she wouldn't even be in the car at all. She hoped her silence would make her drop her line of thought, but whether it did or not was irrelevant, because Finn and Chop were pulling themselves out and moving to join them, Rae getting a towel ready for Finn and relishing the sight of him approaching. It could have been playing in slow motion.

Finn took the towel from Rae with a mumbled thanks, sitting beside her and drying himself off, Archie handing him a beer. Finn glanced at the girls as they put sun cream on each other's backs. Rae followed his gaze.

"Can I have that after you've done with it, Iz?" she asked, Izzy nodding and handing her the bottle. Rae got to work with rubbing the cream over her arms, Finn leaning back and watching her, Rae oblivious as she chatted to the other three. He particularly enjoyed the sight of her rubbing scream on her chest, Rae catching on to him as she did so, meeting his not so subtle gaze and feeling her face flush. They shared a smile, Finn wordlessly taking the bottle from her and moving to kneel behind her, Rae trying hard to keep her cool as Finn squeezed some sun cream into his hand before rubbing it on her back and shoulders, massaging it in and taking his time. Rae let the others do the talking for a while, the hairs on the back of her neck standing on end and her body riddled with goosebumps, despite the heat. Finn fought a smirk, never getting tired of his effect on her. He put some cream on his own body afterwards and it was Rae's turn to watch him, glad of the gang ceasing their conversation for a little while.

"D'ya mind?" Finn asked, his eyebrow quirking as he handed Rae the bottle. She wanted to make a joke, but the urge was buried by her heart skipping. He laid down in front of her after she'd shook her head, resting his head on his folded arms as Rae straddled him. Finn wriggled slightly, praying he didn't get a boner. He tried not to visualise how she was looking right then, tried to keep his mind off the fact her crotch was now pressed down against the back of his thighs.

"All this display needs is 1970s porn music." Archie quipped, Finn turning his head to face him before flipping him the bird, Rae huffing out a laugh. Rae loved Finn's back, relished the feel of his muscles underneath her fingers, the muscles she'd been admiring mere minutes before. She didn't think she'd ever get used to the thrill touching him gave her, the knowledge that he was _her _boyfriend a novelty that she doubted would ever diminish. If the cream hadn't have ran out, Rae would have happily stayed in that position for the rest of the day, as would have Finn. After she'd got off him, he sat back next to her, the gang chatting and drinking the afternoon away. Chop and Finn made to head back into the river after a couple of hours, both of them trying to persuade Archie to join them.

"C'mon, ya pussy! There's nout wrong wi'it!" Chop declared, Archie raising his hands in front of him as he refused. _Big mistake. _Finn and Chop both grabbed an arm each, yanking him upwards and wrestling to grab a leg each before running towards the river, Archie thrashing and yelling whilst the girls laughed hysterically at the sight.

After chatting to the girls for a while longer, Rae left them to wander to the edge of the lake. She didn't want to go in entirely, but she didn't see the harm in just dipping her feet in. She sat herself down on the edge, submerging her legs and kicking them slightly, swirling the cool water with her shins. Chop had got out to sit next to Izzy, Finn following him for a while before spotting Rae. He swam towards her, pulling himself up and wrapping his arms around her waist, bobbing up and down slightly between her open legs. An unspoken veil of tension fell between them, as his face was very near to her crotch. He kept looking up at her, the self imposted restraint to not glance down apparent in his expression. She tried to break the tension with a forced cough, fighting it more with a smile, which he mirrored.

"Having fun?" she asked, stroking his shoulders.

"Would be more fun if you came in." he said, Rae shaking her head, giggling as Finn pouted.

"I'd much rather sit on the side lines and enjoy the view, if it's all the same to ya." she said.

"Why only look when you can sample the goods?" Finn said, raising his eyebrows with a cheeky grin. Rae threw her head back, her laugh echoing around the trees.

"You daft sod." she smiled, suddenly tensing as Finn landed an adoring kiss on her belly. She'd not quite got used to his attention there, Finn only recently beginning to feel comfortable enough to stroke her stomach as they made out or cuddled. Rae couldn't hide her grimace at first, finding it difficult to imagine how he could hold her fat flesh in his hands and still be turned on, but he'd persevered despite her protests. In Finn's mind, her stomach was a part of her, and everything about Rae was gorgeous to him. He didn't even think about it until he saw her reaction. She would just have to get used to it, he figured, because he wasn't going to avoid it altogether. He didn't want to avoid anything to do with Rae. He wanted all of her, every little bit, if she was willing to give it to him.

"Rae…can you hold my glasses?" Archie asked, swimming towards them and holding his spectacles aloft.

"Course." she smiled, taking them from him. Finn kissed Rae's knee before swimming away, rejoining Chop.

"It's not bad in here, yaknow. Hardly any sewage." Archie said with a grin, Rae laughing.

"Well, if my gorgeous slice of a boyfriend can't persuade me to come in, you've got no chance." she said, Archie scoffing.

"How's that going, by the way?" he asked.

"Heavenly!" she gushed, pressing her shoulders against her ears.

"Alright, alright, don't rub it in." Archie moaned, Rae giggling before checking her friends were far enough away to properly continue the conversation.

"So er…I take it things didn't go very well with that Phil guy, then?" she asked, Archie pulling himself up to sit next to her and grimacing.

"It was like snogging a goldfish." he said, before melting into his best impression of one. He shivered dramatically as she laughed, before giving him a sympathetic smile.

"Sorry." she offered, Archie sighing.

"It'd just be nice to…you know, have a boyfriend to show off, out in the open." Archie lamented, Rae shifting closer to him and pressing her shoulder against his comfortingly.

"You will, eventually. When you're ready to tell everyone the truth." she assured, Archie smiling appreciatively.

"I think Chloe's feeling the same - we're like the third and fourth wheel, she and I." he sighed, kicking the water.

"Yeah well, I'm not going to start feeling guilty now I'm _finally_ happy w'someone, you know?" Rae said, quoting Kester from her last session. _Just enjoy it, Rae. You've got enough on your plate about without worrying about how Chloe feels about you and Finn. She'll get used to it, so you just need to carry on doing what feels natural._

"I'm not trying to make you feel guilty, Rae. I'm happy you're happy, honest…and as for Finn, I can't remember seeing him this happy before. It's really nice." Archie observed. Rae felt her chest sear, her stomach tickling pleasantly.

"Anyway, I better head back in. Might find myself a hot merman or something…"

"…and there's me thinking you've had your fill of fishy men this week." Rae quipped, Archie laughing as he pushed himself back into the river. Rae watched him swim away, still smiling fondly before standing, moving to give Izzy Archie's glasses.

Something caught her eye, and she wandered over to a nearby tree, spotting a bird she recognised and watching it build its nest for a while. Finn snuck up behind her, unnoticed.

"Finn!" Rae squealed as he shook his wet hair all over her.

"You're getting in that water, even if I have to drag you in." he said with a smile, eyebrows raised.

"Fuck am I." Rae laughed, Finn making to tickle her. She squirmed away, running around the tree as Finn began to chase her.

"C'mon…get your kit off…" he laughed, tugging at her vest.

"I swear to god if you don't back off I'm gonna punch you in the bollocks." Rae warned, trying to sound serious but failing, a delighted grin still tugging at her lips.

"Finn…Finn!" she kept shouting when he didn't let up, the couple lapping around the tree twice before Rae ran into the woods. She kept looking behind her, Finn still smiling as he chased her, Rae letting out another squeal as she ducked and dived through the trees, Finn laughing, getting nearer and nearer. She didn't know where she was going, wasn't really thinking much of anything. The beer saw to that, her body warm and fuzzy. She felt like she was floating, like she was running through thin air.

"Gotcha!" Finn shouted, Rae jolting in shock as Finn wrapped his arms around her shoulders, pressing a hard kiss on her neck. He turned her in his arms, planting another kiss on her smiling lips, both panting. He stepped away, taking her hand before looking around, the tips of Rae's hair damp from where his cheek had been pressed, her t-shirt speckled with water.

"Where the fuck are we?" Rae wheezed, letting out another chuckle, Finn shrugging as he lead her forward a few paces. If he couldn't get her into the river, he figured they could indulge in an activity even more fun, the opportunity presenting itself now they were alone. He found a clean patch of grass underneath a tree, sitting down and pulling his girlfriend down with him. He didn't even have to initiate anything, Rae lunging for him a mere second after her bum hit the ground, merry and carefree. Finn chuckled into her mouth before the kiss deepened, hands gathered in her hair and gently stroking her shoulders and arms, Rae's hands resting on his waist.

"Your skin is so soft…" Finn whispered, his lips ghosting hers as he gently trailed the tips of his fingers over her collar bone, making her shiver. She swallowed, her eyes fixed on his and her breathing laboured, but this time not from exhaustion. His hand travelled upwards, cupping her jaw as he moved his lips to her neck. Rae closed her eyes as Finn tucked her hair behind her back before pressing his lips against her for a few seconds, landing a long kiss on the pale skin before moving his position slightly to land another on an area nearby.

"Are you tryin' to give me a love bite or something?" Rae giggled, Finn pausing just below her earlobe.

"D'ya want one?" he asked quietly.

"I don't mind really." Rae said, trying to sound nonchalant but failing. She'd always eye Chloe's jealously throughout secondary school, always wondering what it would be like to have one, to have a boy actually want to suck on her skin until it was bruised. Now was her chance, and despite her neutral response, she hoped Finn would go for it with all her heart. He pressed his lips against her neck once more, this time gathering some flesh in-between them and pressing his lips together, hard. He began to suck, a moan rumbling in Rae's throat.

"Am I hurting ya?" Finn asked, pulling back with a slurp and meeting her gaze, which was initially far off and defocussed. She shook her head, her eyes dark and her chest heaving. At her reassurance, he returned his lips to the same area, his cheeks hollowing once more as he resumed his sucking, Rae closing her eyes and letting herself ease into the moment entirely, one of her hands finding his before she interlocked their fingers together, the pressure of his grip mirroring the suction on her skin.

"That should do it." he said gruffly, Rae moving back and placing a hand on the area his lips had just left. Finn kissed her again, waiting for the evidence of his handiwork to form.

"How's it look?" Rae said, voice low, tilting her head to the side.

When he inspected the evidence he found it'd been the neatest he'd ever given, and the darkest.

"Looks alright." he said with a nod, gently trailing his thumb over it, the statement shedding no light on his true emotions.

He always found giving love bites a bit boring, but with Rae it was different. It was an excuse to feel her skin on his lips, to taste her, to feel the bobbing of her throat and the pulse of her heartbeat in his mouth. It was also an excuse to hold her, to press her against him and for her to hold him in in return. He never knew the potential enjoyment to be had from an act originally thought to be trivial. As he gazed at it and her in turn, he also loved how it'd be a temporary symbol of his presence. She was his girlfriend and only his, nobody else's - he was the only boy who could do this to her, who she'd let kiss her and hold her like this. He'd never felt the thrill he was feeling at that moment before, the purple circle high enough to be difficult to hide, unless she decided to start wearing turtlenecks.

Finn lifted the tip of his finger to the bruise, Rae closing her eyes as she tried to decipher the word he gently wrote upon it.

M-I-N-E

She opened her eyes to meet his, smiling adoringly at the bashful quirk of his lips, her eyes ladened with dark intensity, contrasting the tenderness. She nodded, Finn capturing her lips in his once again, the pair making out for a minute more before Rae pulled away.

"I want to…can I…?" she asked, her eyes widening. He nodded when he caught on, tilting his head to expose more of his neck to her. She hesitated momentarily.

"I might be really shit." she said. Finn shook his head slowly, dark eyes sparkling.

"It's not hard. Ya just have to keeping sucking. Don't worry about hurting me or anything." he assured, shifting closer. Rae nodded, starting as Finn did by pressing a gentle kiss on his neck, Finn biting his bottom lip and closing his eyes as she took more of his skin into her mouth, her teeth grazing him. A wicked thought suddenly found its way into Finn's head involving Rae sucking something else, and he felt himself hardening as Rae increased the pressure. He found his breath coming out ragged. Rae held Finn closer to her, loving the feel of his skin on her lips, her tongue lapping out momentarily to taste him. He jerked when she did so, Rae pulling away, a groan of disappointment bubbling in Finn's throat.

"Was that alright?" she asked, Finn nodding, managing to compose himself.

"Yeah." he said simply, following Rae's gaze as it flicked down to his crotch. It was obvious he was hard, the thin material of his trunks straining against it.

"Sorry…" he said bashfully, Rae turning paler and averting her gaze. Finn shifted on the floor before half rolling his eyes and shaking his head. He wasn't going to apologise for Rae turning him on - she was his girlfriend, for crying out loud. He had an idea - well, more of an impulse. She'd got him going and now he craved a release, but he wanted Rae to help him. Yet he knew they were taking small steps, which he didn't mind, and he didn't want to expose himself to her or make her do anything she wasn't ready for.

"Rae…can I ask you something?" he requested, Rae freezing slightly but managing to look at him.

"Yeah?"

"Do you think I could…" he trailed off, gesturing to his erection before looking back up at Rae, hoping to convey the rest with his expression.

"Do you want me to…" Rae asked, but Finn could tell she felt uncomfortable, her light dimmed.

"I just wanted to sort myself out but, it would be cool if you stayed…you don't have to do anything…maybe just snog me while I…" he gestured to the area again, before clenching his fists and looking away.

"I'm sorry Rae. Just forget it-"

"I can do that, if you want me to." Rae interrupted, the old her returning amidst her relief and - she couldn't deny - growing excitement. Finn looked back at her, eyes brightening, a smile pulling at his lips.

"Ya sure?" he asked, Rae nodding with a smile of her own. She shifted closer to him, gently taking his face in her hands and bringing his lips to hers, Finn resting his hand on her back whilst slipping the other into his damp trunks, holding himself. Rae was shivering, her blood stream rushing with adrenaline and nerves. Finn's heart was racing, breathing becoming heavier as he tugged, wanting to take things slow but the dim fear of one of their friends, or somebody else entirely finding them quashed the inclination. Having Rae there made the experience all the sweeter, as he often thought about her when he masturbated anyway. To have her there, to have her kiss him like this was exciting, even if she wasn't touching or even looking at his cock. Thoughts went through his head of all the things he'd hoped to do with her eventually, which was a lot. He wanted her to touch him soon, to touch her intimately too. As he thought this, he moved his hand from her back and cupped her breast, the warmth in his groin building. His groans vibrated against Rae's lips, releasing more as she pulled away to give them both a breather.

Unable to help it, she pulled back further to look into his eyes, which scanned her face hungrily, heavy and dark as he licked his lips. She shivered harder under his scrutiny, his raw sexiness making her ache with want. She felt the impulse to touch him, to finish him off herself, but something stopped her. She reasoned that he was probably nearly done anyway, the thought interrupted by Finn pulling at her, wanting her to kiss him again. He snaked his hand into her hair, panting into her mouth, his whole body rocking as he quickened his pace. He sat up more, his back straightening and muscles tensing as he felt himself get close. He groaned hard in surprise as Rae gently trailed her fingertips across his abs, ghosting the skin underneath his belly button. Her hands were so tantalisingly close to his own moving fist, the sensation of her soft skin married with the friction he afforded himself exhilarating. He had to pull his lips away, eyes closed tight and brow sweaty.

"Rae…" he growled, opening his eyes, dazed, before pulling her towards him needily. He pressed their foreheads together, Rae stroking his back as he choked out harsh breaths. Rae felt overwhelmed herself, never seeing a boy do this before, let alone this close…and knowing she was helping it along made her feel indescribable. She didn't feel anxious or scared, her trust in Finn a constant balm of safety. She felt horny herself, and if she would have been ready at that time for Finn to see her naked, she'd have asked him to kiss her whilst she touched_herself_, the memory of the current goings on a sure fire way of getting her off.

Finn knew he'd blow at any second, holding Rae to him with one arm, hugging her tight as he bucked into the last few strokes. Suddenly he convulsed, gasping harshly as he came. Rae peppered kisses on his shoulder as he rode it out, the fabric of her vest gathered in his fist.

"Fuckin' 'ell." Finn exclaimed, sagging limply as his head lolled back against the tree behind him. He caught his breath, Rae resuming his seat beside him, seeing Finn wipe his hand on the inside of his trunks out of the corner of her eye before he swung his head towards her slightly.

"Thanks." he said, Rae meeting his gaze.

"S'alright." she smiled, her cheeks pink.

"We better head back, I guess." Finn said after he'd caught his breath, Rae nodding.

"Alright."

They stood, Rae brushing herself off before Finn grabbed her hand, leading her back in the direction they ran from.

"It's not come out half bad, actually." Rae said proudly from beside him, Finn almost forgetting the love bite she'd given him. He touched it gently with a grin, throwing it at Rae as they neared their friends, who looked like they were packing away.

"There they are." Archie informed the others. Finn walked to the lake to clean himself off, dunking himself in waist high as Rae walked towards the others, Chloe and Izzy giggling amongst themselves before Chloe adopted a mock scolding demeanour, clearing her throat pointedly.

"Er, what do you call this then?" she teased, tapping her neck.

"You of all people should know; you've had enough of 'em in your time." Rae threw back, Izzy laughing and Chop wolf whistling as Archie packed away the boom box.

"Yeah, when I was 14. You grow out of certain things." she snarked back, Rae not rising to it, not wanting Chloe to bring her down.

"We're heading off anyway. You coming?" she continued when Rae simply helped Izzy with the blanket. Rae looked over at Finn, who was making his way to get out of the river.

"Finn - they're going back. You staying or going?" Rae called, Finn walking towards his friends and pushing his wet hair back from his face.

"We could stick around for a bit, if ya want?" Finn offered, Rae nodding.

"Alright, cool." she smiled, the couple helping their friends pack the kit into Chop's boot. They said their goodbyes, Rae and Chloe easing up on each other just before she headed off, Chloe even given her a hug, their way of mutually apologising. Izzy was quite burned, so wasn't in the best of moods, but she hugged Rae regardless before walking gingerly to Chop's car.

After they drove off, Rae laid herself down on her back, using Finn's leather jacket as a pillow. Finn wrapped himself in a towel before joining her, following suit and using her stomach as his own pillow. Rae didn't tense at the contact this time, feeling utterly relaxed as the sun began to set. She placed a hand on his chest, the other reaching down to stroke and fiddle with his hair. He shifted onto his front after a few minutes laying in that position, the couple conversing lazily every now and then but mostly laying there in silence. He rested his cheek on her stomach and closed his eyes, the rise and fall of her warm skin comforting him. Rae smiled, happy butterflies forming in her stomach, their easy intimacy one of the keenest pleasures in Rae's life. It was unclear who fell asleep first, but when they both woke up they realised, after Finn scrabbled around in the darkness for his discarded watch, that it was early morning.

"My Mum'll be freaking out." Rae commented as she rubbed her eye sleepily. Finn stood before stretching with a yawn of his own, walking closer to the river. He knew his parents would probably be worried too, but he figured if they were already late, they might as well stay out for a little longer. He wasn't ready to go home yet. He looked up at the stars before looking back at Rae, who stood. He reached out his hand, Rae walking towards him and taking it, his fingers linking with hers as they both stared out into the water.

"We should go in." Finn said, tone steady and serious.

"Did you not hear what I just said? Mum's probably sending out a search party as we speak." Rae declared, trying to hammer it home.

Finn didn't look at her, only stared into the dark blue in a daze, the light of the moon and a few distant street lamps illuminating the space.

"Finn?" Rae tried, shaking his arm in her grasp. He unlinked his fingers before pulling down his swimming trunks in one swift movement, Rae's breath catching in her throat as Finn stood next to her stark bollock naked. She caught a glimpse of his penis before averting her eyes, Finn not giving her a chance to come to her senses - _Why am I looking away? He's my boyfriend…I'm going to see it eventually. Might as well be now. _- as he walked towards the river, Rae looking at his naked bum, which was even more gorgeous than she could have imagined, from what she could see in the darkness. He didn't jump in this time, but instead sat on the bank before lowering himself in, swimming out a bit before turning and looking up at her.

Rae suddenly felt a wave of fear hit her, and she desperately hoped he wasn't expecting her to strip off as well. She no longer hid her feelings from Finn, who insisted on her being honest with him at all times ever since they'd got together, so she went for the truth again in this case.

"I'm not ready to…" she said meekly, looking down at her body.

"I'm not expecting you to Rae. Just come in wimme for a bit…please." he asked, Rae softening at his pleading tone. She wasn't going to resist any longer - the river didn't look as bad as she initially thought, and she was hardly going to turn down the opportunity to swim with her naked boyfriend. Her heart had been pounding ever since he first stripped off, and it continued to pound as she walked to the edge of the bank and lowered herself in, fully clothed. Finn swam towards her, meaning to help her, but as she didn't need it he swam away again, Rae following him. The pair bobbed for a while, Finn moving slowly towards Rae and kissing her softly.

"I've had such an amazing day." Rae sighed with a smile as they continued to look at each other. "…even if Mum is going to ground me for a week. It was worth it." she continued, her voice quivering, struggling to suppress her nerves.

Finn's expression remained unchanged, although he furrowed his brow slightly, Rae catching his conflicted expression even in the dim light.

"What is it?" she whispered, suddenly concerned. He swallowed.

"I wanted ya to…" he began, Rae tensing as her brain treated her to a relentless barrage of thoughts as to how he was going to finish that sentence. She managed to hide it, watching him with open patience as she always did when he struggled to speak.

"I wanted…I wanted to show you myself. Just now…when…" he looked at the bank, jerking his head towards his discarded trunks, Rae looking with him. She caught on, feeling her cheeks burn.

"I see." she whispered. They carried on bobbing in heavy silence, not meeting each other's eyes.

"No deformities, then." Rae said, Finn looking at her with another frown. She looked back at him with a lopsided grin, Finn's expression softening as he broke into a laugh. Rae chuckled too, moving forward to kiss Finn's smiling lips, feeling him wrap an arm around her. They kissed for a few minutes more before the warmth left them, the cold of the water driving the couple back onto land.

Rae thought about how her Mum would react when she got home in the early hours, damp with a love bite on her neck. She didn't think she'd take it too well, somehow.


	29. Girl Mean to Rae, Finn Defends Her

_Prompt: "Hey, i LOVE! all your stories ive read all of them and thought maybe you could write one where finn and rae are out and some girls come on to him and are mean to rae so he gets pissed something like that if you could please thanks :D x"_

_Smut warning!_

* * *

"We on this then?" Chop asked, eyes wide, standing on his usual imaginary stage in front of the gang's table in the pub.

"I am!" Izzy beamed, Chop giving her a grin and throwing her a "That's m'girl!" before scurrying over to peck her. He looked at the rest of his friends afterwards, taking a seat to hear the other verdicts.

"I suppose I'm free. It's this Friday night, yeah?" Archie asked, pushing his glasses further up the bridge of his nose.

"Yes indeedio! How about you Raemundo? You game?"

"I dunno…last time I went to the carnival I got food poisoning after eating a dodgy hot dog." she said with a grimace, Archie and Chop laughing as Izzy gave her a sympathetic look.

"Don't eat the hot dogs then." Finn said from beside her, Rae turning to him with a withering look.

"Thanks Sherlock. I'll keep that in mind." she drawled, Finn smirking down at his pint.

"Wait a minute…didn't we go to the carnival together last time?" Chloe asked Rae.

"Yeah, but you were off snogging Reggie Clayton on the ferris wheel whilst I was blowing chunks behind the Walzers." she responded, Chloe gazing off into space, her expression softening as she remembered.

"Oh yeah. He was so fit." she sighed, Rae rolling her eyes. _Classic Chloe._

"C'mon Rae! I'm sure the food'll be better this time!" Izzy persuaded, Rae turning to Finn.

"You going?" she asked, Finn giving her a nod.

"Chlo?" Rae checked, Chloe visibly surprised that she was a factor in her decision.

"Er, yeah! Why not. Although it's a bit depressing going when you're single. I mean - who'll go in the Tunnel of Love with me?" she moaned, glancing at Archie who tensed before sharing a concerned look with Rae, who fought the urge to laugh.

"I'm sure you'll find someone Chloe. You've got a few days." Rae reasoned.

"Suppose." Chloe said before taking a sip of her alco pop.

"That's settled then! We'll meet here for a bevy at 6 before heading down there." Chop declared, rubbing his hands together, mission accomplished.

When the night arrived, Chloe hadn't managed to find anyone to go with, a fact Archie was more concerned about than she was.

"If only you weren't with Finn. You could pretend to be my girlfriend then, keep her at bay!" Archie moaned when they were alone at the bar, Rae chuckling.

"What makes you think I'd be your patsy even if I was single?" she teased in mock offence.

"Because you love me and you think I'm cute." he responded with a sweet smile, Rae shaking her head with an amused smirk. "Twat." she said under her breath, Archie laughing as they both rejoined their friends.

After a few drinks, they set off, all chatting in the evening light as they walked to the field, the lights of the carnival visible from a mile off.

They all got stuck in once they'd entered the grounds, Chop immediately running towards the Strongman Striker, eager to impress Izzy with his skill. They all had a go, Chop annoyed that Finn got the weight up further than he did, before both boys became collectively shocked (and oddly turned on, in Finn's case) when Rae got it higher than both of them.

"Who's the Daddy?" she called out, Izzy and Archie clapping in delight as Chop and Finn looked at her warily. Rae leapt into a victory dance, making her friends all laugh, including the emasculated boys in question. Finn wasn't having any of it, pulling off his t-shirt and taking the hammer from his now silently transfixed girlfriend before handing her the shirt, making a spectacle of flexing his muscles before he brought the hammer down, the ring of the bell a good metaphor for the female orgasm.

"You ain't having this back." Rae teased as he approached her smugly, her face falling as she cought a few girls eyeing him up hungrily as they walked past.

"Second thoughts…" she countered with a sigh, chucking him the shirt.

They all moved onto the other carnival games soon after, pacing themselves before going on the big rides. Chop won Izzy a toy Bag Puss on the Space Shooter, the red head kissing him adoringly in thanks. The cute boy at the stand began flirting with Chloe, Rae catching him as he told her his shift would be over in a couple of hours. Chloe threw a wink at Rae after their exchange, seemingly finding an ideal candidate for her Tunnel of Love companion. Rae could practically feel Archie's immense relief pulse off him.

When the gang arrived at the Waltzers, Finn began teasing Rae immediately.

"Where abouts were ya sick then, Rae?" he grinned, the gang laughing as she pinched his arm. He jerked away with a laugh.

"You've not eaten any gone off hot dogs today, have ya?" Archie joined with a chuckle of his own.

"Yeah, Raemundo's had her fill of dodgy sausage, ay Finn?" Chop quipped. The gang all exploded into peels of laughter, Rae blushing.

"There ain't nothing dodgy about my sausage, alright?" Finn threw back, the girls gasping in unison before Rae shielded her face with an embarrassed "Oh my god." Chop and Archie were almost doubled over.

The gang continued to make the rounds, stumbling dizzily from the Walzers to the Energizer, their screams echoing into the night. The boys had a field day in the Haunted House, all conspiring to scare the girls, Finn and Chop already knowing the place inside out from when they were kids. It was all fun and games before Chop startled Chloe so bad she instinctively shoved him away, making him break clean through the plywood coffin behind him. They were subsequently chucked off, Chop nursing a throbbing arm as the rest of the gang, all except the still thoroughly not amused Chloe, laughed their heads off.

They all headed to the ferris wheel, Archie jumping into Rae's compartment quickly so he wasn't left alone with Chloe, who he still didn't trust despite her already making alternative arrangements. He threw an irked Finn an apologetic look, Izzy pulling Finn away before he could protest. "C'mon Finn! You can share w'me." she beamed, Finn smiling despite himself. Rae grinned at the pair of them, Chop and Chloe getting into the compartment below Finn and Izzy.

Rae linked her arm around Archie's, the pair chatting and looking up at the stars. They wondered if Chop and Chloe had made their peace, their theory proved right as they heard Chloe's laugh echo around them.

"Nobody can stay mad at Chopper for long." Rae pointed out, Archie nodding in agreement.

After they all disembarked, they decided it was time to go on the most exciting ride of the lot. They all queued up for the big dipper, Chop's arms draped over Izzy's shoulders as she chatted to Rae and Chloe, Chop talking to Finn and Archie over her head. Chop was momentarily distracted by somebody at the front of the queue.

"Ere, Finn…ain't that Shelly Parker?" Chop asked, jerking his head forward. Finn looked behind him at the familiar face standing by the ride entrance before turning back, eyeing Rae awkwardly before facing Chop once again.

"Yeah. Guess she works here." he mumbled, Rae looking at him curiously.

"Who's Shelly Parker, then?" she asked, trying to sound playful but not quite hitting it. Her voice quivered as she asked it, but she fought hard to keep her cool.

"Finn went out with her couple'a'years back." Chop responded, Finn glaring at him as Rae looked at the floor with a quiet "Oh." Chop met Finn's icy stare before trying to back track.

"Only for a few months, mind! Wasn't even that serious. She were crap in the sack, weren't she Finn?"

"Oi!" Izzy scolded, elbowing him in the ribs, saving Finn the job of smacking him one. Rae tried to keep smiling but struggled, glancing behind her at Finn's ex, not being able to help herself. She was blonde and skinny, had a Zoe Ball vibe about her, Rae thought. Finn shifted closer to Rae instinctively, his grip on her hand tightening before he met her gaze. She came to herself a bit then, her last attempt to smile a success as they shared a silent exchange. The queue shifted forward and Rae couldn't help but feel her chest tightening further and further in anxiety as the proximity to Shelly shortened. It was too late to leave, the gang already slap bang in the middle of the queue. She distracted herself by talking to Archie, Finn listening in as Chop continued to rub his ribs sheepishly.

When it was their turn to get on, Rae's hope that Shelly wouldn't spot Finn turned out to be in vain. She stepped out in front of the couple, giving Finn a flirtatious hello before looking down at Rae and Finn's joined hands, her brow furrowing briefly before she returned her sultry gaze to Finn, who mumbled out an "Alright." moving to lead Rae to the seats.

"I'm afraid she can't get on." Shelly said bluntly, staying Finn's shoulder before jerking her head towards Rae.

Finn eyed her incredulously before throwing her a baffled: "Y'what?"

"She won't fit I'm afraid." she continued, before throwing Rae a thoroughly insincere "Sorry."

Rae wasn't in the mood for a confrontation, so she moved to let go of Finn's hand, not wishing to drag out the spectacle for any longer than needed. She mainly just wanted to get away from Finn's ex girlfriend, as she had done ever since she was first spotted. Finn was having none of it, pulling Rae back towards him, still looking at Shelly with a frown, Chloe, Izzy, Chop and Archie watching the confrontation from the seats.

"_She _has a name, actually. It's Rae." Chloe shouted over, Rae appreciating the gesture but throwing Chloe a silent "Leave it." across the space between them before turning back to Finn, who gave Chloe an encouraging nod. Rae felt her face burn in embarrassment, wanting the hellish exchange to be over.

"Look, it's alright Finn…you go on. I'll wait out the fron-"

"No, Rae! This is bullshit." he declared, Shelly suppressing a smirk as Finn returned his angry glare to her.

"Don't blame me! It's not my fault that the ride wasn't built for girls with a…fuller figure." Shelly said, giving Rae a patronising once over, Rae raising her eyebrow and putting her hand on her hip, Finn's reluctance to let her go leaving her with no other option but to give as good as she got.

Finn suddenly adopted a condescending demeanour of his own, raising his eyebrows and speaking slowly, as if talking to an imbecile:

"I think you'll find my girlfriend can fit on there, actually. Shall we go over there and see?"

He gave Shelly a sarcastic smile before leading Rae to the seats with a purpose, Rae saying his name under her breath en route.

"Trust me Rae." he assured quietly, Rae sitting down on a seat next to Chloe and preparing to suck in. She was thoroughly surprised and relieved to find the bar fixed over her with ease, Finn looking back at Shelly.

"Well would you look at that! You should really check your facts, Shell. Get your eyes tested while you're at it, yeah?" he called over as he sat himself down, the rest of the gang laughing as Shelly's haughty expression faltered, her eyes scanning over the gang before she returned her attention to the queue.

Rae felt a rush of affection expand in her chest, her friends' support warming her. She resisted the urge to thank them, knowing there was none needed.

"Christ…talk about a gamble. How much of a knob would you have looked if I didn't fit?" Rae said, leaning forward to look Finn in the eye. Finn rolled his eyes with a sigh, leaning forward himself.

"Look, I worked a summer at Drayton Manor when I were 15. I know who can fit in what. She was just being an awkward cow. Thank fuck I dumped her s'all I can say." Finn said as he settled back into his seat, Rae smirking to herself.

The ride set off soon after, the gang screaming in delight with the others as they plunged down, their arms in the air. After they disembarked, Finn pulled a grinning Rae towards him for a kiss, her hair all over the place. Rae wondered if he knew Shelly was eyeing them moodily as he did so, but as he didn't so much as glance in her direction as he lead Rae away, she came to the conclusion that he didn't.

They six of them went for some food afterwards, finding a spot on the grass to sit and eat after queuing for burgers, figuring it was now safe to do so after they'd been on all the fast rides. Rae sniffed her burger suspiciously.

"It's fine, Rae. I saw him cook it myself - nothing wrong with it." Finn assured, Rae still not looking completely convinced as she took a bite. Her expression softened. It seemed sound enough.

The boy from Space Shooter found them after a while, Chloe glad she'd finished her burger, not wanting any potential snog to witness her eat a hunk of cow smothered in ketchup. He sat and chatted with them for a bit before Chloe moved to head off with him, telling her friends she'd see them later.

"Have I got any ketchup on my face?" she whispered to Rae subtly before she stood, Rae shaking her head quickly.

"Right, are you going to take me on the Tunnel of Love or what?" Izzy asked Chop as Chloe and Space Shooter boy walked off, Izzy squeezing his arm in both of hers, making him wince. She jerked away, apologising before kissing his bicep.

"You're such a pussy." Finn jibed, shaking his head.

"Yeah well, this pussy's about to take his girl on the Tunnel of Love, so I'll see you wankers later." Chop signed off, aiming a kick at Finn before pulling Izzy away by the hand, Izzy seemingly too lost in excitement to bother saying goodbye.

Rae and Finn chatted with Archie for a while longer before he made to go home.

"Gotta get up early for a revision group. Just as well, because I certainly am not getting laid tonight." he sighed, dejected. The couple said their goodbyes, Archie kissing Rae on the cheek. Finn suppressed a snarl, old habits dying hard despite his trust in Rae being firmly in tact after nearly 9 months of dating her.

He decided to buy some candy floss for them to share, the pair moving to a nearby bench, watching the goings on and taking the piss. The night was drawing to a close, which they could tell from the thinned out crowds, a few rides still and dark. Rae noticed Finn eye her intently after a while, Rae meeting his probing gaze uncomfortably.

"What?" she asked. Finn glanced at her cheek.

"You've got some sugar on your cheek." he informed, leaning forward as he said so and enveloping the sweetened skin between his lips, Rae giggling as Finn pulled back.

"Don't anymore." he joined, Rae looking at her knees coyly before meeting his eyes, Finn smiling at her. He moved to stand, taking Rae's hand in his once more. He threw the candy floss stick in the bin as he walked the route Rae was familiar with, only the last time she'd walked it she was clutching her stomach, her mouth filling with bile and digested sausage.

Finn's hand was sticky in hers, a few wisps of pink caught on his shirt. The Tunnel of Love came into view, and Rae couldn't help but grin in amusement as Finn walked towards it, throwing her a smirk over his shoulder.

"You're never gonna live this down, y'know." Rae quipped as they passed the very tired looking ticket man, Finn wrapping his arm around Rae immediately after they sat down in the gaudily decorated carriage.

"Are those spunk stains?" Rae exclaimed, pointing at the fabric of the hot pink seat they were sitting on.

"You really know how to get a bloke in the mood, don't ya." Finn teased through chuckles, the couple plunging into darkness as they creaked into the tunnel. He was about to eat his sarcastic slight, because after a few moments, Rae lifted his hand to her lips, slowly licking the sticky sugar from each of his fingers before taking his index finger into her mouth, sucking on it as Finn's breath became shallow, the pink lights around them blurring.

"Fuck…" he whispered, gulping. He could see Rae's eyes meet his, not waiting much longer before kissing her hard, any thoughts of it being a playful, light hearted grope long forgotten. His minx of a girlfriend had seen to that.

"How long does the ride last for?" Rae whispered against his lips after pulling away with a slurp .

"Not long enough." Finn grunted out before resuming the make out session, a small moan from Rae vibrating against his lips, driving him insane. She pulled him closer, gripping the fabric of his t-shirt as he groped a boob with one hand, his arm still wrapped tightly around her shoulders. The carriage creaked as Finn leaned Rae further over, running away with his enthusiasm. He thought he might end up swallowing her face whole, his jaws aching sweetly, her tongue caressing his. The unwelcome feeling of the night air hitting them came all too soon, and Finn reluctantly pulled away, flustered and hard. It was Rae's turn to lead him, the pair stepping out of the carriage before she pulled Finn towards the now closed down Haunted House. Stepping behind it, the pair checked the coast was clear before kissing once again, Finn moving his lips downwards to suck on Rae's neck, Rae undoing his belt and unzipping his jeans. She knelt on the grass, pulling down his jeans so they were pooled around his ankles. She took him into her mouth soon after, Finn grunting and plunging his hands into her hair, holding her head as it bobbed slowly. He closed his eyes tight, a shaky breath leaving him before he bit down on his bottom lip. Rae held his thighs firmly as she took more and more of him into her mouth with every dip of her head, moving back from time to time to lap her tongue against his tip, Finn beginning to moan with increasing desperation. He ran his hands through her hair, the feel of the soft strands under his fingers coupled with the sensation Rae's mouth around him ensuring all cognitive thought was lost. His whole body shuddered as he hit the back of her throat, Rae humming as she pulled back, making him hiss through his teeth before cursing. Rae gently stroked the skin of his calves, the trail she left burning him as his muscles tensed, knowing he wouldn't be able to last much longer.

"Rae…Rae…I'm gonna…" he warned through his panting, his eyes still closed. He gripped Rae's hair tight as she moved back slightly, Finn trying his best to stifle his groaning as he came, almost losing his footing as his whole body shook under the force of it. He held onto the frame of the Haunted House behind them to steady himself, breathing hard as Rae knelt back, wiping her mouth as she swallowed.

She stood, looking around her once more before checking around the corner as Finn gingerly pulled his jeans up, still vibrating. She moved back towards him, Finn still looking quite dazed. She gathered the fabric of his t-shirt in her hand, gently shaking it with an amused "Earth to Finn." Finn meeting her eyes before huffing out a fatigued chuckle. As they emerged from behind the ride, they both tensed as they heard somebody let out a long wolf whistle nearby, both turning to see two men having a smoke, sitting on the front step of the Haunted House.

"Oh Christ." Rae exclaimed, sharing a mortified look with Finn.

"…and on that note, let's go home, shall we?" she said, Finn nodding quickly.


	30. Rave AU

_Prompts: "oooh, can you do one at the rave, where Rae is completely out of it and does kiss that drug dealer guy (cannot remember his name despite watching it numerous times) and then he won't back off from her and takes her outside and eventually Finn intervenes but Rae reacts upset and angrily?" and "Just a thought...but what if Rae and Finn did end up going back to his place after the rave? Rae was totally wasted, and even tho Finn saw her kiss Archie he still looked after her and took her back home?"_

Archie's voice is a distant echo as she looks out at the bustling dance floor. Her heart is sinking fast and her face starts to burn in intense jealousy and sadness as she watches Finn and Chloe clinch, swaying slowly, all over each other. They seem to have a whole stage to themselves, a space surrounding them, the other dancers jumping and whooping on the seats of the arena. She feels sick, shaking her head and chanting: "No!" in disbelief. It is real though - it's happening and it's horrible. She can't look at them anymore, has to get away, run away - she needs air, she needs space - she needs the ground to open up and swallow her. She settles for running out of the place, turning on her heel away from the snoggers, the other rave goers a sweeping blur as she quickly feels her way to the door.

Before she knows it her back's against the scratchy leaves of the maze, the air cold as she sucks it into her lungs, eyes clamped shut as she tries to purge the image from her mind, the knowledge that her two best mates - not only that, her best and oldest friend and _her _Finn were currently eating each other's pie munchers. Archie chased after her for a while but he's gone now, too wasted to properly keep pace. Rae had been dreading this moment, but she somehow knew it was coming. Even in the throws of jealousy and pain, the cruel voice in her head still wins out: "Why would Finn choose you over Chloe? Get real." Now they'd probably get together, will flaunt their relationship in front of Rae and the rest of the gang, will be all over each other in the pub and the chippy…

Rae'll be the one who'll have to hear about Chloe's first time with him, all the details of what he's like in bed, how good of a kisser he is…Rae thinks she might throw up, her eyes stinging with the threat of frustrated tears.

She spots Kendo looking at her from the mansion wall a few feet away. Chop had pulled her away from his advances earlier that night. Rae was glad of it at the time - but right now, she's hurt, confused, reckless and fucked. It's nice to feel wanted, for once - even if it's a scumbag drug dealer from Dalehead who wants her, for whatever reason. She doesn't question it, heading towards him instead, trying to keep her footing steady but failing. He gives her a sly grin when she reaches him, taking a last drag of his cigarette before tossing it on the ground.

"Where did you fuck off to?" he asks, standing up fully and facing her. Rae wobbles on her feet before steadying herself against the brick wall, the effects of the second pill ensuring her surfaced sass is still present. She gives him a flirtatious "Does it matter? I'm back now, aren't I." before stepping forward. Kendo doesn't waste time, holding the back of her neck in the same vice like grip he had done an hour before. He goes in, and this time Rae doesn't shove him away. He's not as soft and patient as Archie - he's all tongue and teeth and gums, but Rae's too fuzzy to care, and she tries her best to keep up and keep control of her limbs enough to hold him. She clasps the back of his jacket, more to stop from falling over than anything, this desperate attempt to forget not working in the slightest.

—-

She's kissing him - she's actually kissing him and she's LOVING it. His lips really are luscious now she's got hers wrapped around them. She'd spent many a minute secretly staring at those pouting beauties, trying her best to imagine what it'd be like if he snogged the living daylights out of her with them, and now it's happening it feels even better than any of her mad fantasies. She isn't playing it coy - she may not have taken the pill Chop offered (wanting to impress Finn with her willpower, obviously) but even sober she lets her inhibitions go and makes the most of it, wrapping her arms around his neck as he gently clutches at the fabric of her shirt, their tongues touching as their lips part in unison. She can feel his pecs press against her, his fit body hot against her skin as they sway slowly on the dance floor, the music only a dim thump around them. She can still feel the pulse of the beat in her chest, however, and it seems to be doing a good job of masking her erratic heartbeat. He tastes so good, she thinks, and she can barely get enough of him. She almost lets out a groan of disappointment as Finn pulls away, his grip on her loosening as he steps back. She looks at him confused - she knows she's a good kisser, at least, she hopes she is - she hadn't had any complaints before. She furrows her brow at his conflicted expression, and she wonders with a sear in her chest as he moves to speak in her ear if he's going to take her somewhere for 'something more' and her breath catches in her throat, both in excitement and apprehension

"Can we talk? Somewhere quiet." he shouts, Chloe nodding with what she hopes is a sultry smile, but Finn still looks a bit stricken as he leads Chloe out. She thinks that he could at least hold her hand or something, but he doesn't, and she suddenly feels cold as she follows him out of the building with no aid of physical contact. He turns to her just as they step outside, sidling up to the wall by the door. The thought passes her mind to try and kiss him again, but she isn't stupid. She realises gradually, with ever increasing disappointment that he hadn't lead her out there for that. She's just managed to put a name to the emotion plaguing his features; it's guilt. She leans against the wall, biting the corner of her bottom lip as she waits. He sighs, mouth closed before looking at the ground. She follows his gaze as it yo-yos back to her.

"Look Chloe…I can't do this. It ain't right." he states. She shrugs, shaking her head slightly.

"Why not?"

He clenches his jaw. He makes to speak again but she cuts him off.

"Do you like somebody else?" She'd predicted as much and had voiced it to Rae earlier on. Her oldest friend hadn't been of much help. Despite her closeness to Finn, she didn't have any goss as to the mystery girl Finn had the hots for.

Finn looks a bit angry all of a sudden, a wave of bitterness passing over his face before he buries it.

"Yeah. She doesn't like me but, I don't want to lead you on, ya know? Plus, we're mates aren't we. I wouldn't wanna mess that up or anything."

It was all the same recycled clichés that Chloe certainly wasn't used to hearing. She feels a rush of irritation hit her, her pride inevitably hurt. She shakes it off, bounces back.

"It's just a kiss, Finn. Chill out." she assures with an incredulous smirk. She forces out a chuckle before standing up, Finn nodding with a small smile. She's fooled him, she hopes. He's hopefully none the wiser to the misery bubbling in her stomach and the tears burning at the edge of her eyes.

"Have a good night anyway, Finn. Might see ya on the dance floor." she says with what she hopes is a cheery disposition before sauntering back inside, hoping to find Chop so she can take that pill she'd refused earlier on.

—-

Chloe disappears from view and Finn feels a bit better - only a bit, mind, because he's been feeling worse than horse shit ever since he saw Rae and Archie kissing on the dance floor. The sight had been a punch in the chest for him, his worst fear coming to fruition. He tries not the remember the horrid moment but his brain hates him, so naturally it's all he can see as he breathes in the night air, aggravated beyond belief. He at least has his honour in tact - that's something. He could have got his revenge on Rae, in his mind, but as he kissed Chloe it didn't feel right. Maybe if he was a little bit more fucked he'd have gone through with it, but he hadn't drunk hardly anything and hadn't taken that crappy pill Chop offered. He was sober enough to realise that he didn't want to lead Chloe on. It wasn't fair and it wasn't right, especially considering the object of Finn's affections is Chloe's 'bessie' as she calls her. She didn't seem bothered, though, and Finn's relieved that Chloe only saw the kiss as a casual thing.

His thoughts are stopped in their tracks when he catches the familiar gold glint of Rae's sequinned jacket in the distance. He feels his chest constrict once more, especially when he notices the scumbag currently attached to her lips, which makes the horrible burn of jealousy more powerful, somehow. Yet 'Rae's best mate Finn' is fighting for dominance within him and he feels concern for Rae win out over his hurt. He knows Kendo well enough to know he's taking advantage of a drunk girl right now, and Finn hopes with some long buried optimism that Rae wouldn't be caught dead snogging Kendo if she was sober. Just as he thinks it a little voice jibes: _How the fuck do you know? You don't even know the girl well enough to know what she would and wouldn't do…clearly._

He can't just leave them there - Rae stumbles a bit on her feet and it's enough for Finn to spring into action. He's over there in less than five long strides, a plan of action forming in his head.

"Rae! What the fuck are you playing at?" He's shouting a lot louder than he'd meant to, and he tugs at her jacket hard, the two parting with a slurp.

"Finn?" She looks fuzzy but clearly confused. She blinks twice hard, a shade of anger suddenly appearing as she glances from Kendo to Finn, her jaw clenching. Finn turns his attention to Kendo, who's currently looking down at him, dangerous and irked.

"Can we help ya?" he offers, Finn sucking in a breath, puffing out his chest. Chop might have been scared of this scumbag but he certainly wasn't.

"Yeah, do you mind taking your paws off this girl and fucking off?"

Rae lets out an annoyed scoff, but Kendo steps back, letting her go. Rae doesn't seem to care too much to be fair, but she still seems mad as hell.

Kendo suddenly eases up, nodding his head slowly with a knowing smile. He looks from Rae to Finn, before pointing a lazy finger at Rae. "This ya girl?"

Finn doesn't answer, hoping his silence will hint to a confirmation. Rae has other ideas though, taking a few seconds to register before exploding with a livid: "No I fucking ain't!"

She keeps twisting the knife, Finn thinks, and the anger within him bubbles up._Yeah, I get it Rae - the thought of us together clearly repulses you. You don't have to be such a bitch about it. _

"You naughty girl." Kendo teases, backing off and raising his hands defensively when his eyes sweep over Finn, who's now sharing and angry glare with Rae, his fists clenching. He doesn't even register Kendo leaving, and despite Rae's anger she doesn't protest.

"What the fuck did you do that for?!" Rae shouts and slurs all at once, eyes alight.

"I'm stopping ya from being taken advantage of by a dickhead, Rae!"

Rae lets out another scoff and walks off out onto the wider expanse of grass, the light dimming more and more as Finn follows her.

"Well next time, mind your own! I can kiss whoever I want!" she calls back. She's being infuriating. Finn has experience at being annoyed beyond belief by this impossible girl who he can't for the life of him figure out, but this anger he's feeling towards her now is laced with concern, and instead of coming from a place of cautious indifference, it's now coming from a place of love, which makes it all the more powerful.

"You're clearly wasted! I know you'd regret snogging Kendo in the morning, and who knows how far he'd have took things." Finn dreads to think, a shiver passing over him. Rae turns then, the grass squelching and squeaking under her feet. She seems to soften a bit, her eyes passing over Finn as she shifts her weight, her damp hair stuck all over her face. She looks impossibly small then - lost in an expanse of black, and Finn longs to hug her all of a sudden, to keep her safe. He continues, his own countenance softening.

"This isn't you, Rae…none of this. You're better than a shit faced fumble with a two bit drug dealer, I know that much."

"Well there's a lotta stuff you don't know about me, isn't there!" she responds, anger flaring up once more. She really is fucked, Finn thinks, and he wishes he could just shake her and get the normal Rae back, the Rae that was all sense and thoughtfulness. What Finn really wanted was a Rae with nobody else after her, a Rae who liked him as much as he liked her, but he couldn't have that. Her eyes dance wildly in the dim blue light, and a boy with a zebra mask starts to take a piss nearby. Finn ignores it, as does Rae, the former standing there helplessly as Rae begins her yelled tirade. He isn't prepared for what's about to hit him.

"You think I'm normal, well…I'm not normal, not at all. I'm weird, Finn, I'm…I'm mad." she exclaims, her voice breaking as tears spring to her eyes. She sways on her feet and Finn tenses in preparation to ease her fall should it happen, but she stays upright and she isn't finished.

"I've been keeping a secret from everyone…and…and considering you're so pissed off w'me I guess I might as well tell ya, as you don't wanna be friends w'me no more…" she really is mad if she thinks that, Finn notes, but she's not talking sense, he reminds himself. He'd put her straight in the morning, but all he can do at that moment is stand there, mouth agog.

"First of all…" she starts, her voice strong and her confidence suddenly brimming as her face hardens. She takes two long strides forward and holds Finn's head firm in her hands, pushing her lips against his firmly in a closed mouth kiss. Finn's too stunned to react, and all too soon she's gone, stepping back wide eyed and unsteady. His heart is pounding and he can still feel the pressure of her lips as the realisation of what she's just done passes over her eyes briefly. They harden again before she continues, serious and shaky: "…I like ya. I really like ya…I fucking love you, actually. I know you could never like me like that but it's the truth…"

"Rae…" Finn begins, but he's cut off once again.

"I'm ugly, Finn - I know that. I'm fat and I'm ugly…boys don't like me and…and…fuck…" the curse is forced out in a frustrated growl as she succumbs to tears. Finn has no time to process anything, has no time to register her words because they're released in a flurry of anger and hurt. He steps forward holds her shoulders to keep her upright.

"I'm alright…I'm alright…" she tries to tell him, trying to wriggle from his hold. She lifts her gloved hand to her nose and wipes it as Finn releases her tentatively.

"It's not just that though." she continues, now quiet as a mouse. Finn waits, his hands hanging uselessly at his side. He doesn't know what to say, just like always, so he waits.

"Before I met ya I was…I'd spent a few months in the local mental ward after…" her voice keeps trailing off and Finn feels his heart pound once again. He's losing her, her confession melting away as she closes herself off. Finn makes to touch her again, to reassure her with the contact, but she steps back, shaking her head.

"I'm sorry Finn. I'm sorry for how I am…I'm such a mess, just a fat, ugly mess and you'd be better off without me." She deflates completely then, turning on the spot and making to move away. Finn grabs her arm, not planning on losing her in the nearby maze, having a horrible feeling that's where she'd be headed. She tries to shake herself away from his grasp but he silences her with the words he's suddenly found.

"Rae, I'm taking ya home, ok? You need to sleep this off, cos you ain't talkin' any sense." he states, Rae's shoulders shaking as she sobs. He feels his chest constrict as she leads her away, glad she's following, albeit reluctantly. She's in no fit state to get on his scooter, so he looks for Chop, leaving her outside with a staunch: "Don't go anywhere, Rae. I'm serious alright - don't move." before finding Chop snogging some girl by the DJ. It's only when he steps closer and taps on his shoulder that he notices the fairy wings and the wand in the girls hand wrapped around his back. Chop pulls away from his clinch with Izzy, Finn too worried about Rae to offer any jovial congratulations. He grins at his friend, Izzy stepping back and dancing, dazed and grinning as Finn shouts in Chop's ear.

"Can I borrow your car if I give ya my scooter? Rae's fucked and I need to take her home."

Chop throws Finn a lazy grin, eyes closed with a nod and a shoulder pat before fishing in his pocket for his keys, Finn doing the same. They trade, Finn managing a small smile of thanks before heading off, leaving the love birds to it. He's relieved to find the thoroughly miserable Rae hasn't moved, and he takes her arm once more, pulling her back towards their vehicles.

"Where are we going?" she asks weakly, fatigued.

"I told ya, Rae…I'm taking you back t'mine. You're stayin' wimme right now, remember?"

He turns back briefly, but Rae doesn't do anything, only keeps her sad, wet eyes on the grass as they wade through it. It'll be better in the morning, he thinks. She'll be hungover to shit, but at least he can pick her brains over what she'd been saying, unless…would she forget everything? Would she even remember kissing him? Remember the beginning of her confession? Her words swirl around Finn's brain: "I spent a few months in a local mental ward…"

He itches to know what she meant, but now isn't the time. The answers would come, he hopes, the time to pick her brains and decipher her drunken outburst. He hopes that she truly meant what she said about loving him, because god knows he loves her. Loves her so much that any secret she had lined up for him wouldn't affect his feelings, he knows.

She still doesn't look at him as they get into the car, doesn't meet his eye as he leans over to put on her seatbelt. She smells like spirits and wet grass, and Finn is reminded of her lips on his once more, the phantom pressure returning. She'd kissed three blokes that night - Finn the last and the one she feels strongest for, apparently. He hopes so, anyway…he bloody hopes so.

"What about Chloe?" Rae says suddenly, looking down at her hands. Finn turns on the ignition.

"What about Chloe?" Finn mirrors, buoyed once more by the inadvertent confirmation of her feelings. She HAD to have been telling the truth, right?

"You two going out now?" she slurs, Finn straining to hear her at first but catching it after a beat.

"No. We're just mates. I don't like her like that." _I like you, you soft girl. _

They pull away, Rae half nodding, too knackered to express any more emotion. As they make their way down the forest path, she suddenly wants Finn to stop the car.

"I'm gonna go…I'm gonna…" she urges, Finn hitting the breaks before Rae opens the door, practically falling out of the car as she blows chunks on the road. Finn pulls on her coat so she doesn't fall all the way, Rae wretching loudly. She sits back up after it's all gone, pale as death, and Finn gently takes off her glove and wipes her mouth with it.

"Better now?" he asks, Rae clamping her eyes shut.

"This is such a nightmare." she whispers. If Finn could wave Izzy's magic wand and make her feel better he would, obviously. She's right - it is a fucking nightmare. The night had been a mess, riddled with mistakes and close calls. Now Rae's spiralling further and further into misery and Finn can't do anything to get through to her. He reaches over and closes the door, driving off again as her head lolls back against the seat. He doesn't turn towards home - he might be going a bit loopy himself, but he suddenly decides he doesn't want to go back to the house, so he drives up a hill, stopping at a nearby overlook. He checks his watch: it's nearly 3am. He doesn't want to wake his parents, he rationalises, and he'd certainly wake them with the task of shifting a half conscious Rae up to the spare bedroom. He figures he needed to stop driving to gather his thoughts, too and he feels himself become hopelessly frustrated at having no way of venting his feelings. Rae's falling asleep beside him, and he flattens the passenger seat, Rae turning on her side. He scrabbles around for a blanket, finding a tartan one on the back seat. He drapes it over her before running the tips of his fingers over her moist forehead. She's out cold - passed out, probably.

Finn doesn't sleep much himself - he slips in and out, dozes more than anything. He moves the driver's seat down, using some of the tartan blanket for himself. He lays there cocooned with the sleeping Rae, looking at her every now and then to check she's still breathing. He feels a bit of a knob, but he's heard a few horror stories about first time pill droppers, and he's so tired his fears, however irrational, cause him to jolt awake instinctively and listen out for the slow breathing and eye the slow rise and fall of her chest. Soon enough he sees the sun poke out from behind the clouds, and the car is bathed in a bluey pink dawn. He wakes Rae with the squeak of his seat as he readjusts it, the thoughts and fears he'd had a few hours before not far from him. Rae turns, slowly opening her eyes and focussing on Finn. He looks down at her, trying desperately to form some kind of plan. He hadn't thought about what he'd say before now, had only been concerned with making sure Rae was alright. Now the moment had arrived, and Finn didn't really know how to proceed.

Rae jolts up and instantly regrets it, croaking out an 'Ow!' and holding her forehead in her hand with a groan as she returns to her horizontal position.

"You ok?" Finn checks.

"Wouldn't say that but…I'm only half dead, which is something."

It's now or never, Finn thinks - he can't wait any longer. He wants the answers now whilst the questions are still fresh in his mind. He start things slow, and he words his first question as casually as he can.

"Do you remember anything from last night?"

He holds his breath and waiting to hear the answer he's already predicting as the fog visibly clears from her.

"A little." she mutters groggily. _Please remember. Please remember. _

"Do you remember what you said t'me last night?" he probes, surprised at his impatience and lack of tact despite his seemingly patient start. Rae groans and shifts, trying to sit up. Finn helps her, propping her up and pulling up the seat to support her. She squints at him, her gaze flickering over him as she tries to collect the memories, supping them up from some hidden vault in her mind. A flicker of recognition appears, and Finn's heart leaps a bit.

"You kissed Chloe." she says simply, and his heart sinks as quickly as it leaps. He's tired and groggy, too, so his response comes out sharp and sarky.

"You kissed Archie." Only a beat has passed. "…and Kendo." Finn says, quieter as Rae looks away, visibly remembering and holding her head in her hand. _…and me!_ But he doesn't add that.

"Fuckin' 'ell." Rae moans to herself, weakly pulling down the sun visor and sinking. Finn sighs, his jaw clenching as he looks out at the morning. It's a beautiful sight, one that he's sure they'd both appreciate more if Rae wasn't half dead with a hangover and he wasn't frustrated to shit about the predicament he's in. The silence passes between them, only the sound of Rae opening her window accompanying them. She's looking away from him completely, Finn ignoring the painted picture in front of him to fix his eyes on the steering wheel. He'd spent all night wondering, going through all the different scenarios in his head, being tormented by stabs of hope and dread in equal bursts. He dimly wonders if Rae even has the ability to keep in line with their conversation, but he figures she started this exchange with her blunt accusation. Maybe she wants to have it out as much as he does, despite her fragile state. Finn throws her a side glance, still can't look at her.

"Yeah I did kiss Chloe - but I stopped it."

"Why?" Rae asks, looking back at Finn, bemusement evident in her expression.

"I told her…" Finn begins, and he has a feeling as to where he's headed with this train of conversation, because frankly his need to vent had reached a peak.

"…I told her I couldn't kiss 'er because…I like somebody else…which is true…" He manages to look at Rae for a few seconds before looking away once more, down at his legs this time, biting his bottom lip bashfully. He can feel the colour rise in his cheeks and can see Rae continue to frown at him from the corner of his eye. She sounds a little fearful as she asks

"Who?"

Finn fears he might draw blood as he continues to bite down on his bottom lip. He has no idea how to form the words, has no clue as to how he's going to confess what he's been wanting to all night long. A memory forms of the pair of them in their room a few days ago, standing in front of his record player as he made his shaky confession. He reaches out and grabs her hand before he loses his nerve.

He opens her palm, which is a little clammy, not that he cares because his are too. He feels himself sweat as he had done a few days ago, can feel the beads break out onto his forehead. He's keeping things simple as his heart pounds like a freight train, figuring somewhere in the onslaught of erratic thoughts that Rae won't be able to comprehend much in her current state. He doesn't breathe as he goes for it. He writes three letters. A simple answer to a simple question. He only exhales after a few eternity long moments of silence pass between them, Rae breaking it with a whispered:

"Bullshit."

He looks up at her then, a frown pulling at his forehead. What does that mean?

"It's true." he confirms, voice hard.

"I don't believe ya." she whispers, shaking her head slightly.

"I don't care if you don't believe me Rae. Look, you said something to me last night…you…you kissed me and you…you said ya loved me." He can't look her in the eye as he stutters out the words, his need to convince her helping his inability to form coherent sentences. Even though he's not looking at her he can tell she's trying to think back. It doesn't seem to be getting through, and Finn feels his throat constrict and his chest sear in fear. He looks back at her in time to see her clamp her eyes shut.

"Do…do you remember?" Finn probes, voice quieter now. She nods before shaking her head with an equally quiet: "I'm so sorry. You poor bastard." her eyes opening but still not returning to him. Finn's made his confession and feels braver for it - the first hurdle had been faced and leapt over - now he's facing the second hurdle, and he isn't about to let Rae go without getting all the answers, whatever they may be.

"Rae, I know you probably feel like twice boiled shit right now but you need to listen to me, alright?" Finn shifts in his seat to face her more head on, the seat squeaking. "Look at me." She does, still looking pained, embarrassed and much to Finn's aggravation, sympathetic, like she'd pissed on him or something.

"I ain't a fuckin' liar, alright? I'm not messin' with ya…I mean it. But if you didn't mean what you said last night…what you did then…" He sighs again, glancing at the floor before forcing his gaze back up, willing himself to keep his cool.

"…just tell me now. I can take it. Do you like me or not?" He's proud beyond belief that he's keeping eye contact. She bites her lip, briefly looking away before focussing again, and he wonders if she's got the same inner dialogue running in her head as he does in his own. One breath, two breaths…he can hear a crow screech in the distance. _Just tell me Rae. _

She nods slowly. "Yeah…it's true. I do."

The exchange is hopelessly drowned in unnecessary dread and lumbering miscommunications, so the happiness hits Finn unexpectedly. He feels a smile tug at his lips, his cheeks warming.

"Alright. Well…there it is then." He resists the urge to beep the horn and go mental, not wanting to cause the girl next to him any more pain. He wonders if Rae still has her severe face on, but he feels his smile grow larger when he notices her fighting a fatigued grin of her own, her head pressed back against the head of the seat as she looks out in front of her at the morning light.

Finn wants to say something else, but he can't. The moment just hangs there, not being touched by either of them, through choice and circumstance respectively. He turns on the ignition and pulls away, turning the radio on low. Champagne Supernova is playing - perfect tune for a hangover, he thinks.

—-

If Rae didn't feel like hammered shit, she'd have ran out of the car and leapt around the surrounding forestry screaming her tits off in happiness. Part of her thinks she could have dreamt what just happened, has to throw Finn a sneaky glance and subtly pinch herself every now and then as they drive through the streets towards home. She never thought when she woke up beside him that the conversation would go like that, and she suddenly feels a bit sad that the confession she'd been craving for so long had to occur whilst her brains were spilling out of her ears. She can't help but feel happy though, despite feeling rougher than a farmer's scrotum.

She suddenly remembers throwing up the night before, and Finn…oh, poor Finn, wiping her mouth with her glove. She wants to turn to him to apologise, but she doesn't want to drag it all up and remind him. Maybe he'd remember and change his mind?

_"Actually Rae - I know I said I liked you and that, but just the reminder of you blowing chunks is making me think twice."_

She catches him looking at the road, his expression no longer weighed down by confusion and moody annoyance. He looks cheerful, at ease, and the sight alone calms her. She doesn't want to close her eyes but the throbbing in her skull has other ideas.

—-

Rae's fallen asleep again as they pull up, and Finn finds himself watching her for a minute, relishing the pleasant flutter in his chest as it warms him. She doesn't exactly look like a sleeping angel - she looks rough as rats, but she's refreshingly real and that's all that matters to him. He'd been admiring her from afar for a good while, coming to the conclusion that she is indeed sex on legs, and now it had become apparent that she was telling the truth the night before, that her high as a kite outburst reflects her true feelings even in the light of day. He knows she still has a lot to tell him, knows as soon as she's lucid, maybe even later that day, she'd hopefully spill the beans. She seemed really eager to, and he now knows the gist. He's ready to know it all, he thinks as Rae slowly stirs, but only time will tell as to how he'll react. All he knows at that moment is he hopes that as soon as Rae gets whatever it is off her chest they can move forward. He hopes Rae will_finally_ be his girlfriend. Maybe she already is, he couldn't be sure - they'd confessed their feelings for each other - that means they're together, right? All would be made clear in due time, after a few hours sleep and a full english. He takes back his rough as rats statement - when her tired eyes flutter open and she stretches, the morning sun dappling across her face, she looks anything but. Finn feels himself beaming like an idiot, and is surprised that Rae manages to smile back at him with _almost _as much enthusiasm despite her current state.

"Alright?" she offers, her voice gravelly. _Fuckin' over the moon, thanks. _

"Y'alright. We're back at yours."

Rae eyes defocus as she clocks her house behind Finn. She looks a bit stricken, maybe nervous. Finn knows why.

"I think it'll be alright, Rae. Your Mum's probably cooled off b'now." he says comfortingly. Rae looks at him tenderly, as tenderly as she can through her pained squint.

"Thanks for looking after me." Her voice is smoother now and as tender as her expression.

"No problem. I'd do anything for you." He looks down at his knees bashfully then, surprised at his sentimental outburst. He can hear Rae's breath catch in her throat and he dares to look up, finding her clammy pale cheeks are now a vivid shade of pink.

"Me too. For you, I mean." They sheepishly chuckle in unison, and Finn knows Rae's trying to break the awkwardness when she forcefully snaps herself out of the romantic zone with a crass: "I tell ya what, my head's banging."

Finn's not ready to let her out of the woods yet, he decides. He looks around briefly, not really giving a shit if anyone's watching so he doesn't know why. He unclips his seatbelt and scoots over, Rae's eyes widening slightly as she tenses. She doesn't move, however. Finn can feel his heart pound again as he gathers her in his arms, placing his lips against her temple. She falls into it a bit, loosening up as he places warm, long kisses across her forehead. He can feel her index finger link over the neckline of his vest, the sequins of her jacket rough against his arms and open hands. He can feel the hard pound of a heart and he wonders if it's his or hers, concentrating more and finding that he can feel both his and Rae's beat almost at the same time. When he's travelled the width of her head he moves his lips to her closed eyelids, careful not to add too much pressure as he kisses the skin of her right before moving to give her left eye the same attention. He moves back and releases her with it, Rae taking a few moments to come to herself before throwing him another tender smile.

"I'll see you later on, yeah?" she says, her voice barely there. She coughs to clear her throat, sitting up more as she snaps out of her obvious daze. Finn nods, still reeling himself.

"Yeah." He isn't a wordsmith, and he hopes his actions are enough to put across his feelings. The love struck grin Rae carries as she slips out of the car is enough to tell him he's hit his mark, and the grin doesn't leave his own face as he watches her wander to her door after she gets her bag from the boot, happy but still very much hungover. She looks back at him and gives him a wave before she steps up into the house. He thinks about the evening ahead - her Mum's wedding reception. He may not have danced with her at the rave, but maybe they could have a dance at the party, depending on how good it's going to be. All else fails, if it's a night of the maca-fuckin'-rana and Wet Wet Wet, they can sit on the sidelines taking the piss. He doesn't mind which one. When he realises he's been sitting outside Rae's house for two minutes just staring at her doorway like a knob head he revs up the engine, slapping on the radio and speeding off, wondering if Chop's as happy as he is right now.


End file.
